Romantic Nonsense
Chapter 5
Mike knew he hadn't handled Maddie correctly. It was his fault she was pregnant. He knew her shot had lost its potency and she didn't have the money to go to the doctor. He also knew she couldn't get an abortion legally, and he would never subject her to a blackmarket abortion. Those were too dangerous. The baby would be born and he would take care of his responsibility to it.
For Mike; he was afraid to get attached and he wasn't the sort of person who could just pay child support and never see his kid. He would want a relationship. He didn't even mind sharing a child with Maddie. It was just the idea of losing another baby. He didn't call and check on Maddie, and found himself inviting Russ Jeter out for coffee, hoping he would be able to help Mike. Russ understood losing a child. Five minutes into the conversation, Mike explained everything to Russ.
"It sounds like you know what you're supposed to do, Sir." Russ said.
"I guess so, but…after everything." Mike said.
"Have you asked yourself what Christine or your kids would want? I'm sure they would want you to be happy and not alone. You said yourself that you miss having Lt. Rawlings there. There is a reason I've not retired. Its because I know if I do, I will have to face my losses. You need to grieve for them, but you also need to move on with your life." Russ answered as he took a drink of his coffee.
"She's a lot younger than me. What would people think?" Mike asked.
"None of that stuff matters anymore. Ranks, ages…its just doubts. Do you love her?" Russ asked.
"No. I like her. Like talking with her. But, no, not like with Christine." Mike said.
"You shouldn't compare. You and Christine had been together for many years and your relationship had matured. If you're like me; you may not even remember what it was like to start with." Russ said.
"We were high school sweethearts. Up til Maddie; she was the only woman I had ever slept with. Maybe that's why I am ashamed of the relationship with Maddie…or arrangement. After my relationship with Christine, sleeping with Maddie just seems cheap and tawdry." Mike said.
"No. Cheap and tawdry would have been picking up a woman you didn't know and sleeping with her. You knew Lt. Rawlings, and anyone who saw you two together on the James knew there was a connection. I don't now rather it was sexual tension or that we might have recognized something the two of you didn't. But, it was there. To me, that's not cheap. If you aren't in love, fine. You and I both know you don't need to be married to have a baby with someone. You and Lt. Rawlings can co-parent, even be friends." Russ explained.
"I never thought I would be in this situation. Christine and I dated through high school. We married when I was twenty and she was nineteen. We got through my police academy and her nursing school before we started having kids. We waited…almost ten years. Then she came to me and told me she decided it was time we had kids. A month later; she was pregnant. It worked for us." Mike reminisced.
"Most couples don't wait so long." Russ commented.
"We talked about not having kids. She wanted to become a doctor eventually. I'm not sure why she changed her mind, and I had always loved kids and honestly was just going along with what she said. When it was all said and done, I think she resented it. I got my career, and she was home with the kids. As much as we loved each other, the last six months before I left for the Arctic was a bit rough." Mike admitted.
"You feel a lot of guilt, don't you? Christine didn't get the life she wanted. You went to the Arctic, and lost your family. You had this…arrangement with Lt. Rawlings and now; you have to face fatherhood again." Russ asked.
"Yeah, something like that." Mike agreed.
"You have some decisions to make. You know where your responsibility is. You just have to decide if you want to just financially support your child, or if you want to potentially put your heart on the line again." Russ said.
"What would you do?" Mike asked.
"I would choose love over fear." Russ said as he got up and left. Mike paid for their coffees and also left, but before he went home; he took a walk through a park and watched a young father playing with is daughter, who was about two. It could have been him, nearly twenty years before. He'd always had a close relationship with his kids and their loss caused a huge void for him. A new baby could never replace them, but it could fill some of that void.
He went home and began looking at the kid's pictures. Happy memories. Birthday parties. Christmas mornings. Snuggles in his recliner. It was all beginning to overweigh the sadness he felt. He was beginning to imagine all the potential happiness he could have. It could be a second chance he didn't deserve but desired, all the same. He just needed to figure out a way to connect with Maddie, because even if they only co-parented, he wanted to help her.