"..and finally you doge right under it. Naruto, are you listening?!"

"Nope," the young boy replied happily and put the last pebble on his miniature recreation of the Hokage tower. "I was too busy trying to tune you out. Did you say something important?"

The Third took a deep breath to calm himself. "Naruto, you will never become a good Shinobi if you do not put any effort into learning."

"Well, since I don't want that at all, I am good," Naruto answered and carefully inspected the stone in his hand. "Heh, that pebble looks just like you! There are cracks everywhere across the surface!"

The Hokage's hand clenched around his staff. "Well, since you seem to have so much excess energy, why don't you run it off?"

Naruto brightened, "Excellent idea. See you later, old man!"

He ran off the training field.

The Hokage closed his eyes. "Sable."

"Yes, Hokage-sama?"

"Catch him."

"Yes, Hokage-sama."

Naruto hopped down the street, curiously scanning the people he came across. He counted twenty-five fashion accidents and twelve outfits that could only be described as a disaster.

If he had not already committed himself to the full-time job of making everyone's life difficult, he would have seriously considered opening a fashion store.

Or even better, a manufactory for hand-tied flies.

They were seriously lacking in that department.

He had not even seen a single person go fly fishing.

Unbelievable.

He turned the corner – and almost run directly into Sable's arms.

The ANBU immediately snatched him up. "Game over, brat."

"Where are we going?" Naruto demanded to know and attempted to peek over the ANBU's shoulder. "Have you finally decided to buy yourself some new clothes? About time. By the way, have I told you that you could really do with a new haircut?"

His minder remained silent.

"Sable."

The ANBU stopped when he heard the voice. "Commander, Eagle, Raccoon."

"Oh?" Naruto commented cheerfully, "So we are visiting a zoo? Can I go and pet the rabbits?"

"Be quiet," Sable ordered him sharply.

Naruto huffed. "But I told you the first time we met that I was a screamer. Don't tell me you are having commitment issues now. Wait, is that our first fight? I heard the nights after that are amazing."

Someone snorted. "So this is the kid? I see he's really as mouthy as they say."

"Oi, Animal-captain," Naruto raised his hand to wave at the ANBU commander, "I can see your low-quality sandals peeking up at me. If you don't replace them soon, the strap will rip. You should never skimp on shoes, you know. The seams on your jacket are rather poorly done, too. You should replace it. Hey, ANBU-chan, can we go see the petting zoo now? Do they have sheep there? I love sheep. Old MacDonald had a farm, Ee a ee a oh! And on that farm he had some sheep, Ee a ee a oh! With a baa-baa here, And a baa-baa there –"

"Sable."

"Yes, sir?"

"Silence him."

"Yes, sir."

A cloth was shoved into Naruto's mouth just as he was about to baa again.

"Just how long do I have to do this?" Naruto demanded, glaring grumpily at the Hokage's desk. "My knees are getting tired."

"Until you have learned your lesson," The Third replied without looking up from his papers.

"Can you at least get off the chains?"

"No."

"The collar?"

"No."

"What about the leash?"

"Not a chance."

"The ANBU guard holding the leash."

"Certainly not."

"You know that's looking rather strange right?"

"I do not care. Now be quiet and continue scrubbing the floor. "

Naruto pouted at the unfair punishment.

But it did not stop him from skipping again the very next day.

Naruto was seriously lamenting the fact that he did not have the original's ability to create clones, or he could have had them supply some dramatic background music. Jaws sounded quite impressive when played on Cello and would have set the right mood.

He sighed, reeled his fly in, and tried again, making sure to throw it especially far this time.

There was a tugging on his rod.

Naruto's face brightened and he immediately went to haul his catch in.

A brown bag was dangling down in front of him.

Naruto huffed in disappointment and saved his fly from the clothy catch. Something big fell out of it.

It was a scroll.

Naruto curiously picked it up and opened it.

"Huh? Edo Tensei? What's that? Oh, there is a description: Conjures fly-fishing equipment. How convenient. I did not know such a jutsu existed. Let's see what are the signs? Ah, yes Tiger, Snake, Dog, Dragon. Sounds easy enou-," Naruto stumbled over something squishy and cursed. "Who the hell dropped that dead dove here? That's not really hygienic – ouch! Was that blood-stained weaponthingy there before? I didn't even notice it. Oh well, who cares. Let's get some new equipment."

Naruto went in position. "Edo Tensei!"

Suddenly the ground rumbled, and Naruto watched in anticipation. Just what kind of fishing rod would he get? And what color would his trousers be?

A coffin emerged and Naruto blinked. Well, that was a unique way of delivering things.

The innovative delivery packaging opened in front of his eyes and Naruto blinked.

"You are not a fishing rod."

Uchiha Madara snorted. "No, I am not."

He stepped out of his coffin. "Why did you summon me, child?"

"I didn't," Naruto answered immediately, "I wanted to conjure some fly-fishing equipment." He threw a suspicious look at the man. "You did not lie to me about not being a rod, right?

Uchiha Madara gave him a very flat look. "No, brat. Now show me that scroll."

He snatched it out of Naruto's hand and peered at the writing.

Immediately the lines changed into the drawing of an unblemished moon.

Madara snarled and threw the scroll down. "That stupid Death!"

Naruto's head snapped towards him. "Wait. You know Death? Deity-Death? That petty thing?"

Madara glared at the sky. "Know him? Tch. That stuck-up got pissed because I wanted to paint some black dots on the moon and said that I would be punished for it. Something about it breaking the aesthetics."

"Oh, so you are a surrealist? Can I see some of your works? "

"I am Uchiha Madara, brat. Not an artist," Madara snapped.

Naruto blinked. "Then why did you want to paint dots on the moon? "

"I do not want to paint dots on the moon."

"But you just said it."

"I did not mean it literally."

"So, you don't want to paint the moon?"

"Yes."

"Then why did you say it?"

"I was alluding to something else."

"Which -"

"Does not concern you."

Naruto shrugged. "Fair enough. What did you say was your name again?"

"Uchiha Madara."

"Sounds somewhat familiar."

"I should hope so."

"Were you not the first Hokage?"

"No, I was not," Madara snarled, taking a furious step forward to loom over Naruto, effectively crowding him against a tree.

Naruto remained unbothered. "Oh right, sorry. I confused you with a Senju. What was his name again? Tobirama?"

Madara's left eye twitched. "Hashirama, brat. Did you not pay any attention during classes?"

"Nope," Naruto answered cheerfully, "I didn't. I was too busy trying to get myself thrown out, but that old man disagreed and made me graduate anyway. Just because I've got some demon in my belly."

Madara stilled and his gaze sharpened. "You are a jinchuuriki?"

Naruto shrugged. "I have no idea what that is, and I don't wanna know either. I just want to get rid of it so I can finally open my fly-fishing store."

Madara narrowed his eyes "You know that would destroy Konoha?"

"Not my problem. Hey, do you think that Nine-Tails thing knows how to fish? I could use a partner."

"…I doubt it."

Naruto sighed and slumped against the trunk. "What a shame. It would have been nice to have someone to take on a fishing trip."

"…You are a strange child."

"And you are strangely dressed. I suggest you go shopping soon. I can only imagine how dusty your clothes must be."

"It might have escaped your notice, brat, but I am dead, and I have no desire to make people believe otherwise."

"So you can paint the moon in peace?"

"So I can paint the moon in – I don't want to paint the moon!"

"But you just agreed!"

Madara punched his fist against the trunk, only an inch away from Naruto's head. The wood chipped.

"I see you are as easy to anger as ever, Uchiha."

Madara whirled around when he heard the voice. "You!" he snapped, "What are you doing here?!"

Naruto peeked past Madara to see who had caused the man's sudden fury. It was another man. Red eyes, spiky hair, and a fur coat.

Naruto blinked.

That could only be…

"You are Izuna!"

"I am not."

"He is not."

The two men answered at the same time, sounding equally irritated.

Well, Naruto mused, at least they had one thing in common. Or two, he amended, when he saw the mud stains on the fur coat. Both of them were in dire need of an outfit change. He voiced his opinion.

Both men glared at him.

"So not Izuna huh. Which Uchiha are you then?"

"I am not an Uchiha!" fur-coat snapped and Madara made a choked noise. "I am the Second Hokage, brat. Senju Tobirama. To be unable to tell our clans apart, have you attended classes at all?"

Naruto nodded happily. "Yes. I just never bothered to listen. There was no point to it."

Madara snickered at the appalled expression on the Senju's face. "Education is not something you can slack on, child. Knowledge is vital."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "We are shinobi. Things like this don't matter on the field. If I were your enemy, you two would cut me down - regardless of how accurately I can recount your country's history. Or are you honestly telling me that you would go: 'Kid, name the founding clans of Konoha and I'll let you live?' I seriously doubt it. So, unless pop-quizzes are becoming a new form of warfare I won't bother."

Tobirama stared at him.

"I see," the Nidaime replied slowly. "But I strongly disagree with parts of your statement, child. If you were to be my enemy, I would not cut you down. I would bend you over my knee, discipline you like the unruly child you are, and leave you to be discovered by your comrades."

Naruto blinked, not bothered by his words at all. "You were the Third's teacher, right?" He hummed in thought. "So that's where he gets his strange methods from! And here I thought he was reading too much Icha Icha. Did you put a leash on him too when he skipped his training?"

Tobirama twitched.

Madara was laughing so hard he was leaning against the tree.

Suddenly there was a flash of light and Naruto instinctively closed his eyes.

When he opened them again the men had vanished, and two birds had taken their place.

A silver and a black raven.

Naruto huffed.

He would have preferred a fishing rod instead.

A/N

And the chaos continues. *xDDD*