I dream of snakes, poison, and black prom dresses. I am able to drag myself out of bed with minutes to spare. My day gets worse when I find Peeta waiting in my drive way. He's leaning against the front of his Jeep. The keys swing around his pointer finger. Cocky. "Need a ride."

"No," I tell him with a grunt. It's too early for this. I need coffee or something stronger.

Peeta just smirks at me. "I'm trying to be neighborly."

"Well don't."

"I'm trying to start over," he tell me with pleading eyes. I can tell that he is sincere. "Please, Katniss. Let me give you a ride. Let's start over." I know that tone of voice. It's the one where Peeta doesn't back down until he gets what he wants.

"Fine," I tell him reluctantly. "I don't want to hurt my car by running over your Jeep."

Our drive to the swamp is short since it is not far from our subdivision. Peeta fills the silence by lightly singing to the radio. I've missed his signing voice. He was always a natural.

I regret asking about boys night the second the words leave my mouth. Gale and Peeta giggle like school girls and make inside jokes that I will never begin to understand. Something tells me that I was a topic of conversation last night. My mood sours more.

We get to work. The swamp water is thick and cold in my boots. We've been searching for an hour when it happens. My boot bumps into something hard, and I know it's not a large, dormant log. I feel my heart drop into my stomach. Behind me, the sounds of Gale and Peeta wading though the thick water disappears as I move the water around. I'm shocked when it easily floats to the top. The body of a woman appears.

I know her instantly. I have studied her pictures and the drawings her mother gave us of her various tattoos. Clove Fuhrman, age sixteen, and missing for twelve years. She's not perfectly preserved, but she still has skin on her bones. I think the fishes and tadpoles have started to nibble on her.

I'm transported back in time so suddenly I fear I might fall over. I watch the squad members of my task force be murdered, the light draining from each of their eyes. I relive it all- the shot of the gun, blood hitting my face, the stab of a knife into flesh, the smell of skin on fire, and my own screams.

The air around me begins to feel tight.

"Katniss, you okay?" I hear Peeta ask behind me. It pulls me from my daze as suddenly as it came.

I turn to find him, knowing my face is completely void of blood. I nod too quickly and suck in a deep breath. "I'm fine," I tell him. Then I step aside so he can see Clove's lifeless body. "But she's not."

Gale is about twenty yard ahead of us. I'm just about to yell out to him when he yells out to me. "Katniss! I've got a body!"

For a moment, I'm speechless. Have we found the dumping grounds? A million questions fly through my brain, and the next couple of steps happen in a whirlwind. Gale calls Haymitch, and the coroner arrives to pick up the bodies. Gale and I took photos of the women before bringing them out of the water. We rested them on the banks of the swamp.

The victim Gale found was missing both of her arms, most likely tore off by animals. Most of her hair was gone, but there were a few blonde clumps still attached. The tattoo on the back of her neck gave us all the confirmation we needed. It was Glimmer Leven.

Haymitch and the coroner arrive at the same time. Haymitch is just about to call it a night on the search when Peeta's voice makes us go still. "We've got another body!"

I wade out into water to meet him with the camera. The temperature has dropped drastically, and we're losing daylight, losing precious time. Despite the poor lighting, I see a bald eagle glaring back at me. Peeta found the body of Gloss Alan.

Haymitch and I agree to continue our search of the swamp in the morning since we have only covered about half of it. Haymitch volunteers to make personal visits to each of the victim's families that we discovered today. I tell him I'll go with him, but he says, "No offense, Sweetheart, but you stink."

I glare at him. "I was in a swamp all day and found three bodies. How many did you find?"

"None," he says with a hint of shame in his voice. I can tell that he feels guilty for not finding these bodies earlier. It's personal to him. So, when he tells me," Go home and shower," I don't argue as I climb into Peeta's Jeep.

Tonight, the weather isn't too cold once the sun goes down. My mother and I build a fire in the backyard and cook hotdogs for dinner over it. Finally, I get the chance to ask my mother about Cornelius Snow. She would have graduated from high school by the time he took over. Surely remember the scandal since her only daughter was in his schools at the time.

"I remember him," she tells me and gets a far off look in her eyes. "No one wanted to be superintendent that year or so the rumor goes. The schools were dying, and lot of people were commuting to District Eleven. Snow was fresh, young, and no one had faith in him. He was dealt a difficult hand- all of his students were the ones that couldn't afford to change schools. But he worked hard. He turned District Twelve around, but then he got greedy. The school was doing so great that we started to earn grants. New technology and funding, new textbooks, new landscaping, and even a new gymnasium. The town was thriving and more spirit that I can ever remember during his reign.

"Everyone and no one was surprised when the FBI rolled into town and ceased everything. We knew it was too good to be true. In the end, no charges were pressed. Snow moved and the gossip eventually died. Snow was forgotten," she tells me. There isn't any ill will in her voice, and she doesn't mention anything about poison.

I remain outside long after my mother goes to bed. The night sky is clear, and there's a full moon. The fire blazes on, and I curl up under a blanket on my hard chair. I feel like I am mesmerized by the fire and unable to move away from it. I think about Clove, Glimmer, and Gloss. I can't imagine what their families must be feeling right now. If my mother was visited by the FBI and told that I was never coming home, she'd be a mess. She was a mess for a long time after my father died.

After I was rescued from the Justice Killer, I couldn't even light a candle. The sight and smell of fire repulsed me. I worked a lot with my therapist, Dr. Aurelius, on that. I might have to call him and tell him that I was able to sit before a fire. I've come a long way in six months.

I've come a long way in three days.

As if he's able to read my mind, headlights pull into the driveway beside mine. I look deep within myself to find the energy to put out the fire and go to bed, but I don't find it. Moments later, I hear his heavy footsteps.

They stall. Then, the footsteps get closer, louder. "Katniss?" I hear Peeta ask behind me.

I turn to look at him. Peeta cleans up nice. His blond air is styled, and he's wearing a light blue polo shirt. If I could see his eyes, I'm sure it would compliment them well. I reply, "Yes?"

"It's past midnight. What are you doing outside?"

I shrug and find that I don't have a good excuse. So, I decide to tell him the truth. "Couldn't sleep."

"I understand. I thought that I'd get drunk to forget seeing three dead bodies today, but I did the opposite. It just didn't feel right. I don't think I'll be able to sleep either."

I forgot that it was Peeta's first time seeing a dead body. Taking pity on him, I motion forgot the seat my mother occupied hours ago. "Please, sit."

Peeta makes his way over and stops to add another log on the fire. He must either be cold or not tired at all. He drapes the blanket my mother left for me "just in case" over his lap. "How do you do it?" He asks me.

I cock my head to one side. "Do what?"

"See dead people. Find bad guys."

I let out a long sigh. "It gets easier..." I say in an unconvincing tone. "Sometimes," I add.

Peeta gives me silence, as if he's thinking my words over. "You okay?" He asks just like he did earlier.

I let out another sigh and stare into the fire. "Something happened to me six months ago, and I'm just getting back to field. I forgot how much it takes from you emotionally."

"I think I remember that," he says. I look up at him, startled. Does he know? Peeta sees the look on my face and adds, "I watched the house for your mom while she was away."

I relax a bit. Silence fills the air around us, and I fear that our carefree bubble has been popped. I don't know what to say next.

Luckily, Peeta always knows what to say. "I thought you said you didn't drink anymore, or was that an excuse to not hang out with Gale and I?"

I follow his eyes to the unopened bottle of tequila on the table beside me and one clean glass to indicate that I was considering drinking alone. That's all it was. Considering.

"I lied," I confess. "I drink every now and again, but I'm not a heavy drinker. I haven't been interesting in doing that since your eighteenth birthday." A small laugh escapes me as I remember being carried to my alarmed mother's car in the dead of the night.

Peeta lets out a similar laugh. "I remember that." He pauses. Then he says, "Something must really be bothering you then. Do you want to talk about it?"

Talking was always easy with Peeta. He makes you feel like the only person in the world. Peeta had a way of drawing things out of me. I could never keep a secret from him... except the biggest secret of all.

I decide to give in and tell him, "I was part of a team tasked with tracking down a serial killer. He got the best of us and captured us. I was held captive for two weeks and had to watch every member of my team be murdered." It all comes rushing out before I can stop it. When I'm done, I steal a glance at Peeta.

His face looks paler than usual, and his mouth is in a thin line. His muscles are rigid, and I can tell he's angry. "Katniss... I had no idea."

That's how people usually react. They pity you. They treat you like a delicate flower. I am not delicate. I am a fire, a force to be reckoned with.

Something in me snaps. "Of course you wouldn't know," I tell him with venom in my voice. "That's not the kind of thing I go around telling people."

Peeta sits up straighter and ignores my frosty tone. "You can always talk to me," he says in way that is more than comforting.

I narrow my eyes at him and scoff. "Can I? Because there was a voicemail that said otherwise."

"It always comes back to that voicemail," he sighs in frustration. His body slumps a bit as he leans back in his chair.

"Do you remember it?" I ask suddenly. I'm not sure why, but I need to know.

Peeta's tortured eyes find mine. "What?"

"The voicemail. Do you remember what you said?"

"Not exactly," he confesses with a sigh. His eyes study the fire in front of us. "I woke up the next day feeling like shit. I saw that I called you, and I remembered being so angry."

"So you don't know what you said?"

"No."

I pick my phone up off the table. I scroll for a second before finding what I'm looking for. Peeta's drunk voice fills the night air.

"Katniss fucking Everdeen, you poor, sick joke. You're supposed to be my best friend, my soulmate, the love of my life, and you run off without telling me goodbye? You're a coward. You're a joke. I hope you stay wherever you are and leave me the fuck alone. I'd be so much better off without you, you worthless cu-," a beep cuts him off.

"Y-you kept it?" He asks with tears in his eyes. His voice is hoarse.

I nod and put my phone away. "I have it memorized. Every time I thought about calling you or coming home, I would listen to it."

"Katniss, you need to delete that. That's not healthy. That's not who I am," he insists.

I just shrug and look at the fire. "But you're right. I was supposed to be your best friend, and I left without a word. You were so much better off without me."

"No, I wasn't," he admits. "I lost myself for the longest time. I was depressed and focused all of my time and energy into school. I wasn't better off without you."

"Peeta," I say slowly so he'll understand. "You said you loved me, but you don't say something like that to someone you love."

Something flashes in his blue eyes. It's so fast that I barely catch it. Pain? Longing? Confusion? I'm not sure.

"I was hurting and drunk. Katniss, I'm not that guy. You know that," he pleads.

In a heartbreaking way, I tell him my biggest fear. "I don't think I ever really knew you." That last year, Peeta was different. It wasn't because we were coasting through the last bit of our senior year. There were times when he was carefree- my Peeta. There were times when he was destructive, possessive even. Its like he was jealous when he had no reason to be jealous.

I loved Peeta. He knew, but he thought it was in a brotherly way... at least that's what I hoped he thought it was. Secretly, I loved him like a lover. I wanted him to be mine. To be with me like he was with Delly. I wanted him to love me in the way the guy in the movie falls in love with the girl next door.

His voicemail showed me that he hated me.

"Of course you knew me! How could you say that?" He sounds offended and wounded at the same time.

I close my eyes and take several deep breaths. Dr. Aurelius would be so proud of me right now for utilizing the coping skills he's taught me. Then I calmly tell him, "You didn't answer your phone that night."

It's his turn to close his eyes. Anger is painted all over his face. "This again? For the last time, I did not have sex with Delly fucking Cartwright."

~Age Eighteen~

Cato takes us back to his parent's house to change out of our formal clothes. It's a little awkward at first since his parents aren't home, but I pretend like everything is fine. I shouldn't make mountains out of mole hills. The faster I change, the faster we can get out of here and head to the party.

Cato leads to me to his bedroom, and I stand awkwardly in by the door with my bag. Cato's stands by his bed. His back is turned to me, so he doesn't see me blush when he takes off the jacket of his tux. Does he expect me to change right here? I gulp loudly as Cato begins to work on the buttons of his shirt. It must catch his attention. He turns to me slightly and smirks. "I don't mind if you change in front of me," he says slyly.

I scoff and roll my eyes. Nice try, Cato. "Well, I do."

I shake my head hard to clear the memory. "Then why didn't you answer your phone?" I ask him. Its a question I've asked him a hundred times since that night.

Peeta lets out a exasperated sigh. "I don't know," he says shaking his head. I can tell that he wishes he could give me a reason. "Maybe I was changing, fighting with Delly, driving, or talking to Finnick. I don't know why I didn't answer. But if I could go back, I would answer. I would have never let you go with him in the first place."

Its a pointless conversation. In those final days before I left Panem, Peeta and I went around and around. The fact was that Peeta did not answer the phone when I needed him the most. I hated him for it. He hated himself for it.

I clear my throat and sit up in my chair. "There's no point in bringing up the past," I tell him as I fold the blanket in my lap. "Feel free to stay as long as you want. Just put the fire out." I make a break for my door.

I hear Peeta stand behind me, but I move faster than he does. "Katniss! Katniss, wait!" I hear him call after me.

~Age Eighteen~

Madge and my mother spend all day fussing over me. I'm shaved completely hairless, per Madge's instructions. I'm pricked, poked, pulled, and painted. My mother does wonders on my lifeless hair and manages to revive it into the perfect updo. Its an intricate braids that starts at in the front. In the back, a sea of bobby pins hold my curls. Madge does my make up. Its darker than I'm used to, but I trust her. My eyes follow the design of my dress. The lid is a white glitter, and it spreads a dark smoky eye with winged eye liner. My lips are painted blood red.

I hardly recognize myself in the mirror. I am beautiful. I am more radiant than the sun.

My mother is holding back her tears as she helps me into the dress. I'm ready to burst into tears when she places a delicate strain of pearls around my neck. "Mom? Not the pearls. They're yours," I tell her. They were the last gift he ever gave her.

She gives me a sad smile. "Your father would have loved them on you." That's all the convincing I needed. Madge lets me borrow pearl stud earrings.

When the doorbell rings, I panic. I turn to Madge with fearful eyes. "He's early!" My mother runs off to get her camera.

Madge gives me a reassuring smile. "You'll be fine, Katniss," she coos as she pushes me towards my front door.

With shaking hands, I open the door to find a pleasant surprise. Peeta Mellark looks damn good in a tux. He gives me a million dollar smile that makes me want to melt in the doorway. "I had to come see you," he says.

I twirl for him. "Was it everything you expected it to be?" I joke with a voice like honey.

My heart flutters when he says, "Its more."

Regret stabs me in the stomach. Hard. In that moment, I know that I am going to the dance with the wrong guy. I should have said yes to Peeta. I should have stopped being a coward and told him how I really felt about him. I open my mouth to tell him, but he beats me to it. He says, "Save me a dance?"

I want to cry, but I smile widely at him. Its a sign. He can't know. So I tell him, "Always."

Cato's reaction is nearly as heart stopping. He smiles at me like a kid in a candy store. I'm sure a normal girl would have swooned. He tells me I look beautiful, and I tell him he looks handsome. He doesn't even compare to Peeta.

My mother takes pictures of us. When she's done, he leads me to the car. He even opens the door for me. I climb inside, unable to shake the nervous feeling in my stomach. Time moves slowly as we take pictures with his friends- classmates that I have never said a word to. I can't help but feel out of place as the other girls look like pastries on a cake. I'm the exact opposite.

Where they are light, I am darkness.

I eat in my usual silence. I smile when necessary, speak when spoken to, and laugh on cue. Cato is loud, bad at telling jokes, and fits right in with the crowd. When we pull up to the dance, I'm grateful for the opportunity to fade into the background. Maybe Madge will come get me. I text her and ask. Her reply is: Make Peeta jealous.

So, I set out to do just that. Maybe it will show him what he's missing. Maybe it will show him that I am more than just the girl next door.