Chapter 5: If You Never Surrender, You Will Never Fall

"Alright," I said, "so what do we know about these Slammerjams?"

"Well," Nick said, "it looks like they have ten legs, five eyes, and three mouths," Nick said, "and they carry laser weapons."

"It also appears that the invasion of Zootopia is their first time on this planet."

"I mean, makes sense," I said, "My brother is a film nerd so I've seen a lot of alien invasion movies. They always go for the major cities. I mean, places like Zoo York, Liondon, Tokyak, Rio Deer Janeiro, Wolfington DC, Purris, Bearlin, Mexicoyote City, Vancougar, etcetera etcetera."

"So," Judy said, "that probably also means they'll go for the landmarks."

"Very likely," I said, "Savanna Central, Tundratown Circle, The Palm Hotel, The Laughing Fox Statue, The Antler Strait Bridge."

"Plus the Pride Towers," Nick said, "they're the tallest buildings in the city."

"All in all," I said, "predict them targeting one of those locations, and stay out until we know that they are there."

"Safety first," Judy said, "that's what we said at the ZPD."

"Also," Nick said, "as far as we know, they don't speak our language."

"But who knows," I said, "they can pick it up pretty quick."

"From what I saw at Spruce Peaks," Judy said, "they all appeared to be very fast."

"Good thing we're all pretty fast mammals," I said, "I can run up to 31 miles per hour on all fours. Same as the speed limit on Longyearbyen Avenue."

"Same with me," Nick said, "on all fours though. About half that on two. Snowy's also the same on two."

"18 for me," Judy said, "a bit slower. But I can do some kick-ass parkour and kung fu kicks."

"I guess," I said, "that means Nick and I are on pouncing duty."

"OH FUCK YEAH!" Nick shouted, "POUNCING DUTAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!"

"So," I said, "we know our skills. Weapons inventory?"

"let's go."

"Okay," I then said, "so, I, right now, have the tiny pocket knife as well as the Quillswitch Engage rocket launcher."

"I got the boomerang blade, Viking axe, and the quadruple-barreled laser blaster," Judy said.

"And I got the Primo Victoria Tank!" Nick said, "get in."

We all got in the tank, still holding our weapons. We also had a few more weapons stashed in the tank

"Okay," I said, "training montage time?"

"Fuck yeah!" Nick and Judy responded.

"Alrighty then. Turn on that montage music!"
Suddenly, Nick turned on the tank's radio and "Interstellar" by Otter Ogan started to play, kicking off the montage.

First off, Nick started driving the tank down the street and was shooting at various targets in the shape of the Slammerjams. He missed one but otherwise was a pretty good shot.

"Oh fuck!" I said, "you can really do this!"

Next, I climbed on top of the tank, grabbed my little knife, and pounced right on top of one of the models. The tiny blade slashed right through the figure. My knife was small but it really had a sting. I guess that is why it was called The Scorpion.

"Wow!" Nick said, "signature move?"

"Hell yes signature move," I said, "Pounce and Slash! My nearly 21 years of pouncing in the snow has paid off."

"My turn!" Judy said. She grabbed her boomerang blade, got out of the tank, and jumped off, doing parkour off of all the structures. She threw her blade as it slashed through all of the models. As she bounded through the air, she grabbed her Viking axe and began slashing at a bunch of the targets until she caught the boomerang in her paw again.

"Holy shit!" Nick said, "impressive."

Nick then went the way I had originally went. He got out of the tank, letting Judy drive, and pounced onto one of the slammerjam targets with no weapons. He thrashed the target around with his teeth and looked like he had just gone savage. After the figure was dismembered, he loped back into the tank.

"Wow Nick!" Judy said, "You look like you got Night Howler'd."

"Well," Nick said, "I'm pretty good at acting. Plus I decided why not go natural."

I then got out my rocket launcher and fired right at one of the targets. The figure immediately blew up and the blast set off a bunch of car alarms and caused an old Okapi to yell at us. We all chuckled back in the tank.

"Nice one," Judy said.

Judy then got out her quadruple laser blaster and blasted four lasers, each one vaporizing a figurine on sight. A few parking meters were also vaporized.

"Whoever is the next meter maid here," Judy said, "you have fewer meters to deal with. You're welcome."

We kept trying out various weapons. Some we failed at, but eventually we became successful. At the end of the day, all the figurines were destroyed and the song had finished playing.

"Wow!" I said, "great training montage we just had."

"Fuck yeah," Nick said, "always love a training montage."

"And," Judy said, "we accidentally burned down a church in the process."

"Oops," I said, "but hey, that's what us Tundratonian metalheads do!"

We all laughed.

"Training to fight off the aliens?" an anonymous voice asked.

We all turned around to see a Kit Fox wearing a Slayer t-shirt.

"Uh, yes we are," I said, "we like to call them slammerjams."

"They look like they're from a slam metal album," Judy said.

"They really do," replied the Kit Fox, "by the way, my name is Valencia Lopez. Oh wait, you, the Red, you're Nick Wilde!"

"Yes I am," Nick said, "former pawpsicle salesman, later cop, current metal guitarist."

"I went out for a date with your older brother Tod," Valencia said, "oh my fucking Satan he is such a goddamn douchebag. I mean, runs a shitty zootube channel, very rude, cringey, 40 years old, lives in his mom's basement, and thinks Cattila is 'the heaviest death metal band on the planet' when he isn't even a metalhead! I mean, out of all the 40 million mammals that live in this city he has to pick me."

"Yeah I met him the other day," I said, "do not like him one bit."

"No wonder he is still a virgin," Judy said.

"But," Valencia said, "I've recently graduated from college and am working on reopening the 'Heat' venue in Sahara Square. Remember that place?"

"Oh yes," I said, "only 400 capacity but had some kick-ass shows. Best venue outside of Tundratown."

"Well," she then said, "I'm working on a new location, with a capacity of 600 this time to book bigger bands. We already got Otter To Prevail, Brand of Sacrifox, and Obituary booked at this venue, among other bands. No overselling will be allowed in this venue, unlike the previous location. Also, there will be no barricade, so stage-pouncing is guaranteed."

"Oh fuck yeah!" Nick and I responded. Us foxes love stage-pouncing. It's when you climb onstage and pounce into the audience. It's quite common among both canids and felids alike, as many of them are metalheads. It's also quite common to see many of the mustelids stage-pouncing (Duke Weaselton does it at shows).

"Well," Nick said, "My cousin, Vixy Wilde, owns a restaurant and bar in the Foxbury neighborhood of Tundratown called Foxy's. Right now, she's about to open a new concert venue right by it called The Foxhole. Capacity will be just about 100. Well, to be exact, it's 99. It'll probably be the smallest venue in Zootopia. I mean, the stage will still be a good size, there will be a dressing room, touring acts will come there, it will be all ages, and it will be very intimate yet still large enough for a mosh pit. Plus, she already has a few shows booked, including Aether Realm, 36 Crazyfoxes, and Twilight Fox. The opening night will be saved for a very special guest."

"Great!" Valencia said.

"Big emphasis on Fox Metal," Nick said, "but open to any species and genre. Hell, there's a Capybara Synthwave band booked there. Also no overselling here too, unlike the Cupboard did in the rainforest district before it's expansion."

"Plus," Judy said, "the three of us are forming a band called Dethbrush. We don't have the whole lineup finalized yet. I, Judy Hopps, am on guitar with Nick Wilde."

"And I, Snowy Lucifer Celsius Broden, am the lead vocalist."

"Oh that's you, the Arctic," Valencia said, "I recognize you. You were at the Avatar concert and Johannes called you out because you looked exactly like him!"

"Yeah everyone tells me that," I said, "otherwise I do think I'm a pretty good singer and can't wait to get this band started."

"Glad to hear!" Valencia said, "I wish I lived in Tundratown. Too many preps in Sahara Square. Maybe I can move there one day."

"Would be cool," I said, "no pun intended."

"Alright," said Valencia, "best of luck on defeating these Slammerjams."

"Well," Nick replied, "can't wait until your venue opens. Maybe we'll have our band formed and we can play there!"

"Thanks," she said and then left.

"Alright," I said, "so we're trained now. Do you think we are ready for the real deal?"

"Yeah, pretty much born ready motherfuckers!" Nick said.

"Fuck to the yes," Judy said.

"Alright," Nick said, "so what is our next move?"

"I say, we hide out somewhere near Savanna Central Park and wait for the Slammerjams to come. When we're ready, we ambush. Sound like a plan."

"Plan!" Judy and Nick both said.

We drove our tank off, ready for the epic battle to come.