Chapter 3

Eventually, Lily lost track of how long she'd been in the hospital. She slept so much that it became difficult to tell when it was morning or evening. Her parents were constant visitors, always there when she needed someone to hold her hand or to let her guard down, for which she was extremely grateful. Lily was her mother's daughter; she held back a lot of her more serious emotions, never wanting others to see her cry – except for her parents. She had never been afraid to be vulnerable in front of her mother and father, and now, she didn't think she had ever felt so vulnerable in her life.

When her grandmother had come home she had immediately brought Lily all of her favorite things; her pillow, her songwriting journal, a few blankets, most if not all of her collection of Jane Austen novels, and of course, the bubbly, theatrical Martha Rodgers personality.

Her brothers and sister spent as much time as possible with her too. It was Alexis' schedule that often kept Lily on schedule too; she knew her sister mostly worked nine to five, so as soon as Alexis made it to her bedside, Lily knew it had to be evening. And whenever her brother-in-law showed up in scrubs, she knew it had to be morning, since he never scheduled surgeries after 3:00pm save for emergencies.

Jake and Reece were extremely attentive to their sister, but in a good way this time. They would stay with Lily 24/7 if she'd let them, and a part of her really wanted to because she knew she scared them, but she couldn't be selfish. They were only eleven years old. They deserved to have as normal of a start to summer break as possible, and Lily hated more than anything seeing that worried crease in their foreheads that was almost identical to their father's. They were too young for that.

Of course, there were some days where she would actually wake up in the morning, feeling like her usual self, thinking that everything she and Maddie went through was just some kind of insane nightmare. Maddie was still alive, happy and energetic as ever.

But more often than not she would wake up with terrible headaches, shaken up, knowing that when she finally was able to go home, Maddie wouldn't be there to greet her.

She had spent hours replaying the accident in her mind, or what she could remember of it; the car speeding right toward her and Maddie, headlights bright and menacing. Sometimes the lights seemed so intense that she wondered if this accident could have even been an accident at all, like there was no way the other driver couldn't have seen Maddie's car.

But Lily shook away those thoughts; they didn't offer her any comfort whatsoever. It was easier to think that an accident was just that, an accident. It had been dark, and they had been overly excited, not paying enough attention to the road. There was no way to tell what really happened, Lily told herself over and over. And even if she tried to place any blame on the other driver, no one would believe her in a court of law, considering both she and Maddie had been driving home from a party where there was alcohol. They would just say Maddie had been drinking and that would be the end of it.

A little over a week after the accident, Lily sat up in bed dressed in black leggings and a sweater, ready for discharge. Her concussion had healed enough that her doctor felt she could spend the rest of her recovery time at home, and for that she was extremely grateful. Her brain had begun to associate the smell of the hospital with her grief from losing Maddie, so despite how scared she was to return home and not have her best friend there waiting for her, she knew she would rather be there than spend one more night in this whitewashed room.

"Dad said as soon as you get home and your head gets better we can finally have that laser tag rematch," Reece grinned, sitting down on the bed next to Lily as they waited for their parents to come back from filling out more insurance papers.

"What, you mean me kicking your butt the last five times in a row wasn't enough?" Lily said, earning a snicker from Jake. She gave a small smile and bumped shoulders with Reece.

Reece was just about to respond when Kate and Rick appeared in the doorway.

"You guys ready to go?" Rick asked, wrapping an arm around Lily's shoulders.

"You have no idea how much," Lily sighed. "Sleeping here hasn't exactly been –"

But the presence of a disheveled-looking woman with shoulder-length dark brown hair in the doorway stopped her from finishing her sentence. It was local Defense Attorney Christine McKendrick, Maddie's mother.

After just one glance, Kate had to swallow the lump that formed in her throat. Professionally, she took issue with this woman; the DA who defended more than a few of the murderers Kate had caught. But now she was also the mother of the girl who died in a car accident. Kate could just as easily be standing in her shoes.

"I…" she began, her eyes swimming. Lily had never seen her so vulnerable before. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Lily's heart ached, seeing Christine's heart so obviously broken. Her knees wobbled slightly upon standing up, but she did her best to keep a straight posture as she went to hug her best friend's mother.

"I'm so sorry," Lily whispered. She felt the woman hold back a sob as they clung to one another, a mother's pain seeping into an already-grieving teenage girl.

"Lily," Kate said after a moment, placing a hand on her daughter's shoulder as Lily stepped back.

"We'll be right back, guys," Kate told the kids before gesturing for Christine to step back out into the hallway. Rick followed them closely behind.

"I'm glad Lily's alright," Christine said quietly, and Kate's heart felt heavy. As a mother, she remembered the times she had thought she was about to experience what Christine was experiencing right now: when Alexis had been kidnapped, when Jake's appendix had ruptured when he was five, and now Lily's accident.

"Look," Kate began, before Rick could express any condolences, like she knew he would want to. "I know you and I have had our differences in the past, but I'm truly sorry for your loss, Christine. I loved Maddie too; she was…the best friend I could have ever asked for, for Lily." Her voice was heavy. "You raised a good girl."

Kate took a deep breath as Christine bowed her head, pressing her lips together tightly. She thought about telling Christine what Rick had told her a couple days ago – that this accident may not have exactly happened by accident – but she held her tongue. Esposito didn't have enough leads and honestly Kate did not want to discuss anything with Christine – a grieving single mother – that she herself wasn't one hundred percent sure of.

She glanced up at Rick, letting him know with her eyes that she couldn't stand here and talk to this woman right now without her emotions getting the best of her, before turning on her heel, heading back toward their children.

"You okay, Mom?" Lily asked, noticing her mother's glassy eyes.

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine," Kate said, running a hand over her daughter's hair. Looking out the hospital room window, she noticed her husband gesturing empathetically to Christine, and secretly she felt grateful to him, for being able to do what she, at this moment, could not. "I should be asking you that." She smiled at Lily to the best of her ability, rubbing her back gently.

"I'm just ready to be home," Lily said, leaning into Kate's side.

Kate exhaled, placing a kiss on her daughter's head, carefully avoiding her still-healing scrape.

Outside, Rick stood with Christine offering his condolences while at the same time trying to figure out the most inconspicuous way to tell her what Esposito had told him about the 'accident.' He knew without even having to discuss it with her that Kate wouldn't want him to let Christine in on any of the findings just yet—before any of them could even pursue the case further—but after seeing the look of complete devastation in the woman's eyes, how could he not?

As casually as possible, Rick placed a hand on Christine's arm, moving them away from the window.

"I just, some nights I sit around the house thinking Maddie will walk through the front door, plop down next to me, and tell me all about how school went that day…like she used to. And then I remember…" Christine's voice trailed off as she wiped her eyes.

"Christine," Rick began quietly. "There's something I think you should know about the girls' accident."

Christine looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes. "What is it?" she asked, looking confused. "The car was totaled. Nothing salvageable."

"After Lily woke up, I had asked her if there was anything she remembered, anything at all about that night with Maddie. She said she remembered headlights – two bright headlights headed right toward them. But, I couldn't shake the feeling that something still wasn't right, especially considering neither of the girls were drunk. So I asked one of Kate's colleagues if he could go check out the scene of the accident."

Christine stared right into Rick's eyes, taking in his every word, her lawyer brain already on overdrive. "And? Did they find anything?" she asked.

"They were able to find enough evidence to indicate that this accident may not have been an accident after all," Rick said, his heart rate increasing, hating the idea that his daughter and her best friend's misfortune may have in any way been premeditated. Or that someone may have targeted his daughter and her best friend on purpose.

"So, you think someone intentionally tried to hurt our daughters that night?" Christine asked, folding her arms across her chest.

"We…don't know anything for sure yet. And Kate's caught between wanting to spend every waking hour with Lily, and wanting to spend every waking hour at the precinct until we do," Rick said.

"I can imagine," Christine replied. "Look, it's always been just Maddie and me, I just wanted to do everything I could to give her the best life possible, and unfortunately more often than not that meant late nights at the office. And I know I've defended a lot of bad people in my line of work, but I always did my best to keep my work and my life with my daughter separate. Most of my clients didn't even know I had a child. Honestly I can't think of anyone who would go out of their way to hurt her…at least not off the top of my head. Can you think of anyone who would want to go after Lily?"

Rick looked down at the floor, thinking. He remembered when Alexis had been taken, but in the end that had had more to do with his CIA agent father than with Alexis herself. Not to mention, Rick's father had made sure none of her kidnappers survived when that bomb went off.

There was no way that could be connected to this accident. Of course there was always the other thing…

"I…" he started, but was cut off by his wife stepping out of their daughter's room.

"Rick?" Kate called his name. "You coming?"

"Yeah," he said, giving her a smile. "Yeah, I'm coming. Christine, if you need anything," he said, turning to her. "Please don't hesitate to call." As discreetly as possible he glanced into her sea green eyes, letting her know he would keep her in the loop to the best of his ability.

"Thanks, Rick," she said, her heels clicking as she started down the hall toward the door. "Take care, Kate."

Kate nodded in her direction before turning toward her husband. "Thanks," she said. "For talking to her when I…"

Silently, Rick placed his hands on his wife's shoulders before leaving a comforting kiss on her forehead.

"But do you think we could just…not talk about it anymore for a little while?" Kate asked hesitantly. "At least for today. Right now, I just want to get our daughter home and forget the outside world exists for at least twenty four hours."

Rick smiled, a genuine smile this time. "I could not agree with you more."

As soon as she stepped through the front door, Lily was immediately engulfed in a sea of brilliant red hair. Her sister and grandmother, along with Pumpkin the cat, had all been there waiting for her. She had expected to feel overwhelmed, like an exhibit at the zoo, having her semi-large family all surround her, watching her every move; but instead she felt strangely comforted, standing there in her grandmother's warm embrace.

"Oh darling, I'm so glad you're home," Martha said, cupping her granddaughter's cheeks in her hands.

"Me too, Grams," Lily sighed, giving her grandmother a small smile. "I missed you."

Martha gave her a smile in return, but it was a sad smile. Lily knew her grandmother was a good actress, but she quickly discovered that no amount of talent could help even the great Martha Rodgers when it came to family being in pain.

"I swear," Martha said, still smiling to keep her voice from breaking, and running a hand through Lily's wavy hair. "Only someone with your grandmother's genes could survive a week in the hospital and still have fabulous hair."

Lily let out a soft laugh, grateful for her grandmother's attempt at a joke.

"Speaking of hair, I just thought I should warn you in advance that this guy's made a permanent home out of your bed this past week," Alexis said, walking up to Lily and holding Pumpkin.

Lily looked straight into her sister's matching blue eyes before taking the cat from her and squeezing him tightly, his cold nose pressing against her neck as he began to purr. Then, without a word she stepped into Alexis' embrace, feeling her guard starting to break down again, for what she knew wouldn't be the last time. Closing her eyes, she heard her father and brothers talking in the distance—something about the summer camp the twins were supposed to go to next month—as she rested her head against her sister's shoulder.

At that moment, she didn't want to know anything but Alexis. Even though biologically they were only half sisters, the bond between them was stronger than ever, to the point where they could often guess what the other was thinking without even having to ask.

By now everyone had dispersed, wanting to make Lily's return as normal as possible, and she appreciated it. Just like her mother, she hated it when people fussed over her.

And Kate knew this. Except she was a mother, and it took everything she had not to constantly fuss over her children whenever they were hurting.

She watched her daughter and stepdaughter embrace, biting her tongue when she heard Lily tell Alexis she was going to head upstairs to get settled in. If Kate could have her way, she'd follow Lily around all day without any hesitation, but she knew her daughter would kill her for that, and she cringed internally at the thought of someone doing that to her if she were in Lily's situation. So she sat back, paid attention to her eleven year olds, giving her middle child some space.

Breaking away from Alexis' hug, Lily made her way upstairs slowly, her body still sore and stiff.

Once she made it to the top she set Pumpkin down on the floor, opening her bedroom door slowly. Her heart lurched, a significant lump forming in her throat for the millionth time over the past week. Aside from the pillows her grandmother had taken from her bed, the room looked exactly the same as it had the night she and Maddie left for the party.

Lily dropped her small duffel bag on the floor next to her desk, taking a deep breath and slipping off her zip-up hoodie. Glancing over toward her closet door, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. The scrape along her hairline was still visible, and Lily dared not stare at it too hard, not wanting to see the lines left behind by her two-dozen stitches. She had always been thin, but now her body looked frailer than ever – her cheeks and collarbone were more prominent than usual, and bruises still stained the right side of her face and arm.

She was surprised the nurses hadn't constantly been trying to shove food down her throat throughout her stay. Then again, how could she even think about eating—or doing anything, really—when her best friend was dead?

Before she knew it, a fresh round of tears were making their way down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself. It felt so surreal, standing here in this room, this room that had been hers her entire life; this room that looked exactly the same despite how much had changed.

Through her clouded vision, Lily noticed above her desk on the wall a picture of her and Maddie, taken just last year at their sophomore homecoming. Both girls were dressed in colorful gowns – Lily's maroon and Maddie's lavender. Lily had never really been one for dresses (the one thing she and her sister did not have in common), but Maddie had pretty much forced her hand anyway, and Lily remembered spending that entire afternoon with a curling iron two inches from her scalp and a can of hairspray in hand.

Choking on a quiet sob, Lily quickly ripped the photo from the wall, hugging it to her chest and hating herself for being such a pain about going to homecoming in the first place. It had been Maddie's last one; she'd never get to go to another.

Still holding onto the photo as tightly as possible, Lily crawled into her bed and covered herself completely with blankets.

"I'm sorry, Maddie," she whispered. "I'm so sorry."

She curled herself into a tight ball before letting herself cry, safe beneath her three layers of blankets. Her whole body shook, and it was all she could do to remember to keep even breaths.

Suddenly, without even hearing a knock at the door, she felt someone crawl into bed behind her and a pair of arms wrap around her middle. She would know them anywhere.

"Shh," Kate soothed, pressing a kiss to the back of Lily's head. "You're okay, baby. You're okay. Deep breaths."

Lily continued to cry, squeezing the photo with one hand and one of her mother's in the other.

Kate had wanted to give Lily her space, but once she heard her crying, she could no longer help herself. Lying there soothing her 16 year old girl, Kate was reminded of when her daughter was a baby, so tiny in her arms, her little fingers always keeping a tight grip on Kate's as if she were afraid her mother would leave and never come back. It was almost as if she knew that that was exactly what her big sister's birth mother had done years ago, and it broke Kate's heart.

Now, Kate swore her heart was ripping apart yet again. Especially considering everything her husband had told her recently. What if someone had targeted their daughter? Wanted to hurt her? Kate could hardly bear it. Here was this sweet, wonderful, and caring girl who had never done anything to hurt anyone in her life; the idea of someone going after her baby made Kate want to kill, and at that moment she knew without a doubt that she would stop at nothing to keep her safe.

"Mommy," Lily choked, trying to catch her breath.

"I'm right here, baby," Kate said, lips pressed against her head. "I'm not goin' anywhere." Still huddled under the blankets, Kate took her hand and tucked her daughter's mousy brown hair behind her ear, closing her eyes to block her own tears at the sight of her scrape.

"I'm sorry," Lily said, forcing the words out.

"Sorry for what?" Kate asked softly.

"I'm sorry I didn't want to go to homecoming with her," Lily cried. "I'm sorry I wasn't a better friend…"

"Honey," Kate said, stroking her daughter's hair. "You were her best friend. You were there for her when her mom couldn't be…and she loved—she loves you—more than you'll ever know."

"Well I don't feel like I deserve it," Lily said stubbornly, wiping her cheeks.

"Honey, look at me," Kate said gently, not wanting to push Lily but at the same time wanting to make sure she was heard.

Lily exhaled before slowly turning over in her mother's arms, until the two of them were face-to-face, still covered by the mound of blankets.

Kate's chest clenched, seeing her daughter's normally beautiful blue eyes so red and puffy. She placed a hand on Lily's cheek, rubbing soft circles with her thumb.

"You have so many people who love you. Your dad and me, your brothers and sister, Grams, your friends…Maddie loves you, Lily, and you absolutely deserve it. I know I love you, and your brothers and sister, more than anything else in the world, no matter what."

A couple more tears rolled down Lily's cheek and onto the bed sheet as she snuggled closer to her mother.

"I promise you, sweetheart. I promise I'll always be here for you. And when you need me, just call my name; I'll always find you."