Both Iruka and the rest of the class had gotten quite used to the fact that Naruto had to be brought in at least once a day.
It had been rather fascinating to see an ANBU, the elite of Konoha, in the beginning, but the novelty had quickly worn off and now the masked-man bringing in a tied-up Naruto had become part of their daily routine.
But somehow the young boy always managed to free himself within half an hour and spend the rest of the lesson tying his flies.
Or at least he attempted to - because their teacher always kept confiscating Naruto's seemingly endless stashes of cords and feathers.
They had become so used to these proceedings that it threw them completely off when neither Naruto nor the ANBU turned up this day.
Iruka did not show it, but he was becoming quite worried, too. Naruto might be terribly annoying, but he had still grown fond of this kid.
Just what had happened?
Naruto stared at the obstacle course in front of him. The ANBU had dropped him inside some strange white room with lots of obstacles in front of him and left him with the ominous instruction: "Get the object at the end of this room, and you will be allowed to go. Until you have succeeded, you cannot leave."
Naruto looked from the course to the walls and back again.
They did not really expect him to run that, right?
Well, it didn't matter what they wanted.
He had not intention of doing it anyway.
Naruto shrugged his shoulders and walked up the wall, casually strolling past the obstacles to the end of the room.
A black hole appeared below him now, and there, right in the middle, was a column with a green cloth laying on top of it.
Naruto unclasped the foldable fishing rod from his belt and pulled out his half-finished mayfly.
Two minutes later, the cloth was dangling from the hook.
Carefully, he reeled it in and waved at the camera at the opposite side of the room. "Look. I've got it. I can go now, right?"
Inside the security room, the Hokage threw his pipe to the ground.
Naruto glowered at the headband in his hands."I did what?!"
"You passed," the Hokage repeated, "It was a rather…unorthodox way, but you fulfilled the objective. Congratulations, Uzumaki Naruto. You are a genin now, and I have already assigned a teacher to you."
"But I did not take the academy exam!"
"No, you did not," the Hokage agreed, and Naruto thought he sounded rather smug. "But you passed a parkour at advanced genin level. Showing this amount of skill justifies a field promotion."
That sly old man. Naruto liked him less and less. Well, there was no way he would just play along, though.
Naruto turned the headband in his hands, already planning how to best displace this fashion atrocity. "And who's that teacher?"
"Me," the Third declared and leaned back into his chair. "Sable has agreed to take over when I am too busy."
Fashion disaster one and two? Naruto rolled his eyes. The Hokage must be desperate to keep an eye on him if he lowered himself to teach him.
"In this case, I quit," he replied immediately, "I already told ANBU-chan that I don't want to join your weird relationship."
The Hokage's right hand twitched. "Rejected."
"Well…if it's like that," Naruto stood from his chair, "then I'll just..." he placed a hand on the windowsill, "…leave."
He jumped.
"Naruto!"
Naruto brushed the dirt off his clothes and thanked the log that had conveniently replaced him during his fall. A well-timed Kawamari was really useful sometimes.
He threw a casual wave at the Hokage who was leaning out of the window to glare after him, then he turned and left.
Naruto was just strolling past the bookstore when he saw it.
It was horrible.
It was terrifying.
It were two spandex-guys hugging each other in front of a gigantic sunset.
Naruto screeched, blinded by the sheer monstrosity of this event, and turned away, running as fast as his feet could carry him.
He finally rounded a corner at the opposite side of the village and fled into the first building he saw.
The glass doors closed behind him, and Naruto took a deep, calming breath before he carefully peeked through the glass to see if the green, over-energetic huggers had maybe followed him.
They hadn't.
Naruto heaved a sigh of relief and straightened his shirt. "Thank kami. I think I might have died of terror if I had to see that again."
"What are you doing here, brat?" a gruff voice spoke up behind him.
Startled, Naruto shrieked and whirled around. "What the hell is it with you shinobi appearing out of nowhere?! You almost scared me to death! Oh, you're that trench coat guy again! What are you doing here?"
The man stared at him. "I work here," he replied slowly.
Naruto looked from the man to the building he could see through the glass door and back. "You work in a cat coffee shop?"
Naruto could hear laughter coming from the other side of the room, where a couple of shinobi had gathered around a coffee maker.
Trench coat guy's lips twitched. "Not there. Here." He pointed at the writing over the reception behind Naruto.
Naruto laid his head back to read the gigantic letters upside down. "T&I Department. Huh. What's that? Taxes and Investment? I didn't take you for a banker."
The man smirked. "Not a banker, kid."
Naruto blinked. "Creditor?"
"No."
"Stockbroker?"
"Wrong."
"Sales representative?"
"What has this to do with finances?"
"They sell you things you don't want for way too high prices."
"I see. Still, wrong again."
"Insurance agent?"
"No."
"Florist?"
"You realize this is an entirely different industry?"
"I know. I am just randomly guessing at this point."
Muffled snickers were heard from the coffee corner.
"It's torture and interrogation, brat," the trench-coat-guy finally told him dryly.
Naruto stared at the man.
He stared back.
For a moment nobody said anything.
Then Naruto nodded thoughtfully. "So I wasn't that far off then," he mused, "I always thought creditors were cutthroats. You didn't happen to secretly open a side branch, did you?"
The coffee crew was laughing now. A senbon-chewing guy was so amused he had to support himself on the wall.
Naruto hoped he would not accidentally swallow his needle.
The trench-coat-guy smirked at him. "Why are you here, kid?"
Naruto shuddered at the question, reminded again of why he had run away so rashly. "I saw hell," he whispered dramatically, "It looked like a sunset over green spandex."
Something like understanding flickered over the man's face. "Ah. You saw that. I admit, the traumatizing effect of this particular genjutsu is quite impressive. Perhaps I should consider enlisting Gai's service."
Naruto itched back. "You've got a strange preference. But if that's your type, I won't judge."
The man twitched. "You are a cheeky one, aren't you? I know people like you. Always talking big and yet", he took a stepped forward and trapped Naruto between his body and the wall, "easily subdued."
Hands landed on each side of Naruto's head. "You are playing truant, aren't you, brat?" Trench-coat smirked. "Do you know what happens to shinobi who leave their post without permission? They get punished."
"Harshly," a familiar voice added.
Naruto sighed. "Great. The minder is back. Hello, ANBU-chan."
Sable threw him an unimpressed look through his mask and nodded shortly to the trench-coat-guy. "Morino-san, I apologize for the disturbance this little runaway caused. I will ensure that it will not happen again."
Trench-coat stepped back. "He is all yours."
The ANBU inclined his head. "Thank you."
Naruto let out an "Eep"-like sound when he was suddenly thrown over the ANBU's shoulder. "You are always so rough, Sable-sama. Please don't tie me up so tightly this time. I had rope-marks for hours the last time you took me in front of the Hokage."
The ANBU twitched and tightened his grip.
Naruto waved cheerfully at the laughing shinobi. "See you later, Trench-coat-san! You should really consider my advice. You would make a far more imposing picture in leather. Just make sure it's tight! "
Then Naruto was taken away.
Naruto grumbled in displeasure. "That position hurts! Honestly, ANBU-chan, can't you be a bit gentler? I am delicate perso - oomph."
Naruto's words were swallowed as a rag was shoved harshly into his mouth.
"Be silent and hold still," the ANBU ordered him sharply.
Naruto had no intention of listening.
He continued struggling in the man's grip and was promptly rewarded with a punishing smack to his behind. "UMPF!"
Had he just been spanked?
How mean!
Naruto tried to complain, but all that came out was a muffled "Hm Nhn hn!"
Smack!
"I told you to be silent," Sable repeated flatly.
"UH!" Naruto protested.
Smack!
Ah. That one really stung. Geez, that ANBU was really touchy today.
Smack!
Hey, he had not even said anything!
"You were twitching," the ANBU informed him. Naruto was sure that he had just heard a faint note of satisfaction in his tone.
He slumped over the man's shoulder and sulked.
Smack!
ARGH!
When they finally reached the Hokage tower, Naruto felt like his butt was on fire.
He winced when Sable dropped him unceremoniously on the hard wooden chair in front of the Hokage's desk and a sharp pain pierced through his sore behind.
The gag was ripped out of his mouth and Naruto coughed, glaring angrily out of the window. "Death! I am really quitting now!"
A breeze brushed through the open window and blew a piece of paper from the Hokage's desk into Naruto's face.
He ripped it off and stared grumpily at the word "Rejected."