AN: Have you got some popcorn? Good, take a seat. It has come to my attention that one of my readers has very little respect for our service members who's jobs aren't defined by being an order following grunt. You see, there is more than one sort of military member. We get a taste of this in SG-1 but they downplay it somewhat. So... if you are wondering or objecting as the case may be to my level of realism, here's a list of men and women I personally know who are my military resources in no particular order. My Ranger uncle who liked Clancy novels because they were at least realistic about living a double life. It was more what he wouldn't say then what he would. He disappeared a lot and returned with no explanation for where he'd been sent or why but the dates match up with specific ops we now know about. My other uncle who served honorably in the Corps then went on to be an FBI analyst. My dad and I are fairly convinced he was murdered because of his job. Convinced because a lot of work was done to make it look like a terrible accident. But it just wasn't the kind of mistake he'd have made. Dad knew his cousin who had grown up in the same house and was more a brother than cousin to him. He wouldn't have made that particular mistake. My grandfather who's journals were an extensive fabrication to protect him should he be captured. Much of what I learned was also more about what was not said when telling funny stories set in places he couldn't have been according to his journals and yet he was. My cousin who is an AF officer. Another cousin who is JAG. He's a bit of an idealist but admits JAG leaves some things alone. Two besties who served during the early 2000s when the show is set. Moving on two two other friends I met writing who are also current resources. My fifteen years in military aeronautics where when given a top secret project I was the ONLY staff member who's vetting involved our liaison asking what's your last name again? Oh yah, you're good. This said after I expressed concerns that I had access to almost the entire aircraft inside and out as the documentations specialist and was not so much asked to sign a 312. Oh and my favorite my FIL is a former SEAL. So.. spec ops, spies, officers and personal experience. I'm not saying I'm an expert but I think I have enough background to know what the military will and won't do. I know stories that will make your hair rise and I know stories that might make you feel sick. I know a lot of funny ones too and those are the only one's I'll ever tell like dad's tank driver buddy. My dad, who followed his step-dad into the corps and had high enough clearance that my FBI uncle was allowed to float things past him when he needed to think something out. The government knows the kids of these people hear things. That's why I was already vetted for my job. As a good friend pointed out, We'd use a puppy to bait a velociraptor if it got the job done. I get it that not everyone agrees with some of the stuff we do behind closed doors... and I refuse REFUSE to give away plot just because someone 'objects' to the direction I am going in. This will be the second time I have to say this. I write for me. If I collaborate with friends it was because I ENJOY collaborating with my friends. No I do NOT need to give you special extra warnings. If you are too sensitive to read something stop reading it. Just like the person who stopped reading Fate because I was critical of Christianity and the person who wanted an MCU cross over I wasn't interested in doing and any number of folks who found a story that just was not for them.

I am very publicly stating this now. I enjoy feedback. What I'm not interested in is entitled self indulgent crap. Go wring your hands elsewhere reader who has NEVER once left me any sort of feedback in the past. You don't care enough to say when you like a thing... don't waste my time with your hurt feelings that I didn't write the story YOU wanted. Go write your own story with puppies and sunshine. I write the military as it genuinely functions. If you read my works as you claim, you already know this or ought to. And honestly how canon do you think a crossover is going to be here?

For those of you wondering why the TL;DR critique of my own work go grab some popcorn and read the comments on this story and enjoy the hilarity found there. And yes... I am laughing. Because honestly, I like when you guys like my stuff, but I'm perverse and am HIGHLY amused by hate as well. Of course someone would know that if they ever read my bio...

Sorry about the mess guys. I just figured it was important everyone see yes I noticed, and I wanted to make sure my distain for nonsense was public. For my objecting readers... So you're saying you don't like the plot?

Chapter 3

That night, Jack and Sam went to bed together as though they were on a mission. Both fully covered head to toe though neither wore socks to bed. They would have to appear more couple-ish once Lisa got there in the morning but, for now, neither wanted to tempt fate.

Lisa, with Major Nelson, who was masquerading as Sabrina Djinn, showed up at their doorstep mid-morning. "Hi Auntie Sam." She said miserably and Sam folded her into a hard hug.

Jack nodded to Jennie Nelson. "Ms. Djinn." He said politely, having been filled in by Sam as to the younger woman's cover story.

"Mr. O'Neill." She said politely back with an amused smirk behind Lisa's back.

"Let's get you settled." Sam said to her niece, looking over her shoulder and giving Jack a speaking glance.

Jack waited for Sam to leave before turning to the Major. "Are you the messenger?" He asked Major Nelson.

"It seemed like the easiest way to handle anything private." She said with a shrug. Private meaning classified.

Jack nodded, slipping partially into character. "I asked Sam to marry me." He told her.

"That's wonderful, sir!" she said and blushed she'd accidentally called him sir instead of Jack.

Jack just smirked though. As far as they knew they weren't under surveillance. All he was doing was filling her in to report back to Hammond. "Sam likes her new job. We should be okay."

"Good. A stable home is the thing she needs the most right now. I'll keep you updated on how counseling goes with her parents."

"I'd appreciate that. Sam is worried about them."

"I think they will be alright in the end but it's nothing Lisa or David need to be in the middle of."

Jack nodded. "Have a safe flight back."

Gennie smiled. "It was good seeing you, Jack." She said warmly.

Jack grinned. "Better circumstances next time?"

"Sure." she said with a small laugh.

"All right, let's get her stuff out of the trunk. I'm sure you want to get out of here."

Inside the house, Sam was showing Lisa her room. Sam had painted it a soft shade of yellow and accented it with raspberry. It was cheery and feminine without being too childish. "I didn't want to buy you too many toys to start out. We'll go to the store in a little bit after Uncle Jack talks to Ms. Djinn."

Lisa looked pointedly at the large stone on Sam's left hand and poked at it. "That's new, Auntie Sam."

"Yah.. he asked me last night." And without realizing it, Sam was grinning happily. It might be pretend but the fact that he'd given her a family heirloom to wear and apparently had taken it to be sized suggested he might be a bit more serious than their conversation had implied.

For the first time Lisa smiled. "I like Uncle Jack." She said with conviction. "He's fun."

Sam chuckled. "Your grandpa says the same thing."

"You saw grandpa?" Lisa asked, excited.

Sam shook her head. "I didn't. I had to stay home to move my stuff but Uncle Jack did. I'm sure if you ask him he'll tell you how grandpa is doing."

"Okay. Can I get some Happy Bunny stuff?"

Sam blinked. What the heck was Happy Bunny? It sounded cute. "Okay. We'll get some while we are out."

Jack dragged in a seemingly overflowing suitcase. "There's three more cases outside. How do you have this much stuff?" he grumbled.

"I needed my art supplies." Lisa said ducking her head the same way Sam does when she's feeling defensive.

"Art supplies, huh?" Jack asked with interest. "What are you into?"

"Kind of everything?"

Jack grinned. "Cool. When you're a little older, I'll teach you how to use my pottery wheel." He chuckled. "Also, don't have Daniel teach you Latin. He's actually bad at it."

Lisa gave him a confused look but Sam shook her head in amusement. "Jack..." She said, her tone half-way between a warning and a chuckle.

"What?" Jack said, his tone falsely quarrelsome. "He is."

"Okay… so let's get this stuff unpacked and then we can go shopping for anything you need while you stay with us." Sam interjected before Jack went off on a mental tangent.

"Yah yah, I'm just the mule." Jack grumbled in false ire.

When he walked out Lisa giggled. "He's so silly, Auntie Sam! Just like Grandpa."

Sam chuckled as she watched Jack's retreating six. "Yah. He and Grandpa get along great."

"Are you guys going to have a baby?"

Sam was very glad she didn't have anything in her mouth when she snorted in disbelief. "Why would you assume I'm pregnant, Lisa?"

"'Cause dad says the only way any guy is going to get you down the aisle is if he knocks you up." She said innocently.

I am so going to kill Mark, Sam thought. "No, honey. Uncle Jack asked me to marry him because he loves me." She grinned. "And I said yes because I love him too."

"Okay. But if it was because Uncle Jack got you pregnant, dad owes Grandpa fifty bucks."

"Er… what?"

"I heard them talking about it one night. Daddy said the only way anyone would get you to marry them is if he got you pregnant and Grandpa bet Daddy fifty bucks that if anyone did it, it would be Uncle Jack." She told Sam. "And then Daddy said 'you're on' because you and Uncle Jack work together."

Sam looked like she wanted to swallow her tongue.

"So what did I miss?" Jack said affably when he came back in, carrying the other two bags like they weighed nothing at all.

"Daddy told Grand-" Sam clamped her hand over Lisa's mouth firmly from behind.

"Uncle Jack doesn't really need to hear about that, honey. Let's get you unpacked and then you can go outside and play for a while." Sam said brightly.

Jack gave Sam the 'you're not fooling anyone' look but Sam's amused shrug and worrisome smile amused him enough that he let it go. He knew it would just bother her until she told him anyway. So he helped Lisa put her things away and neurotically organized her colored pencils by hue before they sent her out into the back yard with the basketball she'd brought with her.

Sam was smoothing the fabric on a shirt in Lisa's dresser drawer. "Jack…" Her voice was thoughtful but worried.

"Carter?" He said gently as he sat down on the dark red comforter covering the Pocahontas sheets.

She bit her lip. "Would you say I'm a commitment phobe?"

Jack's lip twisted thoughtfully into a moue. "I guess it depends on how you look at it."

Sam huffed. "I broke things off with Jonas. I never really gave Martouf or Narim a chance and Orlin-"

Jack put up a hand and stood, then walked up to her so that they were face to face. "Sam…" He put a finger under her chin and tilted it up. "Why would you want to commit to a guy whose feelings you don't really return?"

"But-"

"Ah!" Jack said sharply and held up a finger. "Jonas was controlling. Narim had some weird Florence Nightingale stuff going on. Martouf was in love with Jolinar and was just using you to be with what was left of her. He didn't give a single crap that you already had feelings for someone else when she pulled that crap. Don't get me started on what a creepy stalker Orlin was Sam; he showed up in your house and forced you to date him."

Sam's expression pinched with anxiety.

"Sam. None of those guys had your heart. That's not being a commitment-phobe. That's knowing someone isn't right for you. It's no different than…" But Jack trailed off. He'd royally screwed up that time and he knew it.

"I know it's just… I'm so bad at relationships. Why do I keep getting involved with guys that aren't right for me?"

"Because you are sweet and wonderful and kind and you never want to hurt anyone's feelings if they express affection for you." He said softly and wondered if that extended to him too.

Something in his eyes made her draw her brows together. "Jack, I wouldn't…"

Jack shrugged. "It's just pretend anyway, right?" And he grinned at her. He'd meant what he asked her but he wanted her going into it fully on board with the whole thing. He wanted no doubts on her part. None at all.

"Right." She said on a shaky breath.

Jack slapped his thigh. "We should go make some lunch and eat outside. It's going to be a busy day tomorrow getting settled in."

"Yah. Yah, it is." Sam said, mystified at his abrupt change of demeanor. It was almost like he was afraid to know the answer but how could he not? She'd admitted how she felt that day too… but then she'd shoehorned it into that room with all the other stuff they didn't talk about except when they were drunk and the only two left awake on Team night. And that was usually when the making out started.

And Jack seemed entirely unconcerned about any of it which made her worry that possibly for the first time she was head over heels for a guy who just didn't care as much about her as she did him.

Sam finished the last couple of things that needed folding and left Lisa's room. She found Jack in the kitchen making peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. She chuckled. Jack, the spec ops bad ass… was essentially a child on the inside. And sometimes that was the part she loved the most about him.

"Hey." She said to him softly while leaning on the door jamb.

"Hey yourself." He said with a grin over his shoulder. "Thanks for getting the raspberry jam." He said casually thanking her for buying his favorite flavor of jam for sandwiches.

"Any time." She said just as softly as she'd greeted him.

Outside James was sweeping his driveway to his garage in the backyard. "And what's your name, Princess?" He said cheerfully to the small blond girl who looked enough like Sam to be related.

Lisa absently dribbled her ball for a little bit. "Lisa." She mumbled. "I'm not allowed to talk to strangers."

"I'm James, your neighbor. I've met Sam and Jack already." He greeted the little girl. "You're Sam's niece, right? I heard your parents were having some trouble. You know, adults sometimes need help to get along just like kids."

"Sure." Lisa said in a dead voice, the ball bouncing endlessly.

"Yup, having a good marriage takes a lot of work." James continued. "I'm sure everything will be just fine though. How long has your aunt been seeing this guy?" James asked the girl, his voice begging for juicy gossip.

"My grandpa was real mad when he met Uncle Jack five years ago."

"Oh really?"

"Yah. He was her boss." Lisa said. The ball drummed endlessly.

"He's not now?"

Lisa shook her head. "Dad says he retired again and he and Auntie Sam are getting married."

"How does your grandpa feel about that?" James asked her.

"I dunno. He works in another country. I don't see him much but Uncle Jack's last job was to visit Grandpa so they must get along pretty good."

"Well, he seems like a really nice guy. I bet he and your aunt are going to settle down and start having some kids soon! After all, he's no spring chicken."

Lisa giggled. "He's a Colonel."

Sam's head poked out of the back door. "Lisa! Time for lunch!" She turned to see James beside her niece. "Oh, hi James." She told him with a smile and poked her head back into the house.

"You better get inside and eat now." James said. "I bet your aunt and uncle made you something nice."

Lisa giggled. "It's Uncle Jack. He probably made peanut butter and carrot sticks and cut the crusts off because he doesn't like them." She grinned and headed for the door.

After Lisa left, James thought about their conversation for a bit then went into the house and called the waitress known as Susan at the local diner.

"What's up?" She asked him.

"I met the niece today."

"And?"

"Nice kid! Seemed upset about her family though... I tried to reassure her, you know, sometimes parents need to-"

Susan cut him off. "Jimmy…"

"Oh, right, right. My bad. Well they seem like a normal couple. At least from what the kid was saying. Her name is Lisa, did I tell you that? Anyways, apparently they have been together a while already. There was one kinda weird thing though." James said thoughtfully.

"Oh?"

"Before she went inside the kid told me her uncle is a colonel."

"Well, his file does say retired military."

"Yeah but she said he just retired right before moving here. I mean, he's clearly old enough to; his hair is edging more to salt than pepper but why would you move to this place if you have a military pension?"

"Exactly why I told you to keep an eye on them. They might just be an innocent couple but in my experience if it looks like an agent and walks like an agent it's probably an agent."

"Unless he's just the red herring and she's the one."

Susan was silent for a long moment. "Look into it."

"Yap. I'm, on, it." he said, emphasizing the last word.

"Good." She said and hung up without even a goodbye.