To: Nick Fury ( 50 )
From: Natasha Romanoff ( )
Director Fury,
Katya was not in her room. The other's said they saw her go into her room, and nothing after that. I am afraid she might have escaped, though this is highly unlikely, since she doesn't have the access to any exits. Jarvis is programmed to not allow her to leave the premises. In her absence I thoroughly investigated her desk drawer, there was nothing to be suspicious of. She began to write her thoughts down in a notebook, an act I believe to be entirely motivated by stress and self expression than anything having to do with contacting enemy organizations, or trying to escape. I am now going to see if I can find her. I contacted the on site psychiatrist to meet with her later to help with her nightmares, and to cope with all of the horrors she has experienced.
Agent Romanoff.
As soon as Katya exited the elevator Natasha stood there, her arms crossed, and an unreadable expression on her face. Natasha simply pushed her back into the elevator and pressed the button for floor number 7.
"Where were you?" She asked without looking at her. Katya saw no harm in telling the truth.
" I felt bad about telling the others your real name, so I went for a run to clear my head."
"Where?" Natasha was slightly confused, surely she couldn't have run outside.
"I asked the computer voice to take me down to the lowest floor. I ran up the steps I found until I got tired." Natasha nodded without looking at her.
"What's on floor number 7?" Katya asked, a hint of fear in her mainly emotionless tone.
"Someone who wants to talk to you." Natasha heard Katya give a noise in understanding, then felt her shift backward, so that her back was pressed against the far wall. They arrived in what appeared to be a waiting room, Natasha handcuffed the girl to a chair, while she talked to a lady at the front desk. Katya read the sign above the elevator it said, Floor 7: Psychiatric Evaluation. Something about the name made Katya feel nervous. Natasha came back and handed a clipboard and pen to Katya. She sat in the chair next to her, and carefully watched her fill out the forms.
"Um, Natasha?"
"Yes."
"What should I put down for my birthday? I don't know the real day." Natasha felt a deep pang of sympathy for the girl, a few years ago she had asked Clint the same thing.
"Just put the year." She responded quietly. Katya shakily filled out the rest of the paperwork, then turned to Nat.
"I'm done." Natasha quickly flipped through it to make sure she didn't miss anything, then handed it to Rose at the front desk. She was a plump, friendly, older woman that had worked at SHIELD for years.
"You sure you got the right one over there sweetheart? She doesn't look much like a criminal." Rose lightly gestured her head towards Katya, while she double checked the forms. Normally Nat despised when people used pet names for her, but it sounded so kind and soothing coming from the older woman.
"Yes, I'm sure."
"Okay then, Dr. Sugerman will be ready to see her in just a few minutes."
"Thank you."
Katya nervously tapped her toe on the floor, anxious for what was to come. Suddenly, she felt her palm being squeezed reassuringly. Natasha was quietly holding her hand. Katya looked at her and Natasha just gave her a small smile, like the protective older sister that she had become. Katya was surprised by how warm and gentle Natasha's hand was. She had always thought her temperature matched the glare she could give people. Katya looked at the man sitting in the seat across from her, he was fidgeting around and glaring at everything with a crazed look in his eyes. A woman a few chairs over had her legs crossed in a very poised manner, while her fingers tapped together in what Katya could only assume to be contemplation of her dark and twisted thoughts. The woman sensed Katya looking at her and winked, giving Katya a new definition of uneasiness.
"Smirnova." A young woman called from the door, Katya perked up at her name. Natasha handcuffed Katya's hands in front of her this time, and then they followed the woman down a hallway. They stopped at a door that had an engraved plate that said Sugerman on it. A handmade sign was taped beneath it, it said.
"We've all got both light and dark inside of us. What matters is the part we choose to act on. That's who we really are."
- Sirius Black
The room was rather cozy, it had a plush couch, a window that showed the surrounding city, a fluffy rug, and all the walls had framed inspirational quotes from various people.
"Please, sit." The woman offered, Katya sat down, and Natasha attached her handcuff to the metal bar that was attached to the frame of the couch.
"I'll be back as soon as you're done." Katya nodded as Natasha closed the door behind her, she didn't want her to leave, she liked Natasha, she made her feel safe. She sat in silence while the doctor looked through her forms, eventually, she stopped and set them on the floor beside the chair she sat in.
"Sounds like you've been through a lot." The doctor said as she smiled at Katya.
"So, do you have a nickname you prefer or just Katya?" Katya didn't respond, she just looked at the floor.
"Okay, I'm Caroline Sugerman, you can call me Dr. Sugerman, Miss Sugerman, Caroline, whatever you want. Now, I'm going to conduct a series of tests. Now, I know that sounds scary, but I just want to do my best to help you. If you feel uncomfortable by any of my questions you can just say pass, and we can move on." Katya nodded.
"Describe a time when you felt the most afraid."
I… I uh. There was this one time when I was waiting for my friend to come back from town. She didn't show up with the rest of her group. The headmistress was freaking out, ordering guards around, shouting. The guards returned hours later, my friend was so cold her skin was light blue. She kicked and screamed at the guards, she tried to run away. Needless to say, she failed. She was brought into the Headmistress's office, a gun went off, and I never saw her again. Was what she wanted to say, but she just stayed completely silent, too afraid to say anything.
Caroline tried to get her to speak, but with no avail and continued to conduct other tests as best as she could. She took inkblot tests, memory tests, tested how she could recognize and perceive emotions, and many others. Katya mostly communicated through pointing or hand gestures. Caroline opened a cabinet and took out what looked like a pair of night vision goggles, and a syringe.
"Now, Katya, what I'm going to ask you to do next, well, it isn't pleasant. It's not physically painful or anything, but if you let me, I would like to see some of your memories. This is a serum that I developed. It interacts with the hippocampus in your brain, specifically the malus temporibus, which stores bad or painful memories. These goggles work with the serum and will allow me to view them. This does mean you will have to relive some of your memories, but it is the best idea I have to help you." Katya just stared at the floor in shock. Her thoughts were moving a million miles a second, and her head began to ache. Dr. Sugerman knew the girl would be hesitant, but how can she know how to help when she can't know what happened. As far as Dr. Sugerman was concerned the girl's upbringing seemed like a minefield, and she needed to see it for herself in order to not set anything off.
"Please Katya, I know it's hard but I need you to try."
Katya let out a sniffle, but slowly nodded. Dr. Sugerman readied the syringe and wiped her arm with an alcohol swab, when Katya signaled her to stop. She reached out her hand, Doctor Sugerman was confused, then she understood.
"You would like to do it yourself?" Katya nodded. Dr. Sugerman hesitated at first; she had never had a patient want to put the needle in by themselves, but if it made the young girl more comfortable she supposed it was worth trying.
She closed her eyes, and shoved the syringe into her arm, the cold serem seeped into her muscles in an unpleasant way. She laid down on the couch, and put on the goggles, which Caroline plugged into her computer in order to view.
"You ready?"
Katya let out a low hum in assent, then was plunged into darkness.
Katya woke up to a dull, morning light streaming into her room. Her arm was limply hanging above her head, attached to the headboard of her bed. A woman entered and silently unlocked the handcuff, and left again. Katya got out of bed, got dressed, and headed downstairs. A toddler no older than maybe four or five was crying in the hallway clutching at her bleeding wrist. A much older girl was kneeling beside her, wiping off the blood and trying to get her to stop crying. She held the small girl's hand while they walked down to the dining hall; Katya followed behind them. You could hear a pin drop in the room, the girls spoke softly. The loudest they got were muffled murmurs. The silence was suddenly broken. A girl of about eight or nine, held her hands around her throat, and gasped loudly. She broke out in hives, her lips turned purple, and a white foam formed around her mouth. Just like that, she collapsed onto the floor, and she was gone. Without any emotion at all, a guard slung the limp girl's body over his shoulder, and walked off.
"Attention ladies! She did not pay attention to what she was eating now she paid the price for her ignorance. See this as a warning, to all who are not on high alert 24/7." Madame B. called from the doorway, then she left, her heels echoing down the hall as she slunk off. The girls just stared at one another in shock, some slowly began to eat again, others simply threw their plates away.
The next thing she knew she was a toddler sitting on the floor, she clutched a small doll to her chest. A woman passed out a knife to each of the girls. They all looked at the sharp and shiny objects with curiosity.
"Stab it." The woman commanded, all the girls hesitated, confused by her words. The woman grabbed the doll of a nearby girl, and showed them by shoving the knife directly into the stuffed bear's chest. Stuffing floated down on the floor like a light snowfall. The girl wailed, several others began to cry. The woman rolled her eyes.
"Ugh! It is time to grow up, no longer can you cry and play with dolls! Now, do as I say!" Slowly, each girl drew the knife against their toy. It hurt, some girls even winced, the betrayal burned deep in their soul. They knew this was wrong, somehow, but they were too afraid to protest…
"Tell me everything you know!" A man screamed at her, while she sat tied to a chair, an unreadable expression on her face. She stayed silent and just stared at her trainer.
I hate Thursdays, I wanted something easy and painless, like surveillance, or morse code, but no! I had to get Learning To Endure Excruciating Interrogation Methods which is a fancy way of saying we yell questions at you and torture you until you pass out.
"I said, tell me everything you know!" The man shouted, then slapped her already red face. Then, he placed a large box onto the table.
"Well, if you don't want to tell me I have a box of toys to make you. Last chance." She shook her head.
"Okie dokie." He pulled out a variety of instruments, hammers, knives, lighters, vials and syringes with mysterious liquids inside.
"Let's get started." He smiled in a sadistic way.
"Eenie, meenie, miney, moe, catch a tiger by the toe…" He pointed his finger at each tool, before he finally settled on a rather small set of knives.
"Tell me what you know!" The girl still shook her head, he threw one of the knives, it narrowly missed her and hit the door behind her. He slashed one of her arms with another before throwing it aside. Another was painfully stabbed into her thigh. It happened so quickly, it was like being struck by lightning. Her pants were now dripping in dark red blood, and her leg stung so badly. She clenched her back teeth to keep from crying out, she couldn't waste energy by screaming, she had to prove how long she could last. He held another knife up to her throat, it dug in a little, and it too began to bleed. She couldn't breathe, everytime she did, the knife would just dig deeper into her useless natural armor, called skin. She started to blackout, then the blade was removed, and slowly she took breaths of air. Each inhale stung so intensely, it was like breathing fire. Suddenly, the feeling in her thigh wound began to change, what was once a dull throb became more like an intense burning sensation. It was like a venomous snake was biting her. She glanced downward; a syringe with a green liquid inside was being directly injected into her wound. She felt nauseous and cold, chills rattled through her body and shadows began to creep around her. This was a new kind of touture, a physcological torture. The shadows attacked her, forming shapes and hurting her in ways that were indescribable. She closed her eyes tightly but still, the strange new enemies broke through her last line of defense. A sharp ringing started in her ears, she heard what sounded like someone screaming far away, her skin felt like it was being pinched over and over again by thousands of crabs. She tried to take deep breaths to calm down, but spiders began to spill out of her mouth, she threw up as they triggered her gag reflexes.
The next thing she knew she was on the floor. There were no shadows, no crabs, no spiders, but there was blood, so much blood. She was covered in it, the floor was practically stained in the deep red color, and the room had a strong aroma of rusted metal. This was the all too familiar smell of blood, mixed with a hint of throw up nearby. The interrogation room was too bright and she threw up again, her eyes instinctively closed. This time it was just bile, it burned the back of her throat, and the already bleeding incision on her throat now had an orange puss seeping from the wound as well. Her interrogator rolled her over on her back. He pushed her hair out of her face and felt the carotid artery on the side of her neck. He looked thoughtful for a little while then smiled down at her.
"I think I've got one more trick up my sleeve, just for you." Katya closed her eyes again, whatever it would be, she didn't want to know what it was. Then, she felt it. The burning. It came slowly at first, then it grew more and more intense. She was literally on fire, it started first with the pieces of the wooden chair she was tied to. Then, it spread to her sleeve, she watched as it ravenously devoured the fabric, then her skin as the exposed tissue went from tan, to pink, to an angry, inflamed red. Finally, the man decided she had enough, and smothered the flames with a towel until it was extinguished.
"All right kid, ya did good. You can go now... Kid?" She didn't respond, silent tears streamed out of her closed eyes and down her face. He shook her gently, still, she gave no response. Though, her eyes began to open just slightly. Her vision wasn't blurred but it was definitely distorted, her trainer's face seemed to ripple like a pond in a rainstorm. She saw his lips move and could register that he was grabbing her, but she could barely hear him above the ringing in her ears, she could barely feel when he touched her.
"Ugh! Shit! Not another one!" He lazily pulled out his walkie talkie after setting her back down on the floor..
"I have a Year 8, unresponsive after an 11 hour LEEIM session."
"Copy that, medical is on their way." Shortly after that a medic arrived along with Madame B. The medic knelt down beside the girl, they pulled the pieces of charred wood off of her and revealed her bleeding, bruised, and burnt body.
"Is she dead?" Madame B. asked the medic, while she disgustedly kicked a piece of burnt wood aside.
"No mam. Her heart is still beating, her breathing is shallow, but if we bring her to the medical bay, she might be able to make it." She simply nodded, then turned to Katya's trainer.
"Did she break?"
"No, never said a word the whole time she was here, she cried, and screamed, but mostly unconsciously while under the influence of serum number 098." Madam B. kneeled down beside the medic and looked over the girl, her eyes were glazed over, but her chest still rose and fell slowly.
She seems fit enough, she didn't break during interrogation. I've never had a problem with her so far. She shows promise. Madame B thought.
"Okay, bring her to the hospital, she passed, this time."
"Okay Katya, this is your target. This is your first assignment, a time to prove yourself, are you ready."
"I don't want to."
"I know honey, we already discussed this either you complete the mission, or…" Madame B. Held a gun up to the girl's head.
"Fine. I'll do it." Katya whimpered. Then, Tarzan started to play, every few frames a picture of her target would appear. Katya screamed, and squirmed in the chair, the Red Room's brainwashing process was simple, but painful. The deep, primal grunts of Tarzan combined with sudden changes in color on the screen, along with the pictures would cause the brain to hyperfocus and go into a sort of trance-like state. Suddenly, the room was quiet. Katya stood as still as a statue, her back straight, her face completely blank. Slowly, Madame B removed her restraints, and led her over to another chair on the other side of the room. The room stayed eerily quiet, save for the sound of hair brushes, footsteps, and zippers. Katya was disguised essentially as herself, a ten year old school girl in simple jeans and a sweatshirt.
"Katya, do you remember your mission?"
"Yes, Madame."
"Goodgirl. Now go." With that she ran out of their safehouse, into a city just two hours away from the Red Room. She walked down the street, inconspicuously, hunting for her target. Her two braids bounced up and down, slapping against her back each time she took a particularly peppy step. She followed him until he was alone on a street, then she ran, shouting out in Russian all the way.
"Excuse me! Excuse me, sir! " She shook the sleeve of his jacket, tears welling in her eyes.
"Please, you have to help me, my grandpa, he, he fell down! And he won't get up! I don't know what to do!"
"Okay kid, calm down where is he?"
"He's this way, but hurry!" She snaked through the narrow streets, until she finally reached an alley. The man looked around for her grandfather, but he was nowhere to be found.
"Are you sure this is the right place?"
"I don't know! I thought it was!" She covered her face in her hands as she sobbed.
"Hey, hey, it's okay we will find him I promise." She stuffed her hands deep into her pockets and pushed rocks around with her pink tennis shoes.
"You really think so?"
"Yeah, I do." With that, she grabbed a rock from her pocket and smashed it hard against his temple. A faint trickle of blood rolled down his face, and spread on the grimy concrete beneath him. His skull was broken, he was dead. Katya climbed up the side of the wall like a spider, and jumped from roof to roof until she reached the safehouse.
"Were you successful?"
"Yes Madame."
"Good." Katya writhed as Madame B electrocuted her with a stun gun right to the chest. She fell to the floor, while Madame B. turned to the other members of her party.
"Go see if she was successful, then we will decide what to do with this one." The last thing Katya saw was Madame B's sanguinary face staring down at her, and the expression of the poor man she had just been forced to murder. Katya was starting to regain control of her own brain again in those last moments of consciousness, just enough to feel sad at the loss of life, and violated at her loss of will and control over her own actions.
"Are you ready Katya?" Madame B asked, in her usual half demand, half questioning tone. Katya lay down on a stretcher, her fists clenched tightly. She nodded, in truth she was not ready, she was far from ready, she didn't want to do this, but she was being forced to.
"The graduation ceremony is necessary, though you are not ready to graduate just yet, it will do you good to have it done now." That was what Madame B had said to her just 3 days ago. She took gasps of air as she was rolled down the hallway, and through the doors. There was a rumor in the Red Room that most of those who went in, never came out, and those who did were changed forever. She was moved on to a table, the metal was cold and a chill infected her entire body like a virus. Her heartbeat on the monitor was beating rapidly. The doctor placed a mask over her nose and mouth. She stared at it while she breathed in and out, the mask fogged up, the room appeared to be very blue, almost as if someone had put a filter on reality. Everything went dark for a while after that, except for a few moments of intense pain and people in medical masks talking urgently. These lasted until she was awoken by the Headmistress's impatient tone. Katya kept her eyes closed while the conversation became clearer.
"Why isn't she awake yet! You said she should be awake by now!" Madame B snapped.
"Yes, but it entirely depends on the patient, some will take longer than others. We did have to give her a lot of anesthetic, because she kept waking up unexpectedly during surgery."
"Probably a habit, she has done that since she was a newborn. The people at the orphanage said she would wake up in the middle of the night, wouldn't cry or anything, would just sort of look around, take in her surroundings. That's part of the reason I chose her, I found this behavior to be highly practical and fascinating. She was top of her class while they practiced sleep deprivation and ambush attacks during the night."
If I show that I am awake now, she'll just put me to work again, but I'm so tired and my stomach hurts. Katya thought to herself as she laid on her side. She could feel her sutures in her stomach as they uncomfortably rubbed against her hospital gown.
"Is she waking up?"
"Possibly, she is still asleep though, and I think it would be best, if we let her rest."
"Fine, I suppose I could stay for a bit longer." Even though Katya's eyes were tightly shut she could feel Madame's eyes boring into her. She fought the urge to move away as she felt Madame's cold and calloused fingertips graze across her cheek.
Then, Katya was laying in the sand, a gentle breeze tousled her hair, and the ocean rhythmically lapped at the shore. She sat up and combed her fingers through her hair, removing the sand that was stuck there. The sun was shining, it was a pleasant day, though she was all alone on the beach.
"Katya? Katya, can you hear me?" A strange, but familiar voice sounded in her head. Still, she looked around trying to find the source of the voice.
"It's okay. I am Dr. Sugerman, remember? The environment you are in right now, it isn't real, it was generated by a computer. I just wanted to look at your memories, you are safe now. None of what you just experienced was actually happening, it was just a sort of recording stored deep inside your brain. Now remember those goggles you put on earlier. I am going to take them off you now, do not panic." Slowly the goggles came off, and she faced away from Caroline, too petrified to move.
"Katya, I promise no one is going to hurt you like that ever again. I'm so sorry you had to relive that, but I promise you, you are safe here. Now, I'm going to have Agent Romanoff come in and take you back up to the compound, and I will see you again in a few weeks."
"Can I just sit here for a minute?"
"Of course take all the time you need." Katya closed her eyes and clutched at the seam of the couch, trying to recenter herself. She imagined her mother, she had never met her, but always fantasized what her life would've been like if she did. She could see her now smiling brightly, with a baby in her arms. They would laugh when she cooed. Her father would sit beside her mother, his eyes swelled with pride and wonder at his small kin. This memory, figment of imagination, whatever it was, it was the only time she ever truly felt happy. She continued to rest on the couch, and dwell in the tranquil moment, until Natasha came to collect her.
As soon as she got back to her room, she flopped onto the bed, too exhausted to move any further. All she wanted to do was sleep, yet every time she closed her eyes, she was haunted by the distinct smell of blood, and Madame B's cold eyes staring down at her. It was now 12:47 in the morning, and she knew sleep would never come. She slunk down the hallway, and sat in a large windowsill. She shivered as she pressed against the cold window. She pulled down her sweatshirt sleeves; the contrast between the soft cotton against the frigid glass was pleasantly distracting.