Aaliyah's P.O.V

My eyes were closed and I had these soft lips against mine. They were gentle, kind, and sweet. It was slow and romantic and something I'm sure every girl would dream of. I would run my fingers through his hair, caress his cheek with my hand and try to deepen the kiss that I was engulfed in. I liked it. I liked it a lot.

But then I pulled away and opened my eyes and was only filled with disappointment.

"I assume you figured out what you needed to?"

"What?" I was snapped out of my thoughts, looking at the boy who stood in front of me as I remembered my position. "Oh," I let go of him and stepped back a bit, trying to find my words when he interrupted me.

"You sighed when you opened your eyes," He gently spoke to me. "You were disappointed."

"Harry," I frowned, trying to find the words to say.

"That's why you wanted to kiss me though wasn't it?" Harry continued. "To figure out if you felt something?"

"Well, yeah but-"

"Then this is a good thing." Harry confusingly added on. "You figured it out, right?" I nodded slowly. "Don't feel bad that when you opened your eyes, I wasn't who you wanted." He smiled at me and patted my shoulder. "Just be happy that you have that answer on how you feel."

I groaned at his response and he looked at me in confusion and almost hurt. "I'm sorry," I apologized. "I just don't understand how you can be so understanding!" I chuckled with frustration.

He smiled again. "I know it's what I would've wanted."

I knew I had to have felt something for Ethan for a while. Though, it's still hard to admit to myself. Why would the star baseball player like the girl who never really had a set and stone plan for her life besides follow the cute baseball player to his college?

Fuck.

How did that just click now? I worked my ass off just to try and get into the same college Ethan had a full ride to. I wanted to stick around him. I always told myself it's because he was one of my closest friends that I never wanted to let go, but then I never did the same for Sue? Guess I told myself because she was a family friend it was different. Ethan was just different for me and I went through every scenario in my head to justify my actions that didn't include liking him. Though, it's obvious, isn't it?

When our class first started and we were sat next to each other, I was slightly nervous. I was sat next to this guy who everyone knew the name of. The star pitcher of our school's varsity baseball team, the guy who had taken our team so far on multiple occasions, the guy who got a full-ride scholarship to college through baseball. The guy of little words but so talented when it came to baseball.

What happens in that cute little head of yours? I thought when I first sat down next to him as his arms were spewed across his side of the table and his head was rested on his arm with his eyes closed. His lashes would flutter and his mouth would part open slightly as tiny snores would escape him. I held back my laugh that first day at the sight that lay before me because I didn't want to wake him up from his pretty little beauty sleep. I wonder if he was dreaming about anything. What would he be dreaming about?

It was always comfortable silence throughout the class. I would wake him up if needed, help him out, give him my notes. Although we barely spoke, we just got comfortable with each other and closer.

"Hey, Ethan?" I asked when the bell rang and we were getting ready to leave class. He hummed to me as he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "Do you want my number? In case you need help with the packet or anything."

Ethan's eyes slightly widened in front of me as he cleared his throat and his expression dropped to the same emotionless man I was used to. He cleared his throat and nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket and then handing it to me so I could put in my number.

I handed it back to him when I finished entering my number. He looked at it and seemed to save it on his phone. Then he lifted his phone and pointed it towards my face. Before I knew it I heard the sound of a camera shutter go off and he got a slight grin when he looked back down to his phone. I had never seen him grin before. It was adorable.

He silently turned his phone screen to face me and he showed me my contact. My saved number, a completely candid picture of me from seconds ago as the contact photo, and my saved name. Liyah.

"Oh," I pointed at the screen and chuckled slightly, looking at him with an awkward smile. "It's Aaliyah. Not Liyah."

Ethan nodded. "I know."

Then he just waved goodbye and left the classroom.

I think that was about the first time I can clearly remember my heart skipping a beat and the feeling of heat rushing to my cheeks so quickly. I liked that feeling. I had never had a boyfriend before and I had never necessarily cared for any guys since they all fucking sucked. Until I met Ethan.

Later that day Ethan had already started texting me. Started by making sure I had his number, then went to help him with math, then to just getting distracted and talking about whatever. And that repeated for a while. It wasn't daily, but when it did happen we would talk for hours.

hey, Ethan? : Me

Ethan: hmm?

since i have the nickname liyah, can i give you a nickname? : Me

Ethan: ...

Ethan: okay

i had this one in mind: Me

Mouse: Me

Ethan: ?

Ethan: why?

cuz you're as quiet as a mouse: Me

:-) : Me

Ethan: ...

Ethan: okay

Ethan: i like it

good: Me

mouse ;-) : Me

Mouse: yep

Mouse: liyah ;-)

I remember feeling like a little girl excited on Christmas for presents because of that. Although, Christmas was near and we were on Christmas break so that's what I excused my feelings with. I do believe maybe it was a mixture of both Ethan and Christmas being near, but I knew that if Christmas wasn't around the corner I would still be feeling that way with him.

Not long after that, I had decided he was one of my closest friends. We never really hung out besides math class, if you could consider that hanging out, and the majority of our conversations could only be held over text due to his lack of speaking but I didn't mind it. I liked it. It was sweet and comfortable. I cherished every moment with him, yet I guess I craved a bit more.

"Mouse?" I spoke up as he finished up putting his backpack on. He looked up at me giving me his attention which gave me the green light to go on. "You uh, have baseball practice tonight right?" I awkwardly asked. I knew the answer but was a bit scared anyway. He looked at me with a slightly confused expression and nodded. "It's Friday so I don't need to focus on a lot of work today or anything," I began to ramble before I caught myself, shook my head, and went back on topic. "But anyway, I was wondering if I can maybe watch your practice today? If I'm allowed to?" I asked shyly.

I swear I saw Ethan's eyes light up. I'm sure it would not be very noticeable to others, but the corners of his lips as well very lightly curved up. Maybe I just look at his face too much to be able to tell the little details in his usual emotionless face. He nodded fairly quickly and made sure he was completely ready to leave the classroom. "You can follow me, I'll take you there."

I smiled brightly and returned his nod. We walked over to his locker so he could grab his baseball gear then we went to leave the school and walk towards the baseball field. Again, in silence, but our silence was never awkward. It was always comfortable, it was always nice, and it was always so refreshing. I could sit in silence with Ethan for hours and still feel so happy knowing he was next to me.

When we arrived at the baseball field I noticed some other people were sitting at the bleachers as well, both boys and girls. Wasn't packed, it was still fairly empty, but some people sat on the sidelines. Some were kids, most likely watching an older sibling practice before they can head home together. Looking over at the baseball field itself were already a couple of uniformed boys tossing the ball back and forth to each other while laughing and smiling. It was a nice sight.

"You can sit anywhere you like," Ethan told me, gesturing his head over towards the bleachers.

"Where is the best place to sit so I can see you better?" I asked him. I felt it was a valid question since I did come to specifically see him but he seemed to be taken by surprise with the question I asked. Was it too far?

"Oh," Ethan stuttered slightly, seemingly lost in thought. Finally, he ruffled his hair and pointed to an area of the bleachers that supposedly was the best place to see him play. "Easier to see a pitcher from there." He explained with a slightly shaky voice, clearing his throat right after.

I nodded and smiled as I started to walk towards the bleachers and he returned the nod and started walking towards the changing rooms. I was extremely excited to watch him play. I mean he was the star player for a reason. I was never big on sports, but I knew how much they meant to Ethan and I guess I wanted to tag along for it. Boys support boys, right?

When he walked back out of the changing room in his uniform I was in awe. Can this boy get any cuter? It was sunny out, so obviously I blamed the heat I felt in my cheeks and body on the sun. It couldn't be any other reason, why would it be? I was an idiot.

Watching him play was another experience. I could swear I saw him take a couple of glances at me but I didn't want to think too much into it. I just wanted to see him do what he loved. And wow was he good at it. He was definitely the star player for a damn good reason. I was mesmerized.

When practice had ended he had gotten dressed back into his normal clothes and met up with me at the bleachers. I quickly approached him and immediately pulled him in for a hug without thinking. We hadn't hugged before. I just really wanted to hug him at that moment. "You did so good, Mouse!" I squealed, still stoked from what I saw.

He was shocked at first from my hug but he hugged me back soon anyway. He nuzzled his head into my hair and I could feel a smile on his face. "Thank you." He quietly responded into my neck, his breath somewhat tickling me.

In all honestly, he was covered in sweat and usually I would absolutely hate being this close to someone sweating so much but with him I didn't care. Having him so close to me like that felt great. He could be messier and sweatier than this and I'd still hug him this closely. I'd do it over and over again without any regrets.

After that I decided that every Friday I would go watch him practice. It became a day I would always be so excited for. Every Monday wasn't necessarily exciting, but it meant that Friday was coming up and I'd get to see Ethan in his happy place again. That made me look forward to the week passing through all the time and nothing was able to stop that feeling. Not tests, not assemblies, they all didn't matter because I was going to be able to see Ethan practice after school on Friday.

I miss those Fridays so much.

...

It was the next day and we were all sat together for the morning meeting in 1-C. My leg bounced in my seat while I sat next to Sue and Harry again hoping that Ethan would sit by us this time. Except, he never showed up.

"Ethan is late," Lawrence spoke with curiosity. "That's unusual."

I stood up quickly, everyone turing their heads to me as the sound of my chair scooting made a loud noise. All the eyes on me made me stutter a bit when I tried to say, "I'll go get him." Lawrence just told me to be quick and I sped walked out of the classroom to make my way to his.

I arrived at his door and softly knocked. All I got in return was a groan and nothing else. So I knocked a little harder. A louder groan. "Ethan, it's me." I knocked again but this time speaking. There was no groan but there was no other response either. "Can I come in?"

Silence. No groans, no words. That was until I got a sudden text from Ethan simply stating, "The door is unlocked."

I put my phone back in my pocket and slowly entered the room. What I saw broke my heart.

Ethan was sitting up on his makeshift bed, his hood over his head, his hair dishevled, his blanket completely wrapping him, and his face puffy and red. It was more than obvious that he had been crying, and he had been crying for a long time. When he looked up to look at me I noticed his eyes were as well red and incredibly glossed over. When he looked me in the eyes his eyes got even more watery, but an extreme amount of tears finally fell suddenly.

"Ethan!" I exclaimed, leaping over to him to sit down next to him. He just sobbed and sniffled. "Ethan, oh my God what's wrong?" I asked in a panic. He wiped his tears and nose with the sleeve of his sweater then looked back over to me. Not at my face though. My sweater.

He took his hand out from under his blanket and tugged on my sweater. He sniffled as he did and another tear rolled down his cheek. Then he looked me in the eyes with a pleading look. He looked like a sad puppy.

I looked down and realized the issue he had with what I was wearing. I wasn't wearing his lettermans jacket. If wearing it made him feel better, I was going to do that. Whether I was upset, whether things were awkward, no matter what was happening between us right now I did not care. Ethan was never one to emote properly and so seeing him in such a distressed state was nothing but worrying for me and I was going to be there for him to the best of my ability.

I mumbled a quick "Hold on" and then got back up and basically ran over to mine and Sue's classroom. As soon as I had arrived inside, I threw the sweater I was wearing in that moment, grabbed Ethan's letterman jacket and swiftly put it back on me. Immediately after I got it situated I ran straight back to Ethan's room. As soon as I entered back in I went back and took my seat next to him.

"Better?" I asked panting. The running took a lot out of me from it being just a complete sprint, but the smile it put on Ethan's face and the small cute nod he gave me made it all worth it. I passed him a soft smile and pulled him into a tight hug.

He couldn't really hug back at first as he was engulfed with his blanket that his arms were behind, but he quickly took them out from under his blanket to wrap them around my waist after I had pulled him into me. My arms were wrapped around his neck, my hands pushing his head forward into my shoulder so he could rest it there. He ended up unravelling himself from me for a second to pull his hood down before immediately going back into the position he was in previously, except this time he got more comfortable and snuggled into me. When he got to a good position I just heard him quietly sob again.

I ran my fingers through his hair and slowly rocked him side to side with me. "Shhh," I hushed him. "It's okay, Ethie. Everything is going to be okay." I whispered.

Ethan froze and tensed up for a second then he tilted his head towards me as if to make sure I could clearly hear what his next words were. "Say it again." I hummed in question wondering what he meant. "Say Ethie again." He elaborated.

I smiled. "Do you like it when I call you Ethie?" I chuckled lightly. He once again got comfortable in the crook of my neck and just nodded. "Okay, Ethie. I'll say it whenever you want me to."

After a while of sitting there tightly in each others embraces and the silent sobs that crept up from Ethan every once in a while, I finally spoke up once again. "What's wrong?" I whispered into his ear.

Ethan let out a deep sigh and sniffled. Not moving his position he responded with, "It's never getting better, is it?"

I don't know why that question shattered my heart. Maybe because Ethan was always someone who seemed so well kept together and that question kind of broke that entire façade. "What do you mean?" My voice was low. It was filled with hurt but I didn't want him to know that it was. Right now I wanted to focus on him only.

A small sob was heard before he leaned back away from me so that he could look at me when he spoke. When we let go of each other he used his sleeves again to wipe his face before he went to explain. "It's never going to get better." He began. "The outbreak started right before a game. Then when I found my family, not long after we were torn apart from each other. I don't even know if they're still alive." His voice cracked. "Then I found a group at the middle school yet they divided in arguments so quickly that got everyone I used to know killed. The 9 of us made it over which at least gave me something left. Then our group started to shrink one by one. My friends were just dying around me and I couldn't do anything about it." His expression began to go blank as he got stuck in thought talking about the past. Though his face held no expression, his tears still fell and his voice still portrayed pain. "Then I found you." He looked me in the eyes softly, giving me a small smile for a second before looking down and messing with his fingers. "Until I," He stuttered. "Until I fucked it up too."

If this were any other time I would be in shock to hear Ethan swear as I had never heard him swear before or even seen him type out a swear word over texts besides maybe "dumbass" when he complained about not understanding something. That wasn't my focus though. My focus was on his words, his hurt. All of the emotions he was letting me see right then and there.

"Ethie," I used the nickname again in hopes to calm whatever was going through his head at the moment. I grabbed each of his hands with mine and rubbed my thumbs over his knuckles. "You never fucked up. Everyone has their ups and downs with each other. It's okay, Ethan."

"I fucked up before this apocalypse too." He spoke with anger. Not towards me, but towards himself. "If I could just be honest, if I knew how to get out my words correctly, if I knew how to just show emotions better, maybe then," He stopped and looked me in the eyes. "Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much."

I wasn't sure what he meant with those words. I wasn't sure if they were directed towards me or himself as a whole, but whatever it was bothered him.

"I wish it was like what it used to be. If I had more time maybe I could've... done something." He sighed and looked back down at his lap. He could never look me in the eyes or at my face for too long without needing to look away. "But it's never getting better."

"Ethan, we're too young to know it gets better."

Ethan stayed silent to my words, so I continued.

"I just wish I could take that bomb in your head and disarm it, Ethie." I leaned forward and put one of my hands on his head, brushing my fingers through his midnight black hair. I remember when he first dyed the tips of his bangs navy blue. He was so excited.

"Everyone just goes away," He said, leaning his head towards my hand, allowing me to run my fingers deeper through his hair. "And I let them."

"I'd be in pieces on the floor if you weren't around," I spoke with sincerity. I scooted a bit closer to him to get more comfortable while I continued to pet him. "I'll be summer sun for you forever, forever winter if you go."

With those words Ethan just grabbed my wrist that laid on his hand and pulled me closer to him. When I got close enough he quickly grabbed my hips and lifted me up to sit me down onto his lap. With my legs on either side of him he wrapped his arms around my waist to get me pressed against his chest as he once again dug his head into my neck. At first in shock with the gesture, I decided to let it slide to give him the moment he needed. I lifted my arms to go ahead and place both of my hands onto his head to let my fingers roam around in his hair once again in which he let out a deep and heavy sigh in response while he snuggled up closer to me.

After giving him this time for about 2 minutes I broke the silence. "We should get up now." I softly suggested. "I can take you to the showers and you can get all cleaned up so we can start the day new, okay my mouse?"

Ethan groaned, tilting his head to the side of my neck. I was able to feel the soft, yet chapped, skin of his lips rubbing against my skin as he muffled out a, "5 more minutes".

If it weren't for me being able to feel each word he spoke with his lips against my neck I probably would have refused, but all I could do was nod. "Okay," I closed my eyes and relaxed my body in his hold. "5 more minutes."