Chapter 5: A Terrible Discovery

Beep Beep!

Slam!

Nishikata: "Uggghh. Shut up."

I yanked my alarm clock to shut up. I swear I hate this thing so much. But it keeps me responsible for waking up early, only that it's Sunday.

Nishikata: "Sunday….yay…"

With a last energy that I had, I went back to bed and dozed off.

Ting!

Nishikata: "Huh? Who sent a text this early?"

I reached over my phone to found out that was Monika who sent it.

Monika: "Still asleep yet?"

Nishikata: "Actually, I just got up."

Monika: "Hah, but anyways, we'll get there soon."

Oh yeah, Monika and Sayori want to came over and talk about…

My mind suddenly races in worries as I went to Takagi's contact.

Nishikata: "Hey, Takagi. Are you sure you okay that day? What did Monika and Sayori-san talk about?"

I looked at my phone waiting for a response…and after 10 minutes staring at the phone, nothing shows up.

Nishikata: "Dammit."

I suddenly got a slight motivation to get out of bed, and change my clothes before going downstairs.

…

No one is here. My parents are working in business outside town at the moment, but at least I'm used to being alone.

I took a cereal bowl and mauled it like a hungry bear in seconds. As I do so, I took a glimpse at the clock.

Nishikata: "10AM?"

Wow, am I that late? Good thing this isn't school, otherwise I'll be in a hell lot of trouble.

Finishing my last bite, I took a bit of time before processing what's going to happen in the next few hours…

First Monika and Sayori will come to my house…The most beautiful and popular girls at school.

And then they will tell me about Takagi, and I'm not sure ready for what's behind her all this time. Is it just me that dense?

I sigh to myself and lean back to the chair that supports my back while looking at the clock. They're almost here.

But something also bothers me, it's about how my outrage at them in Friday. I mean, I shouldn't be that angry to them, even though they didn't tell me, that's just plain demanding and violent. I hope that they will understand.

Ting!

Ah! They're here!

I take another look at myself in the mirror and rushed towards the door. And sure enough, there they are.

Monika: "Hey, Nishikata."

Sayori: "Hey…"

Nishikata: "W-What's up?"

Monika's voice is cold and monotone, while Sayori seems to be nervous.

Nishikata: "C-Come inside. Make yourself at home."

And without hesitating, Monika walked pass me and rudely sits on my couch. I can tell that she is NOT happy.

Sayori timidly follows and sits beside her. I follow and plop down on the opposite on the couch.

Monika: "With your "interaction" on Friday, fine. I'll tell you right away. But I'll make it quick, I want to get outta here."

Monika voice grow colder and angrier as she looked at me dead in the eyes.

Nishikata: "But…before we do that…"

I looked at Sayori who fiddles around with her hair. She seems nervous and uneasy. I took a deep breath and looked at them both.

Nishikata: "Look, I didn't mean to s-snap to you all. It just seems like you hide something to me all that I don't want to know. You must understand, that Takagi is my closest friend. She may tease me a lot, but I also care about her well-being. And I know you have the right to be mad at me, but you all my friends I value…so…I'm sorry."

I looked at them with desperate look. And suddenly, Monika flashes a smile and Sayori follows.

Monika: "Yeah, we're sorry too. If we didn't know better, you're the one who might able to solve her…problem."

Sayori: "Yeah, you're a good friend, Nishikata."

Nishikata: "Likewise."

Both of their mood quickly suddenly changes from cold and scared into friendly and happy. Damn, these girls are just too nice with a person.

Monika: "But…let's get back to the topic. This is…quite to take. So be prepared."

I gulp, preparing for the worst possible answer.

Monika: "Takagi, you see her as a cheerful and sweet girl that loves to tease you right?"

I nodded slowly.

Monika: "But, most of the times, she's always down and sad when she didn't see you at all. She couldn't focus at class and her grades were so much worse than middle school. Her parents left her and now, she's all alone."

What!? I did NOT know that her parents…gone.

Nishikata: "How did I not know that her parents gone?"

Monika: "It's a lot to take in, but please listen. You know the reason why she always happy to see you? To be the person she always was in your middle school? Because she doesn't want you to be disappointed at her, so that you will reminisce the old memories with her, especially teasing."

Nishikata: "I…how did I not know about this!?"

I started to become angry at myself. How could this person I always value, turn into this broken girl I never was told?

Monika: "I know it's a lot to take in Nishikata. We were as shock as you when we found out. And…Takagi also said to not told you, so that you won't worry about her well-being. She said it so desperate, and we comply."

I can feel anger surges through my body.

Nishikata: "Why…Monika? If you know that I could help her, why wouldn't you tell me!?"

Monika: "If you were in the same situation as mine, then I believe you would do the same!"

Monika sudden outburst caught me off guard.

Monika: "I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to…"

Sayori: "It's okay Monika. I'll take the rest."

Monika leans back to the couch, slight tears and fear written all over her face.

Sayori: "Nishikata, I know that this is a lot take into, but please let us finish first."

I nodded while looking at Monika, who appears to be crying silently.

Nishikata: "Take your time, Sayori-san."

Sayori smiles and took a long breath.

Sayori: "Takagi always values you as her best friend, she always found happiness inside her when she spent time with you, teasing you and all the stuff you've done to her. But starting high school, she never found a motivation to get out of her bed.

She said that you left her in the first year and it broke her, but she understands. It's because she teases you relentlessly and never gives you a chance to win, but there's also one thing."

Nishikata: "What is it?"

Sayori: "You never sees through her correctly. You're incredibly dense."

Nishikata: "A-Am I?"

Sayori: "I'll just let it spill out. She likes you, no loves you."

My heart stops for a second. Did…she…WHAT?!

Nishikata: "I…I…HOW!?"

By this time, my guilt and sadness turn into a red-hot embarrassment.

Sayori: "By how she describes it, she always gives you hints every time you two had a contest, it's also pretty obvious. But you always saw it as one of her teasing and nothing else.

Eventually she gives up, but after you join her club, a slight spark of hope came to her, so she teases you again. But to not avail, you never understand."

Nishikata: "You gotta be joking! This…is…"

Sayori: "I already spill the truth to you. She says the EXACT same to us. But she didn't blame you, by the number of teases she gave to you, it's clear that your mind is already think to see every single flirt or hints of her loving you were just a delusional teasing that she gave."

Nishikata: "What the…"

Suddenly…a flashback appears in the picture of my mind.

Her saying that she'll kiss me…

Saying that If I hold her hand, I win…

She likes indirect kisses…

It all make sense now! I'm just super-duper dense to know why!

Suddenly, an urge to see her is desperate. I need to see her NOW!

Nishikata: "I…gotta go!"

Monika: "Huh? What?"

Monika suddenly got shocked.

Nishikata: "I…have to see her! She needs me!"

Sayo & Moni: "W-Wait!"

I rush towards the door, leaving the two behind.

A few moments later.

After running for like 5 minutes straight, I arrived at Takagi's house. I took breath after breath before entering her house. As always, I make myself into Takagi's house without warning.

The house is quiet, Takagi isn't found anywhere in the first floor, so I'm assuming that she is in her second floor. It's already strange of her not to run down and greet me.

Once I'm in her second floor, I notice that the bedroom light is on. So, she must be there.

I gently open the door…

Nishikata: "Takagi."

Takagi: "Oh! H-Hi Nishikata."

I sit down in her room. It's quite messy and a lot different than past rooms I visited.

Takagi forces her smile, but it's easy to tell that she is different.

There's a minute of silence between us.

Takagi: "You haven't come in a long time like this, have you?"

Nishikata: "I guess you're right…It's quite some time."

She still has her stuffed animals and wall decoration she had for a year, and her status quo writing from middle school.

Takagi: "How come you suddenly wanted to see me over?"

Nishikata: "Well..."

Takagi: "Is it because you missed me?"

Nishikata: "I'm worried about you."

Without the usual blushing and stammering I give, made Takagi quite surprised.

There's more silence between us. Takagi stares in a random direction. Everything about her behaviour is really uncharacteristic. I finally get to the point.

Nishikata: "And…I just wanted to see how you're doing. After you left on Friday. When something's wrong, you can't hide it from me. I know you to well."

Takagi smiles, shaking her head.

Takagi: "That's no good, Nishikata."

Nishikata: "What?"

Takagi: "Why can't it be like it's always been? This is all my fault. If I didn't get so weak and accidentally express my feelings, didn't make a stupid mistake, then you wouldn't have been worried about me at all. You wouldn't come here.

You wouldn't have ever been thinking about me right now. But…this is just my punishment, isn't it? I'm getting punished for being so selfish. I think that's why the world decided to have you come over today. It just wants to torture me. Ahaha!"

Nishikata: "W-What the heck, Takagi!?"

I grab Takagi's by the shoulders.

Nishikata: "What on earth are you saying!? Are you listening to yourself right now?"

I take another deep breath before continuing.

Nishikata: "I know something is happened to you. There's no explanation for you to be like this. So, tell me already! Until I know, I won't stop thinking about it!"

Takagi: "Ahaha…"

Takagi gave me an empty smile.

Takagi: "You really put me in a trap, Nishikata. But, you're wrong, there's nothing wrong about me. I've always been like this. You're just seeing it for the first time."

Nishikata: "Seeing what? What are you talking about?"

Takagi: "You're really just make me say it, aren't you Nishikata? I guess I have no other choice."

I release Takagi from the shoulders and look at her in her beautiful brown eyes.

Takagi: "The thing is…I've had a really bad depression my whole life. Did you know that? Why do you think I'm late for school every day? Because most days, I can't find a reason to get out of my bed. What reason is there to do anything when I fully know how worthless I am?

Why go to school? Why eat? Why made friends? Why make other people put their energy and caring them to waste by having them spend it on me? That what it feels like. And that's why I wanted to make people happy. Without them worrying about me."

Nishikata: "…"

I'm in SHOCK. I can't even figure out how to respond. How is it possible that Takagi kept this from me the entire time that I've known her? Did she really want so badly for me to just not think about her?

Nishikata: "…Why, Takagi?"

Takagi: "Eh?"

Nishikata: "Why you never told me about this!? It almost feels like you've betrayed me as your close friend. Because if I knew, I would've done everything to support you!

Even if there's so much I can do…I would've tried a little harder to make every day a little better for you! That's why I'm your friend! All you had to do was tell me!"

Takagi: "You don't understand at all, Nishikata. Why do you think I didn't tell you? Because if I told you, then you would've had to waste your effort about caring me than doing important things. I don't want to be cared about. It's bittersweet, when people care about me. It's feels nice, but also feels like a bat swung against my head.

That's why I wanted so badly to make friend with everybody else. Helping everyone be happy together is the best thing for me. But, seeing you so happy with everyone else in the club, feels like a spear going across my heart. And that's the reason the world wants to torture me. Every path I take, leads nothing but despair."

Nishikata: "You're right, I don't understand. Don't understand your feelings at all. But I don't need to understand. Whatever it makes me to stop hurting you, that's what I'll do."

Takagi: "No, Nishikata. There's nothing you could do. The only thing that could've helped is if everything as it always was. But I was selfish. You finally see how horrible person I am."

Tears streak down Takagi's face.

Takagi: "I forced you to join the Literature Club because I was selfish. And I was punished by my heart hurting in a way I couldn't understand. And now you came here, and I made you hurt too. I'm just weak and selfish.

And those are the reason why I always teased you. Because I was selfish that I can't understand the feelings and the situation. That's why I am, and going to accept these punishments. I deserve every last one!"

Nishikata: "NO!"

I pull Takagi into a tight embrace, the things I thought will never do.

Nishikata: 'I don't care if you're selfish! I'm really happy that you convinced me to join the club. Seeing you every day makes it worthwhile enough. If I make new friends, that's just a bonus. But please! Never underestimate how much I care for you!"

Takagi: "Nishikata…"

Takagi isn't hugging me back. Her arms remain by her side. Sha starts sobbing next to my ear.

Takagi: "P-Please don't do this…! Nishikata…I…"

Takagi barely speaks between her sobs. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, but all I want is for her to know that I care for her.

Nishikata: If you have it in you to call yourself selfish, then you have to let me be selfish too. No matter what it takes, I'll figure out what needs to be changed. I'll make these feelings go away. No matter what, no matter how."

Takagi: "I…don't know. I don't know!"

Gently, Takagi finally puts her arm around me in return.

Takagi: "I don't know anything, it's all scary. I don't understand these feelings, Nishikata. The only time I'm not feeling nothing is when I feel pain. But…your hugs are so warm. And that's scary too."

Takagi lets me go. As she does, she lets go of me too.

Nishikata: "The festival is tomorrow."

Takagi: "Mhm…"

Nishikata: "It's going to be fun right?"

Takagi: "Yeah…"

Nishikata: "So how about I spend time with you all day?"

Takagi: "Really?"

Nishikata: "It's all I want. Really."

Takagi: That…would be nice."

Nishikata: "It WILL be nice, I promise. And that's all I want."

If I could spend the whole day here, I would.

Nishikata: "Alright, then. I see you tomorrow-"

Takagi: "Wait, Nishikata!"

Just as I'm about to leave, she calls out to me. Her voice sounds how conflicted she is.

Takagi: "Please…don't go! I'm scared, but…I don't want to waste your time…"

Nishikata: "Takagi…"

I smile at her and look at her in the eyes to reassure that I'm here to stay. Even if my brain realizes, my closest friend, has been keeping something like this for a long time, I know that is no reason to shut myself in my room.

Nishikata: "Alright, I'll stay okay? Let's take things slow."

Since when I'm this confident around her?

Nishikata: "I don't know much about depression, but I know you're my best friend. What kind of lousy friend am I if I left you alone?"

Takagi: "…"

Takagi mood suddenly change and looked up to me with a brave face.

I can see she's holding back the tears.

Then suddenly, I wrap my hands around her. I felt warmth as I feel my chest is getting soaked. For some reason, I felt a tear coming down my face. I stay strong for her sake. But if I'm honest, I'm a little scared.

Ten minutes later, Takagi still crying in my chest. She hasn't said a single word.

Nishikata: "Why are you crying?"

Takagi: "I should've stay quiet, things are going to be different to us forever…"

The struggle in her mind is written all over her face. I realize I can't leave her like this, even if I don't know what to do. If nothing else, I should've let her cried on my shoulder.

Nishikata: "I don't know, but you're wrong."

Takagi: "Wrong?"

Nishikata: "Even if I know you're still depressed, I still would be friends with you."

Takagi: "But…why?"

I don't know why, I just blurted my statement without thinking.

For a few more minutes we simply stand here, locked in an embrace. Without saying a word. The only thing we hear is our own breaths and heartbeats. I can't say for sure it's mine or Takagi's.

Hundreds of thought rushing trough my head as I try to fully grasp the situation.

Nishikata: "Do you trust me, Takagi?"

Takagi slowly nodded.

Takagi: "You are my best friend. I trust you more than anyone. But I don't…k-know why…I'm only g-get more scared when I think the fact that you mean so much to me."

I stroke her hair. Something long ago, I wish I would never do. And here I am, stroking my best friend's hair.

Nishikata: "You're my best friend too. I won't give up on you. Ever."

Even if I'm confused, those words are genuine.

Takagi: "I'm sorry for being such a mess."

Nishikata: "Don't worry. Things will get better from now on."

Takagi: "Huh?"

Nishikata: "I want to help you, Takagi."

Takagi suddenly turns to me.

Takagi: "Please don't waste your time and energy for me."

I smile confidently and look into her eyes.

Nishikata: "I don't consider being with you a waste of time. Never did. Never will."

Takagi: "But…why?"

Nishikata: "We've been friends for a long time. This isn't something I'll just let go."

Despite my words, her expression doesn't change. She sighs.

Takagi: "You can't help me. Depression isn't something like sad."

Nishikata: "I know nothing about depression. But that's no reason for me to give up on you. Trust me, okay?"

Takagi looks at me, then finally for the first time, a smile. A genuine one.

Takagi: "Okay."

A fraction of the smile that I know and love returns to Sayori's face.

Nishikata: "From now on, we'll do this together."

Even if I know nothing about depression, I will help her get trough this. She's always been there when I was sad, never show how much damaged she is until now. Even If lack of knowledge, I'm determined to help her.

Nishikata: "How about we prepare for the festival tomorrow?"

Takagi: "W-What?"

Nishikata: "Monika told me that I should make a poster with you."

Takagi: "I want that too, but I don't want to be selfish."

Nishikata: "It's not selfish if both of us wanted it."

Even if I'm embarrassed to admit it, I genuinely want to spend time with her. She's still my best friend. My only true friend. That hasn't changed. I don't think that'll ever change. Ironically enough, now that I know she's depressed, I want to spend more time with her.

Takagi: "You didn't have any other plans?"

I shake my head.

Nishikata: "Nope. And even if I did, I'm sure everyone will understand."

"Let's do like we always have, Takagi!"