I don't own Chuck
"You should run you know," Chuck said to her as she sat down on his couch. Ellie and Awesome were working, in class, doing an internship, something… Chuck couldn't remember. He found he couldn't remember a lot of things when Sarah was around him, like how much he thought he should be missing Jill.
"I said I would tell you how you were," Sarah reminded him. Chuck snorted. "What?"
"Nothing," Chuck said shaking his head. He saw Sarah just watching him, still waiting. "It's inappropriate."
"I work at the Buy More, Chuck. I'm pretty sure anything you say, I've heard."
"Fine," Chuck said. He took a breath. "I'm probably not any good. That's most likely why my girlfriend decided to cheat on me with the guy that got me kicked out of Stanford."
Sarah was silent for a moment. "Don't do that," she said softly. Chuck furrowed his brow, confusion on his face. "Don't make those jokes at your own expense."
"Sorry, it's… it's a defense mechanism," Chuck said with a shrug. "It hurts, you know… everyone turning on you, not believing you."
"Did you do it?" Sarah asked. Chuck raised his eyebrows, a bit taken aback. "Whatever you say, I'll believe you."
"Why? And-and I'm not saying that to take a shot at me, or anything. You don't know me, Sarah. Maybe I did steal those tests, and as for the other… well, I only have limited experience on which to base my assessment." He quickly raised his hands. "And that's not a shot at me, either. It's just the truth."
"I'm gonna leave part of that alone," Sarah began.
"That's what she said," Chuck blurted out, making Sarah snort.
"Okay," she said, after sobering up. "Here's what I know about you. Your co-workers respect no one, but they respect you. The way they talk about you, the way they nearly worship you."
"That's more than a little disturbing."
"I wish that's all that was disturbing about them," Sarah replied. "If that bunch thinks you're king of the nerds, if they think your word is good, then I trust them. Now, if they tell me something in the fridge is good, no. Just… no."
"How many stomachs have been pumped?"
"You don't even want to know." Chuck shuddered. "So, Chuck Bartowski, I'll ask you one more time: Did you steal that test?"
"No, I did not," Chuck replied. Sarah gave a nod, the matter settled. Chuck picked up the guitar, looked at the sheet music, and shook his head. "He's lost his damn mind."
"It is Lester," Sarah reminded him. Chuck didn't reply, looking at the sheet music in abject horror. "What's so bad about it?"
"It's freaking Poison, Sarah," Chuck told her. She gave him a look. "Eighties and Nineties glam rock band?" She gave a minute head shake. "Anyway," he said, mock exasperated, making her throw a pillow at him. "Legend has it that once CC DeVille got clean from all the drugs he did, he had no idea how he played some of the licks and riffs he did."
"I don't think you getting high to play guitar is very smart," Sarah told him.
"I'm not saying I should, but there's a solo in here…" Chuck trailed off.
"Oh, I understand," Sarah said, a touch of disappointment in her voice. She turned away, but not before she saw the look on his face. She grinned, her face hidden from him. "I was looking forward to hearing you play."
"I mean, maybe I can," Chuck said, studying the music and looking at the strings as he slowly practiced. "It may take a few times."
"I'm always fascinated by people's processes," she told him. Chuck looked up at her, his eyes narrowed, and Sarah fluttered her eyelashes at him, trying her best to give the look of an innocent angel.
}o{
"What is it with him and canned cheese?" Chuck asked a few hours later. He had been practicing for over three hours, when Sarah told him she had to eat. A few minutes of negotiating later, a pizza was ordered. Chuck offered her another slice.
"I shouldn't," Sarah said, taking it. "But damn, it's good."
"It is," Chuck said, leaning back on the couch. "So, how awful was I?"
"You do mean playing, right?" Sarah asked. Chuck couldn't help but snicker at that. "It was good. It wasn't perfect, but it was really good."
"Have you heard where we're practicing?"
"Morgan's garage," Sarah told him. Chuck groaned. "You don't think Bolonia will approve?"
"Oh, she will, and probably make us some Kool-Aid like she did when we were kids." Sarah snickered. "So, tell me something: Why is someone as amazing as you at the Buy More? Did you lose a bet?"
She tilted her head as she looked at him. Chuck Bartowski didn't know who she was. He knew Sarah Walker, the legend that she had created, but he didn't know her. Did anyone really know her? She decided to not get lost in that thought, and gently deflected what he'd asked. "How do you know I'm so amazing? You don't really know me, Chuck."
"I think it was you that pointed out how the Buy More crew really does know people," Chuck reminded her. "Sure, Jeff probably tries to smell, lick, or even eat your hair." Sarah shuddered. "But they love you, and that's not just because… well… ahem, you know."
"No, I don't," she said, a grin on her face. She didn't know why she enjoyed messing with him so much, but she did. She knew she really shouldn't, but there was something about him, something that drew her in, that she didn't know if she had ever felt with anyone in her life.
"You do too know that you are breathtakingly attractive," Chuck told her. She tucked her head, a bit of red creeping up her neck. She had been told that before, by other men – and women – but when Chuck Bartowski told you that, you knew it was what he thought. Not that he was trying to work an angle, or anything, just the God's-honest truth. She knew that; she didn't know how she did, but know it she did.
He continued, "But the people of the Buy More… while they do like attractive people, they also are drawn to people because of who they are." Sarah looked him in his eyes. "They've all been chastised for who they are, for things they like, for being different."
Had she ever really fit in anywhere? She was the daughter of a conman, a former member of the CIA, and now… now, she worked in what she thought would be the most boring job in the world. It wasn't. It really wasn't since Chuck had come back to work at the Buy More, but it wasn't before he showed up.
"Maybe I feel like I fit in," she said softly.
"Then welcome to the tribe," Chuck said gently. He reached over, took her hand and squeezed it. "They are some of the most insane, messed up people in the world, but they are family. Family that stands by you…" he trailed off, and looked away.
"What?" Sarah asked him, concern growing. Had she done something?
"The funny thing is, they are what I wanted in someone who was with me," Chuck said softly. There was that melancholy look on his face again.
"I'm not sure I understand," Sarah told him. She saw him glance at the guitar, and then across the room at a keyboard.
He looked at her for a moment. "Trust me?" he asked. There was something in his voice, something vulnerable. She wasn't sure what he was asking, but she knew in that moment, whatever it was, he was going to let her in. She felt honored, special, that he would trust her so. She smiled and nodded. Chuck walked over to the keyboard, and sat down. He tentatively began to play a few bars. He looked over at her. "Last chance," he warned her.
"I'll risk it," she told him. He nodded, took a deep breath, and began to play again. When he began to sing, he started softly, tentatively.
Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
Sarah was glad he was facing the keyboard and couldn't see her. The pain he sang with, the emotion, it was doing something to her. It was then she understood why this breakup of not just his girlfriend, but this abandonment of his friend, had hurt him so deeply. Chuck Bartowski meant those words deep in his soul. Nothing you confess, could make me love you less. He came to the chorus and his singing grew stronger.
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Morgan had tried to tell her, the other Buy Morians had tried to tell her by the way they had talked about him… when Chuck Bartowski was in your life, he was going to stand by you, no matter what. He didn't expect it from others, she knew that. But he wanted it. He wanted someone to stand by him the way he would stand by those around him. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. In that moment, she decided, whatever happened, she would stand by Chuck Bartowski's side, no matter what.
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
She was near tears, wrecked inside. Her father would call him a sucker, a schnook, or some other term. Love, friendship, loyalty, those were the biggest cons in the world as far as he was concerned. The CIA would use these feelings of Chuck to exploit him, use him, get whatever they wanted out of him, and then throw him away.
It was in that moment that she was sure what she had to do. She wasn't just going to stand by Chuck. No, that wasn't enough. She had to protect Chuck Bartowski at all costs. She didn't know why she had to, she just knew she had to. He was the greater good she had heard about her entire life. She wanted to run from his apartment, she wanted to flee. She felt exposed, out of her element, and scared. But she couldn't leave, she had to hear him sing.
And when...
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
He turned around slowly, nervousness covering his face. He saw her tear-streaked face and moved to her, quickly. Sarah normally would have reacted to anyone moving at her that quickly. She would have instinctively tossed them, defended herself, something. But in that moment, she ignored all those things screaming inside her, and felt herself being pulled into a hug.
"I've never had anyone in my life that felt that way about me," she heard herself saying before she could stop herself. "I've never had anyone that would stand by me, no matter what."
"You do now," she heard him say. She let the tears flow, and with them, some of the hurt she had held on to for her entire life, as well.
}o{
The door opened, and Ellie and Devon paused, seeing Chuck sitting on the couch. The TV was softly playing, and a woman neither of them had ever seen was asleep on his shoulder.
"Damn, bro, you move fast," Devon said softly… it being Devon, softly consisted of a low boom. Ellie backhanded Devon, and gave him a look.
"She's a friend from work," Chuck told them. "We got to talking, and she got to talking about her past… and… well…"
Ellie gave him a knowing smile, pride radiating from it. "You're a good person, Charles. In fact, you're aces," Ellie told him.
"Trying my best," Chuck told her. "Good-night."
"Night, Chuck," Ellie told him.
"Night, Bro," Devon said, with a wink and a thumbs up. Chuck watched both go down the hall to their bedroom. He looked down at Sarah.
"They're gone," he said softly.
She raised her head, blushing. "How'd you know that I was awake?" She sat up, and stifled a yawn.
"Two reasons," Chuck began. "Devon can't be quiet to save his life." Sarah giggled over that. "I felt your breathing change after he spoke." She sat there for a moment, savoring the feeling, but she knew she had to go. She didn't feel safe. Not physically vulnerable… no, she actually had never felt more physically safe in her life. What she was feeling was more of an emotional vulnerability. She knew Chuck wouldn't take advantage of her… but she wasn't sure she wouldn't try to take advantage of him.
"I should probably go," Sarah began.
"Listen, it's late, you had an emotional experience, so I have an offer. I sleep out here, and you take my bed." Sarah stared at him, wondering how in the world someone like him actually existed. "I can't let you sleep out here, you're a guest. Plus, Ellie would kill me."
"Why do I think even if it was your apartment that you lived in by yourself, you still would make this offer?"
"I would," Chuck said with a shrug. "Come on, if something happened to you, I'd feel awful." It was in that moment Sarah knew she had to make a decision. She was fine to drive, but the only way to convince Chuck of that was to tell her of her past, of who she was: a former CIA agent. She couldn't, of course… he was too important to her, his friendship was too important to her.
"Okay," she relented. Normally she would have told him that they could share the bed, but she didn't trust herself. Chuck Bartowski deserved better than her. She knew she wanted him. Not just in bed, but in her life. But she didn't deserve either. He deserved far better than her.
"Great," he said, clapping his hands together, gleefully, and then his face fell. "Oh, you'll find some things in my room…" Her eyebrow raised. "Notpornnotpornnotporn," he rushed out. "A lot of… nerdy things."
"I work at the Buy More, Chuck. I'm fairly accustomed to nerdy things." She leaned in, and kissed him on the cheek. "Besides, I find nerds to be quite amazing people." She stood up. "Can I borrow a tee shirt and shorts, or something?"
"Take anything you want," he offered. She gave him an amused look. "Listen, I caused this with that song," he began.
"You did nothing wrong, Chuck Bartowski," she told him. "Now, do you need anything from your room?" Chuck shook his head. "Okay, I'm heading to bed, unless you need to talk."
"Nope, I'm good. Good night," he told her.
"Good night, Chuck." With that, she turned and walked to his bedroom. She entered, closing the door behind her. Looking around, she hoped something, anything would quell the feeling that was building inside of her. She had to protect Chuck Bartowski.
And that included from her.
a/n: Today's song is from The Pretenders, I'll Stand By You