If Petra thought her back and arms bothered her, all the more the feeling she was now nursing in the pit of her stomach. She'd lost, when she almost had it in!
They were now back at the starting point, the captain in front of them as they formed a line in front of him. It was almost noon, and the sun hurt her skin. She had to squint her eyes to see the captain in front of them, arms crossed, his expression the usual blank stare, but Petra could feel a hint of smugness peeking through his eyes, the flag slung over his shoulder. She glanced to her right. Eld and Gunther were still panting, their hands on their knees. Oruo was biting on a bloodied rag, which looked like he'd been out of commission even before making the perimeter.
"Wipe that puckered pout off your face," she heard the captain say as he walked past her. She could feel that his tone sounded playfully teasing, but she'll be damned if she wouldn't admit he was annoying her right now. She followed his back with dagger eyes and thought that he was being unfair. He didn't even say he was joining in the race!
Still, Petra noted that his change of expression was a welcome one. It was probably the first time that Petra heard him or saw him being expressive instead of being his usual flat self.
"Thanks to your exemplary effort in getting bested by the new recruit, all of you except Ral get latrine duty." Levi glared at his squad in front of him as they managed a groan. Their ODM skills had gone rusty in just a couple of weeks, and he was starting to rethink the decision of giving them too much rest, even if it was for Oruo's sake. They would need to double-time in their trainings to get everyone up to pace again.
"And a special mention to your friend Oruo, who managed not just to hold everyone back in training weeks due to getting stupidly injured, he also showed a very special display of idiocy today," Levi was trying hard to place heavy emphasis in his words, making sure that they sounded icy to get his point across. But despite being irked with the squad's substandard performance today, he found it odd that he was in a pretty good mood. It's been a long time since he had some fun in ODM, he mused, and he found the challenge that Petra provided quite refreshing from his day-to-day routine. Her build made that she could match his speed, and he made a mental note to add that in in the formation he was drafting. She had proven her exceptional skills and he was satisfied that his hiring of her was never unfounded in the first place.
"Hey Cap, I told you I'm sorry about the last time," Oruo mumbled, his words slurred as he tried to remove the rag in his mouth. He sounded sheepish, and Petra saw that Eld and Gunther were shaking in their spots, holding back their sniggers. Levi moved up to the injured man, opening his mouth to have a look at the bleeding tongue.
"It'll heal fine. But keep in mind, Oruo, pull something like that again, I'll cut your tongue off so you won't have anything to bite on." Eld and Gunther were openly laughing now, and Petra was stunned how they misread the situation. Don't they see that the captain was now mad?
"Now you brats get out of my sight and go shower. You all stink."
.
.
They made their way across the forest towards the mess hall. Petra clutched at her stomach and felt them rumble.
"Congrats, Ginger. You were so close too," Eld had patted her back and she saw Gunther give her a hearty thumbs-up. Oruo was following behind them, too busy with his rag.
"I was! I would've gotten that flag if it wasn't for the captain cheating!"
"Cheating?"
"I was inches from the flag when he dove from the branch and swiped it!" Petra made swinging motions in her arms, animating her story. Gunther laughed.
"That wasn't really cheating, but winning, Petra. Stop being such a sore loser!" Oruo had now caught up to them. Petra grabbed the clean side of the rag in Oruo's mouth shoved it more in his mouth. "Ow, cut it out!" He managed to say in between muffled cries.
"Oh, so that's why he was in such a mood," Eld grinned, a laugh coming out from him amidst Oruo's frantic mumbling.
"He seemed to be in a good mood, but I was surprised how he managed to be all cold and mad so quickly after that," Petra said. "And you!" she jabbed her index finger at Eld's and Gunther's backs as they walked in front of him. "How could you openly laugh in front of him when he's like that!" She remembered the captain's glares and his harsh words but her teammates just openly chuckled at Oruo's demise.
"Like I said, he was in a good mood!" Eld explained. That was still his good mood? Petra thought. They were experts in reading him then and she had a lot of things to learn.
"Yeah, didn't you see the spring in his step when he was walking on that platform?" Oruo chirped, having discarded the rag in his mouth. "If I didn't know better, his threat would've been serious in any other day, but not today!"
"He looks like that Petra, but when he's with us, the squad, he could be pretty normal," Gunther added.
"Wouldn't you know it, Humanity's Strongest is human after all!" Eld had exclaimed too heartily as he hung back to turn and ruffle Petra's hair in jest.
"But come to think of it, the last time he was like that seemed ages ago," Oruo wondered.
"Yeah, I can't really remember the last time when he'd been like that. Nor the last time he made us race in ODM gear for fun," Gunther thought, scratching his chin.
"Or even joining in for that matter," Gunther nodded in agreement.
"In any case, it's thanks to Petra anyway."
Petra stopped in her tracks, feeling heat come up to her cheeks. "What, me?" What did she do?
"You proved your skill. You gave him quite a challenge too, and if anything, that made his decision to have you join the squad a good one," Eld elaborated as she took a moment to take his words in. Despite losing against him, Petra sensed a wave of relief rush over her. It totally slipped her mind that what they were doing wasn't just a race or a challenge – it was an assessment. She did her best effort, and she felt herself glow with pride at the thought that she had shown her worth to the captain.
"Yeah, because you lost and he won, he's on a good mood!" Oruo chided, before she smacked the side of his arm for ruining her train of thought.
"But not in a good enough mood to not give us latrine duty," Gunther sulked disappointedly.
"Well, that's partially our fault for being idiots today," Eld conceded.
"But why didn't the Captain give Petra latrine duty! That would've been the ultimate welcome for the squad!" Oruo smirked at her, and Petra smacked his head this time.
"Well, she is technically first place if you don't count the captain participating," Gunther responded.
"Ah, you'll have your own time with the toilets then," Oruo smirked at her, and she was fighting all her urge to smack him again.
.
.
The mess hall menu was the usual lack-luster meal – some browned beans, steamed carrots and potatoes in cheap margarine. There was the rare mystery meat served with their plate today though, and Petra tried to make out from the scouts who were on kitchen duty if they had an inkling on what the meat contained.
"It's titan meat," Oruo whispered stupidly to her ear, winking at her.
"Titans disintegrate and evaporate when killed," Gunther said bluntly as he walked past them, his steaming plate in hand. Oruo had muttered something along the lines of "You're such a killjoy!" when Petra saw her friends from her old squad, Allyne and Vanz waving at her, sitting on the table next to the corridor stairs.
"Hey Eld, do you mind if I eat with my friends today? It's been a while since I last caught up with them," Petra had cocked her head to where her friends were motioning for her to come over, and Eld gave her a smile.
"Yeah, sure go head. We'll be heading back to eat at the barracks. Come over as soon as you're finished though, I need to show you something."
"Sure, thanks!" Petra patted Gunther's back as she walked past him, making her way to Allyne and Vanz' table.
"Hey you! It's been a long time!" Allyne had stood up to hug her as soon as Petra settled her plate on the table.
"Hey Allyne, I've missed you too!" She was hugging her too tight, and Petra had to worm her way out of her strong hands.
"Babe, you're gonna be the one to crush her, not a titan, if you keep doing that," Vanz had tugged on Allyne's arm gently as she sat down. He gave Petra his usual smile as she took the seat next to him.
"Babe?" Petra made a funny, gagging sound. "Since when do you call each other that?"
"Ever since you stopped hanging out with us anymore!" Allyne placed her hands across her chest, a fake pout forming in her lips before breaking out into a laugh. "We'd need to tone it down now that you're back though."
"So, how is it being part of Squad Levi?" Vanz had starting smirking now, emphasizing each syllable in her captain's name as he pronounced it.
"Stop – making everything – sound so dirty!" She laughed as she playfully hit her sandy-haired friend. She noticed how it has been a while since she laughed heartily. She did giggle and laugh with Eld, Gunther and Oruo, but it was something different to laugh with her old squadmates. They had been through a lot already, and knew a lot of things about one another that Petra had yet to reveal to her new friends.
Speaking of things to reveal, she admitted to them that she now understood what they meant when she talked about Captain Levi.
"Finally, you've come into terms with it," Allyne grinned at her. "You were being pretty whiny back then when you talked about how freaked out you were with the salute thing and the ordering him around thing."
"Ooh, but I bet it's fun to get ordered around by him, though?"
"Vanz, I swear if you don't shut up I'm gonna shove this mystery meat up your nose!"
Vanz held his hands up in surrender when Petra began the story on how they raced one another earlier that day. How he was in a good mood and was starting to reveal tiny fragments of his emotion in front of the squad and in front of her.
"Well, that's good to hear. He is human after all," Allyne agreed after taking in her story. Petra remembered how they thought he was pretty emotionless when they'd see him walk around the camp.
"So, what's your plan in getting him to like you?"
Vanz' question took her aback. What?
"God, you can be as chatty like a girl, you know!"
"Hey, we don't do that gender stereotyping thing here," Allyne laughed. "But seriously, aren't you going to do anything?"
Do what? She thought. Now that she knew her feelings for her captain, she was determined not to act upon them at all. If any, what she was planning was the exact opposite of that. It was messy enough that he was her superior officer. The fact remains that their regiment is the most dangerous amongst all of the three battalions, which meant that there was almost little to no future for her, or for the both of them for that matter, unless they somehow make it out alive of all this.
She was saddened to think of the futility of it all, but she was brought back to her senses as always by the faces of her brothers in her mind, determined and devoted to serve humanity. And she knew deep within her heart that her goal is the same as the captain's after all.
Besides, it's not like she loves him or anything. It was pure admiration at her part, maybe a substantial ounce of infatuation. That's what she explained to them at least.
"Well, now that's not fun at all."
"This isn't about having fun though," she reminded Allyne. She could see how her friend twiddled her thumbs in thought, her eyebrows furrowing in concentration.
"We live pretty short lives as it is, Petra." She was even more surprised with the bluntness coming from Vanz. Reading her expression, he continued, "Face it, that's just the reality and I know you know of it. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't make the most of the time that we have, nor should we reject our own happiness for the sake of duty." He glanced at Allyne and smiled.
"It's just highly inappropriate," she surrendered. "And I don't really think I want anything to come out of it, you know. We're soldiers after all."
"But you're also a girl." Allyne smiled at her, her expression softening. It was as if she was telling her that she also deserves happiness.
"I thought we didn't do gender stereotypes here," Petra bantered before all three of them laughed.
"But what are you gonna do when he does this," Vanz said, grabbing her by her elbows and making her face him. In a poor imitation and a too-deep voice, head swaying smoothly, he began, "Petra, I know I'm your superior, but these past few months I've been looking at you, and I feel that – "
Vanz didn't get to finish his act when Petra had palmed him on the chin playfully, escaping his grasp. Allyne doubling back in laughter.
"Speak of the devil, is that what you're calling a good mood?" Allyne interrupted, craning her head to the direction of the stairs opposite the hall. Petra could see Captain Levi making his way upstairs, his feet sounding heavy even from afar. From his expression, she could see that he looked substantially ticked off, for real this time. She noticed his hand was clutching hard on something, an apple it seemed.
She shrugged at Allyne as she tried to focus on her food. Doesn't he ever eat real food? She found herself worrying about him.
Her friends' words rang in her head as she chewed. She watched them interact in front of her, seeing the care and warmth that their eyes held for each other. It's no wonder to see them both happy and in-love. Did she really deserve something like that?
It's not like she isn't happy, because she knows in her heart she is. And she surely wasn't going to start depending her entire happiness on someone else. Besides, she wouldn't want to be the type of girl who'd woo a man by pestering them, or acting cute around them. Out of all the people in the world, Captain Levi certainly didn't need a distraction like that. Heck, she'd never do that to him.
No, she strengthened her resolve. She'll do what she came here for. Work hard to be a good soldier, and be an excellent addition to the Special Ops squad, offering her heart for her brothers' legacies and for humanity as a whole. If that meant she should keep her head down and keep everything professional, she was determined to do so.
But still, she couldn't help but be reminded of the captain. Of his teasing smiles earlier in the morning when he'd endorsed tea. Or the almost unnoticeable spring in his step when he won against her in their ODM race, lightening his mood. Most importantly, her mind goes to the lone apple he was holding as he made his way back to his office.
If she should be anything for him, she could be a friend. He looks out for everyone as a valued captain of the Survey Corps, it's high time someone should look out for him too. Petra smiled. She was going to help him in any way she can, and she's going to enlist the squad's help in doing so.
.
.
Eld wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead as he shoved the last bale of hay over the fence in front of him. His trusty steed gave him a glance before proceeding to chomp on the hay. After lunch meant the horses' feeding time too, and he enlisted the help of their newest recruit for that.
"I forgot to tell you that you should be bringing your own horse here from now on," Eld said as he turned to Petra, who was busy crooning at Oruo's horse.
"I can't believe even our horses have their own stables," she giggled, amused at the thought that the "special" in Special Ops Squad also extended to their four-legged companions.
Eld managed a chuckle before taking a look at the others' horses. "It's not just about that too you know. Being next to the exit means we're the first to be deployed. We need these fellows to be as close to us as possible so we can head out in a minute's time." He brought out a brush as he began brushing the horse's soft, dark fur.
"Did the others start latrine duty yet?" Petra asked as she made her way to the edge of the stable, checking the last remaining cubicle to see if it was empty. It was bare, safe for a saddle rack and some neatly laid hay to lay on. Even in here, she could notice the impeccable way her team mates kept everything neat and in tip-top shape, most likely under the captain's orders.
"Yep. I said I'd go do the horses today so I can show you the routine in feeding them when it's your turn." Eld had now moved on to Oruo's horse, who neighed at him happily as he began to rub his palms in a circular motion on the steed's forehead, in between his eyes.
Petra felt eyes staring at her as she turned around and found herself in front of a beautiful black horse, with a white, almost star-shape pattern in between its eyes.
Unlike the other horses, she was sure that Eld didn't give him a bale of hay.
"Hey, Eld, you forgot this one." She cocked her head to side, pointing to the stallion as Eld faced her. He let out a confused smile before shaking his head.
"Ah, that's Duke, Captain Levi's horse. He doesn't take too kindly to any of us. The captain's the only one who could approach him and feed him for that matter,"
Eld shrugged as he made his way at last to his horse who was now finished eating.
Petra turned her attention to Duke, and saw that the horse's nostrils were a bit flared. She inched a bit closer, and saw that it backed away before making a low snorting sound.
"Hey, don't get too close. He once bit Squad Leader's Ness hair off his scalp, that's why he wears a bandana now."
His warning fell on deaf ears as Petra approached Duke carefully, and saw that its body language indicated a horse being relaxed. She took a few more steps further until the horse's head was close enough to touch, before tentatively outstretching her hand and letting the stallion take a sniff.
Soon, she found the black horse had begun rubbing its head on her palm before making a small neigh. Petra smiled as she started to caress the animal's head, moving to his neck down to his long, soft mane.
"Wow, that's amazing. I'm surprised he didn't bite you," Eld had approached her now, and she saw how Duke tensed up and pulled away from Petra's touch. The horse had started stomping his feet as soon as Eld draw near, which prompted the blonde-haired man to back away slowly, handing Petra the brush.
"Huh, looks like you're the other only one he likes," Eld joked as he leaned on one of the empty cubicles.
Petra had now taken a bundle of hay and placed it over Duke's fence, and watched how the steed munched on the hay happily.
"Look at him, he's so sweet-tempered," Petra cooed. "So unlike his owner."
Eld chuckled. "You're still ragging on about that? I told you, he was in a pretty good mood today."
"You do seem to know how to read him, Eld. How do you do that?"
"Well, believe it or not, I knew him the longest among the team. I was the first that got into his squad, you know? It wasn't even called Special Ops squad by then."
"Oh yeah?" As she thought, she didn't really know much about how the squad was formed before she got in. "How did that happen?"
"Well, when I joined the Corps, Captain Levi was already a captain. There was this particular expedition I won't forget for two specific reasons," Eld began, his brows furrowing as he leaned further back into the cubicle wall, his arms on his chest.
"One reason was because of the weather. It was an unusually cloudy day outside the walls, but I didn't really have a good metric to base it on actually, because it was one of my first expeditions. The other reason was, that was one of the Scout's expeditions with record-high casualties." Petra noticed how his expression had started to turn sullen as he walked her through his memories.
"We were following the Commander's scout formation, as that was drilled to us immediately when were recruits, right?" Petra nodded in agreement as Eld continued, "But at that time, there was this abnormal titan on my flank wreaking havoc to all of us so I quickly fired the black signal fire.
It was too cloudy, but I was sure I saw a hint of the green signal flare shot up almost simultaneously as mine did, and I knew then that the rest of the squad was moving their way over to our end. By that time, the abnormal was chasing the few of us who've managed to survive. I'd lost the rest of my flare guns by riding my horse too rough and I bet no one even saw the black flare I fired in my direction as a warning.
I made the decision at that moment to break out of formation to run towards the teams coming my way, yelling at them that an abnormal was coming.
Everything then happened so fast, but all I know is that another green flare was shot up just in time for everyone else to move away from where the titan was rampaging, and we were able to make our retreat.
The Commander talked to me after returning to base and told me I did a good job of keeping my wits on about me, and introduced me to Captain Levi who'll be taking me in under his wing. So that's how I got in first." Eld finished, and Petra found herself engrossed with the story.
"Wow. I don't think I could do the same as you did if I were in your position that time," Petra considered.
"To be honest, it wasn't really something that I had thought of. I was just going based on instinct at the heat of moment and I told the captain as much. Told him that I wasn't really much of a brain, that I didn't really feel worthy enough of being handpicked for him to train me."
"And what did he say?"
"Guess," Eld smiled softly, his eyes glinting. Petra had imagined Captain Levi either being quiet, or sullen, or chiding this whiny Eld, but her thought process was broken when Eld let out a small chuckle.
"I know what you're thinking by the look on your face," he laughed. "But it wasn't like that at all." He shook his head as he took a deep breath, closing his eyes. "He told me that from then on, I should learn to stand by the choices I'll make. Take the choice that will me bring me the least regret, he said. Or something along those lines. He'd told me that I could have it in me if I see what they saw in me. That that would help me to grow," his eyes were shining now, as Petra saw how he spoke highly of the captain.
"Sounds pretty cheesy," Petra joked, but deep down, he knew that what Eld was saying was true.
"He added too that I should stop whining and be more like a soldier," Eld grinned as Petra giggled and thought that that was more of the captain she knew.
Eld chortled some more on his memories, before resuming his serious expression and continued. "He just looks like that, but he's the kind of captain you'd be happy to serve under. The kind you would even die for."
Petra mulled over Eld's words as he glanced at Duke, who was now finished eating and was looking at her expectantly.
"Looks like Duke wants you to put that brush into good use," Eld said jokingly as he pointed to Petra's hand. She approached the horse cautiously as she did a while ago, and once Duke gave her his permission, she started brushing the hair and fur on the animal's back.
"Gunther and Oruo were pretty much hired the same – the Commander referring them to Captain Levi. You're actually the first one who's really handpicked, if you think about it."
Petra's hands stopped mid-brush. She didn't know that. Now she felt as if the pressure was on her ten-fold. She steadied her hand and regained her composure, choosing to nuzzle against the horse's soft back as she felt her cheeks redden.
"He must've saw something in you to have you join us. I, for one, know you'll be doing great things with us." Eld was smiling at her now too, sounding proud. "You already know how to keep up with the banter, so it's just a matter of time for you to keep up with the squad's pace," he encouraged.
"I hope I keep up with yours and the captain's expectations," Petra admitted.
"Oh, you'll be fine Ginger, just you wait and see." Eld was now patting his horse, the smile lingering in his face.
With what Eld had revealed, Petra surmised that she didn't actually know the captain that well. The Captain Levi she had known was a caricature, a shadow of who he really was. She had known him with the reputation that came before him, and the expectations that came after him. Blunt, grouchy and strict were true words to describe him at times. Yet, strong, dutiful, loyal, and now, kind, were also words that most likely the veterans and the squad knew of him, of which Petra was yet to discover. It never ceased to amaze her how many facets the man had, and how little by little are these fragments being revealed to her. She wondered whether she would be blessed with the chance to see the semblances of each of his being in his eyes or in his face as they'd continue working together.
Her thought on helping her captain and having the squad help her would prove to be an easy, welcome task – her teammates feel the same appreciation and admiration for the man they call their superior. She brought this plan up to Eld, who grinned at her sheepishly.
"You know, we tell you these things, but it's still the truth when we tell you we still get scared of him sometimes," Eld said while rubbing the back of head.
"But you agree with me then?"
"Of course I do. Someone needs to look out for him too. But a man like him is too shielded, too guarded. You'd need to push your way in, and I'm not actually sure he'd be letting us enter. I really can't blame him though, with everything he's been through." Eld had talked about how the captain came to be part of the Survey Corps, how he lived the better part of his life underground as a thug, how he lost his loved ones on his first expedition.
Petra wondered how Eld knew all of that, and he only shrugged when he said some Survey Corps veterans could have very loose lips when drunk.
"Still, we would try right? And you'll help me help him? Help me get everyone on board?" Petra looked at him, almost pleadingly until Eld gave in and nodded.
.
.
Levi felt his stomach grumble as he stared across his empty, clean office. He rolled the apple in his hand, knuckles clutching tightly on it each turn. He was royally pissed, and he was determined to pinpoint what exactly made his mood go astray.
He remembered the uninspiring display of skill that the rest of the squad (with exception of Ral) showed earlier in the morning. Yes, he got irritated with that, but he recalled he was feeling pretty fine with having won the challenge he set upon the team, and the skill that Petra showed in her first assessment was enough to lighten his mood and bring the squad up to his good graces again.
He recalled the ground wasn't too wet or muddy as he made his way to the mess hall. Nor was the dining area itself too crowded or noisy as he scanned the place to look for his subordinates.
Ah.
There was this gangly, sandy-haired boy seated at the far edge of the mess hall, and then there was Petra, and he was wringing her in his arms stupidly. Normally he wouldn't cringe at the sight of public displays of affection, but at the same time, he wasn't really on board with Erwin's idea of letting lovers go cuckoo all over the camp with permission.
He wasn't one to become privy to his subordinates' affairs, nor did he care as it was none of his business. Yet he found it exceptionally irritating that when he finally found a formidable and skilled soldier to add to his squad, that said soldier had a ball and chain attached to them.
There was no other way of looking at it, he thought. His irritation stemmed from the fact that one little fight from Petra and that lanky haired boy would cause a monumental distraction that would ruin months and months of training he had dedicated to the team.
He pinched his temples as he tried to contain his thoughts. Of course, he shouldn't have discounted the possibility that Petra Ral would have had someone. In fact, she wasn't someone who you would consider ugly. Truth be told, if he were to be asked and if he were to admit it, he found her quite attractive. She had this appeal to her, a simple, bright and happy air that drew people in. Coupled with her innate skills and dedication to the cause, she was admirable as she was appealing.
If even he could see that, it's ascertained that others would have seen that charm in her too. He felt himself calming down at the thought of her, how he found her amusing the first time they met when she babbled on about protecting Oruo. How normal she was earlier that day when he had her tea (however horrible it was made), and how she had challenged him in that forest, her ginger hair contrasting with the calm green of the trees, her eyes honey as they glittered in the sun.
Yet his dissipating anger still seemed to rise above as he remembered that scene in the mess hall.
He sighed, grabbed his apple and stood up from where he was seated. He took a bite, not really feeling hungry, as he looked around his room. He noted the growing stack of paperwork from under the bottom shelf of his bookcase, and how Erwin had assigned Petra to be his personal secretary. That was something he'd need to talk to her about; they needed to get started in making sure the papers dwindled down before a new stack gets added.
He paced around the room some more, the fingers on his free hand running through every inch and crease of the place to feel for dirt and dust. He found them clean though, but he still felt unwholly satisfied. He looked out the window throughout the camp and saw the usual bustling activity of scouts on break, some people running around.
He flickered his eyes to look at the Special Ops barracks before something caught his attention. To the tree right in front of the barracks rested a scout with hair of the ginger color he was now starting to get accustomed to.
Petra sat right below the tree, moving little, and Levi saw she had dozed off. She was nursing a book on her lap as her head idly swayed, rocking in the heaviness of her sleep.
She must've outdone herself earlier in the morning, he thought amused. As he pondered how all that whirring around on her first ODM race could've been tiring, he felt a familiar fatigue creep up to him. With one last look at her serene expression, Levi sat back down on his chair, his anger and irritation completely gone, as he rested his chin on his hand and peacefully closed his eyes.
...
The room was dark, the air cold, as little Levi hugged his knees to his chest. The rain was batting against the roof of the room they were in, and he shuddered as he heard the thunder break. His face was buried to his knees when he felt a familiar hand reach out to cup his cheek.
"Levi, it's time to eat." Her voice was deep but mellow and gentle. Levi brought up his face to take a look at her mother's softened expression, the gauntness in her face exemplified by the eerie shadow of the moonlight shining through window. She sat opposite him crossed-legged, holding a bowl in her other hand.
"You need to eat now, especially if you want to be a strong boy." His mother's eyes wrinkled on its sides as she smiled, lifting a bowl up to his face. He found it futile to grow up and be a 'strong boy', whatever that was. There wasn't really anywhere else they would go, and what was the use of that. Still, he was immediately pulled in by the heavy scent of cream and mushroom, and the warmth exuding from the steam of the soup as he felt his stomach rumble.
"Do I really need to feed you now?" His mother's tone was patient, but he could see how the smile in her eyes was starting to fade. He didn't really want to eat, as he knew there wasn't enough in the bowl for the both of them.
"You know what, if you eat, I'll eat too," she said, as if she'd read his mind. Forcing another smile to her eyes, she took the spoon in her hand and scooped a mouthful of the steaming hot liquid and aimed in at Levi's mouth. He took the spoon himself and took a swallow of the soup, burning parts of his tongue and the roof of his mouth.
"Now, that's my Levi," she cooed as she smiled again. Levi watched her like a hawk to make sure she did eat her fair share, and he was curious when his mother's expression puckered and laughed. She opened her mouth and pulled out a thin, green slice of something, the liquid of the soup glistening on it in the dark.
"Do you know what this, my dear?" She asked, amused. He shook his head. "It's a cucumber." She chuckled softly as she took it back in her mouth. She fished for some in the bowl and handed him the spoon. Levi took a bite and found it crunchy, and oddly refreshing. The taste was a contrast to the creaminess of the soup.
"It was Scarlett who cooked tonight, said it was a hometown recipe," she explained as she shook her head in quiet laughter. Levi wasn't one to talk too much even when he was young, so his mother brought it to herself to fill in the gaps of their silences. Scarlett was the person who lived next to their room, and when his mother had visitors over for her 'job', she would hide him in Scarlett's room and she'd tell him stories of the world above the ground.
Levi was too young to understand back then why they lived the way they did, but as he spent his youth in the underground, it wasn't such a mystery anymore. Still, this wasn't something that he begrudged his mother for at all. His mother Kuchel, or Olympia, as she was known by her clients and her friends in the brothel, had always been a kind woman. A mother who made sure any food they'd come across was to be given to her son first. Not that they had a lot of food to come by anyway. He had noticed that if his mother didn't get any visitors for the day, they wouldn't be eating at all.
This was why his mother was extremely grateful for the fellow women who secretly brought them food. These women mostly scraped by too, but whenever the boss wasn't around, they'd come out of their rooms and raid the kitchens, and whip up whatever was palatable, making sure they make an extra plate for Olympia's room.
There was a time he thought them selfless and generous, having lived the same dreary lives as them yet they had learned to share. Levi had understood that it was more likely pity; at least they didn't have another mouth to feed, nor a kid who hindered potential business.
"Here, it's your turn to eat again," she passed the spoon again to him and he took another bite, feeling the soup slowly warming him up.
...
Levi was awoken by the heavy sound of thunder. He had fallen asleep face down on his desk, and saw that he had dropped his apple on the ground. He sat up straight and stretched, feeling his head as he remembered his dream. It had been a while since he dreamt. In fact, it had been a while since he'd slept again.
He couldn't figure out how long he was out, but his office was almost pitch black except for the light from the moon that pierced through his window. He was taken back to his senses when he smelled the familiar smell of rain and mud. Another flash of lightning occurred and the thunder clapped as soon after. He stood up by the window and found himself staring at the tree where Petra sat a while ago. She wasn't there anymore, and he could see that the barracks had its faint orange light.
It must have been dinner already and he'd forgotten to feed his horse. Taking a deep sigh, he took his pair of plastic boots on the cabinet to his side, preparing himself mentally to traverse the muddy camp grounds to head to the stables.
He slung his green coat over him as he made his way out of his office, and from there he could hear the noise of the mess hall. Walking towards the exit, the clanking of metal on plate and various chatter were soon drowned by the rain.
He made the stables in record time, choosing to dash through the grounds to get it over with. He'll wash the boots by the water pump near the stables, and wash them again in the common bathroom by the corridors before storing them back in his office, he thought.
The stables were warm enough, a lone torch at the far end giving warmth and light to the room. He made his way towards the far end cubicle, before noticing that the previously empty cubicle opposite Duke's now housed a horse.
It was a beautiful bay mare, its coat reddish-brown, thick but smooth, a sign that it was well taken care of. Its mane was a luminous type of black, which shone even more as the torch light lit it up. It had friendly eyes as it held his gaze and Levi thought it might be Petra's horse.
Turning back around, he saw Duke calmly sitting down on his cubicle, his legs folded under him. Upon closer inspection, he saw that the animal had a blanket draped over him, and some lone pieces of straw from his lunch.
"Where did this come from?" He found himself muttering softly as he went inside Duke's cubicle, examining the cloth. The horse stood up to his presence, recognizing him instantly. It placed its head to Levi's hand as it neighed happily. His horse was indeed scared of heavy rain, and must have been showing signs of being cold that someone had draped a blanket over him.
Levi placed his hand against Duke's mane, combing his fingers through its hair. Levi found it that he liked animals a lot, sometimes even more than humans. At least animals could be predictable if you study them enough, he reasoned. He inhaled as he burrowed himself deeper into Duke's coat, catching a whiff of something different – a mild yet pleasant, floral yet earthy scent.
Finding no need to feed the animal, he gave his steed one last pat on the head before heading back outside to wash his boots. The rain was heavy on his back so he removed his coat and wrung it. The rain had now wound down to a drizzle as he made his way to the pump. He was running the water on his right boot when he heard a familiar voice call him.
"Hey Captain, what are you doing there?" Gunther had stepped out of the house, the light indoors seeping outside.
"I went to see Duke."
"Oh, Petra fed him a while ago. Gave him a blanket too coz it's raining." Levi's face must've held some shock that Duke allowed someone else to approach him, as Gunther smiled and continued, "Yeah we thought that too! She must've been a horse in her past life," he chuckled as he approached him and took his wet coat.
"You should come inside sir, we're just about to have dinner. You're going to get soaked if you stay there."
Levi's mouth twitched as he was about to say that he isn't particularly hungry, but his stomach had chosen to betray him by letting out a low rumble.
.
.
Levi found the scene in front of him weirdly unnerving. Eld was to his side, handing him a cup of hot tea and a clean towel to dry himself as he took his seat again. Oruo was next to him, fork and spoon in hand, like a kid waiting for dinner. Gunther had just finished taking a spare bowl from the cupboard, and after thoroughly wiping it, handed it over to Petra, whose back was at him as she ladled something into bowls. It had been just a couple of weeks, he was sure of it, but the squad was looking more and more like children during dinnertime, with Petra, adorned in a light pink apron, being their mother. With him seated at the head of the table, he wondered what role he played in this seemingly family-like dynamic.
Before he could continue his thoughts however, Levi was immediately caught in the scent of the all too familiar soup he had in his dream.
Growing up in the underground were it was always dark and cold, Levi's memories of the place were mostly hazy and unwanted. At times, the only memories he'd chosen to keep were those of his mother, or at least those of her that he tried as much to remember. The features of her face grew more and more vague and distant as the years continued to pass, and he cursed his mind for failing him in that. Sooner he found himself dwelling in the memory of her voice - soft and calm but steady. It always reminded him to eat first, to clean himself, to speak up, and to even smile.
When these fail, his mind would often revert to sensations. Remembering his mother would entail enormous concentration to try to bring back her smell, the touch of her hair, the feel of her hands. But all of these all fall short in comparison to the sensation he is in now.
The aroma of the soup, familiar and comforting, wafted across the room. It penetrated his senses, bringing him back to the moment in his dream, and the many times he and his mother had it. He closed his eyes, and he could swear he was starting to remember what her smile looked like each time she'd handed him the spoon first.
Gunther had just handed him his bowl, of which the soup was savory and thick. It looked a lot like what was in his memories, and he found himself immediately swirling his spoon deep into the soup. There it was – thin, green, half-circle slices of cucumber. His eyes must have revealed himself as Oruo turned to look at him, spoon mid-air, asking him what's wrong.
"There's cucumber in the soup," was all he managed to say, grounding him back to reality. His squadmates were in front of him, looking at him kindly, some with worry. Oruo assured him that the soup wasn't as bad as it looked, and Petra's shy giggling was starting to overtake his thoughts as she explained that the soup was actually a hometown recipe.
Levi continued to swirl the creamy texture in front of him, letting the faint memories of his mother come back. He took a small spoonful and took it in his mouth without blowing. It was a bit saltier than he had remembered, but the taste was there.
"How is it Captain?" He had just noticed that Petra was looking at him expectantly, and he felt his throat burn from the heat of the liquid.
"It's good."
Petra smiled and finally took a breath. She was sure she must've spilled some extra salt in her shock that the captain was to join them for dinner, but she was glad that he didn't comment on it too much.
"Oi Petra, this is too salty!" Of course, of all people, Oruo would be the one to point it out. "You call this our hometown soup? You suck at this!"
She was so close to smacking him again for the nth time that day before Eld took a sip and exclaimed a nice wow. "Hey, this is really good Petra, where did you learn this?"
"Yeah, I thought the cucumber would go against the flavor, but it was actually pretty refreshing," Gunther nodded in agreement.
"Like I said, it's our hometown recipe! Every woman in town knew how to cook this! Except for someone over there," Oruo teased amidst spoonfuls of his soup.
"More like everyone except you Oruo! It wasn't just girls who made these! You should know that!" Petra defended. Everyone else was continuing their banter, and
Petra took the opportunity to taste the soup before it grew cold.
It was maybe a bit tad too salty, she conceded. But it warmed her belly in the cold of the night, as the soup always did when her father or mother would prepare it for them every rainy night. She remembered how she was tasked to cut up the cucumbers, but after cutting them too thick for three meals in a row, she was demoted to peeling carrots, much to her brothers' amusement.
She glanced up to her friends, their faces red from warmth or mirth, smiles in their eyes as they continued to joke around and talk about the morning's training. She looked to the front of her and she found herself staring at the captain, who was wordlessly eating his soup. His hair was still damp from when he was outside, and she also saw that his long-sleeved gray shirt bore some droplets from the rain.
She watched how fluidly he moved as he brought his full spoon to his lips, not even bothering to blow on its contents. She smiled to think that this is the first time she saw the captain eat some real food, and it was actually something that she made.
She noticed that she was unashamedly staring, and he caught her eye before she stopped.
Levi noticed Petra's cheeks had turned a reddish color, her body probably getting warmed by the soup she was eating.
"I didn't know we could cook here," he said. Gunther nodded to him before beginning, "I tried before captain, but we could only do much with the little rations we have."
"And those were?"
"The usual sir. Some flour, salt, sugar, the regular coffee and tea," Eld interjected. "Gunther could make this sort of chewy flat bread with some flour, salt and water, and we'd usually eat that to accompany the rare times we had chili offered in the mess hall."
"Where'd you get all this stuff then?"
This time it was Petra who answered him. "My friends – my previous squadmates – were assigned kitchen duty tonight sir, so I asked Vanz for some of the ingredients for these. These are mostly basic ingredients so he managed to slip us some and –"
So the lanky haired boy's name was Vanz, Levi inferred. Petra's voice was drowned out by some heat he was starting to feel, and he was sure that it didn't come from the soup. He took some more in his mouth to make sure he didn't speak anything inappropriate.
"Ahhhhh!" Oruo loudly exclaimed, his hands resting on his belly, satisfied. Eld grinned at him as he stood up to place his bowl on the sink. Petra also stood up and had started on the dishes. Gunther cleared the rest of the table and took a wet rag to wipe it off as Oruo went outside to fetch more water.
"Thank you for the meal." Petra heard the captain mutter from behind her as he placed his bowl next to the sink. His voice was low and smooth, and sounded almost like a whisper. Her hand had stopped washing the plate she was holding as she exhaled, feeling his breath close to her ear. She managed a small, encouraging sound (that sounded like a squeak, she scolded herself) before the captain had turned to leave.
Levi had bid them an early goodnight, and reminded them all that tomorrow was one of their regular off-days for the month. Eld had promised they'd clean the barracks before they left, and he was surprised when the captain told them they should make a list of rations they could use to cook in the barracks more.
Oruo bid him goodnight as Levi saw him outside before taking one last visit to the stables.
And as he nuzzled his steed one last time for the night, he remembered the scent on Duke and the whiff he had caught on Petra's hair as he thanked her for the meal, his memories taking root in the sensations around him again. The familiar scent of floral, mixed with earthy undertones of herb, light and mild and pleasant.
He didn't know that smell could invoke such intense emotions. He closed his eyes as he burrowed his face deeper, feeling his belly warm and full, finding himself a temporary peace.