Over the next few days, I barely left Tommy's side. I sat by his bed, staring at his face, willing him to wake up. I chatted to him non-stop. I neatened his hair or his sheets or the collar of his gown over and over again. I paced the corridors. I poured most of my money into the crap coffee machines and sat in the day room to drink it, even after Dutch checked out on day three. Johnny came to visit. And the others. Tommy's Nana came to visit too. Lots. She and I would sit and quietly reminisce our own stories of Tommy. I don't really know why. We just talked about all the stories and factoids we could think of, as though our memories would somehow breathe him back to consciousness. But it didn't work, of course.

On day five, Bobby came to visit. I was sitting in my usual chair by Tommy's side, idly smoothing the fabric that covered his shoulder again and again.

"You're starting to get missed at college," was the first thing out of Bobby's mouth as he stepped in the door.

I nodded, absent-mindedly. I didn't really care. I'd aced my exams so far. I was sure I could catch up on a week's worth of study.

"How's he doing?" Was the next thing Bobby said.

"Still the same." I replied, monotone and distant.

"Hey, Jac..." Bobby ventured. "I have something that I... I wanna ask you. And I know you might think it's stupid but..."

"I've already looked." I said, cutting him off. I knew what he was asking me.

"Oh...um... you have?"

I nodded.

"I can't find his consciousness anywhere. I did it between hops a couple of nights back. I figured I'd find him in the mid-point between worlds somewhere but... no luck. I looked between worlds, on limbo worlds, even my own damn world. Nothing."

"So... what does that mean?"

"It means he's still tethered to his body, I suppose. I don't know. I don't pretend to know everything, Bobby. Just what I need to. I don't even know if that's a good thing. That I can't find him, I mean. I honestly think it's just a case of waiting."

We were silent for a moment.

"Where's Johnny?" Bobby asked, after a time.

"At college. Final year and everything."

Bobby nodded.

"I've been meaning to get you on your own for some time, even before this happened. Are you and Johnny okay? I mean, you barely seem like a couple these days. I know he cares about you! He always has! And I know you care about him too! A lot! You just don't seem to be... together anymore. ...Am I making sense?" He added, his face twisting into a slight grimace, afraid he hadn't been articulate enough.

I heaved a sigh.

"I don't know. Our honeymoon period passed by fairly quickly I guess. We were all over each other in the beginning. But, recently, we've been more like best friends who live in the same house and occasionally have sex," (Bobby cleared his throat awkwardly) "but maybe that's what's supposed to happen?"

Bobby barely reacted beyond glancing at the floor quickly, avoiding my gaze.

"Bobby, answer me truthfully. Do you think I fucked up, getting with Johnny?"

"You know I can't answer that. That's not up to me." Bobby said, reasonably.

I knew this of course. And it wasn't fair of me to try and put the decision in Bobby's hands. But it was always easier to ask someone else to take the wheel wasn't it. Truth be told, living with Johnny this past few months seemed to be having the opposite effect to what we'd actually wanted. We seemed to be drifting further apart rather than getting closer, staying together more for the convenience of it. It wasn't as though I could leave Johnny, though. That would just split the group up. Johnny didn't take break-ups well. No, I'd have to stay with him. Maybe we weren't what we should have been but "It's better the devil you know than the devil you don't." as the saying goes. It wasn't as though I didn't love Johnny. I did. Dearly. Just not as much as I thought, perhaps. Or not in the right way.

I casually smoothed Tommy's gown yet again as I thought about this and stared into his expressionless face. It was at times like this Tommy would instinctively know how to cheer me up. If he was here, I'd be at least grinning, if not full-on laughing, however bad the situation.

All was silent for about five minutes as we just sat there.

"So..." Bobby ventured. "...What do you want?"

I had no idea what I wanted now. I just kind of felt like I was in limbo. Without Tommy here, everything seemed cloudy and uncertain.

"All I really want is for Tommy to wake up and come back to us." I answered, truthfully.

"You're really lost without him, huh?"

I nodded.

"Look, I uh.. I have class too. I really just came to check up on him." Bobby said, after a time. "You gonna be okay?"

Another nod.

Bobby patted my shoulder once and stood up, letting himself out of the ICU.

I remained staring at Tommy. I'd done a lot of that this last few days. I just sat and stared, trying to detect the very slightest movement. The tiniest flicker of an eyelid. Anything that might indicate life. Sometimes I fooled myself into thinking I saw something. But I soon realised that I'd just been staring so hard and for so long, I was likely making it up.

I dropped my head into my hand.

"Why can't you just come back, already?" I asked him.

That night I was sitting in my usual spot on the sofa, attempting to read a book but getting nowhere. More than once, I'd had to flip to the cover to remind myself of what the book was actually called. 'The Outsiders'. I wasn't just sad tonight. I was irritable. Johnny had barely been able to get near me all evening and I couldn't explain it. Anything he said or did just seemed to rile me up. The last had been about half an hour ago. He'd only asked how I was and I'd snapped that I was fine and why did he keep bugging me. Now, I let the book fall into my lap in defeat and rubbed my face with my hand.

"I'm sorry." I said, simply.

Johnny was sitting at the little table in the kitchen area, reading a book of his own. Now he looked up but said nothing.

"I shouldn't have bitten your head off. I'm sorry, Johnny." I said, turning my head awkwardly to look at him.

Johnny placed his book on the table and got up, walking over to the living area. He sat down in the one armchair, at a right-angle to the sofa, and sat with his elbows on his knees, looking at me, kindly.

"Forget about it." He murmured quietly.

"I don't just mean earlier today. Although, I do mean that too!" I assured him.

Johnny raised his head, blinking, apprehensive of what I was going to say next.

"I mean everything lately. Between us. We haven't been at our strongest have we? We just don't seem to... perhaps communicate as well as we should?"

"You want us to talk more?" Johnny asked, confused. "I thought we talked just fine."

"That's not quite what I mean. I meant..." but I was struggling to think of a way of putting it that Johnny would get. "You know what? Don't worry. My head's just really mixed up right now." I replied with a sigh.

"Can I do anything to help?" Johnny asked.

"I don't think so." I muttered. "I'm just so... pissed off!" I suddenly spat, and I saw Johnny straighten up slightly in shock.

"Whoa! God! What are you so pissed off at?"

I pushed myself to my feet and paced, angrily.

"That's just it! I don't even know, specifically. Just everything! Everything went to shit and I just want something to happen, you know? All this past few days has been is sitting around and moping and waiting! And I'm sick of it, Johnny! It's been nearly a week! A week of nothing happening and it's driving me crazy! I want to... I don't know... start a fight or something! Piss someone off and throw hands! Just anything to break up the sheer fucking monotony of it all!" I paused to take a few angry breaths. "But do you know what's fucking me up the most, Johnny? You know what's really churning my stomach and making me hate myself!?"

Johnny shook his head, stunned.

"I'm angry at Tommy!" I felt hot tears well up and spill over and run down my cheeks like magma. "I'm pissed off at him that he's not here as if it's somehow his fault!"

With that heartbreaking admission, I fell back down in my seat and sobbed.

"I can't even get revenge on that Snake fucker for it!" I choked out through my tears. "The bastard died and robbed me of that!"

Johnny snorted.

"Yeah well. We all wish we could tear that guy a new one for that!" He spat. Perhaps we should have known better and not spoken ill of the dead but, right now, we were united in our frustration. "Bastard." Johnny muttered, darkly.

"And now Dutch has gone too." I continued, my face streaked and disgusting. "I don't think anyone's seen him since he checked out. I mean, you said he hasn't turned up to college right?"

Johnny nodded.

"Yeah. I tried calling his apartment but he's either not there or he's not picking up."

"And poor Jimmy's like a ghost. It's like Bobby's the only thing holding us all together sometimes."

Johnny gave a hollow, half-hearted smile.

"Good old Bobby. He was always the down to Earth one, huh?"

There was a deafening silence in the apartment for a moment and I wiped my face on my sleeve before I remembered I had a tissue in my pocket. I withdrew it and attempted to clean myself up a bit. Johnny heaved himself up and came to sit next to me on the sofa putting his arm around me, reassuringly. There was a very long pause as neither of us said or did anything.

"You know... it's kinda weird. But I sometimes wish me and Tommy could swap places, you know?" Johnny said after a while.

"Don't say that." I scolded him, softly. "I don't want you in a coma either. You're my boyfriend."

"Well yeah, but Tommy... he'd know how to cheer you up at least."

"Johnny!" I stared at him, "Why are you doing this to yourself? You're supporting me! You're putting up with my godawful mood! You're there for me! That's all anyone could ask for! If anything, I'm the one being selfish! He's your friend too and..." I realised something that made my insides coil up in shame, "I haven't been nearly supportive enough! I'm so sorry!"

Johnny shrugged.

"Nah. You've been there for me too. We always have each other's backs right?"

I nodded.

"Right! And we always will." Johnny said, defiantly.

"Are you okay?" I asked, seriously, putting my hand on his knee and staring at him, levelly.

"I will be." Johnny nodded.