Chapter Fourteen

4th June 1993

He sent me away on Wednesday. He said it was because I needed to catch up on schoolwork and – I quote – socialization! I don't understand. He was so nice last Wednesday and today he was so considerate. Getting ingredients, answering my questions. There were no sighs, no eye-rolls, he was just helpful. Gosh, it seems so long since I've written I suppose I should catch you up properly.

It's been about two weeks since I was unpetrified and it's been an odd two weeks. I think it's been strange because I don't feel like I've been away for a month, I just went to sleep and then woke up very sore and tired. But everybody else has experienced a whole month I haven't. They all have different jokes and things that have happened and they too seem to have forgotten very quickly that I wasn't here. Harry and Ron are good, they're very considerate and say they missed me terribly. But it's a little lonely in the dorm when Parvati and Lavender are used to just sharing between the two of them and suddenly I'm here again to spoil their fun. I don't think they're that shallow, they don't mean it but you know, teenage girls they can say some funny things.

This little box from Snape worked well though. I was worried when I opened it today that the girls might have opened it, god knows I would have if they had something like it. But nothing has been touched. They don't know advanced enough magic to be able to fix the seals if they had opened them manually and I don't think they know the magic to do it … by magic. So that's something, my innermost thoughts are still secret. I really don't have anything to hide though do I. Pretty much just Snape.

Speaking of Snape. He popped up in my dreams. A couple of times actually, he's just been so damn nice and I don't understand it at all, like seriously I can't I don't know what has got into him and why it's just when we are alone. Never in class, he's the same mean bat in class but when it's just me and him, he's nice. I would go that far now. He has been nice to me and I will be forever grateful for it. But I don't understand. Why is he being so nice? It feels disingenuous like there must be an ulterior motive. The change is too extreme, he is just nice. Ugh, I need to work on vocab apparently. He is considerate how about that. But confusing. While he is being so nice he also feels distant somehow, I don't know how but something about him, he treats me funny and I don't know what it is.

Anyway, I think I've written quite enough about him now, you're up to speed so I'll go down to tea. I must say I am very excited for next Wednesday. We're going to work on the calming draught again, he reckons it'll be good enough to drink after one more try.

Hermione

The following Wednesday rolled around far too slowly for Hermione. Although she wouldn't admit it, she needed the extra time to catch up on all the work she had missed. While she wasn't behind in any of the practicals, not being so far ahead made her anxious and she was keen to secure her position as best in the class. Despite this Hermione longed for the added lessons back, just once a week with Snape felt too little and she missed the time spent sequestered away in the dungeons.

His bewildering attitude in addition to the reduced lessons left Hermione feeling bereft and more than a little inadequate. She reasoned with herself that it was highly unlikely for the two to be connected. If only for the fact that she – thirteen-year-old Hermione Granger – would not have the slightest impact on the life of a grown man, particularly one as acerbic as Severus Snape.

As she made her way to the dungeon, Hermione felt she had to expect an ulterior motive. His remark to her about the work of her 'brilliant friends' had swum annoyingly around her head for the best part of the last week, popping up in lessons as though to remind her of its absurdity. He was being dramatic and sarcastic, that much was obvious to her, but after his outrage at the Polyjuice affair, she had expected at least a petition for their expulsion. The very least he could manage after all. But he hadn't. Snape had done nothing but be his normal self, he wasn't even any crueller to Gryffindor's than usual. Hermione concluded he could only be buying his time, trying to get something from her. It couldn't be genuine, she thought adamantly. As much as she wanted it to be, he must think she is the weak link, as though she would let something slip. Well, she'd show him, Hermione thought irately, how dare he think she was the one to be targeted?

By the time she reached the Potions classroom, Hermione was a little more than indignant; however, was halted in her annoyance by the sight of Snape once again setting out ingredients for the Calming Draught, two steaming cups of tea placed carefully on the table in front of his desk. Momentarily frozen in the doorway as her thoughts quickly vanished, Hermione was knocked off her feet with the momentum of her entrance.

Snape looked up at the sound of the door being thrown into its opposite wall, surprised at Hermione's forceful entry. He noted what looked like fury fading quickly as she took in his preparations before she was thrown onto the floor as the door collided with her small frame. Resisting the urge to run and help her, Snape allowed himself a small chuckle as she sheepishly gathered her things and set them on the desk beside him.

"The calming drought again today," he said as pleasantly as he could, "but before that, I think you'd better have some tea. Foot thick doors can really take it out of you."

"Please," Hermione huffed, "the doors aren't a foot thick."

Snape hummed sarcastically.

How on earth does one manage to hum sarcastically, Hermione thought. How does he manage to radiate smugness without moving a single facial muscle?

"So when can you teach me occlumency," she asked calmly. He took a long sip of tea.

"I don't know, Miss Granger. I'm not sure if I can teach you at all."

"Oh, come on! You can't just mention the only reason anyone really wants to learn magic and then not each me." Hermione exclaimed indignantly. "That's beyond not fair, why am I even here if not to learn?"

"Perhaps you should learn patience Miss Granger," Snape responded, she could almost feel him pursing his lips as she blew carefully on her tea. "I am not entirely sure you would be able to learn occlumency and it is a highly advanced subject. Should you choose to graduate early you will likely have far too much on your plate to wish to waste time with frivolous activities." Hermione considered him for a moment.

"Would it help me with any of my other classes?"

"Occlumency is essentially the study of the mind, and the practice is the study of the self. It can be exceptionally useful for other areas of study however as it is not in any of Hogwarts curriculum you will not need it for a class."

"Yes, but would it be useful?"

"Occlumency means you don't have to be calm to brew this draught, it means you can lie to the face of a despot and live to tell the tale. It is an art and should be regarded as such. Those that possess the skill I would regard as some of the most powerful wizards and witches imaginable." Snape paused dramatically, taking in Hermione's enraptured expression for a moment. "However, it can also be one of the bluntest instruments I have seen wielded. Poorly used legilimency can destroy minds with a single encounter, poorly employed occlumency can hide a mind even from its owner. It is a deceptively simple spell. The spell is not what does the work. It takes care, diligence and commitment."

Hermione stared at him, reminded of her first Potions class, bottling the mind and ensnaring the senses. He spoke as if he knew it all personally as if it were something only he knew so completely.

"Can you teach anything else, apart from Potions I mean?"

"I suppose theoretically I could teach alchemy but there isn't the demand for it there once was. Even NEWT Potions students don't have to learn it anymore. They used to! It was a substantial portion of my mastery. I'd almost like to teach it just to use all that useless information." Hermione grinned at him and set her teacup down decisively. "You want me to teach you, don't you?" Snape asked before she had even opened her mouth. Hermione nodded enthusiastically.

"I was so disappointed when I learned they don't actually teach it here. My dad is a huge Shakespeare fan and the first play he took me to was The Tempest. Since then, I've been fascinated, it just looks so interesting, something about it is so much more enticing than even Potions." She said.

"You will already be taking ten subjects. You physically cannot fit that into a day already and even with the time turn-"

"McGonagall told you then?" Hermione interrupted him. Snape stared at her; McGonagall had told him nothing of the sort.

"Er- yes. But even so, you are already cutting it very fine with how much you can manage."

"I know I'm asking a lot, but would you teach me on the weekend? I'm happy to lend you the time turner afterward so you can get those hours of your life back even though I think I'm definitely not allowed to do that. But you see you're only allowed to go back in time five hours so…?"

Snape had to suppress the urge to burst out laughing; she was so earnest. It certainly gave the impression she had at least somewhat prepared this little proposition. He appreciated her consideration for his time, but he really couldn't imagine a better way to spend his weekend than teaching (and likely learning) alchemy with such an interested student.

"I am willing to teach you provided we can work it into our schedules. Now, let us attempt to brew some calming draughts, I always like to stockpile for OWLs and NEWTs." He said cautiously.

Preoccupied, Snape took the tray up to his office as Hermione readied her cauldron. A wave of guilt had washed over him as he watched her, so excited for the coming years of education when he had vowed to tell her on the final day of school how greatly he had violated her trust. Surely, she would not wish to continue learning from him, much less for two extracurricular subjects. Besides, how could she ever forgive him enough for him to teach her occlumency, a person had to be almost fully trusting for any progress to be made, she would have no proper chance and it would ruin her confidence. On the weekends too! Snape felt he had tried to get out of agreeing to that one, though it was a half-hearted attempt. Why she would ever choose to spend her weekend with him was anyone's guess.

His mind distracted; Snape began brewing the draught on autopilot. In truth, he had assigned it so he could do some of his required brewing during their lessons and have it serve a purpose. As much as he enjoyed them, teaching Hermione took up a considerable portion of his time, and with the draughts being used rather quickly due to the basilisk situation, he had gotten behind on Madame Pomfrey's orders. With the added stress of the school closing and then reopening in a matter of hours, he has felt more than a little overwhelmed by the realisation that for the first time in many years he had to completely restock the infirmary.

Snape suddenly felt exhausted, having engaged in precious few conversations since her petrification, even their small interaction had drained him entirely of energy.

"Excuse me, sir?" Hermione interrupted his thoughts. "I- I don't mean to be rude but- your er- your arm is sort of shimmering. Is it supposed to do that?"

Snape took a moment to take in what he was actually doing; he had, unawares, rolled up his sleeves. Something odder in the fact that he was wearing his robes, which by design, did not require such a measure. Both his forearms were indeed shimmering with the weak glamour he had in place as a precaution, should anything happen to his robes that would require his arms to be seen. Composing his shock, Snape wandlessly cleaned his hands before rebuttoning his sleeves.

"My apologies Miss Granger, I was a little preoccupied. It is called a glamour charm, a form of concealment or disguise. It is often featured in witch magazines as a method to achieve the 'perfect' appearance."

"Does it hide things, sir?"

"Yes. That would be the aptest explanation for it," Snape said shortly. Hermione held out her hand.

"Could you show me what it changes?" Snape looked at her in surprise and, casting a quick stasis charm on their potions, examined her hand.

"There isn't a lot here I could change, your other one has a scar, does it not?" Hermione shook her head.

"You can barely see it since you gave me that balm," she replied.

"No matter," Snape picked up her ink bottle and promptly tossed the contents into her hand. Hermione looked at him in surprise as she stood holding a palm full of ink. "Tip it out." He said pointedly. "Now your hand is stained, I can cast the charm." Hermione nodded.

He cast and Hermione watched mesmerized as her hand transformed from dry and stained to smooth and completely flawless. The hand of a model.

"It's a bit odd. Why do you have them?" Hermione clapped a hand over her mouth. "Sorry, that was rude, don't answer that." Snape nodded awkwardly at her and removed the glamour. They returned to their potions as Hermione desperately tried to avoid thinking about what exactly he was hiding from her.

9th June 1993

4:30 pm

He rolled up his sleeves! We had this really nice conversation that I'll go into later but then he went to put the tea things away and when he came back he was sort of out of it like he wasn't really concentrating and he did the exact same routine I did! He even reached to do his hair up but didn't cause he didn't have a tie on his wrist although he did reach for it. Obviously, he didn't notice much of this cause when I asked him why his arms were shimmering he seemed very surprised I could see them at all. He is skinny. Like weirdly skinny. He has these tiny little wrists and bones that poke out. And his skin, his face is sallow but his arms just look pale. Too pale though, like deathly pale. Nothing should be that pale, I could see all his veins.

Now I'm really curious as to what he has to hide on both his arms. Cause they weren't perfect like my hand was when he did it for me. I think he just charmed them to reflect his normal skin but without whatever he is obviously trying to hide. I feel really weird but it kind of gave me butterflies. But not in the weird like I like him way. Butterflies cause he's comfortable around me and stuff. Yeah…anyway.

We had a nice chat before all of this happened. He explained about occlumency and alchemy and I don't care if I never get a weekend again I just want to sit in that classroom and let him teach me stuff. Ugh… something about him is just so…..comforting? I just want to be around him all the time. But nice him, not the mean version he pretends to be in front of the class. Well, maybe that is the real version and the one I see is fake. Anyway, the boys are back from Quiddich – Ron always insists he goes and watches for some reason – so I'll go downstairs.

- Hermione