4

Jack was in the bed and as Ianto slid in his side and went to snuggle in he had a terrible… horrible thought. He sat up and looked over Jack to the floor on the other side of the bed and the empty dog bed seemed to mock him.

"Jack… is that pup in here?"

"He's cold."

"Jack… he is tiny. He needs to be in the little bed. I wanted him in the little crate but agreed to the bed as a concession… remember? He needs to learn to stay in his own bed" Ianto tried to be calm about it "we cannot have him in the bed, what if you roll on him in the night and he squishes?"

"I thought of that… he's in a little burrito" Jack said with pride "Look… I got a towel and rolled it… then made a circle and popped him in it… sort of like a soft basket or nest… see? Roll on him, what do you take me for!"

"Forfucksake" Ianto flopped back and let himself simmer for a moment or two "Well… that's a shame. I was going to… well… we can't with little eyes and ears in the bed. Would feel … dirty. Never mind… I was going got try to pretend he wasn't here while on the floor where he might not see but… in the bed… well. Maybe we can get some time together …. At the weekend or something while in the shower. I don't know."

"What?"

"Well… babies do that I guess. Mess up sexy time. Of course, the baby must come first" Ianto rolled away to let Jack gape at his back and Jack noted the silky PJs he loved to… ah... remove… as in peel… wait a sec… what… huh?

"I could pop him down for a sec" Jack said in a small voice.

"A sec. Is that all I am to you? God… you really think it would be that quick? I might as well wank myself off in the bathroom… no… you cuddle up with Zeus." Ianto sighed theatrically.

"It's not Zeus. It's Hercules now."

Ianto did not even care about another name change. He cared about the safety of the little pup that would die so quickly and quietly. Ianto hummed softly and knew he was getting to Jack as the hum was one he used when… er… clearing Jack's pipes… if ya know what I mean.

Finally the bed moved and Jack started apologizing to the pup in a high pitched voice, explaining that Taddy and Daddy needed Grown-up human time and afterwards… he might come up for a cuddle…. OK?

Ianto knew that would never happen as after sex Jack fell asleep straight away and he felt a thrill of victory. God, victory over a defenseless little… "Jack… maybe we need to put little… ah… Hercules first."

"No… you're right. I have to be strong. No surrender!" Jack agreed as he rolled to Ianto and started to pull at his PJs.

OK.

Ianto will take the win.

.

.

Ianto woke to the other side of the bed empty and Jack on his hands and knees crawling around the room.

"Cariad?"

"He's gone."

"What?"

"Wilbur. He's gone."

"Wilbur."

"Yes… you know… Hercules… he is not going to be so big so… he needs a rounder name I think" Jack said, then he sat back on his heels to look at Ianto "Are you going to help me or not? You told me to put him down!"

Ianto continued to stare at him "Jack… I told you we should crate him or at least get a pen around the little bed and…"

"Ianto! This is not the time for a fucking 'I Told You So' crow!" Jack snarled, angry now "I can't find my doggie!"

"So you searched the room… did you check the bathroom?"

"YEEEEESSSSSS" Jack said angrily, "He's gone. Oh god."

"Walk in Wardrobe?"

Jack was kneeling by the bed, clinging to the cover and he swung to stare at the slightly open door with shock, then with a sob… yes a sob… he crawled on his hands and knees towards the wardrobe and disappeared into the darkness.

"Jack… maybe you need the light on or you might…"

The scream stopped Ianto's warning and Ianto sighed as he flopped back in the bedding and rubbed his face. Jack yelled "OH GOD... IT SHIT EVERYWHERE….IANTO… IT SHIT...IT PEED TOO ... LOTS!"

"Wonderful" Ianto said to the now empty room as another flurry of things were relayed. It pees too apparently. "Oh Lovely. Good. Thanks for telling me. It can pee. The kidneys are in good working order. Sweet."

"Ianto.. I AM KNEELING IN SHIT... HELP ME!"

"Oh god… don't move Cariad. You might die… flesh eating things are now crawling up your skin towards the flapping gob that can't seem to find the volume control" Ianto muttered to himself as he rose and snatched the box of ever present tissues from by the bed, stomping over to open the wardrobe door and…. Fuck.

"Jack… apparently it can shit out here on my side of the bed too." Ianto said in that cold, slow drawl of a pissed off Welshman with bare feet squishing in dog shit.

"I will get a little pen for by the bed today lover" Jack said in an upbeat voice "Ah… help?"

Ianto threw the tissues at his head.