"Time is over. Please hand in your sheets now. Naruto, you, too!"
Naruto raised his head as Iruka's stern voice cut through his comfortable nap.
"I am sorry, sensei," he informed Iruka calmly, "I can't give you my sheet. I've just laundered it."
Several kids snickered at his answer.
Naruto could hear that pink-haired girl groan in irritation. He had not even bothered to learn her name. He was sure it started with S, though, and was related to some kind of plant. Saltbush? Spinach?
Oh, well, who cared, anyway?
Iruka's right hand twitched. "Just give me the paper laying on your desk."
Naruto blinked and stood. "I don't get how that's connected to the test, but okay." He put his hands inside his pockets and sauntered towards the door.
"Where are you going now?" Iruka demanded sharply, quickly stepping forward to block the way.
Naruto shrugged. "Home, of course. You ordered me to fetch the papers from my desk."
Iruka looked very much like he wanted to scream. "Sit back down!"
"Yes, sensei." Naruto walked past Iruka and flopped down on the teacher's desk. "I am sitting," he informed him blandly.
Iruka did scream this time. "Get to your own seat, now!"
Naruto threw his teacher a look of unconcerned bemusement. "Sensei… are you having a midlife crisis? You are having quite a few mood swings - switching between telling me to stay and going home."
He jumped down from the table and walked towards the open window. "But I will obey." Naruto bowed in exaggeration and put his hand on the windowsill. "See you later, sensei."
He leapt.
One floor above, Iruka yelled his name.
Naruto was just halfway to his home when he passed a bar. The chalkboard in front of it was praising 'Fried chicken from our own breeding.'
This advertisement reminded him that he was running rather low on chicken feathers. Making a quick decision, Naruto walked in.
The inside was rather small. Naruto counted four wooden tables with five chairs each.
Only one table was occupied. Four heads turned around to look at him.
Naruto only saw the Konoha headbands glinting at him and immediately lost any interest he might have had before.
Which was none.
Naruto ignored their curious glances in favor of walking towards the barkeeper. The man stopped wiping the counter when he saw the child appearing in front of him. "What do you want, kid?"
He sounded rather curt, so Naruto saved the pleasantries as well. "Chicken feathers."
The man stared at him. "What?"
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You breed chicken, right?"
"Yes," the man answered.
"And chicken tend to have those flappy things, commonly called wings," Naruto continued. "I think I am correct when I am saying that your chickens have them, too. I am further guessing that they are not naked, but rather covered with natural clothes, also known as feathers."
Someone behind him chortled.
Naruto skillfully ignored the interruption. "Now, I want some of these feathers. Just give me everything that's left from the fried chicken you made."
The barkeeper shrugged. "Fine. I wanted to throw them away, anyway. Wait a moment."
There was a moment of silence as the bartender left through a backdoor and Naruto was left alone with the shinobi.
"Oy, kid," one of them suddenly began, "What do you want with all these feathers?"
"None of your business," Naruto replied, not even bothering to turn around.
"You are a rude brat, aren't you?" a second, rather gruff voice added. It sounded more like a statement than a question.
"It's also rather rude to stick your nose in things that don't concern you," Naruto shot back, not missing a beat.
The gruff voice laughed, and Naruto glanced at him, only to recoil in horror. "Sweet kami, what are you wearing? Is that a trench coat? In black? That was out three years ago. Are you trying to go for the dark and intimidating look? Because if you are, I am sorry to say you are merely pulling-off a third-rate villain look rather than appearing suitably scary. You should try leather instead. Perhaps some red, preferably in crimson, to simulate the effect of spilled blood. Maybe even some silver metallic accents to give more of an edge to it."
The trench coat guy stared at him while two of his companions were gaping at Naruto, looking like some weird, unattractive fish. The third guest, a woman, was laughing so hard, she was in tears.
"Brat-" the trench coat guy's reply got interrupted by the reappearance of the barkeeper.
The man tossed a bag at him. "Here, kid, have fun."
Naruto caught it easily. "Thanks."
He turned towards the door and almost ran into a very familiar looking person.
"Hello, ANBU-san. I see you are still wearing those terrible pants."
The ANBU ignored his comment. "Uzumaki, Hokage-sama wishes to speak with you."
"How nice for him," Naruto replied blandly, "I don't have time to talk to him, however. I am busy." He shook his bag to emphasize his point. "Please be a dear and tell him I have decided to go on a vacation and that I'll be back when I am back." He patted the ANBU's arm. "Thanks, pal."
Naruto attempted to pass the man, but a gloved hand blocked his exit and closed around Naruto's collar, lifting him up like an unruly cat. "You are coming with me. I have orders to take you."
Naruto peered at the expressionless mask. "You and the old man have strange tastes. He orders his subordinates to take me, and you attempt to choke me. I am telling you right now, I am a straight guy and not interested in joining whatever weird thing you two have going on. "
The scantily clad woman behind him howled with laughter. "Oh kami, that brat's hilarious!"
The grip around his collar tightened. "We are leaving."
Naruto congratulated himself on making the man's voice shake with irritation.
The Hokage sighed deeply and looked at the unconcerned child sitting in front of him. "This is the fifth time in five days that you have ended up inside this office because you disrespected your teachers and ran away during your lessons. You are uncooperative and refuse to do any work. Your grades are at the bottom of your class. You will not be able to graduate at this point. Tell me, child, what am I supposed to do with you?"
"You could stop calling me in," Naruto suggested, "it would save both of us lots of time. I bet Mr. Frayed over there is already tired of carrying me around, too."
He nodded at the unresponsive man standing behind his chair. "Right, ANBU-chan?"
The mask glared down at him and remained silent.
Naruto thought his posture was especially rigid today.
The Third gave Naruto a very flat look. "I have seriously considered taking you out of the academy." His face darkened slightly when he saw Naruto perk up at his words. "But your chakra level is so high that leaving you untrained is not an option."
Naruto mentally scoffed. What a dumb excuse to weasel himself out of talking about the demon he was sharing this body with.
That was what he hated about this world. Inconsistencies, idiotic and flimsy excuses, and worst of all: terrible clothes.
He carefully looked away from the eyesore called the Hokage's hat.
"Naruto, are you listening to me?"
Huh. Had the old man said something? Seems like he had spaced out again. He tended to do that whenever someone uninteresting was saying something irrelevant.
"No," he answered simply, not sounding apologetic at all.
The Hokage closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I was saying you have three days to apply yourself. If you do not improve your attitude, you will receive extra tuition."
Naruto shrugged. "Cool. I'll take today in ten, twenty and fifty years."
The Hokage's pipe snapped in half. "Sable, bring him back."
"Should I secure him, too, Hokage-sama?" the ANBU inquired impassively.
The Hokage glanced at the boy who was eying the window with unveiled interest. Naruto looked like he was calculating the distance from the chair to the wall, undoubtedly planning on leaving again.
His head throbbed. "By all means."
"As you wish, Hokage-sama," the ANBU replied swiftly and swept in to hoist Naruto up.
Iruka did not even blink when he received his Naruto-shaped delivery. He did not bother to stop his lecture, either.
But he was slightly startled when his newly returned student wriggled against his tight bonds and glared grumpily at the ceiling, yelling for the one being that would one day claim them all.
"Oi Death, I quit!"
Beyond the veil, a cheerful deity looked at a broken chair and happily sorted the notice it had just received into the rejection pile.