Chapter Fifteen: A Kitsune's Advice

I ducked into an alley next to Susumu's restaurant and climbed onto the roof. Even at this late hour, it smelled faintly of fish. Grateful that I had previously taken the time to memorize the rooftop routes throughout the town, I made my way back to the Inn. Silently, slowly, I picked my way along the roofline until I reached the side overlooking the courtyard. Shingen's clothing was already gone from the dry garden, so he must have grabbed them. Or, Mitsuhide had.

While I doubted that Mitsuhide and Shingen would attack each other, I wanted to stay within earshot as a precaution. That, and if the two of them compared notes, I needed to know what Mitsuhide said about me in case it would require damage control tomorrow. Mitsuhide was aware I was living in Kasugayama dressed as boy. Would he keep that a secret?

Shingen and Mitsuhide's voices carried clearly in the night air. They sounded… while not friendly, but at least, somewhat polite. A little polite. Borderline polite. Not actively trying to bring about each other's death.

"—what are you really doing in Kasugayama?" Shingen asked. I imagined him grabbing Mitsuhide by the collar – but that was more than likely wish fulfillment.

"Exactly what I told our, er, nameless friend. Confirming that the attack on our vassals had nothing to do with your Akazonae." Mitsuhide sounded bored with the whole thing (and not at all like he'd been grabbed by the collar. So much for that wish.)

"You ought to have known that without coming all this way." Shingen said.

Agreed, I thought, shifting position so I could be more comfortable while I listened. In the process, I accidentally kicked a stone – but I caught it before it could roll off the roof and make a noise.

"One never knows what can be learned by making these little detours here and there." Mitsuhide said. "Someone seems fairly determined to stir things up between our clans. I thought it prudent to see if similar attacks were taking place here. Word got to me that someone attacked you last month."

"Word got to you? Via that nameless friend? Is she one of your spies?" There was a note in Shingen's voice that I couldn't identify, and I wished I could see his face. Obviously, he hadn't believed me when I said I didn't work for Mitsuhide. Shit. If he ever discovers that "Angel" and "Katsu" are the same person… I closed my eyes for a moment against the anxiety that turned my stomach into a churning mess. He would be furious. He might possibly kill me. He would certainly despise me – and that would be worse. At least killing would be quick.

After tonight, "Angel" must never be seen in Kasugayama again.

In fact, maybe it was better that Shingen was treating "Katsu" more distantly. Safer if I stayed the shadow who slipped in, grabbed the messages, and slipped out again.

"I'm not the one with a legion of female operatives." I pictured Mitsuhide examining his fingernails as he said that.

"That was not a denial," Shingen said. He sounded like he was moving around. The rustle of clothing indicated he was getting dressed.

"I'll be clearer then. That one is definitely not one of mine." Mitsuhide didn't have to sound so horrified about the idea.

"Do you know where she came from? Or where I can find her?" Shingen's voice sounded closer. I heard his, and Mitsuhide's feet pad across the tatami mats.

Then Mitsuhide stepped out into the courtyard. He took a few steps out and glanced up, nodding to himself when he spotted me sitting on the roof. He tapped his nose.

As I tried to melt into the darkness of the roof, feeling grateful for once, for that dark brown kimono, I mimed "hands over mouth."

Mitsuhide only smiled. "Oh, I imagine she's hanging around somewhere."

So not funny. I looked down at the stone that was still clenched in my hand and imagined hurling it at his nose.

"What do you know about her? Is she in a safe situation?" Shingen stepped into view as well. Surprisingly, Mitsuhide stayed in the courtyard, making sure that Shingen wasn't facing the roof.

"As I told you, I believed she was one of yours. And if that is the case, she's certainly not in a safe situation." Mitsuhide laughed. "I ought to make her an offer of employment merely to get her out from… under… you."

Shingen's posture stiffened at that, and I worried that there might be an argument after all, but Mitsuhide continued. "However, I find that I'm not that altruistic. If that one worked for me, I'd be tempted to murder her at least twice a day."

Back atcha buddy.

They were both quiet for a moment, before Shingen eventually said, "Do I need to point out that you might find things more comfortable back in Azuchi?"

Mitsuhide was tossing something from one hand to the other. It might have been a shogi piece. Or a stone. I wasn't close enough to see. "I had planned to leave in the morning, but that was before I discovered all of this fascinating intrigue going on up here."

Whatever Shingen said to that was too quiet for me to hear, but I could imagine what his face looked like, because Mitsuhide laughed again. "Don't worry. As potentially entertaining as it would be to stick around, I have other things to take care of. I'd ask you to give my regards to Mai, but I know exactly how well that would go over with your stab-happy ally."

He and Shingen walked out of view. I lay down on the roof and closed my eyes. Looked like I had to kill some time before I could safely head back to the castle.

If you go back. There was part of me that considered leaving. Running back to the Mountain where certainly I would be put to work scrubbing floors under Fume's critical eyes. I was getting too wrapped up in the people here – Yukimura's blunt honesty, Sasuke's matter-of-fact intelligence, Yoshimoto's sly humor, Mai's good-natured teasing, Kenshin's… er, Kenshin, and of course Shingen's many kindnesses – better to escape before the lies were revealed.

Except, it felt like the puzzle pieces were beginning to take a rough shape. I knew I wasn't any closer to learning the who, or the why of it all… but I thought I was beginning to understand the how. I just needed to talk it through with Shingen, tell him what I learned about the arr-

Damn it.

I still hadn't gotten the arrow back from Mitsuhide. My head ached at the thought of dealing with him again.

To add to my ill-luck, there was a rumble of thunder in the distance, from an approaching storm that was unlikely to hold off until I was back inside the castle. I took a deep breath of the sultry storm-laden air. Maybe another moment of peace and quiet would allow me to—

"In case you are curious, Shingen appears to be headed back to the castle." I opened my eyes to see Mitsuhide pulling himself over the edge of the roof. Good. He had the arrow. He plopped down next to me.

"I figured." It was unlikely that Shingen would bother searching for me at this hour. I sat back up and let my feet dangle over the edge of the roof.

"Not even going to wonder if I am lying?" He sounded a bit miffed about that.

"What's the point? Either you're telling the truth, or you're not, or you didn't pay attention to where he went and only said that so I'd break my brain trying to figure out if you're lying. It's not worth the effort on my part." I purposely didn't look at him. "I was always going to have to kill time for a while before getting into my boy clothing and going back to the castle."

Mitsuhide laughed, but it was without genuine amusement. "You appear to be leading a complicated life, brat." He dropped the arrow into my lap.

It felt like it was getting more and more completed by the minute. But Mitsuhide wasn't a person I felt comfortable discussing the confusing thoughts and emotions I felt over Shingen.

Actually, Mitsuhide wasn't even a person I would feel comfortable sharing an elevator with, so all I said was, "It's been a strange summer."

He surprised me by saying, "If I gave you some advice, would you take it?"

"I don't know. I'd have to hear what it is." Somehow, I doubted I would be getting the same kind of philosophy of life advice that Aki liked to proclaim.

"Fair enough." He paused a moment – possibly was sorting through his words for the best effect. "The first is to find a piece of yourself that you can hang onto through all of the roles you play. Some thing. Some goal that's more important than who you are portraying at that moment in time. If you lose that piece, you'll lose yourself in the game. You might never find your way out again." There was just enough pain in his voice for me to wonder if he was speaking from personal experience.

"Thank you." It sounded like good advice, although I was afraid that I had the opposite problem… that pieces of my core self were interfering with the roles, instead of the other way around. "You said, 'the first' … is there another piece of advice?"

Lighting flashed again. He paused, and it wouldn't surprise me if he was timing his words to the accompanying thunder for dramatic effect. "Don't get emotionally involved with him, it will only end in heartbreak."

I didn't need to ask who "him" was. "I know. Don't worry. He's not likely to care about me enough to make that a problem."

"Who said I was worried?" He was quiet awhile, and I wondered if he was thinking of some private difficulty.

The wind picked up finally, carrying with it fat drops of rain, one of which splattered onto my nose. A maple leaf swept past, aloft, until wind slowed. I watched the leaf spiral downward.

Mitsuhide continued. "I believe he does, or at least could, care that much, which is why I'm giving you that advice. Sometimes being loved leads to far more pain than being hated."