Hello again guys! I hope everyone is doing great!
First things first, I would like to apologize for the late upload. Between work, teaching, applying for scholarships and tending to my Stardew Valley Farm (Yes I started playing it and I love it) I've had little time to focus on writing the fanfic.
Now this chapter took a lot of working around for me, mainly because I'm trying to be more descriptive. I feel I'm lacking in that aspect of writing and I want to improve, so bear with me a little bit.
As always, I hope you enjoy my story and please if you have time and it isn't too much of a bother, leave a Review. :)
Chapter 4. The Prelude of Change
The next morning. Asuka's POV
After Shinji and I came back to the apartment from the roof, I went right to my room while he made way towards the bathroom, no one saying anything. I stayed up until late working my brain around my behavior these last few days. Everything started when Hikari put the idea of Shinji dating in my head, then finding out he effectively started dating someone; add to the list that his not-angel-but-not-human-either nature is no longer a secret, my feelings regarding him have been a mess. So here I am now, staring at the ceiling processing the last bit of our talk from yesterday. Luckily it's a Thursday and I don't have any lectures, so I can stay in my room until late in the morning, but I doubt I'll get any progress by not eating anything. It's all that idiot's fault! Getting too familiar with me, although I was the one who gave him the green light yesterday in the first place.
Getting up from my bed and analyzing myself on my mirror, I realize I have small bags under my eyes, probably due to my lack of sleep from last night, damn him and me for being stupid. I feel like I'm 14 years old again. I grab a change of clothes so I can get on with my morning routine as always, get out of my room and head to the bathroom. On the way I didn't hear the usual "good morning Asuka" yet again, however this time I decide to ignore it and carry on my routine.
Finishing my bath and changing clothes, I head to the kitchen and to my surprise Misato is sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in one hand, and her phone in the other, apparently analyzing something in the latter. I scan the room once again, but I can't see Shinji anywhere, so it must mean he already left.
"Talk about a weird morning" I say, proceeding to the kitchen counter and finding my breakfast ready for me as always. He made pancakes again.
"Good morning to you too Asuka" said my guardian, leaving her phone in the cable and focusing her gaze on me..
"I wanted to speak to you Asuka" she continued. "And not like your guardian, or commader, but as a friend." Okay, this just turned weirder than I thought.
"First the coffee, now this. What's up with you this morning?" I spoke, now turning my gaze to her while leaning on the kitchen counter, for the moment leaving my breakfast untouched.
"Did you know Shinji wanted to speak with his father?" She asked. Oh, that would make sense; it seems he informed her this morning. Obviously needing to know the whereabouts of his father's cell in the NERV complex. I think she wasn't too pleased with his request though.
"He told me yesterday, why you ask?
"And what did you think of it?"
"I told him that was a terrible idea, that he's just looking to get hurt like always" I answered.
"I told him the same thing, and even forbid him from doing that at the start of our conversation earlier today" she said
"Misato, I need to speak with my father" said Shinji to Misato, widening her eyes and making her spurt the gulps of beer she just drank
"Absolutely not, there's no way I'll ever allow that. Forget about it" said Misato, clearly not pleased with his request.
"He knows about the new invaders, and possibly knows things about me I don't know myself. Please Misato" pleaded Shinji
"Then I'll speak with him, or Ritsuko. You're not going anywhere near that man again" she stated, apparently getting angry of just the thought of Shinji speaking with Gendo.
"I need to be the one to speak with him! I have a strong feeling that he's been waiting for this moment. I need to confront him Misato"
"I can't allow you to get hurt on purpose Shinji, I just can't"
"Then nothing has changed! I can't keep running away from him my entire life! I need to do this, sooner or later I have to confront him. You know that." Fired Shinji, smashing his hand on top of the table, but not breaking it to pieces surprisingly
"Shinji, we're in the brink of war with some aliens, I can't afford you being emotionally unstable. Especially since you're the one they are looking for. I need you on your best. Replied Misato, not backing away from him
"Then I won't break down, I won't let him dictate my emotions anymore, I promise. But I need answers Misato, and he's the only one that can give them to me" Shinji said, retiring his hand from the table, his eyes never leaving Misato's
"What can he possibly say to you that you didn't see while in Instrumentality. I'm sure you remember everything you saw there" argumented Misato
"Just trust me on this. I need you to trust me Misato"
"I'm never going to be okay with this Shinji, never" She replied, followed by a heavy sigh. "But… I'll speak with Ritsuko, she'll give you access to your father location. Everything you speak with him; she has to know. Deal?"
"Deal, thank you Misato" answered Shinji, visibly relieved Misato gave him the green light
"You better not break your promise Shinji"
"So that's what happened" I said, now I understand Misato's behavior this morning
"Yeah, I still feel he shouldn't speak with Gendo" said Misato, now groaning and putting her face between her hands. Coffee cup discarded along with her cellphone.
"Then why did you agree at the end? I think it was stupid" I replied, personally I think anything that has Gendo Ikari in it, it's a bad idea.
"Well, he has to confront his father. I just wish it to be easier for him"
"So, what's this got to do with me?" I asked
"I want you to keep an eye on him" said Misato
"What?! No way! Why me?!"
Keeping an eye on the Baka? That's the worst thing I could do right now, I should put distance between us two, A LOT OF DISTANCE. This would be just the opposite. I'm sorry Misato but I can't do that.
"Because no one knows him better than you, I need to know if there's anything wrong with him after the talk with his father" she explained.
"Ask his sister, I'm sure she should be able to tell if there's something wrong with the Baka. She knew about him after all, without him noticing. Plus, she can also see his imaginary friend, she can get you insider info" I said.
"You may be right, but there's another reason why I want you to keep an eye on him"
"What is it?" I don't like where this is going
"Take a seat Asuka, let's talk"
After eyeing her in a suspicious manner, I gave her a huff and proceeded to sit across from her on the kitchen table, putting my right leg on top of the left and, and crossing my arms in front of my chest.
"First, I want you to be completely honest with me"
"Just start speaking Misato" I said, I'm sure she's going to be meddling in things she has no business knowing
"Shinji doesn't need to be with you to be happy, you know that right?" I knew it, everything seems to be about that lately
"What is your point Misato?"
"I know you, and I know that for the past six years, you unconsciously believe that no matter what happens, Shinji won't look at another woman the same way he looks at you. And that's one of the reasons you have dated multiple times. Because you feel that he'll always be the boy who loves you and only you no matter what happens, so you flaunt your dates in front of him to get a reassurance he's still there. You crave that act of jealousy from his part, but you won't admit it, not even to yourself"
"You don't know what you're talking about, I'm not as shallow as that Misato. You should know that. I was genuinely interested in all of my previous partners. They just didn't work out in the end, that's completely normal" I replied calmly, I'm not letting her get the reaction she's expecting from me. Who does she think she is? Sure, I do enjoy seeing Shinji jealous, but I don't date people just to make him jealous, that's absurd.
"I know you're not that shallow, and that's why it never works out in the end. You date them hoping they can make you feel the same way you do when you're with Shinji, hoping you can move past him, but they just can't compete. Because no matter what happens, you'll always look at Shinji first, and then everybody else. When you realize this, it's usually when your relationships start to deter, and a couple of weeks later you end up single again"
I wanted to argue back, to scream at her that she didn't know a single thing about me. But I just couldn't, because right now I'm recalling every time I compared my exes to Shinji. How each time a received a compliment from them, they didn't feel as honest as when Shinji complimented me. How every time they touched my face, hugged me or kissed me, I never felt as warm as I did when I shared those kinds of moments with Shinji. How a simple "Good morning Asuka" and "Welcome Back" from Shinjimakes me feel more cherished than any other action they did. How it always seemed wrong for me to show them my whole self, afraid they might not see me as beautiful because of my scars. Scars I've only shown willingly to Shinji. Like they just won't see what I want them to see, The Asuka that I am. The Asuka that I just want Shinji to know. The Asuka only Shinji knows. God damn you Misato.
"What do you want from me Misato?" It was the only thing I could get out.
"I want to help you get together with Shinji" she replied, now smiling at me, as if everything she said a moment ago never happened.
"Why do you want that? And what makes you think I want that too? I just got out of a relationship. Besides he's dating someone already, in case you forgot"
"Because while he doesn't need you to be happy, you're the one he wants. Same thing applies to you. I'd hate to see my two most cherished humans not achieve the happiness they crave because they refuse to break the status quo" she explained
"What about his new partner?" I ask, I'm sure she hasn't forgotten about her, it's like the most important part of everything that's happening
"Well that's going to be a problem for you, yesterday he told me he's very interested in her. And you know how weird that's for him" she stated, grabbing her chin in thought.
"Thanks for the reassurance" I said sarcastically
"Wark!" said PenPen, as if berating Misato too for the comment.
"Relax! I just wanted to tease her a little" she answered the penguin
"However!" she exclaimed from out of nowhere, making me jolt slightly in my seat. "All is fair in love and war, and lucky for you I'm on your team Asuka!" now she was smiling, throwing the previous serious mood out of the window. "But I have to ask you first. Do you want to get together with Shinji?"
I would normally shut her down immediately, not even consider the thought of being together with him once again. The last time our relationship ended, it left us so strained we took years to come back to feeling normal with one another again. A part of me tells me I shouldn't want this, that our time came and went, and I should move forward. Suddenly I remember he's playing cello for his moon princess tomorrow and the thought of it brings out a rage inside me I can't explain. The picture of him playing his cello while another woman watches him lovingly is just sickening to me. I don't want anyone looking at him like that, he's mine! Only I can look at him like that! I'm the only woman in the entire world he's allowed glance that way too! Oh God I'm behaving like a child.
"Asuka?" asks Misato and I realize I've been quiet for a couple of minutes after her question, with a frown in my face.
"…yes" I whispered and turned my gaze down, seemingly enthralled by the kitchen table. I'm feeling too embarrassed after admitting something like that, I can't look at Misato right now
"Alright! Let's start right away!" she stated loudly
"Start with what?" I asked, not really understanding what she meant by that
"Preparing you of course, did you think you can drag him back to you by doing nothing? No my child, we need to work on your GAME!" Why is she so enthusiastic about this? And what does she mean we need to work on my game? There's nothing wrong with it!
"What makes you think I need help in getting the Baka's attention?" I said sternly, somewhat upset at her assumption.
"Well for the past six years you have convinced him that there's no way you two are going to be more than friends, so excuse me for trying to rescue you from the hole you've dug yourself into"
Touché
"What's your plan then?" I ask, but a part of me has a feeling I'm going to regret getting into this.
"First, lose the long-sleeved shirts. You need to start showing some skin"
"No fucking way, I'm not doing that" is she out of her mind? I'm not showing my scars, there is no way in hell I'll walk around showing them. She's got another thing coming if she thinks I'm doing that.
"Asuka, I'm not saying to wear crop tops or bikinis. Just show your arms a little, your upper back, shoulders, a little cleavage. That goes a long way with boys you know? Besides, the scar in your arm is just visible when people get close to you, and even then, it doesn't look bad at all. It makes you more exotic"
"No"
"Trust me on this! You'll have all of his attention when he sees you wearing more revealing clothes!" continued Misato
"I said no, so drop it" I knew this was going to be a terrible idea, I'm never listening to Misato ever again.
Sighing, she said. "Fine, we can work on that part later" you wish Misato, there's no way. "For now, just keep an eye on him then. And try to go out with him to places, you two only meet in NERV or here at home. Start heading out" that sounds like going on dates, I'm not stupid Misato.
"Why?"
"What do you mean why? You're competing with another girl, you need to make sure you're occupying most of his time and mind. I thought you of all people would know this"
"Fine… if that's all I'm going to head out, I'm supposed to meet Hikari for lunch today" I say to her, hoping we can end this conversation right now.
"Of course not! I haven't started on the dating advice yet!" No way I'm staying here for that…
Meanwhile in NERV, Shinji's POV
"Achoo!"
"Are you feeling alright Shinji-kun?" asked Kaworu, this is my third sneeze this morning. Weird, it seems the beginning of fall is messing up with my allergies.
"Yeah I'm fine, it must be my allergies acting up" I reply
"We're almost there Shinji" said Ritsuko.
After convincing Misato to authorize me to see my father, I went straight ahead to NERV, wanting to get this thing over with as quickly as possible. Between my moment with Asuka yesterday and the impending conversation with my father I barely got any sleep with how troubled my mind was. What's up with her lately? She's been temperamental these last few days, maybe it's her period. Even though I barely slept, my body feels no fatigue whatsoever, but you can thank my complete being nature for that. After arriving at NERV and talking with Ritsuko (who also advised me against speaking with my father) she began taking me to my father's cell in the complex, which is where I'm headed right now.
"I can feel your inner turmoil Shinji, he cannot hurt you anymore, you should not be afraid" said Kaworu, trying to give me moral support
"Sadly, my mind is still human Kaworu, he has some power over me still. But don't worry about it, I'll push through" I assured him, earning a warm smile from his part.
"We're here" said Ritsuko
After opening the last gate with her keycard, we were welcomed to a small room brightly illuminated by LED lights in the ceiling, in front of me was something like a pathway that divided the small room in two cells. The cells were protected by what looked like bulletproof glass, giving us a complete view of what was inside each one. I could identify a bed, neatly made, an it was the object closest to my side of the glass. In front of it was a TV on top of a wooden (mahogany I think?) table that served as support for the device; on the left side at the back I could see a blue bathroom curtain rounding up the corner, the shower is probably there, and on the right side was the wardrobe with the same pale blue prisoner attire repeated over seven times, under them were a couple of cabinets that probably housed underwear. Focusing my gaze up front again, I could see a connection between the two cells, also with bulletproof glass, and behind the glass two figures I haven't seen since I was 15 years old, playing shogi.
"Hello Father, Fuyutsuki-san" I called, earning the attention of both men and pulling them out of their game.
"Shinji-kun, you have grown a lot" said Fuyutsuki, giving me a smile.
"Shinji" was the only thing my father said, looking straight into my eyes without his trademark orange glasses. Maybe it's because I'm the one looking down at him right now, but I don't feel as intimidated as I thought I would be. He looked older and not as imposing as before, White hair started growing at the sides of his head and on his beard. His eyes still looked lifeless though.
"I've come to ask you some questions Father" I said, trying to sound as neutral as possible. I am getting nervous, there's a million things running through my head right now that it's proving difficult to focus on what's important. I bite my cheek and clench my fists inside my pockets to try and calm down.
"I've been waiting for this moment for six years. Are you done running away Shinji?" he said, earning a surprised look from Ritsuko, but I managed to keep my composure. Fuyutsuki-san started picking up the shogi pieces and making his way towards his cell to give us privacy.
Ignoring his question, I proceed with my planned script. "Rei told me you know about some new invaders, that claim to be looking for a complete being, how?"
He stared at me for a moment, probably looking for an answer I didn't give, contemplating what to do. "You haven't changed" he said.
"Just answer the question Gendo" said Ritsuko, maybe I wasn't the only one having trouble handling facing with my father.
"Only after he asks me what he really wants to know. I don't deal with cowards" he said. I clench my teeth in fury and pull my hands out of my pockets. I don't know how resistant that glass is, but I'm almost sure I could break it if I punched with all my strength. I killed him once already, I can do it again.
Suddenly I'm feeling a reassuring arm on my left shoulder, I look to see Kaworu giving me a warm smile and a thumbs up. "Relax, you can do this, you're stronger now" he said. I close my eyes and take a few calming breaths to steady myself. Unclenching my hands to assess my father, I ask what I really want to know.
"Why did you come back? You let yourself be imprisoned for life, instead of staying in Instrumentality like your pals from SEELE. Why?"
"Because of your mother" he replied instantly, completely aware of what I was going to ask, strengthening what he said before about waiting six years for this.
"I don't understand, she was there in Instrumentality like you wanted" I said
"After you rejected Instrumentality and decided to live your life amidst pain and suffering, she started regretting her decisions and not being able to be there to see you grow" he explained. What? Regret? What am I supposed to do with that? It's been like 18 years since I lost my mother. Regret is not going to give me back those years, is not going to take back all the suffering I went through after this man in front of me abandoned me. This must be a joke. A very sick one at that.
"She then told me to reject Instrumentality too, so I could be the one to witness your life, and then tell her all about it once I die and find peace with her" he finished. I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. To witness me? As if that's some kind of redemption journey? After all that he did? What both did? Choosing the evangelion project over me, and then abandoning me right after. No, you don't get to find peace.
Something inside me snaps, and I scream in rage, mustering all my strength to punch the glass, effectively breaking it, and proceeding to grab my father by the collar of his uniform and lift him up.
"Shinji! Calm down!" Yelled Ritsuko, pulling my arm to let him go but failing due to her lack of strength
"Find Peace?! What makes you think you're deserving of peace?!" I snarled at him, and watched as he lost his cool, gripping my hands and scrunching his face in pain.
"There's nothing you can do to atone for the things you've done! And the only thing you're going to witness is how you slowly rot here until you die of old age, never again feeling the light of the sun in your skin. And when you finally die and meet my mother in hell, you can tell her that I could care less about her regrets" I said, releasing my hold and watching him fall down to the ground coughing and taking deep breaths to make up for lack of air in his lungs.
"You said I'm a coward. But the only coward here is you, who couldn't handle the death of his wife and instead of facing the reality that she was gone for good; you ran away from the truth, rejecting your child, and dedicated your life to ending the world just to meet her again. You're pathetic" I finished, looking down on him in a way that reminded me of how Asuka looked at me before I ended humanity and choked her to death.
"I knew this was a terrible idea Misato" hissed Ritsuko
"Now you're going to tell me, why are aliens looking for me?" I asked the man who calls himself my father.
"Because *cough* you're a god now, and they're like a cult" answered Gendo
"Japanese please" stated Ritsuko
"They are a group of Lilin from another planet, more advanced than ours, that want to achieve godhood" He said, again not making any sense. "They realized that the way to become a god is to successfully merge both primordial beings, however they don't have the means to do that, so they have infused their bodies with parts of what we call Angels"
"You're still not making any sense" I replied, where was he going with this?
"They were the ones who left the dead sea scrolls. They're basically an instruction manual on how to create a complete being, a god. They go around surveying planets searching for those who had two primordial beings like ours. When they find one, they leave the instruction in the hopes Lilin follow this and create a complete being."
"I knew this and tried to become a complete being myself. That's why I fused with Adam's embryo. But you already know my motives, I wasn't interested in joining them"
"They want a god to lead their civilization. Because of the modifications they have made to their bodies, they achieved near inmortality, but can no longer have children. That's where you come in, you can have children with other Lilin, thus ensuring the survival of their civilization"
"That would make sense, but they said they already have someone like me in their group, so that conclusion of yours doesn't apply" I replied, finally understanding a little bit of what he was talking about
"Unless they want to reproduce you two" interjected Ritsuko. "Creating a civilization of godlike beings" After voicing her thoughts, silence filled the room, each of us contemplating what my offspring with another being like me would entail.
"That's not going to happen" I said in a serious tone. "I'm done here Ritsuko, I don't have more questions for him" after saying this I started walking out of the room, Kaworu silently following me
"Shinji wait!" said Ritsuko, walking towards me in a rushed manner until we were walking side by side. "We need to talk before you leave"
"What do you want to talk about?" I asked, we started walking towards Central Dogma. If I had to bet, it's probably to berate me about losing my cool back there, but she doesn't seem too troubled about that. That's surprising.
"First, I should probably let you know that Misato has to know about what happened there. And second, I want to discuss with you about the implications of your nature" she answered.
"I know you're telling Misato, I'm okay with it. About the second part, can we do it tomorrow? There's someplace I want to stop by and I have afternoon classes today" Right know there are a millions things going through my head, so I would rather have some time to collect my thoughts before Ritsuko throws a million questions and what if scenarios at me.
"Fine, I'll let you out of it for today, but we'll do it tomorrow no excuses. After your sync test" She stated, hurrying up ahead to her office before going to Central Dogma and leaving me and Kaworu to ourselves.
"So Shinji-kun, where is this place you want to drop by?" he asked to tease me, already knowing where I'm planning to go. "In any case, I suggest you send her a message before dropping so suddenly"
"You know, sometimes you have decent ideas Kaworu" I replied
Picking up my cellphone, I dial Kaguya's number. While it rings, I practice what I'm going to tell her; 'I just thought it would be nice to have lunch together today, what do you think?' No. that doesn't sound too appealing or assertive enough. 'Hey! Are you busy? Let's go have lunch together!' Mmm, that's too enthusiastic.
"Hello?" came her voice from my cellphone
"Hello Kaguya, It-It's me Shinji"
"Oh! Hey Shinji! How are you?"
"I'm fine. I was wondering if you're free for lunch now?" I asked. I think that sounds good enough. No?
"Right now? Sure! Where do you want to meet up Shinji?"
"I'll pick you up at your house, I'm close by. See you in 10 minutes then"
"Bye Shinji~"
Well, I'm kind of surprised at myself. I've been handling Kaguya extremely well, in comparison to my other experiences. I can't explain it, but when it comes to her I have this sense of safety, like I could ask her anything and she won't fire back at me. It's the complete opposite of Asuka, I always feel I'm walking on eggshells with her.
"Comparing the two of them is a bad idea Shinji-kun" said Kaworu
"What do you mean?" I asked him back
"I would suggest you refrain from drawing comparison between her and your Princess. Your newfound relationship would be short lived otherwise" He answered in a serious tone, that's weird he usually never talks in that way.
"You're surprisingly serious" I say
"Well, you tend to search for your Princess in other women. That is probably the main reason why you never find them interesting enough for you, they lose before they even get to play"
"Uhm…" I can't really refute him; I know I do that, and I know I shouldn't. I should learn to appreciate people for what they are, each person is unique in their own way, I learned that much from Instrumentality. However, I just can't stop myself sometimes; she's the only girl I've ever seen that way and the one I shared my first relationship, so it's only natural for me to draw comparisons.
"But considering your history, you have barely done that with Kaguya-san. Maybe she is the one to change you" said my silver haired friend, reverting back to his usual self and smiling.
"We'll see" I finish our conversation.
Ten minutes in and I'm already on the front of Kaguya's apartment, I'm surprisingly calm for an impromptu date I just conjured up, it's probably because I'm too busy thinking about what I talked with my father before. And I still have to talk with Ritsuko, she's probably going to address my newfound "inmortality", that's going to be a problem. Also, me having children. I have never been someone to dwell on such things, I don't even know if I'd be a good father (had the best example on how not to be a father), but now it feels as if I shouldn't have any children at all. I wouldn't be surprised if she boards that subject tomorrow, considering her opinion of me and my nature. If those aliens have another complete being with them, why hasn't it shown itself already? If what my father theorized and they're looking for us to reproduce, it's probably a woman. I have wondered if maybe it's best for me to just join them, avoiding all the conflict, but I have no guarantee that they're going to leave the Earth alone.
"Hey Shinji! Sorry to make you wait" said Kaguya, pulling me out of my thoughts.
Taking in her figure, she's wearing a plain emerald-green sundress, with short sleeves and a little space in between the chest area, showing just a bit of cleavage. Her hair was pulled up in a short bun and a few strands of hair fell around her forehead and cheeks. Her shoes were matching the dress. She looked beautiful today as well, and like the idiot I am I kept staring at her in awe and didn't address her.
"Earth to Shinji, you there?" she asked teasingly, make me blink a few times and become aware of my actions.
"I-uhh, sorry. It's just that… you're really pretty today" I answered, blushing slightly, and adverting my gaze while scratching my cheek in embarrassment. She stayed quiet and for a moment I thought I had done something wrong, until I felt soft, wet lips on my right cheek and turned to see her with a surprised look in my face. She only smiled at me and said.
"Shall we get going, Shinji-kun?" Maybe I'm overthinking a lot of things.
"I was thinking we could eat some takoyaki today, there's a really good stand near university" I said, remembering she loves Japanese food.
"I love that idea, Takoyaki it is!" she answered, now fully grinning and adding a beat to her walking, her upbeat personality can get contagious.
"How was your morning Kaguya?" I asked, trying to make small talk
"Well, I was helping around at one of those primary schools near the downtown district, I have a part time job as a substitute teacher in there. Kids were unruly today, but I really love teaching kids, so it's a worthy sacrifice. What about yours?"
"Well, I did my usual morning routine of making breakfast for everybody and just a moment ago I was having a talk with my father"
"How did that go?" she asked
"I… I'd rather not talk about it" I replied, and she looked at me with concern in her beautiful eyes.
"I won't push you Shinji, but I want you to know that I'm always willing to listen to you." Why is she so nice with me?
"You're really nice to me Kaguya-san"
"That's because I like you, Shinji-kun" Okay that's way too straightforward, I wasn't ready for that. Do I like her too? Should I say it back to her? Now I'm getting nervous.
"Not even me could have seen that one coming" said Kaworu inside me head, and I could picture him behind me smirking.
"What the hell do I say to her man?" I asked my friend; I really need the help I don't know how to proceed from now.
"Just tell her the truth"
"And that is?!" now is not the time for your cryptic answers Kaworu!
"Relax Shinji, I just wanted to let you know that, you don't have to say anything" came Kaguya's voice and I notice she's giving me a warm smile, this girl doesn't cease to surprise me since the day we met.
"Okay, thank you for your support by the way" I think I got out of that fine, no?
After that we walked silently side by side in comfortable silence, she linking her arms around my left one like she did for our date, she started humming a song I couldn't quite place, but it sounded familiar anyways.
"Can I ask you something weird?" I said out of nowhere, trying to establish a conversation
"Sure Shinji, go ahead"
"What do you think about inmortality?"
"Mmm, that is a weird question indeed" she stopped walking, prompting me to do the same. Putting a hand to her chin and scrunching her face in deep thought. She looked cute. "Well, I think it's a sad concept. It kind of erases the meaning of living"
"What do you mean?" I asked puzzled
"Think about it, everybody makes plans in life because they know they have limited time, and want to achieve things in that time"
"But if I were inmortal I would have all the time in the world to do anything I want or could want" I said, not really understanding what she's trying to say.
"Sure, but it wouldn't have the same meaning anymore, there is no sense of urgency. There is no feeling of 'I need to get this done'. I think that part of being alive is knowing you're going to die sooner or later, so you need to make the most of what you have left. If I'm aware I have unlimited time, then sooner or later I would get bored of everything" I haven't really thought about it from that point of view
"But everybody is afraid of dying, I'm sure anyone would want to be inmortal if they could" I added.
"Yeah maybe, but I think that after 150 or 200 years, we humans would prefer to just die already, instead of lasting forever. Living to see everybody you love die, meeting new people to only watch them grow old and die again, repeating the process for eternity. It just seems so lonely and cruel".
"What if you're not the only one who's inmortal? What if there is someone you could spent eternity with?" I asked
"Two people suffering together for eternity. It seems you are a romantic Ikari Shinji" she said in a teasing tone, then started giggling softly. This threw the whole serious mood we had just a moment ago through the window. I couldn't help to laugh along with her.
"I guess I am" I said in between laughs. "It seems we're here Kaguya"
Ordering our food and taking seat in a nearby table in the middle of the sidewalk, we started enjoying our Takoyaki together and continued talking about everything and nothing at all. All that time there was only one thought inside my head
'Maybe I like her too'
Around 1:00 PM, Asuka's POV
"We need to start planning what we're doing for my bachelorette party" said Hikari.
We're currently walking back to her house after finishing having lunch together. She spent most of the time talking about her honeymoon plans, how the Jock is taking dancing lessons for the wedding, and possible child names for their future kids. I don't want to be a buzzkill, her big day taking place in two months from today, but I can't seem to share her enthusiasm. I've never been keen on the idea of having children, since my teenage years the idea didn't sit well with me. But I'll be lying if I didn't entertain the thought on one or two occasions in the past. Another thing is that I don't really know if I'm able to have children after what happened with the MP Evas. If my scars are any indication, I highly doubt it; even though I still get my period regularly. Wedding also seems so far away for me right now.
"What do you have in mind? We could rent a villa by the beach and get wasted" I suggest, I've never been to a bachelorette party, so I don't really know what one usually does at those. I'm sure Misato is the woman to ask for advice on this front.
"It's not a bad idea, but I had something wilder in mind" she says with a smirk
"I never thought you were a pervert Horaki Hikari" Since the day she said she secretly loves how Toji gets riled up when men ogle her up, I've come across many sides of the former Class Rep I never thought could exist. She's a closet pervert.
"Don't make me remind you who was the one so enthralled with the concept of sexuality when we were 14. And with and older guy no less" Ugh I really don't want to remember that. Kaji surely was one hell of a man, however I behaved like a brat, trying to have sex with a man who had twice my age, and my caretaker no less. Looking back at it, I was a hormonal brat.
"I suggest you talk about this with Misato, she surely knows how to spice a party up. If that's what you're looking for" at this answer, she opened her eyes in realization and nodded eagerly, as if hit by the most brilliant idea one could have. After that we both kept a comfortable silence, just walking at a slow pace and taking in Tokyo-3 busy streets. About ten minutes in she stopped and opened her mouth.
"Isn't that Shinji over there?" She said, pointing towards a takoyaki stand on the other of the street. Effectively, Shinji was sitting at a table in front of the stand in the sidewalk, apparently talking with someone. 'What's got him so joyous today? I would expect him to be depressed after having talked with his father' I thought to myself. I missed the figure that was accompanying him until Hikari pointed it out to me.
"And it looks like he's on a date. I think that's the girl Toji told me about" she said angry.
Now looking at the whole thing, jealousy started to creep up on me 'So she's the reason you look so happy right now'. I notice she puts her hand on his shoulder in an obvious attempt to initiate physical contact and I grit my teeth. How can she be so casual about it? He's not yours to be putting your hands on him like that! Okay, I have to calm down. You knew he was dating Asuka, you and Misato even planned to get them to break up technically so let her enjoy it for a bit more; because if there is something Asuka Langley Sohryu doesn't do is losing. Take deep breaths and just ignore them, keep walking to Hikari's
"Come on Asuka, let's go say hi" said Hikari grabbing me by the hand and suddenly pulling me towards the crosswalk
"Are you crazy!? Let me go Hikari, don't interrupt their date" I resist her pulling me which puts us at a stop in the middle of the street, luckily we have some seconds before the light turns green.
"I need to take a look at your competition, it'll be quick come on" she said seriously, why is she so worked up about this?
"I told you, he's free to date whoever he wants, WE'RE NOT TOGETHER HIKARI" I emphasize
"And that's just you being STUPID, I know you well Asuka, and I'm not going to let you hurt yourself because of your dumb pride" Should I tell her what me and Misato planned this morning? Come on I've barely thought about what to do, much less telling Hikari about it. I made the mistake of taking time to think on how to explain the situation to her, and failed to notice that we had started walking again, and she was waving at him!
"Shinji! Is that you?!" she yelled. Come on Hikari that was so fake.
"He already spotted us and is waving back at me, let's go" You're going to pay for this one Hikari, big time.
Nearing their table, I can fully observe his date. She's certainly pretty, with jet black hair and green shiny eyes, her face finely shaped, her figure slender meaning she works out probably. Admitting to myself Shinji's moon princess is pretty, provoked mixed emotions inside me. On one hand, I'm glad he's not dating someone ugly because that would speak ill of the man I have feelings for. On the other hand, she's so pretty I feel kind of insecure that maybe Shinji believes she's prettier than me, and that idea eats at my brain.
I glance at Shinji who's looking at me with a nervous expression, as if I just caught him doing something he shouldn't. I was going to meet her tomorrow anyways, what's the big deal?
"Aren't you going to introduce us Shinji?" said Hikari. Damn, this girl is something else, she's like a toxic girlfriend.
"Uhh yes! Kaguya, this is Horaki Hikari a former classmate and friend of mine" he said signaling to Hikari. I stared at him, waiting to see how he is going to introduce me. He gulped and I could see a small shaking in his hand.
"And this is… My roommate and fellow pilot, Asuka" No friend this time huh?. Well after our conversation on the roof, I think it's fair. Anyways, take that wench, we live together!
"A pleasure to meet you both! I've heard a lot about you Asuka!" She answered happily. Wait what? What's up with that reaction? And what does she mean she's heard a lot about me?
"And you guys live together! Lucky you! I'm so envious right now" She added, still smiling. What's up with this girl? How can she take this news so easily? I would certainly be fuming if I find out the guy I'm dating shares his house space with another woman. I'm wide eyed and clearly at a loss for words. I notice my friend is giving off an angry aura and when I turn to look at her, I can see she's trying her best to not look pissed off. What's up with Hikari too? Why is she so angry?
"Well would you look at the time! We should get going Asuka. It was nice meeting you Kaguya, enjoy the rest of your date guys!" She said hurriedly and proceeded to grab my hand and started dragging me with her to leave them alone.
"What's up with you Horaki?" I inquired after we put some distance between the two lovebirds.
"Didn't you see her reaction?! We interrumpted their date, how can she be so calm and happy about it?! Even when he said you guys live together!" Toxic Hikari keeps on surprising the audience.
"What did you expect? She seems like a good girl" I said, trying my best to not agree with her right now, my pride won't let me appear that rattled from the encounter.
"Honestly, I feel like these last few days our personalities have been reversed Asuka. What's up with you?" she asked.
"There's nothing up with me. I just wish you'd stop playing matchmaker with me and Shinji"
"But I can't keep watching you guys be like this! There's clearly a lot between you two, and both of you refuse to acknowledge it, it's hurting you both"
"That's my problem and his Hikari!" I answered angrily, why can't she understand that?
"You saw how happy he was with that girl! What do you want me to do? Sabotage his date? I'm not that petty anymore" I added
"But how can you be okay with something like this!?"
"Who says I'm okay with it!? I hate it! I hate watching him smiling like that to someone else! I hate that it hurts me more than I care to admit! I hate that I'm a hypocrite that can't stand to see him dating someone, yet I dated multiple times in these last few years. I hate that the reason we didn't work out was because he was dumb enough to not trust me with his secret. And what I hate the most is realizing Misato's right, he doesn't need me to be happy." I said that last part in a low voice, coming down from my outburst
"Asuka…" came Hikari's voice after I finished my monologue
"Let's just go home" I said, ending our conversation there before I spill more things about me.
'I sure hope you're right Misato, and there's hope for me'
Nighttime at Misato's. Shinji's POV
"Dinner's ready" I call, bringing Misato and Asuka to the kitchen table. I'm suspecting Misato has been waiting for us to be together to bring the topic of my father. Everybody gathered at the kitchen table and starting to eat, Misato finally breaches the subject.
"Ritsuko told me what happened today" she said calmy, I just nodded at her and kept eating my food.
"I'm assigning Asuka to keep an eye on you at all possible times" At hearing this I choked on my food and started coughing like crazy. What? Why?
Slamming her chopsticks in the table and standing up abruptly, Asuka regarded Misato with a furious expression.
"WHAT?! This is not what we agreed!" she spoke loudly, clearly displeaded with the idea like me. Effectively swallowing the food and drinking a glass of water I proceeded to talk.
"What's the meaning of this Misato?! I don't need a babysitter, I'm not a child" I added displeased.
"You almost killed your father today Shinji, and blew to smithereens a very expensive wall of glass, which I'm deducting from your salary every month until it's paid" She added undisturbed by our sudden outburst, eating her food in complete calm.
"But I didn't! I kept my composure" I debated
"Come on Misato, I have a life too I can't spend all of my time babysitting the Baka" argued Asuka
"It's just going to be a couple of weeks, until I can make sure Shinji is handling things well. The only time I'll allow you to not keep an eye on him is when you both have classes at the same time, and when he's on a date" She's out of her mind
"And what should I do if he escapes my line of sight? He's superhuman remember"
"Report it to me, but I know he won't be as dumb as that" she said glaring at me
"Misato come on; this is ridiculous" I tried again
"Shinji, almost killing someone is not keeping your composure. I'm sorry but I have reasons to keep an eye on you. This is non-negotiable"
Great way to damper my mood, I don't even want to finish my food right now. I can see that Asuka's feeling the same way that me. She sat back down and started picking at her food while I just stood from the table and started washing the things I used to make dinner. Shortly after Misato excused herself and went to bed, saying she had a couple of meetings in the morning so she had to be up and early. This left me and Asuka alone in the apartment and I was contemplating on whether or not I should strike up a conversation with her. I took a quick glance at her and noticed she was deep in thought, probably thinking the same thing as me. It feels like those first days of sync training.
"How are you feeling?" Came her question, taking me by surprise. She never asks about how I'm feeling. The only thing I could conjure to answer her was a stuttered out 'huh?' and that earned me a growl from her part.
"What are you, stupid? I asked how are you feeling. From what Misato said your talk with your father didn't go too well." She elaborated
"I'd rather not talk about it" I said
"Bullshit" she fired back challenging me
"Excuse me?" I replied angrily
"It's bullshit, you're doing that thing where you try to appear undisturbed about something and hide it, so you don't inconvenience anybody, but you clearly want to get it out of your system. You haven't changed as much as you think in these six years, Baka."
"Well, maybe you're reading into things too much" I said nonchalantly, not willing to accept she was right on the spot and look like I need comforting.
"Drop the act Third, I'm giving you a chance to be honest with me and talk. But if you're going to be difficult, I might as well go to bed" she started standing up and turning to walk to her room when I spoke without thinking.
"Wait!" I called out and she just stopped in her tracks and glanced at me, prompting me to keep talking.
"It's just…there's so much going through my mind right now" I said, dropping my arms to my sides and letting out a sigh. She said nothing, only went back to the table and sat down, looking at me silently telling me to continue speaking.
"But I'm mostly angry, at him and at myself. A part of me was dumb enough to think maybe I could forgive him for what he did, but now I just wish he never came back from Instrumentality"
"What did he say to you?" she asked
I proceeded to explain to her everything I talked about with my father, including the information about the aliens. She was pensive throughout my whole story, but then I started rambling on about what he said about my mother and their plan.
"I just snapped, the same way I did when I was fighting Shamsel, my mind find willed with blind rage" I said, now tighting my fists and getting angry all over again.
"What the fuck am I supposed to with that regret?! I can't erase all the things I've done because of what they did! I have to live with the weight of being the one who ended humanity because of their selfish decisions! I was just a child! And he used me like a scapegoat to start an apocalypse!. I guess that's what it takes to make my parents see their mistakes, their child causing the apocalypse and erasing humanity. Add to that I'm a fucking mutant whose sole existence brings danger to the same humans I once ended and turned them to LCL. He has the audacity to talk all high and mighty, as if it was the most natural thing to do, not even saying sorry for all the pain he made me go through. I just… I hate him so much Asuka, I thought I was past it, but today all that came back stronger than before"
Lost in my rambling, I failed to register Asuka standing up from her chair and walking towards me. I was pulled out of my rage when I felt slender arms pulling me into a hug, compressing me between her arms and body. I was too stunned to do anything, standing like a log.
"I understand" came her voice, as she tightened the hug. "So stop crying already Shinji, he doesn't deserve your tears, they don't" she added.
I didn't realize I started crying, I raised a hand awkwardly to touch my cheek and confirm the wetness in them. I mentally slapped myself for breaking down like that, especially in front of Asuka, but I made no move to break the hug. On the contrary, it felt surprisingly warm and my instinct took over my body and I returned the hug, tightening my hold on her too. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes until I calmed down, but I felt we were embracing each other for hours.
"Uhh… Asuka" I said after we broke the hug, trying to strike a conversation to clear up the awkward air around us right now.
"I'm going shopping tomorrow, and you're coming with me. After our sync test in the morning." she said. We just finished hugging and she's already ordering me around like when we were kids.
"I-uh, I'm supposed to talk with Ritsuko after the test." I reply.
"Well, then after you talk with her, we're going shopping. I'm going to bed now, I suggest you do the same" with that she just walked away and went to her room, leaving me somewhat dumbfound.
"Goodnight Asuka" I said to the space she used to be just a moment ago.
"Who would have thought today was going to be such a rollercoaster ride." Came Kaworu's voice from my side.
"I certainly didn't."
"Well Shinji-kun, we should be heading to bed, I think tomorrow is going to be even more interesting now." he said, and I completely agree with him.
"I sure hope it's on the good side of interesting though"
That's a wrap for chapter 4! So this one was evidently focused on building up Asuka's character in the story, her motivations and endgame are somewhat more clear right now, and we can clearly see she' has come a long way in six years. For Shinji though, it seems things are starting to get complicated, and that he's not as stable as he might appear.
Two chapters without knowing where the aliens are, what might they be planning? it seems Modri and his crew is giving our crew a little bit of free time before things break out. I wanted to include Friday's scenes in this chapter (the sync test and Ritsuko's conversation with Shinji, the shopping event and Shinji playing for Kaguya) but it would have made an extremely long chapter, so I decided against it. I feel I might have gone a bit too OOC with Shinji's reaction to his father, and Asuka's sudden monologue after meeting Kaguya, but I am not sorry :)
I wanted to thank you all for your kind reviews, especially RomuloNidoking BR and SheriffJohnStone for continuously reviewing my chapters and taking the time to write extensive criticism, I really appreciate it.
Lo mismo para Guadalupedejes, gracias por tu apoyo continuo a lo largo de mi historia, lo aprecio mucho.
See you guys in the next chapter!