AN: Can you put the author's note at the end? No. But it's distracting. Still no. But I'm whiny and entitled and will email you that I don't like where you put it because I don't care about your personal life. Still no. There's a handy BOLD chapter heading after the CLEARLY italics author's note. If you prefer my personal drama in the form of the story characters just SKIP the author's note. But just so you know... I write well because I write what I know. Today's aggravating boss is tomorrow's aggravating character. That's how writing works. Every one of my non canon characters is based on one or more real life person I've personally known. That is literally how writing works. For pretty much every half way decent author. Heck the reason Jack and Sam are so believable is specifically because I base how they act on actual life.

Now ONE of my readers suggested to me that I just make the ENTIRE chapter one big freaking author's note. Because seriously... did you die? No. Clearly not BECAUSE YOU'RE STILL COMPLAINING.

And since I wasted two paragraphs on THAT nonsense now you have another paragraph of my life nonsense. The PITA boss is visiting today while I am off. We are now actively avoiding each other. Mostly he is avoiding me. He is also STUDITIOUSLY professionally polite to me. Apparently bleeding CEMs is bad for your look? He has a new boss who I very much hope sees what a shitshow he actually is. I will not hold my breath.

Chapter 7

"We're so close!" Jimmy exclaimed, his usual excitement dimmed with the twinge of frustration.

"Close? Jimmy, we can't even prove they have the damned thing. You haven't been able to even get them to show it to you." Melinda May didn't try to hide her irritation. "Look, if we don't find this thing soon we might have to tell Fury-"

"Tell him what?" Jimmy interrupted. His demeanor changing from a cheerful golden retriever to one that had just been caught eating off the table. "That we can't find it without bringing in a strike team? That we give up? He's not going to stand for that! He's going to cuss and swear and tell us to-"

"Jimmy!" Melinda scolded, breaking the man out of his nervous spiral. "If we need more support-"

"You don't understand!"

"Then make me."

Jimmy's eyes glazed over as his mind went over that one conversation.

"MOTHER FU-"

"Sir, you need to calm down."

"I'll calm down when I damn well please, Agent Hill."

Jimmy paused at the doorway to Fury's office. The door was partially cracked open so he could make out a sliver of the two inside.

"Why don't you start by telling me what the problem is?"

"The damn flerkin jumped up on my desk this morning and spit the Tesseract out onto my lap. Only it wasn't the fucking Tesseract."

"You mean with the teeth, the - the-" Agent Hill began waving her arms around in an almost comedic manner.

"Yes, all of that.

"Wait, what do you mean it wasn't the Tesseract?"

Jimmy idly wondered to himself what the Tesseract might be while considering abandoning his current task, as Fury scared him, and a furious Fury scared him even more.

"Well, Goose gave me some weird ass look that seemed significant, so I started tinkering with the damn thing. You know what it is? A fucking resin box with a blue night light. Somebody scammed us with a damn children's toy!"

"I'm sure we'll be able to find it, sir. It does let off a very specific reading after all."

"That doesn't change my mood, Hill. Someone snuck it out of here on my damn watch."

Goose chirped angrily.

"You know what, Goose, you're right. It is your damn fault!"

Goose mewled grumpily.

"Oh, don't you give me that attitude. Who was supposed to be guarding it again? Oh, that's right! You!"

"Sir, maybe you shouldn't get in a fight with the thing that took your eye."

"I told you never to talk about that."

"Hmph. Have you checked the security footage?"

"Have I checked the security footage?" He laughed humorlessly. "You hear that, Goose? She wants to know if I checked the security footage. Yes, of course, I checked the damn security footage. Fuck's sake, Hill, do you think I'm an amateur?"

"Not at all, sir. So what did you find?"

"A bunch of amateurs set the feed on a continuous loop."

"So you pulled the true file from the secondary feed?"

"Yeah. I got their names. But I can't go find them right now, I gotta go deal with this damn Hydra operative that Agent Romanoff brought me."

"Well, sir. If they're a bunch of amateurs it shouldn't be anything we can't handle on our own."

Jimmy started to back away from the door slowly, but froze in terror at their next words.

"Sir, why don't you have that new kid work this one?"

"You mean the bumbling idiot who acts like every damn moment is more exciting than the last?"

"Well, we shouldn't send him alone, but yeah."

"Woo, get your glee club ass in here."

The door flew open. Agent Hill grabbed Jimmy by the wrist and dragged him into the room. Before he knew it he was standing before the man himself.

"I- uh. H-h-h-hi, sir, I mean. Mr. Fury, sir, what can I do for you, sir."

"That's agent to you."

"Yes, sorry agent, sir."

Fury looked at Agent Hill incredulously. "You want me to send HIM to retrieve the Tesseract?"

"Well, not alone." Agent Hill replied, her arms crossed over her chest as she looked Jimmy over thoughtfully. "Better send Agent May along with him.

Fury signed. "Now you listen to me, you two legged golden retriever. Your job is to retrieve. Understand? If you don't come back with the Tesseract, you don't come back at all."

"Y-y-yes, sir." Jimmy swallowed nervously. "Uh, it's just that… if you're don't mind my asking, what exactly is the Tesseract, sir?

Fury looked at him as though he were a fish. "Mother fucker!"

Jimmy shuddered as he returned to the present moment. Reliving that memory was not something he enjoyed. "Trust me, you don't want to know."

Melinda shook her head. She seriously doubted Jimmy's interaction with Fury was anywhere near as bad as he was making it out to be. The man had the spine of a jellyfish. That would be why Maria had asked her to come along. "Babysit the care bear for me, would you?" She'd said as she explained the situation. Melinda had sighed and agreed because it was what she was being paid to do.

"You need to find a way to break into that lab and confirm the Tesseract is in there." Melinda told him firmly.

"I've tried." Jimmy told her. "They won't let me inside the building. They just show me videos they took of stuff and they never put it in the video."

"What about those other two? They seem to already have an in. See if you can find something out you can use through them."

"Like what?"

"Try bugging their house." May said in exasperation. They might talk about their own mission and if they were after the Tesseract as well then Fury needed to know that info.

"Right. Okay. I can bug their house. Piece of cake." Jimmy said effusively.

Melinda just sighed. Hill owed her for this one. "I'll try to track down what branch they are. There aren't many divisions that use actual couples for their Ops so that narrows things down a bit." She said thoughtfully. Whatever their cover was, their relationship was genuine. SHIELD used those kinds of relationships to its advantage but most alphabet companies treated it like a problem. She didn't think they were Hydra but looks could be deceiving. Some very reasonable seeming people were Hydra.

Jack had burned some burgers in their backyard as it was still pleasant out. Lisa was sitting at the table drawing while Sam brought out the rest of their meal. "One burger or two, kiddo?" Jack asked the girl.

Lisa shrugged. "Uncle Jack, you burned them." She admonished him in the way only a child can.

Jack looked injured. "Char makes them taste better."

"No, it doesn't." She said reasonably. "It makes them taste burnt."

"Everyone's a critic." Jack mumbled.

Sam came out again and kissed his cheek affectionately. "Just cook her another one and don't leave it on so long." She suggested.

Jack grinned foolishly at Sam's open affection. "Alrighty. One under done burger coming up." He said and flipped the spatula in his hand then spun it making Lisa giggle.

"Heya neighbors!" Jimmy said from his yard as he came outside seemingly for no reason. "Having a barbeque?"

Sam snorted in mirth. "Would you like a burger, James? Jack has to redo one because Lisa objects to charcoal flavor."

"Really? That would be great!" He says enthusiastically and sits down next to Lisa.

Sam and Jack exchange a look and Sam rolls her eyes. "I'll go grab another patty." She told Jack.

"Hurry back." He says with an affectionate smile.

Sam grins at him and goes inside. Jimmy watches their behavior thoughtfully. If he didn't think they were agents, he'd easily believe they were just a normal couple in love with each other. There was nothing fake or contrived about their interactions and Lisa seemed completely comfortable with the man which meant he really had been part of her life for quite a while. So if that was the case Agent May was right. There couldn't be many units that used couples in a relationship to their advantage. That left out the usual suspects for sure.

"So... whatcha drawing?" Jimmy asked Lisa with genuine interest.

"I made a new friend. This is her. She invited me to a sleepover." Lisa said.

"This is new. Why didn't you tell us?" Jack asked her.

Lisa shrugged. "I wasn't sure if you and Auntie Sam would let me go." Lisa admitted.

"Why wouldn't we?" Jack asked, perplexed. Had they given off the keep to themselves vibe too hard and Lisa had picked up on it?

"I dunno."

Sam came back out with a plate with a single raw burger on it. "What did I miss?"

"Lisa says she was invited to a sleepover but didn't ask us because she was afraid we'd say no." Jack informed her.

"Oh, honey, of course you can go. Why would you think otherwise?"

"I dunno." Lisa shrugged and went back to her drawing.

"Hey, that means you guys could actually go out on a date for a change." Jimmy suggested.

"Yah, Sam. An actual date." Jack said wiggling his eyebrows suggestively which made Sam snort with laughter.

"Where do you suggest, James? We've really only been to the diner and the pizza place… oh and the Chinese place I found." Sam said turning to Jimmy. They hadn't eaten in at the Japanese place she'd been living on a steady diet of sushi from before Jack got there.

"Well, there's a really nice dinner club on the other side of town if you like steaks and dancing." Jimmy suggested as he bit into his overdone burger.

"We love steaks and dancing." Jack said with a huge grin. Steaks and dancing were up there with pool, beer, and watching Sam kick some biker dude's ass. "So when is this sleepover?" Jack asked Lisa.

"Next Saturday."

"Perfect. That gives your Aunt Sam just enough time to buy a really slinky dress."

"Uncle Jack… eww…" Lisa said giggling.

"Yah, Uncle Jack. Keep it PG. or G, Er, uh..." Jimmy said, starting out grinning and ending looking perplexed.

Sam chuckled and shook her head. "I already have a perfectly nice dress. Thank you very much. And steak and dancing sounds perfect." She dimpled at Jack knowing he wouldn't know where to put his hands all night if they danced as the dress had exactly no back at all.

"Hey, can I borrow your bathroom? I drank three Cokes this morning and it's really making me dance if you know what I mean." Jimmy said.

"Sure, buddy." Jack said absently, totally enthralled by Sam's enigmatic smile.

"Awesome! Thank you." Jimmy said and bounded into the house.

Had Jack been thinking clearly he'd have wondered why James wanted to use their bathroom when his house was literally right next door. But Jack's mind was on Sam in an incredible dress and all the possibilities available to them dancing in public for appearances. Where he could kiss her and hold her and tell her anything he felt all under the cover of making it look good in case someone saw them together.

Meanwhile inside Jack and Sam's house, Jimmy tucked a couple of bugs in places he didn't think anyone would look. The first being under the coffee table, another in the bathroom, and a third under a bedside table in the master bedroom. He circled back to the hall bathroom and peed just in case and came back out to finish his burger and some of the potato salad Sam had made.

"This is amazing." He said gleefully about the potato salad.

"Thanks." Sam said with a wistful smile. She walks over to Jack and retrieves Lisa's burger before Jack burns that one too.

"Hey, that wasn't done yet." He argued which made Sam laugh.

"It's done enough." she said, chuckling.

Jack's arm shot out and he drew her back for a quick kiss.

"Are they always like that?" Jimmy asked Lisa.

"Yah." She said with an eye roll. "It's pretty gross." She continued doodling. "My dad owes my grandpa fifty bucks because Uncle Jack didn't knock up Auntie Sam before getting her to agree to marry him."

Sam's eyes went very wide and Jack choked on a laugh.

"Lisa, your dad and grandfather were just joking around." Sam tried to cover. But she was beet red.

Jack finally took pity on his second. "They just said that because they didn't figure I'd retire, Lisa. Sometimes adults play 'what if' too."

"Oh. Okay." Lisa said and started eating her burger. Oblivious to the havoc she'd caused.