Apparently, conjuring fly-fishing equipment was not the main purpose of Edo Tensei. At least that was what Not-Izuna had croaked when Naruto had demanded a refund citing "false advertising" as the reason for his displeasure.

Not-Shodai was even less impressed by his demand, flatly stating: "You did not even pay for it; therefore, you cannot be refunded."

Naruto huffed. So, they did not only have a terrible marketing department, but their customer service was also sorely lacking, too.

"I am not buying from you again!" Naruto announced to his two birds.

The Marketing Manager and the Head of Customer Relations seemed both equally unimpressed with his decision.

Naruto glared at the sky. "Oi, Death! Your employees suck at their jobs."

The Chief Executive Officer did not even deign to answer.

"Tch. What a shitty management. I am leaving."

Naruto was just sauntering down the street when he came across the clothing store. He stopped as he saw the outfit in the display window.

"Hey," he asked his two companions, "what do you think of this?"

The two birds looked from the puppet wearing tight leather pants and a red long-shirt lined with rivets to Naruto and back again.

"Child," Not-Shodai began slowly, "I understand that you are curious. But don't you think you are a bit too young to flaunt your preferences?"

"I cannot believe I am saying this, but Madara is correct," Not-Izuna agreed.

Naruto scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous. It's not for me."

His companions relaxed.

"I look better in collars."

Having dropped this bombshell, Naruto casually transformed into Mizuki and marched in, two speechless birds perched on his shoulders.

He left ten minutes later, proudly carrying the shopping bag containing the outfit.

It was a short walk to trench-coat's working place. The T&I department was only ten minutes away from the shopping district.

It took Naruto one hour to arrive at his destination because a black cat had crossed his path and he had been forced to take the long way round.

Neither Not-Shodai nor Not-Izuna were particularly impressed with his short foray into superstition.

Especially not since Naruto's new path had conveniently led them past his favorite bakery - where he had promptly stopped to acquire some treats.

They were even less impressed when they saw where he was going.

"What are we doing here?" Not-Izuna inquired.

"Delivering my gift to a friend," Naruto replied cheerfully.

Not-Shodai snorted. "You have a friend in Torture and Interrogation? You are a strange brat."

"Strange?" Naruto repeated and glanced at the black raven. "That's odd coming from the one who wants to paint the moon."

"For the last time, brat: I don't want to paint the moon!"

"Whatever you say, Not-Shodai."

Not-Shodai screeched angrily. "Enough. I am staying outside before I strangle this brat."

He hopped down Naruto's shoulder.

Not-Izuna followed shortly after, muttering something about "Keeping an eye on him."

Naruto shrugged and went inside. His shoulders could do with a break.

To say that the chunin behind the T&I reception desk was surprised to see Uzumaki Naruto calmly marching into their department, was an understatement.

He was even more surprised when the kid walked towards him without hesitation, seemingly completely at ease with his surroundings.

And he was completely flabbergasted when said kid inquired about the date of their open house presentation.

"We don't hold days like this," he told him automatically.

The kid actually looked disappointed?

"What about Mother-child-day?"

"No."

"Father-son day?"

"That not either."

"Take-your-kid-to-work-day?"

"No parent would take their kid to this building unless they want to scare them for life, brat. Now tell me, why are you pestering my employees?"

The chunin froze as Morino Ibiki suddenly appeared behind the Uzumaki child and glared down at him. The room went cold as his superior allowed his chakra to spike threateningly.

The kid reacted by turning around and grinning brightly?

"Trench-coat-san! Just the man I wanted to see."

What?!

Naruto brightened when he heard the familiar voice. He turned around to grin at the scarred man, who was apparently trying his best to look especially scary.

Had Naruto not been so scandalized by his trench coat, his efforts might have borne fruit.

Naruto waved the bag in his hand. "Look, I've brought you a gift!"

He fished the leather pants out and held them up. "They are skin-tight! Oh, right. I got you a shirt, too. It's a nice crimson with silver rivets."

He rummaged through the bag and pulled the shirt out. "What do you think? It looks good, right? Do you want to try it on?"

Naruto looked expectantly at the man's darkening face.

Trench-coat-guy leaned forward. "You want to know what I think, brat? I think -" the man's hand closed around his collar, "you deserve a personal tour. Consider it a thank you for your gift."

He turned Naruto around and steered him down the stairs. "Let's start with looking at the cell blocks."

Naruto had no idea what a personal tour entailed but somehow, he doubted that this was normal. Unless, of course, they were expanding their range of tourist offerings to include experience tours.

In this case, they deserved a stellar review.

He stared at the chakra-resistant rope trench-coat-guy had tied him up with, before leaving him inside this boring, white room.

How dull.

Naruto huffed, waited patiently for a whole two minutes, and finally had enough. He wriggled out of his bounds.

Finally free, Naruto rummaged through his pockets, looking for something to do, and found a piece of pink crayon.

He grinned.

Ten minutes later a badly mangled picture of Morino Ibiki adorned the wall. His nose was a pig snout and his headband had been replaced with a flower crown.

Next to him, a crayon-Hokage was slowly taking form. The old man looked like a drunken ostrich smoking something very questionable.

Three floors above Naruto, Morino Ibiki fumed as he saw the pictures through the surveillance cameras. The tokubetsu jounin on duty, one Mitarashi Anko, was laughing so loudly she fell from her chair.

Naruto's creative self-expression session was interrupted by the appearance of a very familiar person.

He turned around and waved cheerfully at the newcomer. "Hello, ANBU-chan! Look, I'm an artist now!"

Sable looked from the paintings to Naruto and back again.

Then he walked inside and snatched the crayon out of Naruto's hand.

Naruto pouted, "Tch. Philistine."

He screeched as Sable suddenly picked him up and threw him over his shoulder. "Where are we going? The zoo? I didn't get to pet the rabbits last time and I didn't see any sheep either."

The ANBU remained silent as he carried him upstairs, but Naruto kept prattling on. "Did you ever pet a rabbit? You should! They are really fluffy. Well, not as fluffy as sheep, of course, but that's a given. Nothing is fluffier than sheep. You could learn from them, you know? You are always so rough. Like a turtle shell. But I guess you are not that slow. I mean, it took you only half a day to catch me."

Sable twitched.

"A turtle would need at least three hours longer – oh, hello, trench-coat-guy! Thanks for the tour, I enjoyed it." Naruto waved at an irate Morino Ibiki. "Have fun with your new outfit!"

"Yo, old man!" Naruto greeted the Third cheerfully and flopped on top of the Hokage's desk, not caring that he was messing up the man's paperwork.

The Hokage's gaze was so dark it could only be described as the embodiment of angered displeasure. "You skipped. Again."

Naruto shrugged. "I had to buy some art supplies for my bird. He is a surrealist, you know?"

The Hokage massaged the bridge of his nose. "I do not know what you are talking about, and I am not keen on finding out, but no matter the reason: You skipped your training, annoyed Morino Ibiki, and vandalized an interrogation room."

"Oh, is that trench-coat's name? Naruto inquired, not really interested. "But yup, I did. Are you going to throw me out now?" he asked hopefully. "I would offer you my headband, but I am afraid I accidentally lost it in the scrab metal pile of the garbage dump."

The Third's left eye twitched. "This is an oddly specific accidental loss, don't you think?"

Naruto shrugged. "There are stranger things around. Like the fact that you still believe that I would care about anything you say."

"Uzumaki." The usually quiet ANBU's voice carried a sharp warning.

"That's my name," Naruto agreed happily and jumped down the desk to pat the man's shoulder. "Don't wear it out, or it will end up as tattered as your pants."

The ANBU twitched.

"Well, it was nice and dandy," Naruto marched towards the window. "But I've gotta go now. Bye!"

He jumped out, easily ignoring the furious yell carrying his name, and landed deftly in front of a group of incoming jounin.

They stared at him.

Naruto grinned and waved cheerily. "Hi everyone."

Suddenly, the Hokage's shout sounded from the window: "Naruto, get back now!"

Naruto blinked and darted away. "Bye, everyone!"

"Stop him!" The Third ordered and the jounin moved as one.

Naruto smiled and dug into his pocket. "I am sorry for this," he informed them, sounding way too happy to be actually sorry. "But you leave me no choice."

He pulled a bag out and tossed it down with all of his strength.

A cloud of silver glitter covered the area.

Naruto used the momentary confusion to flicker away.

Omake (Plot compliant)

Over the roofs of Konoha

"Please tell me that he did not just attack them with glitter, Senju."

"I am not here to please you, Uchiha…but in this case, I am sharing your inconceivability."

"Where did he even get this… glitter from?"

"I believe it was among the art supplies he bought for you, Uchiha."

"This brat! I swear, once I get my body back, I am going to strangle him!"

"As much as I understand your sentiment, you cannot kill him."

"I said strangle, Senju, not kill. This child is a menace."

"I cannot believe I am saying this, but I could not agree more."

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, then:

"This feels wrong. Let's pretend you did not just agree with me, Senju."

"I concur."

"…"

"…"

A/N Nope, I've not died. Things are just a bit...chaotic at the moment... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. :D