The next day Katya, Natasha, and Clint were on a plane to Missouri, as far as Natasha was concerned this was the closest thing she had to a home, and hoped Katya would learn to feel the same way. They drove in Clint's big truck to a beautiful farmhouse on the outskirts of a small town. Katya loved it, it reminded her of the small town near the Red Room, but it was so much more open and welcoming. The sun reflected off the wheat fields turning everything into a light gold color. The farmhouse was large and quaint with flowers in the windowsills and a clean paint job. A young woman with mousy brown hair and light freckles rushed through the door and greeted Clint with a hug and a kiss. Natasha went in for a hug while Katya sort of waited with her bag awkwardly to the side.
"It's so good to see you again, Laura."
"You too. How've you been Nat?"
"Good. This is Katya, my sister." Natasha pushed Katya towards Laura, despite her silent protests and tense body language.
"It's nice to meet you Katya." Laura smiled and put her hand out, so Katya did the same and shook it.
"Come on, let's get inside, it's gonna start raining soon. And Coop's gonna be happy to see his Auntie Nat." They all settled in the living room, while a young boy about four or so with dark hair bounded down the stairs. He immediately jumped into Natasha's arms and yelped with glee.
"Auntie Nat! You didn't tell me you were coming!"
"It was a surprise!"
"Who dat?" Cooper said, pointing at Katya. Katya smiled at the young kid's goofball nature.
"That's my sister Katya." Natasha explained.
"She doesn't have red hair like you." Cooper pointed out, gently grabbing a chunk of her hair with his small fingers.
"Lila and I both have brown hair, how come her's is different?"
"Siblings can have different colored hair, like your friend Jack and his sister Sadie." Laura explained.
"Yeah, and you and Lila have the same Mommy and Daddy, Katya and I don't, but we grew up together."
"So you're not really sisters?"
"Well, no, not exactly."
"Coop, families come in lots of shapes and sizes, and they all look different, but they all love one another."
"Okay." There was an awkward silence for a few moments which was quickly broken by Laura.
"I made dinner." They all settled at the dinner table, with Lila in her high chair, making a mess of her peas.
"I don't like my peas." Cooper complained.
"Then eat your carrots." Laura replied. Everyone, including herself, was surprised to hear Katya speak up. She spoke quietly, but not shyly, just in a way that whatever she was saying was like a secret.
"You know, your dad ate lots of carrots when he was your age, and now he's a superhero." His eyes widened in awe.
"That's why they call him Hawkeye. He ate so many carrots when he was little, now he has eyes like a hawk." The whole table erupted in laughter, even Lila spit out her food and made a small giggle as babies do. After a few hours of light chatting, most of which consisted of just Nat, Clint, and Laura, they decided it was time for bed. Laura showed her to the guest room which was just by Natasha's room on the second floor.
"Okay, bathroom is down the hall and to your right, the bed is already made, and you just call me if you need anything all right."
"Okay, thank you for letting me stay here Mrs. Barton."
"Oh, it's my pleasure, Nat stays here all the time. It's practically her home. And you can just call me Laura."
"Okay."
"Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
That night, Laura and Clint were laying in bed too tired to move, but too excited to sleep.
"So, what's Katya's story?"
"She is, well was raised and trained in the same organization as Natasha. She was sent to attack or capture us for some reason. She didn't really know she was doing it of course. She told us that they were sort of brainwashed, put in a trance. She's pretty quiet, the poor girl is only fifteen and has PTSD."
"So, just like Nat?"
"No, not exactly, yes I guess, but also no. Nat finished her training so she was a lot more sure of herself, confident, harder to get on our side. Katya was in the middle of her training and just happened to be one of the headmistress's favorite students to beat up. Fury gave us a brief debrief of some of her memories that were recorded during a therapy session. It was absolutely awful the things she went through. She took a whole class where they just see how long you can be tortured. Natasha says she doesn't sleep well."
"I can understand why, I wouldn't either. What does Nat say?"
"She thinks she's a walking ball of stress and anxiety. Poor kid barely eats, barely sleeps, barely talks, and she thinks she's a bad person."
"I feel so bad for her. Is there anything I can do to help?"
"You just being you helps, she never had a home, a mom, home cooked meals, she needs us the way Nat did to learn how to relax, show emotions, and just be a kid. She needs stability, a calm, peaceful environment, and people who love and care about her."
"I'll try my best. So I take it she won't be an Avenger?"
"No, Nat talked to her about it, said she basically started falling apart, and that she wanted to be normal."
"Maybe being at the farm will help, you know, being around little kids and adults who aren't superheroes."
"Yeah, I hope so."
Katya knew it would take her forever to fall asleep, so she decided to unpack first. She put away her clothes from the suitcase Nat had let her borrow. She folded them and put them in the dresser. She pulled on her SHIELD sweatshirt Natasha had given her and crawled underneath the covers. The bed smelt nice like Lavender and fresh air. She put the picture of her mother on her nightstand and just stared at her face, trying to perfectly etch it into her memory. She had her Mom's eyes and hair, and a similar face. Her nose was different though, she guessed it must've come from her father. Hours passed and still sleep never came. She felt herself going into that weird familiar state where the whole world seems to change at night. She kept dramatically flipping sides on the bed. She took long deep breaths trying to remind herself where she was. It was an uncomfortable, though familiar experience for her. Everything around her was so quiet, but her thoughts seemed so loud. It was almost as if they were debating and yelling at each other. Her fit of anxiety was only escalating, her whole body was shaking, and her limbs were twitching uncontrollably. She walked into Natasha's room wanting to wake her up and ask for help, but she decided that she needed the sleep. She soon found herself rushing towards the bathroom. She sat on the cold tile floor next to the toilet, and swallowed rapidly, afraid that she couldn't breathe. A few moments later the door creaked open. Natasha came in, yawning, surprised to find Katya there, but she immediately rushed over and asked if everything was alright. On command she leaned over and retched into the toilet. The memory of her interrogation lesson came back to her and the smell of blood filled her nose again, and she threw up once more. Natasha held her hair back and rubbed her back. Katya was pale and her eyes were sunken in from exhaustion. Nat handed her a cup of water and some of her color returned. Katya was so confused her head pounded harder, her thoughts were louder than ever, her stomach hurt, and her mouth tasted bad, but she wasn't sick. There was no way she could've gotten sick so suddenly.
"Come on, let's get you into bed." Natasha said as she helped the girl down the hall and back into her room. She tucked the girl into the bed and got in next to her. They just laid in silence for a little while, the only noises were that of Katya's heavy breathing and the occasional rustling of sheets. They sat there for hours, eventually Katya calmed down enough to be left alone and Natasha decided to go back to bed.
"Katya, I'm going to go back to bed now, but I'm just down the hall so come get me if you need to."
"Okay." Katya whispered. Once she left the panic set in again. With every breath her body would curl in on itself then would violently release with her exhaling and looking up at the ceiling. In the midst of all of her loud, intrusive thoughts she wondered when it would end. She seemed to blink and two hours had gone by. She had been trained to endure sleep deprivation but never whilst having a panic attack. When the sun rose she finally felt a wave of calm wash over her that came with the morning sunrise. She only got out of bed when she heard the light pitter patter of Cooper's footsteps going down the stairs. The adults were all sitting around and drinking coffee while Lila and Cooper played on the floor. They were laughing and talking animatedly so Katya went down the stairs to join them.
"There she is!" Clint said excitedly.
"How was your night?" Natasha asked with just a slight edge to her tone while referring to her panic attack, Katya noticed that she purposely didn't use the word sleep. Clint looked at them with a puzzled expression on his face, then decided to move on.
"Did you sleep well? Was everything comfortable enough for you?" Laura asked.
"Oh, yes, thank you everything was perfect."
"Good." Before she knew what hit her Cooper was dragging her onto the floor to play.
"Come on Kate, let's play with cars." He said eagerly as he dragged his hot wheels and track over. Katya's face was priceless; she had no idea how to play. Her eyes were as wide as a deer's crossing a busy road when she looked at Natasha with uncertainty in her eyes. Then with an encouraging nod from Natasha she proceeded to copy Cooper and push the cars down the small track, until breakfast was ready. She found the whole experience to be surprisingly therapeutic.
"Thank you for breakfast, this is delicious."
"Oh you're so welcome. You probably never get home cooked meals over at that dark tower."
"Sometimes we'll cook." Clint said in a playfully defensive way.
"You mean sometimes I'll cook. You boys would eat pizza every day if I wasn't there." Natasha teased.
"Speaking of cooking, I've gotta go to the store today. Does anyone want to come with?" Laura asked.
"Me and Clint have to spend most of the day filling out paperwork from the mission, but I'm sure Katya would love to go." Katya gave Natasha a slight look that only she saw, Natasha simply returned it, wanting her to experience the world.
"Yeah, sure, I'll go."
"Okay great. We'll leave in about an hour." The next thing she knew, she was sitting in the backseat of the Barton's minivan on the way to a Sam's Club. She sat on her hands and stared out the window. Laura did her best to try and break the ice between them, but Katya was the quietest person in the world.
"Are there any snacks or drinks you like that we could get while you stay here?"
"No thank you, I wouldn't want you to go through all that trouble just for me."
"It's no trouble at all, I'm glad you decided to come stay with us."
Laura pushed the cart gently down the isles while Katya awkwardly walked behind her.
"Alright, we will start off with diapers and formula for Lila, then pantry stuff, fridge stuff, and frozen stuff." The isles were so massive compared to the small markets in Russia. Laura pulled down a box of diapers and two boxes of formula and put them on the bottom of the cart. Then they headed to the pantry isles.
"Katya, will you go grab a loaf of whole wheat bread, some Cherrios, potato chips, and pretzels, while I go grab some cold cuts?"
"Sure." As Katya began scanning up and down the isles she felt like she was on a mission, but instead of hunting down a person she was looking for cereal in bulk. She collected all the items in a single trip, and deposited them neatly in the cart. She then followed the signs to where the deli was and found Laura. She was animatedly conversing with another woman near the cheese.
"And then there was this whole problem with Micheal's mom because typical Sarah forgot to bring the orange slices again. And I'm almost positive Micheal gave Thomas lice…" The woman's gossiping was cut short when Katya arrived with the cart.
"Oh thank you Katie." Laura said while she put her meat into the cart.
"Who's this?" The woman asked nicely.
"Meredith, this is my niece Katie."
"Nice to meet you."
"Hi." Katya said bluntly, wary of this stranger but wanting to be polite.
"She is staying for a few weeks. She's Clint's sister's kid."
"I didn't even know she was married. When she came for Cooper's birthday she was alone."
"She got married and had a kid really young, but divorced him later."
"Oh, what a shame, well I'll let you guys get back to your shopping. See you Laura."
"See you." She turned back to Katya and smiled while they continued to fill the cart. They arrived in the fruit section and began to look around.
"Okay we need bananas, avocados, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and apples. I always examine each container of fruit before I put it in my cart. You see how these apples are bruised and these strawberries are not quite ready to be eaten." Katya nodded.
"These don't taste as good so always make sure to check your produce. Ok well I think we are all done here, let's go to the ice cream aisle." Laura had a thoughtful look on her face while she put two large tubs of vanilla ice cream into the cart.
"Is everything alright Mrs. Barton?" Katya asked quietly from her side.
"Oh yes, sorry I didn't mean to worry you, I forget how good you spies are at reading people. Though, I would like to ask you something while it's just you and me." Katya tensed up, but was reassured when she saw Laura's expression.
"Oh no, I'm sorry I gave you that impression, it's nothing serious. I was just wondering if you needed any feminine care products while you stay with us. I just want you to be comfortable and healthy." Katya's face was entirely expressionless while she took in what Laura was saying, not exactly eager nor comfortable to reply. Laura mistook her silence for confusion.
"What I'm trying to ask is do you need anything for your period?" Laura asked in a hushed tone.
"That won't be necessary, but thank you." The rest of the trip Katya shut down. The simple and kind question reminded her too much of her sterilization and other painful operations. As soon as they arrived home Katya helped to put the groceries away then retreated up into her room for the next couple of hours to be alone.
"Where's Kate? I wanna play." Cooper asked.
"She's in her room, she's never really gone to a store before it might've been tiring for her Coop. But your mom, aunt and I can play with you." Clint offered, Cooper only responded by pouting.
"You ask too many questions when we play!" Cooper complained.
"Maybe you could color her a picture?" Laura suggested.
"Okay!" Coop excitedly started scribbling onto his page with comically intense focus. When he finished he insisted on delivering it to her. While Cooper padded up the stairs. As soon as he was out of earshot Natasha turned to Laura.
"How was she?"
"Oh she was fine she was uncomfortable at first I could tell, but then she started to get the hang of it. She even met my friend Meredith who I ran into…"
"Did she ask about Katya?"
"Yeah, I told her she was your daughter and my niece. I hope that that was okay?"
"Yes, that's fine. Are you not telling me something Laura?"
"Clint, will you go check on Cooper? I need to tell Nat something personal, you know, girl talk."
"Yeah sure." Clint rose and quickly bounded up the stairs.
"Well everything was going so well but then I asked her if she needed anything in case she got her period. She told me it wasn't necessary, then got really tense and quiet the rest of the time. I feel so bad. Did I do something wrong?"
"No, you were just being considerate. You see it's just that Katya and even myself those types of topics bring up a lot of… painful memories." Laura immediately gasped.
"I'm so sorry Tash, I had no idea!"
"It's okay, you didn't know." Their conversation abruptly ended when Clint and Cooper came down the stairs.
"Her door was locked so I slid it under." Cooper declared proudly. Clint sat next to his wife and wrapped his arm around her while Coop played with his toy cars.
"Hey everything alright?"
"Yeah, just a misunderstanding."
"Okay."
Katya was laying on her bed staring off into space. Her face was emotionless, though clearly unhappy. Suddenly she heard a sliding noise and jumped out of bed silently, like a cat. A piece of paper was waiting for her just by the door. She couldn't help but smile at the paper. It was of six little people all together smiling. Cooper's drawing was so cute and filled with such innocence, that Katya had never experienced herself. She was happy that Coop had accepted her and thought of her as a part of the family. She decided to draw a picture for him too. She sat by the door and made careful strokes on another piece of paper. Their faces were not as friendly as they were in real life but it was a good enough representation as she could manage. Below her drawing all she wrote was "Thank you for accepting me." She carefully slipped it under the door for her little cousin to find.
"I'm gonna go check to see if she got it!" Coop said as he climbed up the stairs.
"Okay, sweetie."
"So Nat, have you seen any guys recently?"
"Yeah actually."
"Really?"
"Yeah, I live with four of them, sometimes even five, so I see a lot of guys." Laura playfully slapped Natasha.
"That's not what I meant and you know it."
"I've told you before I don't want to be with anyone. It's just too difficult for me. Besides, I think I'm exposed to too much testosterone as it is."
"She got it! She got it!" Coop said from his perch on Katya's back. She slowly went down the stairs laughing as she set Cooper back on the floor. Cooper immediately flung himself at Nat and showed her the picture Katya drew.
"Isn't it amazing?!"
"Yes, it's beautiful. Did you draw this Katya?" She nodded with a smile and sat next to Nat.
"You know what this means don't you?" Clint said with a pointed look at Laura.
"I think I do."
"Fridge time! Fridge time!" Everyone began to shout, Nat was accustomed to this right of passage Katya just looked deeply confused. They all excitedly congregated around the fridge and taped it right next to one of Cooper's coloring pages.
"Now you're really part of the family Katya, this is a great honor that not many experience in their life." Clint said.
"Well I'm honored to be a part of this family."
The rest of the night went a lot better. It was clear that Katya was a little more comfortable and her personality started to come out. Dinner was filled with laughter and stories, and Katya even found that she could fall asleep quicker. Her dreams were still filled with pain, death, and blood, but she found she wasn't so afraid. She was suddenly awoken by the sound of shrill shrieking. She went down stairs ready to defend herself, but she quickly realized it wasn't necessary.
"Oh Katya, I'm sorry did I wake you up?" Laura asked.
"No worries, Lila having a rough night?"
"Yeah, I don't know what to do, I feel like I tried everything."
"Did you try bringing her outside?" Clint asked from the kitchen.
"Yes, of course I did Clint."
"It's a miracle Natasha isn't awake, I swear this kid can be heard from space." Clint remarked.
"She probably is up, but just didn't want to come down." Katya replied.
"She can be woken up by a feather falling on the floor."
Lila continued to wail in her mother's arms. Katya sat next to Laura on the couch and looked at Lila curiously while Laura tried to soothe her.
"Can I hold her?" Katya asked. Laura looked hesitant for a fraction of a second then, placed the child into her awaiting arms. She liked the feeling of the warm child pressed against her chest. It reminded her of the few times she actually felt like she had helped someone, instead of hurt them.
"Shhh…" She hushed the child and started saying what sounded like a list or a poem in Russian, it was pretty. It rolled off her tongue very naturally and practiced like she had done this many times before.
"Tsvety, solnyshko, sobaki, ob"yatiya, potselui, lyubov', tishina, kapli dozhdya, snegopad, e vse khorosheye."
She brushed off Lila's tears and did little rhythmic strokes up and down her nose and cheeks. Slowly, her cries got softer and her eyes started to close. Within minutes she was fully asleep.
"Oh my gosh, how did you do that?" Laura asked, astonished.
"Lots of practice. The newborns and the toddlers would cry in the Red Room. Especially after they were beaten or just started to get handcuffed to their beds. Me and some of the other girls would comfort them, we came up with some tricks that helped them fall asleep and stop crying."
"That…that's amazing. I mean obviously not all the stuff about the Red Room, but helping the little kids is so kind of you."
"Yeah. Most of it was pretty bad, but we would come up with ways to have fun, to laugh, make up for all the horrors. Someone sewed a doll at one point of One of the teachers out of old rags, we would throw knives at it. We would play little word or question games. Write secret coded messages that said bad things about the trainers. Dream about what we wish our lives were like." Katya's memories were at first nostalgic and enjoyable, then quickly they reminded her of some more gruesome memories. She smiled lightly at Laura as if to say it's okay, that part of my life is over. Then, went back to looking at Lila's sweet face.
You're lucky, Lila. You have a family that loves you, you'll never have to be raised to be a weapon.
"That poem you were saying to Lila, what does it mean?"
"Oh it's something me and the other girls would say to each other when things were bad. It means flowers, sunshine, dogs, hugs, kisses, love, quiet, raindrops, snowfall, and all the good things."
Laura grabbed Katya's free hand and held it. Katya looked up to see her face was welling with tears. Katya removed her hand from Laura's and carefully wiped her tears away.
"It's okay."
"No, it's not." Laura said firmly.
"How could someone be so cruel, I… what if that was my daughter. They're just children, they can't defend themselves. You poor thing."
"It's over now, that won't happen ever again."
"Oh my gosh this is so backwards, I'm the one who should be comforting you. Not the other way around." Katya just shrugged.
"It's nothing new for me I was raised there, you are only just hearing about it now, it's more shocking to you." Just then, Lila started squirming around and crying again, Katya repeated her poem and rhythmic strokes until the child settled down again. She carefully passed the sleeping child back to her mother.
"There, she should be out for the rest of the night."
"Thank you, honey. You should head back to bed, you look exhausted."
"Okay, goodnight Laura, goodnight Clint."
The rest of the night Katya slept undisturbed, she felt like she fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. Even her usual selection of nightmares was nonexistent.
She spent the next few days playing with the kids, going on hikes, doing farm chores, and just relaxing. Then Thursday, things took a terrible turn.
"It's raining today, and I don't want to cook. So, I declare today a leftovers and movie day." Laura said from the couch, still in her pajamas and sipping a hot cup of coffee.
"What movie are we gonna watch?" Coop asked.
"I don't know, but I think Katya needs to get caught up on her childhood. I'm thinking a Disney movie."
"Ok!"
"Fine with me." Natasha leaned over to whisper in her ear.
"Clint made me do the same thing when he first brought me here."
Katya enjoyed herself, binge watching Disney princess movies was so relaxing.
"I'm so confused, so, this mermaid…"
"Ariel." Laura finished.
"Right, Ariel signed a contract to lose her voice in exchange for getting legs so she can flirt with this guy or whatever. If she needed to communicate with him, why didn't she just like write him a note? I mean she's a Princess she must be educated. And what is the deal with this prince guy? He's like what 30? And she's supposed to be sixteen. That's wildly inappropriate. How does she even know she even likes the guy? She's been watching him. That doesn't mean that he is nice, or that they're compatible."
"I don't know it's a kids movie, the writers don't go that far into detail." Laura said.
"I guess. I'm just saying if Ariel is supposed to be a role model for kids, she shouldn't be signing random contracts from strangers, collecting garbage, she probably has tetanus, and going on dates with a much older gentleman. I like Mulan better, she made much better decisions."
"Can we keep watching?" Coop asked.
"Yes, sorry Cooper I'll stop talking now."
They watched more movies as the day went on, only pausing to get food or go to the bathroom.
"I think that one was my favorite." Katya said shyly.
"Yeah, The Lion King is a classic." Clint said.
"What are you guys feeling next?" Natasha asked. They all turned to one another with no one having an answer, they all settled their eyes on Katya and smiled as if to say. You get to pick. Katya hated making decisions, she already felt like she was being a burden and she didn't want to be bossy by choosing. The rain pattering against the window panes was like the ticking of a clock, putting even more pressure on her small predicament.
"I don't really care, you guys can pick. I'm going to the bathroom." When Katya came out she sat on the couch, welcomed by the now familiar Disney castle and theme. Then, the title appeared. Immediately after the title screen you are staring into the eyes of a baby. Their eyes are wide with fear, and their face reflects the color of flames. The scene looked vaguely familiar and as the flames cackled Katya suddenly felt a faint headache start to tickle the inside of her brain.
Then, she remembered where she knew it from and a deep feeling of dread filled her stomach like a bowling ball in a plastic bag. The baby, it's scared mother clutching it to her chest, fell from the blazing boat, into the water on their much smaller boat. It must've been very enjoyable to the rest of the Barton-Romanoff Family, but to her it was like watching a pocket watch swing through the air. It was right in front of her nose, and yet she is helpless. It lured her into a place, no, a state of a ruthless killer that she never wanted to return to.
Just as her headache was starting to turn into a powerful migraine, she leaped over the couch with the practiced movements of a master assassin. She passed by the kitchen as she felt her brain slowly going back into the hands of the Red Room brainwashing. Only one word rang through her head: kill. The voice was calm and even, in a sadistic way. In between the words, the demands to kill, Katya tried to get away from the Barton's, so that they wouldn't get hurt. Her assassin doppelganger was slowly encroaching on her actions, and she automatically grabbed the closest weapon she could find. It was a large and very sharp steak knife that was left on the counter after last night's dinner. She grabbed it right by the blade, her assassin self having no concern for her own well-being. In that moment she returned to her normal self and winced quietly, then ran out the front door and into the rain.
Inside, Natasha was instantly tense, something was not right. She too flipped herself over the couch, and walked down the hallway. She was horrified by the small drops of blood leading to the door, and the fresh bloody handprint on the handle.
"Clint!" She called. Then, he was by her side.
"Holy shit!" He exclaimed.
"You don't think she… tried to you know…"
"No, Katya wouldn't do that, something is clearly wrong, come on." They immediately rushed out the door. Katya was nowhere in sight.
"Where'd she go?" Clint asked. Without hesitation Natasha turned around, her widow's bites at the ready. Katya was standing there, the knife in her bloody hand, ready to do some damage. Katya's whole body was tense and controlled, but behind her focused eyes there was pain, barely noticeable, but definitely powerful.
"What the hell Katya?!" Clint yelled angrily.
"Clint, I don't think it's her fault." Natasha put a hand on his shoulder and moved so that she was a few good feet away from Katya.
"Katya, sweetie, listen to me, I know this isn't you. Now, I need you to give me that knife." Natasha went to reach out for it, and Katya kicked her in the abdomen and slashed the knife so quickly it almost grazed Natasha, but it missed by a few centimeters. Natasha desperately tried to think of solutions while she fought off her attacker.
When did this start? She just came back from the bathroom. She was fine during the opening credits and the first scene, but during the wishing well songs she left. The fire. Baby losing its parents. Sudden aggressive tendencies. Oh shit.
"Clint! Go inside and turn off the movie, and bring me back my iPod and headphones, quickly." Without question, Clint ran inside and turned off the movie and grabbed Natasha's IPod from her room.
"Clint! What's going on? Where are Katya and Nat?" Laura asked, grabbing his arm just before he was about to turn the handle. Deep concern was clear in her dark brown eyes.
"There was a bit of an incident, no time to explain! But don't turn the TV back on okay?"
"Okay, I better come with you." She said, grabbing a first aid kit from the hall closet and sliding on some shoes.
"What about Lila and Cooper?"
"They're both asleep, they'll be fine five minutes without me."
Outside Katya and Natasha were still fighting.
"Oh my goodness! What's happening?"
"I'm not sure, Nat knows."
"Did you turn off the TV?" She called.
"Yes."
"Awesome." She held out her hands and caught the IPod perfectly as Clint threw it. Natasha turned on an older song and then said…
"Katya, you hear that, no more Tarzan." Katya looked around at Natasha's words and promptly sat down on the floor, her knees curled up and into her chest.
She took a deep breath and released all the tension from her muscles. Though, she still held the knife in such a tight grip that her knuckles were turning white.
"I'm gonna take the knife from you now, okay." Katya nodded as Natasha carefully unraveled Katya's clenched fist and took the knife. Laura came over with the first aid kit, seeing as Katya's palm was still gushing with fresh blood.
"Do you mind if I clean up your wound? I'm a nurse, it won't hurt as badly if you let me take a look." Katya stood up, clutching her bloodied hand close to her person. Laura wrapped a hesitant arm around her shoulders and helped to guide her back into the house.
"Mommy? What's happening?" Coop asked, rubbing his tired eyes with the back of his hand.
"Everything is okay, Katya just had an accident honey, go up to your room and go to sleep. It's way past your bedtime anyway."
"Okay." He said, sneaking a tentative glance at Katya, then went rushing upstairs.
"Here, let me take a look, honey." Laura said, taking Katya's hand in hers. Her bloody fist was tightly clenched trying to hide her injury. She was trembling and her eyes looked at everyone's faces, fear plain on her face.
"It's alright, Laura knows what she's doing." Natasha said quietly in Russian, to help ease Katya. Katya carefully unfurled her hand and Laura started to dry away the blood as it came out.
"How did this happen?" She asked not looking up from cleaning the wound.
"I don't know." Katya said, her voice cracking as tears filled her eyes.
"I… I'm so sorry, the movie, I got a headache the next thing I know I'm grabbing a knife. And it hurts so badly, but I don't do anything. Then, I'm rushing outside, and I'm attacking Natasha, but I didn't want to, I swear. As soon as I saw the boat and the fire, I knew I was about to do something bad so I tried to get out, but it was like I was split into two different people."
"It's okay, we believe you would never do that on your own. Was Tarzan the movie they would use to brainwash you?" Natasha asked.
"Yes… I think so. I didn't hurt anyone… did I?" This was true she had been brainwashed, but she also had some more complicated types of brain control inflicted on her.
"No, no, no, no, everyone is perfectly fine." Laura said. Suddenly Katya was rubbing her forehead with her good hand.
"You alright?"
"Head. Hurts."
"Clint, can you go get some Tylenol from the cabinet? Please."
"Yeah sure."
Just then, Katya started to cry and mumble unintelligible words.
"Katya, what's wrong, does it still hurt?" Laura asked kindly.
"What the hell is wrong with me?" She asked, her voice was clear, but the tears started coming more heavily now.
"I'm so sorry, it's the stupid Red Room that did this to you. It's not your fault."
"Here's the Tylenol, it'll make your headache go away." Clint said as he passed the pills to her.
"Ya boyus." (I'm scared.) Katya said softly in Russian so only Natasha would understand. She was too ashamed and embarrassed to say it in front of Laura and Clint.
"Ya doveryayu Klintu, oni prosto pytayutsya tebe pomoch'. Ya obeshchayu, chto budu s toboy vse vremya."(I trust Clint, they are just trying to help you. And I promise I'll be with you the entire time.) Katya took the pills and swallowed them with a glass of water.
"You'll feel better in a few minutes once the medicine kicks in." Clint said.
"Your hands are all cleaned up now. I wouldn't watch anymore TV, because we won't know how it will affect you, but if you want to read or go to bed I think that would be best." Laura said.
"Vy budete ostavat'sya so mnoy?" (Will you stay with me?) Katya asked Natasha.
"Da, vsyu noch', yesli khochesh."(Yes, all night if you want.) They all nodded to each other, then went their separate ways. Katya didn't go to her room; she just stood in Natasha's room, unsure what to do next except to follow the other spy.
"Here, let's get you changed, you won't want to go to bed with blood all over your shirt." Natasha said, trying to lighten the mood.
They went to her room and Natasha helped her chang into pajamas, though it was just her oversized SHIELD sweatshirt and pajama pants, she felt comfortable. Then, they walked back into Natasha's room where she crawled into bed and began reading a file on her computer. Katya went under the comforter and faced away from Natasha so that she was staring at the wall. She was trembling slightly, still from the shock of the events a few minutes earlier. Her shoulder twitched when Natasha turned her lamp off and she flipped over and went closer to her.
"My razberemsya s etim, i ya obeshchayu, chto budu s vami na kazhdom etape puti. (We'll figure this out, and I promise I'll be with you every step of the way.)" Natasha said. Katya nodded silently, closed her eyes, and tried to relax. But, sleep still did not consume her, it didn't even want to take a bite. The voice still echoed in the back of her head, so she just tried to ignore it. She felt something being carefully placed inside her ear. Her head was filled with soft music. She liked the music, it kept her mind at bay so she could focus on relaxing. She focused on the lyrics hoping that by reading them she would become exhausted.
"6:00am, day after Christmas
I throw some clothes on in the dark
The smell of cold, car seat is freezing
The world is sleeping, I am numb.
Up the stairs to her apartment
She is balled up on the couch
Her mom and dad went down to Charlotte
They're not home to find us out
And we drive
Now that I have found someone
I'm feeling more alone
Than I ever have before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
They call her name at 7:30
I pace around the parking lot
Then I walk down to buy her flowers
And sell some gifts that I got
Can't you see
It's not me you're dying for?
Now she's feeling more alone
Than she ever has before
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly
Off the coast and I'm headed nowhere
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly…
The song was sad, but it was peaceful, it told a story, it was like having someone read before you go to bed. Katya thought to herself, then drifted off to sleep. Her dreams were just as graphic as she thought they would be, but in the background she could still hear the soft music and it reminded her that she was in a bed, not on a roof about to assassinate a senator.
Katya got up early the next morning, Natasha was still asleep beside her, the house was quiet except for the whistling of the wind through the nearby trees and the creaks of the old house. She got up, practiced enough to be able to get changed and go downstairs without waking up Natasha. Katya walked outside, she was greeted by a playful early morning breeze. it tousled her hair around and sent crisp air into her lungs. It smelled heavenly too, like morning dew and flowers. She walked around the property, it took her a few minutes to realize she still had Natasha's headphones in. She had become so accustomed to the constant background noise she forgot it was there. It wasn't anything too new, it was mostly soft, sad songs from the 90's and really early 2000's. She climbed up into a tree and watched the sun rise. She liked the feeling of the rough wood underneath her and the mesmerizing shadows that the leaves made on the ground. She knew the others would be wondering where she was, but part of her didn't want them to find her. The incident yesterday made her feel dirty, like a plague that was slowly crumbling the peaceful Barton family structure. The very thought of what she had tried to do made her skin crawl. She didn't deserve for them to be so kind, she was a liar, a murderer, a criminal, and probably even a psychopath.
"Katya!" Her thoughts were broken by the sound of Natasha calling her. She gracefully hopped out of the tree landing just a few inches away from Natasha.
"Ah there you are. Laura made breakfast and then we have to go back to New York."
"Okay. Here…" Katya said as she handed Natasha back her IPod.
"Thanks for letting me borrow it." To her surprise Natasha handed it right back.
"No, you keep it. Stark can get me another one."
"Thank you, that's very kind of you, but I can't accept this, it's yours." Katya said holding the IPod out for Natasha to take back.
"Please, I insist. You deserve it." Natasha said, almost pleading, a slight softness in her eyes that she hadn't seen before. It was kind and Katya put it back into her own pocket, but all she could think was.
No I don't. I don't deserve it.
"Thank you for breakfast Laura. I'll see you soon."
"Of course, anytime Natasha you know that you are always welcome here whenever you want. And Katya, it was lovely to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too."
"Bye Nat, don't do anything reckless while I'm at home."
"I'll be careful."
"Bye Auntie Nat, bye Kate love you."
"I love you too Coop."
"Bye Coop."