The Welcoming Feast
"Gilderoy Lockheart unfortunately has been detained by the Ars Goetia."
The witches of the school protested.
"Aw shut up he modified my memory illegally which is an unprovoked attacked on the Ars Goetia as my husband is a Goetian Prince anyone with a complaint about that can kiss my glorious red ass right between my cheeks." Came from a new face at the teachers table a few seas away from Dumbledore.
"And with those colorful words I would like to introduce or 3 new teachers. I would like to welcome back to the school an esteemed Alumni, Professor Remus Lupin. Our new Defense against the dark arts instructor."
The student body gasped as Remus stood to his full height.
"Allow is to explain. As a child Remus was bitten by Fenrir Greyback. During the Azkaban Breakout Incident last year it was discovered upon entering Hell Werewolves immediately transform into what are known as Hellhounds. Thereby potentially discovering a cure for the condition. Merging both man and wolf spirit to be together in complete harmony. If any student has werewolf family and wish to participate in a controlled experiment being conducted by The Ars Goetia in conjunction with St Mungos May contact Professor Blitz outside of Class hours."
Harry noticed Collin staring at Remus with a slight blush.
Remus sat back down.
"Our colorful newcomer to his right is Professor Blitz Goetia."
"Thank you Professor Head Giver. I'll take it from here." Blitz said as he stood. "Greetings from Hell Students Of Hogwarts I alog with my colleague Collin here are Considered Heavenly and Hellborn brings. I am an Imp. Professor Collin is a Cherub. He is going way out of his comfort zone to teach you guys because cherubs are typically used as pencil pusher office staff. Seraphim are the ones usually appointed as teachers in Heavens hierarchy. Any of you giving him a hard time will answer to me. Or to my son.
The whole school turned toward Harry who was polishing his flintlock. Then they turned back to Blitz.
"I am teaching an elective class on Non Magical Weapons for years 3 and up. For First and Second Years I am teaching a non elective course on the history of non magical warfare."
"I am Collin." Collin floated up. "I am teaching a non elective course on Heaven and Hell and the creatures found in each Plane of Existence. I will not be teaching what is morally right or what gets a person sent to Heaven or Hell that is something for you all to discover on your own." He fluttered back down on his seat.
"Well said Collin. I look forward to my first Third Year class tomorrow morning. We discuss blunt force Medieval weaponry." He gave an evil smirk and sat back down.
"Ahem. Let the feast begin."
Blitzo looked around the table in amazement. His husband provided lavish feasts for important guests and Overlords but never anything on this scale.
Collin was amazed at the variety of fruits and vegetables in front of him. As a Heavenly being he was forbidden from eating meat. He put a touch of everything on his plate and some decadent looking crossaints.
God I missed Feast Food. Remus thought as he put a large bite of rare steak in his mouth.
Collin watched Remus open his muzzle and saw his sharp teeth and drooling jowls. He had to forcibly turn himself away from staring at Remus' large tongue.
Ohmygoshohmygoshphmygod
Blitzo smirked over at him and made the obscene tongue between two fingers gesture and index between opposite thumb and forefinger. He typed on his phone.
Proud Papa Imp: You like Remus don't ya? Want that Hellhound eggplant emoji?
Sheep Boy: I don't know what your talking about we're at dinner Stop Sign Emoji!
Remus looked back and forth to his two new friends and colleagues in confusion.
"That's your dad?" Daphne asked after Blitzo sat.
"Yessiree I am the son of Blitzo." Harry said proudly. "And I am very proud to be his son."
"I totally get it now." Blaise said as he picked up a chicken thigh. "It makes so much more sense now."
"What?"
"Why your totally insane." Pansy said cutting a pork chop.
"I was raised in Hell and my bio grandpa turned out to be a mad scientist decades ahead of his time Muggle science wise and your surprised by that?"
"I concede, fair point." Blaise agreed.
"I met my grandpa Charlus Harry told his friends excitedly.
"Your grandad is in Hell? Why?"
"Mad scientist before he married Grandma Dorea he did some...one could say unethical experiments on werewolf children. Looking for a cure of course but sadly the children died during the experiments so he was forced to call them off. My dad was a miracle baby of sorts they had him when grandma was almost 60."
"How did-"
"Mad scientist Daphne."
"Right."
"Here I gotta picture!"
Harry showed his friends a picture of himself with Sir Pentious holding his Rocket Launcher reading My Dick. Harry has his own mini bazooka also reading My Dick out.
"My Dick?" Draco asked with a smirk.
"Like grandpa like grandson I guess. I didn't even know him when I ordered my bazooka." Harry said with a shrug. "Those are his Egg Boys. Harry explained the egg creatures. "He created those about 2 years after he died. Their primarily assistants or cannon fodder. They also helped me with my potions assignments."
"Your family is weird." Astoria, Daphne's younger sister said.
"Your weird." Harry shot back.
Daphne socked him behind his head.
After the feast ended. Marcus Flint lead the new first years down to the Slytherin Dorms first. The older students made their way down to the dungeons.
"Asphodel." Harry said to the serpentine disk that unwraveled itself to show a door. They saw the first years enjoying armchairs in front of the fire or playing exploding snap.
Bidding his friends goodnight Harry turned in eager to get the new year started. Nothing was going to ruin this year.
How very wrong he was.
To Be Continued...