Chapter 4: A Secret Door
AN: Do you like my story? Is it good? By the way I was at a Breaking Benjamin concert the other night and it ripped. I used to listen to them in middle school and am still a fan.
The three of us arrived at a small house in the meadowlands district.
"She knows just how to do this," Nick said, as he knocked on the door.
Soon enough, an older Red Fox vixen opened it. She was wearing a Vulpes Priest t-shirt and had on a pair of thick glasses, just like my brother and my mom.
"Hello there again, Nicky-boy, and the rabbit girlfriend too. But who's the new one?" she said.
"Tarja Wilde," Nick said, "meet Snowy Broden. Snowy Broden, meet Tarja Wilde."
"Hello there," I said, "I assume you're Nick's mother?"
"Uh yes I am," she said, "come inside."
We went inside the house, which had many posters.
"So," I said to Nick, "I know you've sometimes told me about her, but now I actually get to meet her."
"Indeed," Nick said, "she might be the best vixen out there."
"So," I said to Tarja, "Your son has said very great things about you."
"Glad to hear," she said.
"Told me you stood up for him when he was just a kit, and did everything that he wanted. He told me just how great you were after that Ranger Scouts incident."
"Oh yeah that. I guess he now knows you well enough to tell."
"I had some problems when I was younger too," I said, "so he's not alone."
"Well, now it seems like you've gotten along," she said, "I moved here from Finland when I was only 6. My accent is pretty much gone now, but I can still speak the language. Otherwise, I have lived here since. By the way, I just retired, but am still kicking it. I mean, isn't 65 just 18 in Celsius?"
"Guess so," Judy said, "I know you've met me once but great to meet you again!"
"Indeed," Tarja said, "also, Nick, I'm glad you stopped using the tail dye and brought back your natural white tip."
"Thanks," Nick said, "I realized it was a stupid fashion trend and immediately stopped doing it."
"Yeah," I said, "I almost got peer pressured but decided against it."
"Also," Nick said, "Judy, Snowy, and I are trying to form a metal band. We're called DethBrush."
"Wow!" Tarja said "good on you!"
"Nick and I are both on guitar," Judy said, "and Snowy is on lead vocals."
"Yeah I'm a pretty good singer," I said, "we're hoping to get our other friends Duke Weaselton and Finnick on bass and drums. Maybe we can get the Ottertons in the band. One does keyboard and the other, I guess, is a multi-instrumentalist. I've always wanted to be in a metal band, touring the world. Playing everywhere from Halifox to Goatenburg to Singapurr to Otterdam and even up to Refurvik in Iceland." (BTW "refur" is how you say "fox" in Icelandic).
"We'll have that triple foxy threat," Nick said.
"Though there are plenty of us foxes in metal bands," I said. "I mean, just look at Carnifox."
"Yeah," Nick said, "and don't forget The Foxless, HammerFox, DragonFox, Avenged Sevenfox, Babymetal, Foxodus, Brand of Sacrifox, Bullet For My Vulpine, Motionless in White Fur, Johannes from Avatar, Noora from Battle Beast, Duncan Bat-Eared from Vulvodynia, Jay Iceberg from Slipknotter, Floor from Nightwish, Joakim from Sabaton, Jonne from Korpiklaani, Zakk Wylde, Matt Heafox from Trivium, etc."
"And of course," I said, "the metal god himself, Rob Halfox."
"Fuck Yeah," Nick said as we all gave each other the horns, "FOX METAL FOREVER!"
"Well anyways," Tarja said "what brings you here today?"
"So," Nick said, "It's a long story. I was with my friend Snowy right here and my girlfriend Judy Hopps, along with some others at Spruce Peaks. We were all skiing."
"And then," I said, "we heard this loud noise come out of the sky and an explosion. We went and skied over to check it out."
"And," Judy said, "we saw a spaceship, with aliens coming out of it, and they were shooting at us."
"Holy shit!" Tarja said, "glad to know you made it out okay.
"Yeah it was a freaky ordeal," I said.
"And now," Nick said, "we plan to fight them off. All we need is your help."
"Well," Tarja said, "I am definitely willing! Follow me."
We followed her as she opened the door to her basement.
"So," I said, "what's up this time?"
"You'll see," Nick said.
We kept following but suddenly heard a loud noise.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAND WHAT IS UP FAM! YOU ARE WATCHING TODALLYWILDE PRODUCTIONS! COMING AT YOU FROM BEAUTIFUL ZOOTOPIA! THE LARGEST CITY ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET! TODAY! I WILL BE STREAMING ON FITENITE! WHOOP!"
"What the fuck was that?" I asked.
"Oh I never told you," Nick said, "I have an older brother. His name is Tod. All he does is sit around and film himself playing video games and making online rants from his permanent residence in this basement. I used to like him, but then realized just how abusive he was."
"What did he do?" I asked.
"Well," Nick said, "after the ranger scouts incident, he told me he could 'teach me to become a predator'. I learned how to bare my teeth, make myself threatening, and overall scare prey. However, a line was drawn when he told me tried to get me on a "hunt" to actually kill and eat a squirrel. That is where I couldn't go on. He tried, but was arrested for attempted murder. Since his release, he still has been shitty to me and anyone around him. And of course he still lives in the basement. Has done it ever since he blew out all of his money at Foxwoods in Connecticat."
"Holy shit!" I said, "glad my brother isn't like that."
"Also," Nick said, "he doesn't even like metal."
"What the fuck?" I said, "I thought all foxes were metalheads."
"Well all," Nick said, "except for him."
We kept walking down.
"Wait," I said, "that's TodallyWilde! The shitty Zootuber! He's the one that did that whole 'Ursula is a stupid bear' rant. I mean, talk about class."
"Well," Nick said, "he still doesn't change."
"But remains an internet punching bag," Judy said.
We walked right by him at his computer.
"Well," he said, "it's time for me to go Winner Royale!"
I was cringing hard, but suddenly he turned around and looked at us.
"UH OH! DRAMA ALERT! Nick the Dick and The Easter Bunny are back in the house! Oh, and this time they've brought along a VULPES LAGOPUS!"
"Hey!" I said, "no one calls me by my scientific name except for me and my bio professor."
"Hey there basement burrower," Nick said, "how's the shitty stream channel doing!"
"Much better than you!" Tod said, "shouldn't you be selling popsicles or something?"
"That was years ago, Mr. 40-year-old virgin" Nick said, "I'm now a great guitarist. Carrots and I can SHRED! Also, you really need to get laid."
"Laid?!" Todd screamed, "you have a rabbit girlfriend! You'll never get laid. Oh yes, and I hooked up with a gorgeous Kit Fox vix in Sahara Square. We're going on our first date tomorrow." He then butchered the lyrics to "Foxy Lady" by Jimmy Houndrix.
"Yeah well wait for her to find out how much of a douchebag you are!" Judy shouted.
"Oh hey mom! Mom! Make me some chicky nuggies now!"
"Okay," Tarja said, "I – TODRICK FRONZAK WILDE! WHAT DID I TELL YOU! NO VAPING IN THIS HOUSE!"
"Fine," He said.
"Wow," I said to Nick, "he's an even bigger douchebag than Chief Bogo."
"Yeah really," Nick replied.
"So," Judy said, "what is down here?"
"You will see."
Tarja found a bookcase and dusted it off.
"Oh," I said, "I think I know where this is headed."
Just then, Tarja pulled out what appeared to be a Redwall fanfiction that actually got published where the hero was a fox. Suddenly, the bookcase slid to the left, and we all followed the vixen in as she turned on the lights.
"So," Tarja said, "feast your eyes!"
"Holy shit!" Judy and I both said.
There was a whole room with weapons on the rack, ranging from a paw-sized pocket knife to a giant nuclear missile. There was also a Sabaton tank with the Swedish flag and it said "Primo Victoria" on it.
"You all like it?" Tarja asked.
"Uhhhh, yes," Judy said, "we do like it."
"I've been stockpiling all of these just in case we had an event like this. And now it looks like we need them."
Tarja then picked up a giant tommy gun and put her shades on, "I can help you if you want."
"Yes please do Tarja," Nick said.
"Oh my god," I said, "Tarja!"
"Yes?"
"You look like Sarah Cougar in the Terminotter. Remember the most recent one that came out a few years ago? When she's old and badass and carries around a Tommy Gun? That's what you remind me of."
"Oh yes," Tarja said, "I remember that."
"So," Nick said. "Out of all of your weapons. Which ones do you recommend we use?"
"Pick any," Tarja said, "any of them will work against these, uhhh."
"SLAMMERJAMS!" I said, "that's what we should call the aliens. Slammerjams! Because they look like they're from the cover of a slam metal album."
"Alright," Tarja said, "best of luck."