Chapter 5

July

A little over a month had passed since the accident and, try as she might, Lily found it impossible to get her mother's words out of her head:

"One day you'll wake up and you'll find that you don't mind carrying this around with you anymore."

What exactly was 'this?' Lily wondered. It wasn't as if Maddie had moved across the country, or the two of them had gotten into a fight and were no longer speaking. 'This' sounded like too casual of a word to depict how she was feeling, what she was going through.

Her best friend was dead. Gone. No longer living.

And that wasn't something Lily could just carry around while pretending everything was normal.

"Alright class, if you all could please open your books to chapter three, today we'll be discussing diatonic triads in major and minor scales!" Lily heard her professor announce from the front of the lecture hall.

A few months ago, the choir director at her high school, Dr. Jane Sherman, had suggested she pick up an advanced music theory course taught at NYU by her former colleague. At first it wasn't really something Lily wanted to consider. As much as she loved singing and all things musical, and as therapeutic as it was for her, summer courses at universities were expensive and she had no idea if she even wanted to study music in college anyway.

Lily remembered that day, three months ago.

"Lily, may I speak to you for a moment?" Jane had asked, as Lily and her classmates were packing up their bags, having just finished rehearsing their last song of the day.

Lily's heart began to race. No matter who it was, any time someone asked her to speak in private she automatically assumed she was in trouble…most likely a result of growing up with little brothers who constantly liked to pick on her and get on her nerves. Also, she knew Maddie would be waiting for her outside. Choir was her last period of the day, and the two of them always went home together.

Zipping up her bag, Lily stood up and walked over to her teacher. "Is everything okay, Dr. Sherman?" she asked tentatively.

As intense as she was in training her students, Dr. Sherman was not a cold woman. Although in her late 50's, she had aged gracefully, her small stature comforting to students possibly, Lily thought, because she was never able to loom over anyone when they stood in formation. Giving Lily a somewhat surprised look, Dr. Sherman smiled, making her feel better almost immediately.

"Oh yes, yes, everything's fine," she said quickly. "I just wanted to ask if you've been looking into any summer opportunities?"

"What kind of opportunities?" Lily asked.

"Are you traveling, working, taking classes…?"

"Oh," Lily said. "Um, I'm not sure. I guess I hadn't really thought about it yet."

Most summers she spent her time at the precinct filing papers for her mother, or going on road trips with her dad when he was doing research for a book or staying at the Hamptons with him for days at a time. Pretty basic, especially compared to some of the other students at her private school, or her sister, who seemed to always be traveling.

"Well I have something you may want to consider," Dr. Sherman said, walking over to her desk and pulling a piece of paper out of a folder. "It's an advanced music theory course over at NYU that one of my good friends is teaching, and I think you'd be an excellent candidate to take it."

Lily was taken aback. After all, she was only a sophomore. "Wait, you want me to take an advanced music theory class? At a college? I've only gone through one course here…"

"I think after the first few days you'll find the material is pretty basic," Dr. Sherman said. "Intervals, chords, chord progressions…" she leaned forward and lowered her voice. "You have some real talent in your singing voice, Miss Castle. Don't squander it by shying away from opportunities just because you don't think you're good enough."

Lily felt herself blush, just as she did whenever someone recognized her abilities, even her family. She had always shied away from singing in front of people, save for her grandmother. This was another thing Maddie was always pushing her to confront. To share her voice with the world. She remembered right before the end of the school year, Maddie had found out next year's musical was going to be Rodgers & Hammerstein's Cinderella, and then spent days badgering Lily about auditioning.

Taking the paper from her teacher, she noticed it was a course description.

"It's three days a week, June through early August, so it shouldn't interfere with your studies here."

Lily nodded, looking over the paper. Dr. Sherman was right. The course looked pretty basic as far as theory went, but just challenging enough for Lily to feel the excitement bubbling up in the pit of her stomach.

"Anyway, talk to your parents about it. Summer school may not sound ideal right now but do think it over. I wouldn't suggest this to just anyone." Dr. Sherman gave her a wink and a smile before heading back over to the risers, where a handful of students were waiting to speak with her.

Lily was left alone, surprised yet excited. Deep down she knew her parents would want her to do it, as would Maddie.

Suddenly, summer didn't seem so basic after all.

Now, listening to her professor lecture, Lily tried her best to dig deep, to find that excitement she once had for this unique opportunity. But she couldn't find it. Instead she found the only thing she really wanted was to leave this classroom filled with people she didn't know and run over to the precinct, not because it was her favorite place in the world, but because she knew that's where her mother was, and everyone who was familiar to her.

As much as she wanted to, she couldn't concentrate, and a part of her knew that come next fall when Dr. Sherman would inevitably ask her how her summer was, she would struggle to find the words.

"What, no 'are we there yet,'s or comments about how dorky my taste in music is?" Rick joked, sitting in the car with Jake and Reece.

Both boys smiled slightly, slouching down in the back seat and staring out their respective windows.

For the past two summers Rick had driven them up to Connecticut for a three-week overnight camp that, normally, they spent the rest of the 49 weeks of the year missing like crazy. But this year felt far from normal, to the point where Rick and Kate had debated not sending them at all, especially with all the suspicions surrounding Lily's accident.

"You honestly don't think I've memorized the map by now, Dad?" Reece asked, looking up from his book.

Rick smiled. "Good point."

"Well, we had to," Jake shrugged. "How else would we know exactly which exit to remind you to take to get to the ice cream? It's six miles from here, by the way."

Every time the three of them had made the trip up to camp they would stop at their favorite place to get ice cream – a little diner off of Interstate 684 that they had discovered together.

"Oh thank god," Rick replied dramatically. "I was almost afraid you'd forget, or say you're not in the mood or something."

"Not in the mood for ice cream?" Reece raised an eyebrow. "Dad, it may have been a weird month but nothing keeps us away from ice cream."

"Excellent," Rick said. "Good to know the evil cyborgs haven't taken over both your bodies yet."

This got a real laugh out of his sons, a sound that always warmed Rick's heart.

"If I ever say that double chocolate chip isn't the best flavor in the world, then you'll know they've got me," Reece joked.

"Good to know," Rick played along.

"Maybe that could be the subject of your next book," Reece suggested. "The main character finds himself stuck on a planet made entirely of ice cream, and in order to not become an evil cyborg he has to track down the double chocolate chip that's hidden in, like, some secret cave."

"Or, he could just eat the stuff that makes him a cyborg and adapt to his environment," Jake added.

"Adapt to his environment," Rick repeated. "I see someone did pay attention in science class after all."

Reece rolled his eyes. "Dad, he copied off of my notes before the test."

Jake shrugged innocently, gazing out the window again. "I'm just saying…"

"Hey," Rick began slowly. "You guys know how proud of you I am for deciding to still go to camp this summer, right?"

Both boys looked at him again.

"I'm serious," Rick said, knowing this was going to make them uncomfortable but needing to say it anyway. "I know how scary the past month has been and…"

"We weren't scared…" Jake muttered, even though it was far from true.

"And," Rick continued. "You have been great brothers to your big sisters."

The boys were silent again. Neither were one to really talk about their feelings, at least not to anyone apart from each other. Rick saw so much of himself in his sons, but he knew that part, the silent strength, had always come from Kate.

"Okay," Rick exhaled, not wanting to make the twins any more uncomfortable than they already were.

The three were silent again for almost fifteen minutes when Jake slowly leaned forward toward his dad.

"Dad?"

"Yeah?"

"…are we there yet?"

Thirty minutes later Rick pulled off the freeway and into the parking lot of Farrell's, their favorite diner.

"Yes, Jake, I believe we are there," Rick said seriously.

Jake chuckled, appreciating that his dad made the stop. "I meant camp but this is good too."

Rick turned toward his son and smiled. "I know."

Reaching over, he ruffled Jake's hair before all three of them exited the car.

"I'll go grab a seat by the window," Reece said as they entered. "You know what I want, right?"

Rick snorted. "Do I know what you want?" he repeated. "You ask as if we didn't just come up with an entire novel about the double chocolate chip…"

Reece rolled his eyes before skipping over to a booth by the window and sitting down, as Jake walked up to the counter with their father.

Glancing back outside, Reece watched the handfuls of cars drive by on the freeway. Already he noticed how much cleaner the air tasted, out here in the country and away from the millions of cars and smog of the city. He loved it, and his lungs thanked him.

The sound of a car on the gravel parking lot broke Reece from his trance. It was black, much like the one his father drove in the city, and parked a few spaces away from them, further from the front door. He frowned. This car didn't look like it belonged out here at all and he figured if he waited long enough he would see someone step out of it wearing a suit and tie, or something fancy like that.

But no one got out, and the windows were tinted too much to see who was inside. Reece stared at the car for several minutes, looking away only when his brother sat beside him with a cone of peanut butter fudge, and his dad sat across from him, two cones of double chocolate chip in hand.

"Best part of the whole summer right here," Rick said, and Reece smiled, trying to ignore his curiosity for the car out front.

"Yeah, for sure Dad," Reece said. "Thanks for stopping."

"Anything to please your very predictable sweet tooths," Rick replied.

The three sat and chatted for a while, Reece every so often glancing back out the window at the car. Thankfully, Jake hadn't seemed to notice, and even if he had, Reece wouldn't have been sure of how much he wanted to share. As close as he and his brother were, he was the older twin. Even if it was only by twelve minutes, he had always felt it was his duty to protect Jake from all things bad or scary in the world. and that included strange black cars.

It wasn't until the mystery person pulled out of the lot and left that Rick turned around and followed his son's gaze.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing," Reece replied. "Just looking out the window."

"I've questioned if Madison's dad knew about those bearer bonds," Esposito said as he, Ryan, and Kate left the precinct break room together.

"If they have something to do with his daughter's death then why wouldn't he want to tell us about them?" Kate asked.

"Well we're not gonna know until we know where they came from," Esposito replied, the three of them now standing in front of the murder board.

"We're tracking the serial numbers on the bonds to see if we can locate the original owners but it's gonna take some time," Ryan said quietly.

Kate stared at the board for a moment, the image of Madison Beaumont's face imprinting in her brain, and muttered a "what the hell was this girl mixed up in?"

Both Esposito and Ryan were silent as Kate continued to stare straight ahead at the board. Weird cases like this didn't really faze her anymore. She and Rick had certainly been involved in their fair share of them and usually they'd go something like this: someone would be killed in an unorthodox manner—for example, supernaturally—Rick would come up with some convoluted theory, and Kate would spend the next few days telling him how crazy he was even though sometimes those convoluted theories were the only things that kept her from going crazy.

This time, the case involved two teenage girls who had witnessed their friend, Madison, killed by 'telekinesis' during a video call. Of course Rick believed whoever had killed Madison was telekinetic, a 'real life Carrie' as he had put it. Kate didn't for a second. Except now, it was harder for Kate to focus on the telekinesis, or lack thereof, instead of the fact that Madison was not much older than her own teenage daughter.

Her teenage daughter who, just over a month ago, had also almost been killed, and nobody could figure out why. Or even if there was a why.

Kate already knew she was a slightly overprotective mother. She remembered back to when she and Rick first started working together and she was able to get to know a then-fourteen year old Alexis, how much love she had felt for the teenager who, biologically, wasn't even hers. That love increased tenfold once she and Rick had gotten together. Kate had considered her one of her children whom she would do anything to keep safe.

Currently, her youngest were on their way to sleep-away camp for three weeks. If their going away didn't make her nervous before, this year definitely sent her over the edge. But, as usual, Rick was there to calm her, to tell her that getting away from the city and being with kids their own age was good for Jake and Reece. And he was right. And she knew how safe the camp was. But that doesn't mean it made things any easier for her.

And as strangely as Madison Beaumont's parents were acting, every time Kate looked at the mother it was like she couldn't breathe, like she could pass out at any moment. Here was a mother, another mother, who would have to grieve for the loss of a daughter, and Kate couldn't just move past the fact that she was almost in that position too.

Sighing, Kate ran a hand through her hair before turning around and heading back to her office and shutting the door behind her. As happy as she was that father and sons got to spend quality time together, she wished Rick were here with her today. Lately any time away from him made her anxious.

Relaxing into her chair, Kate picked up Madison's file, burying herself in it, trying to focus.

Minutes later, a quiet voice and the sound of her door opening broke her concentration.

"Mom?"

Kate's head snapped up, a part of her feeling like she could finally breathe again. It was Lily.

"Hey, honey," Kate smiled, standing up. "How was class?"

"It was good," Lily said, accepting the side hug and kiss on the temple from her mother. "We have a midterm next Wednesday though so I'll pretty much be studying all weekend."

"I love that out of my four kids I only really have to tell one of you twice about that," Kate noted somewhat jokingly.

"Yeah well you did marry Dad so you had to know at least one of your offspring would (a) have an overactive imagination and (b) despise studying," Lily replied, setting her bag down next to the desk and sitting in what was normally her father's chair.

"Touché," Kate said, leaning against the desk next to her daughter and wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Silently, Lily looked up and into her mother's warm hazel eyes. Kate took a hand and ran it through Lily's smooth, wavy locks.

"How are you?" she asked gently, hoping to get an honest answer.

Lily's sky blue eyes disappeared behind their lids only for a moment before meeting Kate's gaze again.

"I'm okay," Lily breathed, nodding slightly. "But, is it alright if I stick around here for a little while? I know Dad won't be back yet and Lex is on site for work so…"

"You can stay as long as you want," Kate replied, not really wanting her daughter to be home alone either. "And Lanie's downstairs, if you wanna run down and say hi at some point."

"Okay, yeah I think I will," Lily said.

"And hey assuming I get outta here at a decent hour what do you say we stop by Remy's on the way home, just you and me?"

Lily gave her mother a small smile, her first real smile of the day. "I'd like that."

"Good." Kate returned the smile as Lily looked back down toward the floor, picking at her fingernail. "Hey hon?" she said, getting her daughter's attention again.

Lily wordlessly glanced back up at her mother.

"I just want you know I'm proud of you," Kate continued. "The way you're handling everything, taking that summer class…"

"Well…thanks," Lily muttered, starting to blush.

"I mean it," Kate said. "And don't think I don't love hearing that beautiful voice of yours…"

Lily blushed some more, looking up at Kate with wide eyes. Save for her grandmother, with whom she often rehearsed, she hated practicing in front of family.

"I may have listened in on a rehearsal or two with Grams," Kate admitted with a wink.

"Mom!"

"What? Sometimes I just can't help it," Kate shrugged, sitting back down in her chair and picking up the file again.

Lily couldn't help but smile. She knew her mother meant well. "Anything interesting today?" she asked, changing the subject.

Kate swallowed, not wanting to talk to her daughter about the death of another teenage girl, even if it was someone Lily didn't know or go to school with.

"Um," Kate started.

But it was too late. Lily turned her head to look at the board through the office window and without even having to touch her Kate felt her shoulders stiffen. Turning back around, Lily blinked rapidly to stop the tears from forming; another girl her own age had been killed, and that hit too close to home.

"Hey," Kate said softly, reaching forward to touch Lily's arm. "We don't have to talk about it, okay?"

"It's okay," Lily exhaled. "I'll be fine. I'm just gonna get started on Friday's assignment." She reached down to unzip her bag.

"Okay," Kate almost whispered, trying to rid her forehead of its signature worried crease.

Kate paused for a moment before standing up and picking up the file. "I'm gonna go run a couple things by Ryan but I'll be back in a minute, okay?"

Lily nodded. "Go catch the bad guy," she said, just like she used to when she was little and Kate would drop her off at school in the mornings.

Kate grinned, starting to walk away, before pausing to lean over and hug her daughter around the shoulders from behind.

"Seriously Mom go catch the bad guy," Lily chuckled, placing a hand on Kate's arm.

"Mmm I love you," Kate muttered against the top of her daughter's head.

Lily sighed contentedly. "Love you too."

"Okay well I'm gonna go see if I can get a status update on those serial numbers," Ryan said, standing in the viewing room with Kate.

"Okay good and if there's any way either you or Espo could get back in touch with the father…I don't wanna push him too hard but he's hiding something, I'm sure if it…"

"Right, will do," Ryan said, giving Kate a small, closed-mouth smile before brushing past her.

Taking a deep breath, she headed back toward her office. It had been about 45 minutes since she left her daughter and already she felt bad for saying she'd just be a minute.

Then she noticed, and before she knew it, Overprotective Mother was rearing her ugly head.

Lily was gone from her seat, and suddenly it was as if all the air had been forced out of Kate's lungs. The idea that she might be going crazy never even crossed her mind; no, the only thing on her mind currently was that one moment her daughter was sitting at her desk, and now she was not.

"Hey Ryan!" she called, trying not to sound too frantic.

Ryan looked over at her.

"Did you see Lily go by at any point?"

"No I didn't, I'm sorry," he said.

Kate snapped her head to the side, scouring the room, her stomach clenching in fear. Soon, her feet carried her briskly to the elevator, where she nearly punched the down button.

Upon reaching the morgue, eyes wide, the first person she saw was Lanie.

"Kate?" Lanie said, frowning at the look on Kate's pale face.

"Have you seen her?" Kate asked firmly, her eyes darting around the exam room.

"Whoa, seen who?" Lanie looked worried.

"Lily," Kate snapped. "Have you seen Lily?"

Lanie reached her arm out and then Lily was there, with Lanie's hand on her back.

"She's right here," Lanie said slowly. "Just came down for a visit. We were in my office until this guy came in." She gestured toward the covered body on the examination table.

Relief spread across Kate's face upon seeing her daughter.

"Mom?" Lily said, her forehead creasing to match her mother's.

Lanie and Lily stared at her, as Kate tried to erase the panic from her face.

"Are you okay?" Lanie asked gently, reaching out to touch Kate's arm.

"Yeah," Kate replies quickly. "I'm fine."

Lanie glanced at Lily for an explanation, but found only equal confusion in the girl's face. They exchanged a look and Lily lightly shrugged at her before heading back into the office.

"Are you sure you're doin' alright, honey?" Lanie asked Kate.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm good," Kate exhaled. "Really. I guess I just forgot I mentioned she should come down and say hi. That's all."

"Well okay," Lanie shrugged. "But you let me know if it's anything else, alright?"

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely," Kate tried to smile. "Sorry for interrupting you guys like that."

Lanie smiled at her friend, as if to say 'that's okay,' before returning to her patient.

Kate exhaled, releasing some of the tension in her shoulders before walking slowly toward the elevator and back upstairs.