My Teen Rom-Com is a Lie
Chapter 3: The Gang's All Together Now
Time.
The concept of time is fairly interesting. Especially when taking into consideration the many different ways one can view it. For example, it is a way to define the duration of a cycle around the Sun. Or a virtue that should be valued far more than any amount of money.
Time is perceived differently by everyone. As a result of a person's position and current mood, the amount of different ways one can perceive one moment is vast. Take into consideration the experiences of one's entire life, and you'll realize that no one can view the same thing from the same perspective.
Anyway, when one goes to watch movies, it may seem like a short watch, or an eternity. And for the characters in said movie, it could take place over the span of a few hours, or entire years.
But for someone to say that I was living in the anime Oregairu, I would have to disagree. I am not living in a show or book, for I was feeling the full brunt force of time.
There are no time skips, transition scenes, or commercial breaks. No matter how many times I attempt to break the fourth wall in hopes that the mysterious forces known as the rom-com gods favor me, I have to deal with every second of the day. No matter how annoying or tedious.
Needless to say, I felt very tired when I got home.
X X X
It was dark outside. Since the end of school, several hours had passed and the sun had set. A few stars could be seen in the sky, but there weren't many. No surprise, considering the amount of light pollution in the area.
After putting away my bike, I unlocked the door to the house. I was bathed in the yellow light of the entrance as I shut the door behind me.
As I bent over to take off my shoes I winced in pain. Underneath my dirty and disheveled clothes were scrapes and bruises. A bead of sweat ran from my scalp down to my chin, before dripping onto the floor.
You may be wondering, why am I in such a condition? Well, to explain that will require a lot of mental preparation for me to recall those past events.
Or in other words, it's just embarrassing to remember.
A couple hours ago, I arrived at the area where I locked up my bike. Fortunately, I was able to find out the route back to my house relatively easily, so I wasn't worried about that.
However, there was a glaring problem that I needed to face.
I haven't ridden a bike in over 5 years.
Yeah yeah, how could I possibly not know how to ride a bike? No, it's not that I don't know how to ride a bike, it's just been a while.
To summarize, I had to relearn how to ride a bike just to get home. Hence the cuts and bruises, along with arriving at a ridiculously late hour.
Back in the present time, I had just taken off my shoes when it finally dawned on me as to why the lights were still on.
"Onii-chan…"
I slowly raised my head towards where I heard the voice.
Standing before me was the second born of the Hikigaya family. Otherwise known as Hikigaya Komachi.
Wearing a look of anger and concern, she started interrogating me.
"Where were you?! Why are you back so late? And why do you look so beaten up? Did you get into an accident again?!"
I was overwhelmed. To be completely honest, I forgot all about Komachi. Sure, I did mention her in the little verbal battle I had with Yukinoshita, but that was only because it was in the heat of the moment.
Although, I wasn't quite sure how to handle this situation. While I could lie and deceive everybody I knew at school (Which is a small enough number already), Komachi has spent her entire life with Hiki- Hachiman.
It's likely that she'd be able to notice whether I was acting strange or see through any lies or excuses I come up with at the moment. So the best course of action might as well be choosing to be completely honest.
Taking in a deep breath, I replied. "Komachi, I forgot how to ride my bike. As a result, I painstakingly had to remember how. That's why."
This seemed to only provoke Komachi further, so I decided to go a completely different route and tell a half-truth.
"Well, I guess more like, I was overwhelmed by today's events. So, I spent my time reflecting on my life decisions which brought me to that point, and wasn't paying attention to what was in front of me."
"So you did get into an accident!"
"No, I forgot how to ride my bike."
"Whatever you say Onii-chan." It seems that my second half of the confession calmed her down a bit. Probably thinks I'm just too embarrassed to admit the truth. Which I was!
But yeah, when all else fails, tell the person in question what they want to hear. It's a lot easier to convince them when the truth fails.
Proceeding to walk over to my room, I looked back at Komachi. "I'm exhausted, so I'm going to bed. No, I don't need dinner. I'll have it for lunch tomorrow or something."
I entered my room, shutting the door behind me.
"Ahhhhhhh…" I let out a long sigh as I fell onto my bed. Too much work for one day.
Before sleep could overtake me, I allowed myself to review everything that's happened so far.
Okay, so I've obviously become Hachiman. What now? Do I continue trying to recreate the story the books told, or go in a completely different direction? Am I even capable of doing that? What if there's an invisible force that prevents me from going too out of character, or revealing who I truly am? If there is, I hope it isn't some shadowy hand ready to grasp my heart when I get carried away [1]. And how will I interact with Komachi? I know I'm fairly similar to Hachiman in some regards, but what if that's not enough?
Too much to think about, not enough time… As they say, leave the problems of tomorrow to tomorrow's you. Actually, pretty sure no one says that, but you get my point.
I slowly began to drift into slumber as I was finally allowed to relax for the first time in this strange predicament.
X X X
I woke up in the morning to find that I'd slept past my alarm clock. After getting dressed, I went to the dining room to find breakfast already made.
A single note lay next to my food.
'Dear Onii-chan, you were looking pretty tired when you got home, so I decided to turn off your alarm so you could get some much undeserved rest. Kyaa~ That was worth a lot of Komachi points!
S.P. Promise me you'll pay attention to what's in front of you on the way to school.'
Really Komachi? While I appreciate that I got to sleep in, I'll be scolded for being late. Well, not like my reputation can get much worse.
After eating my breakfast and packing up last night's leftovers for lunch, I mounted my bike (which I now know how to ride) and headed off to school.
Surprisingly enough, I was only a couple minutes late to homeroom, so the lecture on being late was relatively short. Although, it didn't stop some people from noticing my current state.
Current state meaning I didn't bother to do my hair or anything. Just got dressed, ate breakfast, and showed up here.
Well, not like that mattered. As soon as I got to my seat, I fell asleep quickly.
Since I was actually able to sleep in today, I didn't feel that sleepy and woke up soon after homeroom ended.
As a result, I had to deal with waiting through each class. It wasn't too bad though. Aside from Japanese, history, and home economics, I had already taken most of the classes Hachiman was in. Thanks to me being in mostly advanced classes in my previous school.
Oh, and English was a breeze.
Once classes were over, I slowly but surely started to head over to the club room.
That's what I like to say happened, but I forgot where the clubroom was, so Ms. Hiratsuka took that as me trying to ditch. In the end, I was able to get to the club room with just a sore arm.
Entering the service clubroom, I set my bag down and made myself comfortable. Unfortunately, the peaceful silence was rudely broken.
"So you decided to come back."
"Apparently." I was in a good mood, despite the throbbing shoulder, so I didn't want to start a conversation that could ruin it.
"Really? I thought yesterday's events would have stopped the average person from returning. Are you a masochist?"
"No, I'm not a masochist."
"Then, a stalker?"
"No, I was dragged here by Ms. Hiratsuka. Why would I even go out of my way to hang around you?"
With a slightly curious expression, she looked over to me. "You don't like me?"
"I don't have much reason to dislike you as a person, but your attitude really tests my patience."
Yukinoshita looked closely at me, as if trying to discern what I had just said. "What do you mean by 'dislike me as a person'?"
"Exactly what I mean by it. You seem to have good intentions, but you're clearly not good at getting along with others."
Raising her hand over her chin, Yukinoshita had a contemplative expression.
"If you see my actions to you as helpful, why do you refuse to acknowledge your problem, or accept my advice?"
"I never said that your ideas were going to help me. If anything they'll just hinder what I desire to achieve."
"And what is it that you want to 'achieve'?"
What I want to achieve huh? I desire to become the ultimate loner of course!
"That's a personal matter. If you want to know so much about me, then how about I do the same. What's your goal? Why help me become a 'better' person? And don't say it's because Ms. Hiratsuka requested it."
Yukinoshita didn't expect that response. Probably because I had a follow up to my excuse this time.
"It's a bit rude to respond to a question with a question, but very well. I shall entertain your inquiry." She patted down her blazer, despite there being no wrinkles, and continued.
"The greater a person is, the more they suffer. The world is full of awful contradictions such as this. People are weak and twisted. Doing everything in their power to bring down those around them. I find this notion to be very unsettling, so I intend to do something about that."
"And what are you going to do?"
She looks at me with a piercing gaze. "Change this world, along with everyone in it."
While it is a fairly naive goal, I can respect it. She's doing far more to attain her dreams than I am. Even if she's just starting with helping those who request aid from this club.
The silence returns once again. Almost deafening. My mind wanders, trying to decide whether I should try to start up another conversation.
Yukinoshita on the other hand has moved on to her book. Clearly having moved on from our chat.
After a few minutes passed, there was a knock on the door.
"Come in."
"Excuse me." The door slid open to reveal a girl with pinkish hair and hazel eyes.
Closing the door behind her, she looked around the room. Inevitably, she saw me sitting in said room.
"W-why is Hikki here!"
I looked away, trying to ignore her. What kind of nickname is 'Hikki' anyway?
Before Yuigahama could question my irritation, the small clatter of a chair being moved brought her attention elsewhere.
Yukinoshita grabbed a chair and placed it down close to her own. She gestured towards it, offering her a seat. "Yuigahama Yui, is it?"
"Wow, so you know who I am?"
I glanced towards them ever so slightly. "Of course she does. I bet you know everyone at this school, Yukinoshita."
"That's not true, I didn't know you after all."
To be fair, I walked straight into that one. I decided to stay silent. I'd rather not engage in a verbal battle today.
However, Yukinoshita continued, as if to spite me. "Don't worry too much about it. I was simply blocking out your existence so I wouldn't have to deal with your twisted identity."
Once again, I continued to stay silent. Didn't we have a fairly civil conversation earlier? Why can't we go back to that?
Yuigahama looked back and forth between the two of us. She treated this as if I was actually contributing to this one sided conversation.
"It's like, super weird to see you here though, Hikki. Don't you like, not interact with anyone at all? I didn't know you knew Yukinoshita."
Avoiding eye contact, I responded. "I don't interact with anyone. I wouldn't even consider Yukinoshita an acquaintance. And I was forced to join this club."
Yuigahama turns her full attention to me. "I've never heard you talk so much Hikki! You, like, never say anything in class."
"Yeah…" What's that supposed to mean? I just spoke a couple seconds longer than usual. Does she want to include me in the conversation that much?
"Ah, as I recall, you are also in class 2-F. Is that correct, Yuigahama?" Yukinoshita joined in on the conversation. Well, if you could call it that.
"Yeah, that's right. But, all Hikki does in class is sleep, read, and listen to music. Oh! But today, you actually paid attention in class for once, right Hikki? And you came in looking like a mess. Why is that?"
Oho, so she actually noticed I was paying more attention. She's a bit more observant than I initially thought.
Finally, I turned to look at Yuigahama. She flinched when I looked at her eyes. "You pay an awful lot of attention to someone who most people don't know exist."
Yuigahama tensed up, a faint blush appeared on her face. In the background, I could hear Yukinoshita commenting about me being practically invisible.
"Eww! Hikki, that's like, super gross! I just happened to notice, okay? That's so creepy…"
"Hey, what does any of that have to do with me being creepy? If anything, that's like me saying you're weird for the slutty way you dress."
Uh, that was Hachiman talking. I personally like to avoid insulting people, most of the time.
"What? How can I be a slut if I'm still a vir- Uh-wa-ah! Forget I said that!" With a bewildered look on her face, Yuigahama shook her hands fiercely. Such hand gestures could rival that of the student council president Mr. Jazz Hands. You know, that guy from season 2.
To no surprise, the scene proceeded to play out just like in the anime. After patiently waiting for the situation to settle, I joined in.
"To believe in such superficial values like 'being a real woman' is the reason you normies are so hard to deal with."
"Urrg, this is why you can't make any friends Hikki! You're such a creep!"
Once again, I was put in the spotlight by Yuigahama. "So what if I can or can't make friends? And stop calling me Hikki"
"So, are you here to make a request?" Yukinoshita, clearly tired of our antics, broke up our little conversation.
Finally turning away from me, Yuigahama proceeded to answer. "Uh, I guess? Ms. Hiratsuka said this place grants student's wishes."
Before Yukinoshita could correct Yuigahama, I cut her off. "No, this club helps a person deal with their problems. As Yukinoshita would probably put it, 'teach a man how to fish rather than fishing for him'. What do you need help with."
I lazily tilted my head back. Although, I could see Yukinoshita fuming over the fact I butchered her time to shine as president of the service club.
Yuigahama looked over to Yukinoshita for confirmation. In return, she reluctantly nodded in agreement.
"Woah, that's like, super cool!" Is it really? How do you see that as cool?
Yukinoshita straightened her posture, despite it already being as level as her chest. "Yes, I hope to best help you fulfill your wish, even if I cannot grant it for you.
With the story finally moving along, Yuigahama began to talk about what her request was about.
"Oh yeah… So like… cookies." Yes, you want to do what involving cookies?
She glanced at me when she started talking about the cookies. What? Think I'm going to laugh at you because you need help cooking?
Yukinoshita's gaze rested on me, indicating that this was the point where I needed to scram.
"Uh, I guess I'm kind of thirsty… I'll be back." No, that wasn't a terminator reference, so I won't mention it.
"If you are going to get something to drink, I'd like a Vegetable Lifestyle 100 Strawberry Yogurt Mix" Why is that name so long?! Will I even remember it by the time I leave the classroom?
The answer is no.
X X X
I had to search around a bit to find a vending machine. Although, I eventually came across one.
Looking through, I found the drink Yukinoshita requested. I also picked out a drink for Yuigahama.
At what point was MAX coffee introduced into the series? I forget. Honestly, I've been curious as to how it tastes, so I might as well purchase it.
With my wallet feeling slightly lighter, I made my way back to the classroom.
X X X
It took me a bit of time to find my way back to the club room. Got lost a few times, but not like that really matters. If it irritates Yukinoshita, then it's time well spent.
I opened the door, only to be greeted by Yukinoshita all too ready to berate me.
"You took too long."
"Yeah yeah, whatever." I handed Yukinoshita the drink. Or should I say, she snatched it out of my hands. After that, I handed the other drink to Yuigahama, who started to take out 100 yen from her bag.
"Keep it. If Yukinoshita's not paying, then you don't need to either." I could feel Yukinoshita's glare on my back, but it was worth it.
"But I-"
I placed the can into her hands. "No, it's fine."
With a bashful smile, she looked up at me. "Thank you!"
No, second thought, give me the money! This is raising some flags that I'd much rather like to avoid.
I looked towards Yukinoshita, who was waiting for us to finish talking. "Let me guess, she wants to bake cookies, but since she's here, she obviously doesn't know how, nor does she want to ask her friends for help."
Yuigahama's eyes widened while Yukinoshita gave me a skeptical stare.
"No, I did not eavesdrop. It was an honest deduction this time." Yukinoshita obviously didn't believe me, but decided to move on rather than question me.
"Yes, we are aiding her in baking cookies."
Yuigahama fiddled with her fingers and looked at me. "Uh- Hikki… How did you know why I'm here?"
"I guessed based off of what you said. Are we going to the home ec room or what?" As I headed towards the door, I had one more thing to say. "Oh yeah, and you guys go on ahead of me. I need to use the restroom.
X X X
As I headed over to the restroom, I opened the can of MAX coffee I purchased earlier.
Wow… This really is super sweet, but not like a bad sweet. Actually, this tastes really good, and it's my first time bothering to drink coffee. I bet it has to do with Hachiman's taste buds. Might want to avoid this drink, considering how unhealthy it probably is.
I picked up my pace as I headed to the nearest restroom. Mostly because the last time I used it was probably yesterday morning. So, a long time.
After heading in and dealing with business, I went over to wash my hands. Looking up, I was met with a familiar pair of fish eyes.
No kidding. They really do look bad. I wonder what caused this. Was it genes? Lack of sleep? His troubled past? Probably all three.
Once I finished washing my hands, I headed over to the home ec room. I was able to find it with ease, considering it was one of my classes.
Entering the room, I found what could only be described as the production of a biochemical weapon.
"How could someone make so many mistakes?" Yukinoshita was rubbing her fingers on her temple.
Yuigahama looked just as shocked at what lay before her. As I entered, they didn't bother to turn their attention to me.
"No, I will not be a guinea pig in this failed experiment. Do you want to poison me that badly?"
I walked over to the table they stood around. Ingredients were littered across it.
"What do you mean poison?!" Picking up a piece of charcoal, she observed it closely. "Well, I don't think it is."
Yukinoshita opened her mouth. "Let's… move on." I couldn't agree more.
"Now that we know your current cooking level, we can work on improving it." Yukinoshita took out another metal bowl and set it on the table.
"Worst case scenario, we don't let you into the kitchen ever again." I interjected.
Yuigahama looked down dejectedly. "I guess you might be right. It takes talent to cook well, and I'm no good at it…"
"Talent? That's news to me. All you need to cook is the effort to learn how." I rested my cheek on my fist as I leaned onto the cooking table. "Who needs talent to do something well? I'm not a talented cook, but I at least know how to read the recipe."
Once again, Yukinoshita was reluctant to agree with me, but she pushed through that so she could provide her opinion.
"Hikigaya has a point. While there are those who are naturally talented at certain activities, those who don't put in the minimum effort don't have the right to complain about not doing well."
"Yeah, but nobody really does cooking like this anymore. It's so old school right? So other people might feel the same."
I pulled up a chair to the table and got comfortable.
So, this is where Yukinoshita makes the harsh 'this is reality' statement. Then Yuigahama says it's super cool and Yukinoshita stares at me in surprise. Wait, why is she staring at me?
"What?"
"Nothing."
Whatever, after that, Yuigahama appreciates how honest she is, yada yada. After which, she starts to bake a new batch…
*BAM*
I woke up with a start. In front of me is a metal bowl and a new batch of cookies. Also, a very irritated Yukinoshita.
I looked up at her.
I want to go home.
"What? Has Yuigahama finished her poor attempt at making cookies?"
"HEY!"
I stood up and tasted it. It was okay. A bit too much… salt? Sure she may have mixed the two, but this would be too much sugar if that's the case.
"Why did you use that much sugar?" More like, why did Yuigahama try to use so much.
"Oh… No reason, I thought it'd be nicer that way. Wait, don't you like more sugary things?"
She probably noticed that I'd purchased MAX coffee earlier.
"Sure, sugary things are great, but there's a limit. And what made you think I like lots of sugar?"
Yuigahama once again tensed up, but this time she tried to avoid the question.
"Oh, so it's not good enough huh… I guess I'll have to keep trying."
Here it is, the moment where Hachiman shines the greatest.
"Why are you so hung up on trying to make the cookies taste perfect. All you need to do is put in a good amount of effort, and any guy receiving them will be happy with that."
"Is that so?" Yukinoshita asked while contemplating on what I said.
"Yeah, in general, guys are pretty simple creatures. But, I won't go into detail."
Yuigahama looked away sheepishly. "Would you be happy with that, Hikki?"
"Huh? I guess. I've never gotten cookies from friends or acquaintances, so I wouldn't know."
Yukinoshita finished her musing and turned to Yuigahama. "So, what do you plan on doing now Yuigahama?"
"Oh! I guess I'll just continue to practice getting better at cooking. Thanks a lot for the help Yukinoshita!"
X X X
After Yuigahama left, me and Yukinoshita cleaned up the mess that was left over.
"Uhg, I should've stopped her before she left. She did make the majority of this in the first place."
Yukinoshita didn't respond. Although, she looked as though she was preparing to say something.
"Hikigaya, did you know Yuigahama before she came into the clubroom?" Wait, where is this coming from?
"Know? Well, I guess not. While she's in the same class as me, I don't really interact with anyone."
"You know that's not what I mean." Yukinoshita looked at me as though I had the word SUSPICIOUS written all over my face. "Your actions seemed too… rehearsed."
I kept my poker face up, but my heart was beating fast. You can't run from your problems forever, but you can postpone it.
"I don't know what you mean. You're too paranoid." Before she could respond, I put away the last pot and started to head out of the home ec room. "Anyway, I'm going. Thanks for helping me clean up, I guess." I shut the door.
X X X
The rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Since I made sure to come home on time, Komachi didn't bother me. But, I'll have to keep my guard up.
The next day came and went fairly quickly and once again, I was in the service clubroom.
It was very quiet, but more so than 'usual'. Likely due to how we left things off yesterday. But considering that we are merely acquaintances, I hoped that Yukinoshita would just drop it sooner or later.
"Yahallo!" The door opened and a familiar face came in.
I can't deny it. While it's a stupid greeting, it's undeniably cute.
"Why are you here?" Yukinoshita responded coldly.
"Oh… am I not welcome? Yukinoshita, do you hate me?" Yukinoshita hating you? How naive are you? If Yukinoshita hated you, she wouldn't even acknowledge your existence.
After a moment of thought, Yukinoshita responded. " I wouldn't say I hate you, but I don't like you either."
"That basically means the same thing when a girl says it!" Yuigahama threw her fists down and arched forward.
"So, did you need something?"
Yuigahama proceeded to take her bag off her shoulder and walk towards Yukinoshita to give her the cookies and offer to eat lunch with her.
Me, being the 'considerate' person I am, began to head out shortly after. Before I could get too far from the classroom, Yuigahama called out to me.
"Hikki!" She tossed the cookies at me.
Hey! Don't do that! I'll have you know that I'm awful at catching and it was sheer luck that I was able to do so here.
"I wanted to thank you for helping and all, I guess." She headed back to the classroom as I observed the cookies.
This is the first time I've received cookies from a girl. Dad, are you proud of me? No? Thought so…
I took a bite into the cookies and began to chew. It reminded me of that time when I baked corn bread, but I used too much baking powder. In short, this tasted bitter, salty, and I almost choked. But, that's not what matters.
I guess it's actually nice to get cookies, huh?
A/N: I tried way too hard to follow canon in this fic. If I were to rewrite it, I'd remove the whole residual Hachiman personality thing.
References:
[1] Re:Zero