Ding dong, bing bong.
"Good morning, everyone! It is now 7 a.m. and nighttime is officially over! Time to rise and shine! Get ready to greet another beee-yutiful day!"
I wake up to the same morning announcement as yesterday.
This time, however, the announcement continues.
"Oh, and another thing. Today, I would like to wish a very special Happy Birthday to… no one! That's right—not a single one of you has a birthday today! Isn't that sad? No birthday means no presents. And that's just boring!
"I'm tired of waiting! I wanna give presents already! An S-tier gift-giver like me shouldn't have to go this long without using their awesome powers!
"So, I've given each of you an early birthday present. No need to thank me! The joy of giving is its own reward!
"And I'm not some cheapo who buys the same generic gifts for everyone. Each gift is totally personalized! It's a gift that reflects who you are deep down! I'm just that good!
"Now—open 'em up, and be amazed at my S-tier gift-giving powers!"
Huh? A present?
I sit up and stretch. I had a good night's sleep, so I'm feeling refreshed.
I look around. And… there it is, near my door. A white box, tied up with red ribbon, which forms an elaborate bow on top.
Curious, I get out of bed, walk to the present, and kneel down. I try to undo the bow, but it's tied up really tight. In the end, I have grab my scissors, and cut the ribbon.
Finally, I grab the box's lid, pull it off, and peek inside.
It's a big, long, thick—
I close the box. I'm blushing furiously. My eyes are popping.
"MMMMM…" I try to say, but I'm so shocked and furious that I can't speak.
"MMMMMMMM…"
I stand up, and clench my fists. "MMMMMONOKUMAAA!"
"You rang?"
I turn around, and face the teddy bear. "What… what…" I'm shaking. "What is this?"
"Hm?" says Monokuma. "Didn't you hear? It's your present! I picked it out just for you, personally! Isn't that wonderful?"
"You know what I mean!" I scream, outraged. "Why… why…" I breathe in. "Why did you give me a freaking dildo?"
"Is that what I got you?" says Monokuma. "I give so many presents—sometimes I lose track of what I gave to whom. Well, my gift-choosing technique is impeccable—so if that's what you got, I guess that's just what you're into!"
"You freaking pervert!" I yell. "Are you… are you trying to get me to do something inappropriate on camera? Like Princess Sonia? You know she never lived that down!"
"I don't know what your problem is—but I'm one of the world's greatest gift-givers! And if you're a bad gift-getter… that's just not something I can fix!"
With that, he lifts a tile, and disappears under the floor. I'm left red-faced and speechless.
Soon, someone's knocking at my door.
"Don't open the present!" Akiko's voice shouts. "Don't open the present!"
Hesitantly, I open the door.
"Gooood morning, Koi!" Akiko says cheerfully.
"Um… hi, Akiko," I respond.
"So," says Akiko, "you didn't do something silly like open that present, right?"
"Um… sorry…"
"Ugh!" Akiko groans. "Koi, c'mon! Monokuma gives you a weird gift for some weird reason, and you open it right away?"
"Yeah… I kind of regret it, honestly…"
Akiko sighs. Then she rushes past me, reaches the present, and slaps on a sticky note with my name on it. She picks up the present, shakes it a bit, and walks to the door.
"Hey—wait a moment!" I say. "What're you doing?"
"Sorry, Koi!" she says. "Hold that thought for a moment." She inhales. "CAPTAIN!" she shouts. "WE'VE GOT AN OPEN ONE!"
She stands there for a minute.
"Um…" I start.
But then Mizuki comes, and takes the present away.
"Wait, what—"
"Sorry, Koi!" says Akiko. "But I'll need you to stay right there for a moment. Okay?"
She runs down the hall. "Don't open the present!" I hear her shout.
A few minutes later, she returns.
"Ugh!" she says. "You and Emi both! I thought the two of you were smarter than that!"
"I'm sorry!" I repeat.
"Aw, it's fine!" Akiko says, suddenly her cheerful self. "But, um… this was going to be a normal room check, but I'll have to peep around a bit harder now, just in case. Sorry!"
She starts peeping around.
"So… why did Mizuki take my present?" I ask.
"Hm?" says Akiko. "Oh—oops! I forgot to tell you—we're having a mass opening!"
"A… mass opening?"
"Yep! We're opening everyone's presents in front of everyone, so that we can all try to figure out what Monokuma's up to! Isn't that smart? The Captain thought it up all on her own!"
"Um… okay. But… couldn't I just bring it myself?"
"Nope nope nope! Since you opened the box, you could replace the gift with something else! We had to take it as quickly as possible. The Captain's really great at thinking about little details like that!"
"Y-yeah…"
"Can you believe her? Beauty and brains. It's almost unfair. All I have is beauty!"
Akiko continues searching. "She got bullied a lot in school," Akiko says softly, "because people thought she was too stuck-up, and demanding, and stuff. I think they just didn't like looking at her and realizing that good people exist—because then they'd have no excuse for not being one."
"People really are cruel," I mutter, feeling sorry for Mizuki.
"That's why she's so shy and quiet now," Akiko continues. "She's terrified of drawing too much attention to herself. She accomplished a lot from the shadows, but… being in front of people is a different thing." Akiko sighs. "I'll draw her out of her shell eventually, though. I've just gotta keep pinching those little cheeks as hard as I can!"
Finally, when I'm all dressed and ready, I leave my room for breakfast.
Jun is on his way, too, and ends up walking beside me. "Hi, Jun," I say.
He nods curtly. "Guess we're the stragglers, huh?"
"So," I say, "did you open your present?"
Jun sighs. "Yeah," he says, scratching the back of his neck. "To be honest, I'm pretty sure Monokuma is making fun of me."
"I know, right!" I exclaim, relieved that it's not just me. "What a jerk!"
"Yeah," says Jun. "I know I eat too many of those damned potato chips. No need for him to rub it in my face like that."
"…Potato chips?"
"That's what I got. Just a plain old bag of potato chips."
"Oh…"
"What did you get?"
"We should probably hurry up!" I squeak, picking up the pace.
When we reach the cafeteria, I see that all the knives have been pushed to the walls. They're also organized into piles of equal size. Jun and I take our seats. Shingo and Ryu are at their usual spots, at small tables near the First Mates. Each small table has a pile of presents.
Soon, Akiko stands up and draws everyone's attention.
"Okay, guys!" she says. "So, we have some things to discuss!
"First of all—thanks again for approving the Pirate Code last night! This crew is really coming together! And if you even think about breaking the rules, just remember—our Captain has powerful yakuza connections!"
Ryu grins and cracks his knuckles menacingly.
"And now—an update from the Quartermaster on the whole knives situation!"
"There are exactly 1,103 knives," says Shingo. "All identical, eight-inch cutting knives. Maybe I'm paranoid, but I get the feeling Monokuma chose a prime number just to make them harder to sort." He pushes up his glasses. "But I did sort them, and I took a good, hard look at every pile. If any of them have been altered in any way, I'll know more or less immediately.
"Unfortunately, Monokuma would probably restock these knives if we tried to move them out of the cafeteria. But merely sorting them doesn't seem to bother him. These piles haven't been altered since I created them last night—with the Captain and First Mates watching over me, of course."
"Thank you, Quartermaster!" says Akiko. "And now for the main event! Eight of us were good little boys and girls, and didn't open a strange present from an evil teddy bear without asking the Captain first! Eight of you were not good little boys and girls, and… did do that! That's okay, though—we forgive you! Just don't do it again!
"The opened presents… are on this table next to me!" she says, gesturing at Ryu's table. "And the unopened presents… are on that table!" she says, gesturing at Shingo's table. "The Captain's gonna check all the opened presents first, so the rest of us can take a good look at them. And then we'll give people their unopened presents—and we'll look at those, too! Maybe we'll even figure out what Monokuma is planning! Who knows?" She grabs a present. "Okay—Koi Amaki! Looks like you're up first!"
"Um!" I squeak. "Actually… can I go last?"
"Um…" Akiko stammers.
"How come?" asks Naomi.
"I, um," I reply, thinking, "I just… want to see what everyone else got, first."
"And why should you be an exception?"
"The order doesn't matter, right?" says Hiroto. "So, why not just let Koi go last?"
I smile at him. He smiles back. I realize I might have just fluttered my eyelashes a bit without thinking. Oh well.
Meanwhile, Mizuki mutters something.
"Okay, Koi!" says Akiko, putting my present under her chair. "Your request is accepted!"
I sigh with relief. Actually, that was a spur-of-the-moment request, and I'm not sure if it was a good one. Well… hopefully, once we've seen everyone else's stupid gifts, mine won't seem so bad in comparison.
"Rin Ono!" says Akiko. "You're actually up first!"
She puts the white box in front of Mizuki, who takes off the lid. She takes out… another box? This one's pink and plastic. She opens it.
"It's a makeup kit," says Rin. "It actually has, like, some interesting colors? I'm, like, excited to try it out later."
"Ummmmm… oops!" says Akiko, wearing a nervous smile. "I guess I should've said this earlier, but… there's no way we can let any of you keep any of these presents."
There's some grumbling.
"Sorry!" says Akiko. "But you have to admit—this is totally suspicious! Why is Monokuma giving us presents all of a sudden? If we don't know, we need to be on the safe side! Right, Captain?"
Mizuki nods.
"This is such fucking bullcrap," says Rin.
"Were you really planning to wear makeup Monokuma gave you?" Naomi bites back. "Regardless of the Captain's orders, I just don't think that's wise."
"Yeah!" says Akiko. "It could be poisoned, or something!"
Rin rolls her eyes. "What. Fucking. Ever."
Wait… was this an insulting gift? Is Monokuma telling Rin that she wears too much makeup? It's definitely less insulting than my gift…
Anyway, it's Kenji's turn now. Mizuki opens his present, and pulls out… a book.
"It's a study of ancient East Asian languages," says Kenji. "I was really excited to read it—I've always been curious about that sort of thing, but it's not my area of expertise at all." For the first time since I met Kenji, he actually sounds animated about something. "Do you really have to throw it out? I mean, a book can't be poisoned, or anything… right?"
"Captain?" says Akiko.
Mizuki considers this.
"In past killing games," says Shingo, "Monokuma has sometimes left hints and clues for students to discover. If he gave someone a book, there may be something like that in there."
"Um," says Mizuki, "well, m-maybe we should…" As usual, her voice fades away.
"Okay!" says Akiko. "So, all of these gifts will be kept safe in the Captain's room, but only some of them will be thrown out on trash day! The rest, we'll keep until we can… figure out what to do with them! So the Captain has declared!"
But, like… the book has to be a troll, right? I'm sure that if Kenji actually read it, he'd realize it was just a bunch of stupid gibberish… right?
"Makeup?" says Ryu. "Books? This shit's child's play. Akiko, get out my gift next. Show 'em what a real present looks like."
Akiko gives Mizuki the present. She opens it. And pulls out…
"The best fuckin' gift a man could ask for," says Ryu. "Fuckin' seltzer water."
"Eff yeah!" says Yuna.
"And not just one bottle," says Ryu. "Fuckin' two bottles! That's double the hydration!"
"Flip yeah!"
"Okay," Akiko says nervously, "but, um… we'll definitely have to pour this down the drain, though. It might be poisoned!"
"That's okay!" says Yuna. "You can get some from the vending machine later! Maybe even three bottles!"
"Three bottles?" says Ryu. "Shit, this day just keeps gettin' better and better."
Jun's gift is next. Mizuki pulls out… yep, it's a bag of potato chips.
"Those are definitely poisoned!" says Yuna. "They're poisoned with high sodium and empty calories! You need to dispose of them right away!"
"No biggie," says Jun. "Another trip to the vending machine."
"What's up with these vending machine gifts?" says Tsubasa. "I thought Monokuma said he wasn't a cheapo."
"I know, right?" I reply a bit too loudly. "These gifts are all totally insulting!"
Yeah, that was too loud. Everyone's looking at me.
"Well, not all of them," says Tsubasa. "My gift kicks ass. Show 'em, Akiko!"
Akiko gives Mizuki the present. Mizuki opens it.
"Game guides?" says Jun.
"Right on!" says Tsubasa. "These are old-school strategy guides for the old-school games in the Ultimate Hacker's Office! They were written forever ago, so they're way hard to find!"
"I guess we'll put these in the 'figure out what to do with them later' pile," says Akiko. "Right, captain?"
Mizuki nods.
Now I'm wondering what the hell is going on. Why does everyone else like their gift? Why am I the odd one out? That makes it even worse! Ugh, this sucks…
Well, Momoka's gift is next. Maybe she'll get something stupid. I've actually reached the point where I'm hoping she does… I'm sorry, Momoka!
Mizuki opens the present, and pulls out… some kind of rock?
"Hmm," says Momoka. "It's ambergris. You can use it as a fixative in perfumes. It's pretty rare, too…"
"Wow, that's pretty neat!" says Akiko.
"Mhm," says Momoka. "It grows in sperm whales' intestines…"
Mizuki drops the ambergris and shuts the box, her eyes wide.
…Well… that was slightly stupid, maybe? But Momoka seemed to like it…
Emi has the last opened gift. Mizuki lifts the lid, and takes out… a metal box. The door is open. Mizuki reaches inside—but there's nothing in there.
"An empty safe?" says Naomi.
"So it seems," says Emi. "Guessing the correct combination was a simple matter. However, when the door swung open, I found that there was nothing inside."
"This is a strange one," says Shingo. "Do you have any idea what it means?"
"Ah, well," Emi says. Her smile shrinks a bit; it actually looks normal now. "It seems Monokuma has exposed me. This is not a part of myself I like to share."
She pauses.
"Lately," says Emi, "I've taken to collecting safes, and locking my art away in them. I've developed some… irrational fears. My family is on the verge of losing… everything, in truth. Nothing I own is secure. When I leave my delicate origami works exposed, I'm plagued with anxiety. I do what I can to stave those feelings off. Though, it's merely psychological."
She's smiling slightly. This is the most genuine display of emotion I've seen from Emi.
"Emi…" Yuna begins. But she doesn't seem to find the right words.
"I'm sorry you had to share that before you were ready, Emi," Akiko says, misty-eyed. "But… I'm happy that you did share it. Because… I really wanted to be your friend. And now that you're opening up to us, I feel like I just got a little closer with you."
"Thank you for understanding," says Emi. "You may dispose of the safe, if you wish. I don't truly need it."
"Exposing a part of yourself," Shingo says contemplatively. "Could that be the theme of these presents?"
"Hard to say," says Ryu. "I gotta admit, though. I've learned more about Kenji and Emi in the last few minutes than I did in the last few days."
"I'm learning all sorts of things about everyone," says Jeff. "It's like each present tells me something about who that person is!"
At this point, I'm starting to hope that I'm the first murder victim.
And that it happens soon.
"We can start opening these presents now," says Naomi. She grabs a present from Shingo's table; this one still has the red ribbon wrapped around it, bow and all. "Do you want to start us off, Akiko?"
"Yep yep yep!" Akiko cheers. "Gimme gimme!"
Wasn't she misty-eyed just a moment ago?
Naomi gives Akiko the present and a pair of scissors. Akiko cuts off the ribbon, opens the box, and pulls out…
"A compass?" says Tsubasa.
"Yay!" says Akiko. "I love compasses! Whether they're the normal type or the Ultimate Moral type!"
"Um," Mizuki mutters, "but… you can't keep it, though…"
"I know, I know! Just let me check something real quick." Akiko looks down at the compass in her hand. "Okay! North is exactly where I thought it was!"
"You already knew?" asks Naomi.
"Oh, I get it," says Hiroto. "You knew because you've studied the Hope's Peak layout before. Right?"
"Nope!" says Akiko. "Nothing like that. I just always know which way is north!"
"Always?" Shingo repeats, raising an eyebrow.
"Yep! No matter where I am, I always know where north is!"
"How the heck do you know that?" asks Yuna.
"I just do!"
"Um, guys?" says Tsubasa. "I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm starting to think that Akiko might be a sea turtle."
Next, Naomi opens her own present. She pulls out…
"That's a nice pen!" says Hiroto.
"It's more than nice," Naomi says, turning the pen around in her hands, staring at it longingly. "This is extremely high-quality. It must cost a fortune. I… I know I can't keep this, but… if I could just try it once, maybe…"
"Um," Mizuki mutters, "I-I'm sorry, but…"
"Right, right. I understand," Naomi says, putting the pen down, sighing.
She takes another present from the table, and gives it to Mizuki. "This one's for the Captain," she says.
Mizuki cuts the ribbon, opens the box, and pulls out…
"Holy shit!" says Tsubasa.
"I did not expect that!" says Jeff.
"Is that a fucking taser?"
"It sure as hell is," Ryu says, smirking.
"Awwww, look at her!" Akiko coos. "She liiiiikes it!"
It's true. Mizuki has a gleam in her eye that I've never seen before. She's looking at the taser in her hand like it's a new puppy or something.
"Ohmigosh thatissoCUTE!" Akiko squeals. "Someone so cute and nice getting all googly-eyed over something so rough and dangerous…" She covers her eyes. "No, I can't look! Put it away, Captain! It's just too cute!"
"Um," Mizuki mutters. "I-I suppose I shouldn't use this…" She sounds disappointed, though.
Yuna's up next. She opens her present, and pulls out a bottle of…
"Olive oil?" Tsubasa guesses.
"Not just any olive oil," Yuna says, smiling widely. "It's extra virgin olive oil! The healthiest kind! You can put this on just about anything, and it'll become delicious and nutritious!"
"I'm learning all sorts of things today!" says Jeff.
"Olive oil, huh?" says Ryu. "I'll make a mental note of it."
"Finally—some good flipping food!" says Yuna. "Let's try it out tonight!"
"Let's not," Naomi retorts.
"Sorry, Yuna," says Akiko. "But this is definitely going down the drain. It might be poisoned!"
"Aw, come on!" says Yuna. "No matter what, we get our food from Monokuma anyway! How is this any different?"
"It's completely different," says Naomi. "He gave you this present personally, for mysterious reasons."
"It's alright, Yuna," says Ryu. "We'll find a substitute."
Yuna pouts, but she can't really do anything about it.
Takeru's next. He opens his present, and pulls out…
"A familiar weapon," he says, holding it carefully.
"Um," Tsubasa says nervously, "is that a toy ninja star, or…?"
"Looks like the real deal to me," says Ryu.
"Please put that away," Naomi says sternly.
"Very well," says Takeru. "In this place, I must rely on taijutsu alone."
Soon, Jeff is opening his present. He pulls out… some kind of mask.
"Oh," says Hiroto, "is that a kabuki mask?"
"It's a kabuki-style mask," says Jeff. "But… this definitely isn't used in any plays. It's a mask of Slicer, the bad guy from Adolescent Deformed Ninja Tortoises."
"ADNT?" says Takeru. "You are familiar with those great documents of shinobi lore?"
"Yeah, I loved those cartoons as a kid!" says Jeff.
Takeru smiles at him. "We shall get along well, I believe."
Why do I feel like I'm being cheated on…?
Shingo's next. He pulls out an expensive-looking digital camera.
"What the hell!" says Tsubasa. "You get a fancy-ass camera, and Jun gets some frickin' potato chips?"
"I'll survive somehow," says Jun.
"This would make my job as Quartermaster a lot easier," says Shingo. "It's a shame I can't use it."
"Um," Mizuki mutters. "We c-could try experimenting, a little…"
Hiroto's the only one left. This is my last chance. It needs to be something totally, irredeemably stupid, or else I'm screwed. Sorry Hiroto! Please, please get something weird!
Hiroto opens his present, and pulls out…
"What is that?" asks Yuna.
I'm… not sure either. It's some kind of… glass cube. But there's a marble inside?
"It's a puzzle," says Hiroto. "A 3D maze. This one's more complicated than usual—it uses the entire cube, not just the edges. And… it looks like there are hatches, and other obstacles. It would take a while to solve this."
"Do you like puzzles, Hiroto?" asks Jeff.
"I'm kind of a puzzle aficionado, actually," Hiroto responds. "This sort of thing is right up my alley."
"Makes sense," says Jun. "Being an attorney is a bit like a logic puzzle."
"Huh," says Tsubasa. "Yeah, I can sort of see that now."
"Hmm," Momoka drawls. "I feel like I've gained a new perspective…"
"That does seem to be a theme here," Shingo says, touching his chin contemplatively. "Each gift sheds some light on the recipient. By viewing these gifts, we're seeing new sides of each other."
"Our wants and desires," says Takeru. "Our souls and spirits. These objects express the inexpressible."
"Well," says Hiroto, "Monokuma did say that our gift 'reflects who you are deep down.' Maybe that wasn't hyperbole. Evil as he is, Monokuma does seem to know us pretty well."
"But why?" asks Shingo. "I still don't understand. What's the point of all this?"
"Monokuma probably wanted us to use these gifts," says Naomi. "In which case—just by refusing to use them, we may have already spoiled his plans."
"Yep!" Akiko agrees. "And more than that—we used it as a chance to learn a little bit more about each other!"
"So," says Jeff, "I guess the real present… was the friends we made along the way!"
"Maybe that was Monokuma's plan," Shingo speculates. "Displaying our weaknesses."
"I doubt highly that," says Naomi. "And even if it's true—I think it backfired."
"Totally!" says Akiko. "In the end, all these presents did… was make us closer! Because each present says something about who that person is!"
"Are you sure about that, though?" I pipe up.
Everyone looks at me.
"What do you mean?" asks Naomi.
"W-well," I stutter, "m-maybe if you look at these gifts hard enough, you'll realize that they're actually… huge insults!"
"Insults?" says Shingo. "How so?"
"Um, l-like… Jun! You said—you said those potato chips were totally insulting, right?"
"That was my first impression," says Jun. "In retrospect… it's just a bag of chips."
"But—but still, though! Maybe if you… really thought about it…!"
"Koi, are you okay?" says Hiroto, looking concerned. "Your face is a bit red."
"A bit red?" says Tsubasa. "She's like a frickin' tomato!"
"Hahahaha, really?" I squeak. "Hahahaha, I didn't even notice! Hahahaha!"
"Wow, I've never seen a face that red!" says Jeff.
"It's totally unhealthy!" says Yuna. "Koi, you need to lie down!"
"Hahahahaha, no way!" I squeak. "I'm fine! Really! Hahahahaha!"
"Um, you do not look fine," says Rin. "Your face looks ready to fucking explode."
"C'mon, Koi," says Hiroto. "Let's go to the nurse's office. You're definitely not well."
"Hahahaha! No, it's nothing! Hahahahahahahahaha!"
"Come to think of it," Shingo says, brow creased, "we never opened your present."
"Oh, yeah!" say Akiko. "I left it under my chair, so I totally forgot!"
"Hahahaha, are you sure?" I squeak. "Didn't we open it already? Hahahahahahahahaha!"
But it's too late. Akiko has given the box to Mizuki.
"WAIT!" I scream.
They wait.
"Um…" There's only one option left. "Is it okay if… only the Captain and First Mates look at it?"
I receive some strange looks. Akiko and Naomi look at Mizuki. Mizuki glances at each of them, then looks at the present. She nods.
Carefully, Mizuki removes the lid. She, Akiko, and Naomi all lean forward, and peek into the box.
"Oh my goodness!" Mizuki gasps, recoiling, her hands on her suddenly-flushed face.
Akiko bursts into hysterical laughter.
Naomi's brow furrows. She sighs. Then she breaths in, and shouts: "MONOKUMA!"
"Monokuma appears!" says Monokuma, suddenly bursting in through the door.
"What exactly is the meaning of this?" Naomi asks, her voice stern, pointing at my gift. "Even by your standards, this is petty."
"Th-this is sexual harassment!" says Mizuki, who's more fired up than I've ever seen her.
"AAHAAHAHAHA!" Akiko laughs, still in hysterics. "It's. SO. BIG! AHAHAHAH!"
Meanwhile, I'm staring into the abyss, waiting for the sweet release of death.
"Awuuhh?" says Monokuma, tilting his head. "Am I being accused of something?"
"You know what we're talking about," Naomi snaps. "This is not the kind of gift that a boy—ursine or not—gives to a girl whom he isn't intimately familiar with."
"It—it's totally inappropriate!" says Mizuki.
"I knew you were a monster," Naomi scoffs, "but I didn't know you were a lecher."
"Oh, no—I'm being MeToo'd!" Monokuma says, sweating. "I need to defend myself, or I'm done for!" He tilts his head. "Well… the thing is, I use the same method to choose every gift. It's my secret, S-tier gift-choosing method that never fails! …Okay, maybe every once in a million years, that method will come up with a stinker or two. But that's the exception! If my gift-choosing method isn't working for you… you're probably just a bad gift-getter!"
"What the hell are you talking about?" asks Shingo. "What method?"
"I just told you, it's a secret!" says Monokuma. "I don't need extra competition! We level 100 gift-givers are a jealous bunch!" His face softens. "Let's just say that… this method is so great, it's almost like you're choosing a gift for yourself! But even better, 'cuz it's a surprise!"
"You're not making any sense at all," Naomi says, still glaring.
"Oh, now I see what you guys are doing!" says Monokuma, displaying his claws. "You're trying to steal my gift-choosing method! No—I won't let you! This is my method! If you wanna be a level 100 gift-giver like me, you'll just have to work for it!"
With that, he opens the door, and exits the cafeteria.
"What in the world did he mean?" asks Shingo. "A 'gift-choosing method'? One that's 'like you're choosing a gift for yourself'? The way he worded that was… very odd."
"Forget it," Tsubasa says, sighing. "It's Monokuma. Who knows what anything he says means?"
Meanwhile, Mizuki is staring into the box, with a scarlet face and wide eyes. "Can… can something like this really fit…?"
"Oooooookay then!" Akiko says, quickly closing the box. "I think our Captain's cute little innocent eyes have seen enough for today!"
"We're definitely disposing of this one," Naomi mutters.
I decide to just cover my burning face and not look at anything or anyone, and just… pretend I don't exist. I'm so hot that I might vaporize into nothingness, which would be nice.
"Hey, Koi?" Rin whispers, leaning toward me. "You can like… borrow some of mine, if you want."
I pretend not to hear her.
I'm lying in bed. My face is still burning.
I'll have to face people eventually, though…
Maybe I should go talk casually to someone. It might help take the edge off things.
-FREE TIME-
I decide to visit the Ultimate Moral Compass's Office.
When I enter, I see that there's only one person in here. Mizuki—the Ultimate Moral Compass herself. She's sitting at her desk, reading a book.
"Hi, Mizuki," I say.
She briefly glances at me, and mutters something inaudible.
"Um…" I say. "I was thinking that maybe we could… hang out a little?"
Mizuki doesn't look up from her book. Again, she mutters too quietly for me to hear. But I think I see her nodding a bit.
"So, what're you reading?" I ask.
Mizuki mutters.
Ugh. This is going to be hard…
I walk all the way over to Mizuki, until I'm standing above her. For a moment, her eyes pop open too wide—she looks panicked. But she tries to hide it.
I look at the cover of her book.
"The Metaphysics of Morals, by Immanuel Kant," I recite. "Well, I've never heard of that before, but… I'm guessing it's some sort of philosophy book?"
Mizuki nods. "It's about the ph-philosophy of ethics and d-duty…"
She's trying to speak up now. Even so, I end up kneeling so that my face is closer to hers.
"You're interested in… that kind of thing?" I ask.
Mizuki nods. "I th-think a lot about the n-nature of duty, and what it means to be m-moral…"
"Yeah, I guess that makes sense," I reply. "So, what does Kant say about those things?"
"K-Kant believed in a moral f-framework centering on adherence t-to the categorical imperative… h-he believed all moral maxims should b-be universalized…"
"Oh, I see." I have no idea what she's talking about—but I'm glad she's actually talking to me, for once.
"F-for example…" Mizuki pauses. "Koi… if a m-murderer came to your house… and a-asked where your friend is… and your f-friend is inside… would you l-lie, or tell the t-truth?"
"What?" I say. "Obviously, I'd lie! I'd never sell out my friend like that!"
Mizuki's still staring at her book, though she's not reading. "I th-think a lot about… problems like that," she mutters. "In which d-different morals c-conflict…"
Problems of conflicting morals? I think there's a term for that…
Not moral conundrums…
Not moral enigmas…
"You mean moral dilemmas?" I say.
Mizuki nods.
"But… this one's hardly a dilemma, though," I say. "No moral person would ever tell a murderer where their friend is! That'd be a total betrayal!"
Mizuki hesitates. "K-Kant disagreed," she mutters. "H-he believed that lying is a-always wrong, n-no matter what."
"Seriously?" I say. "But… that's way too strict. Even if lying is usually wrong, there are definitely exceptions."
"K-Kant believed that lying… t-treats others' humanity as a means, rather th-than an end in itself… it c-can't be universalized, so it's a-always wrong…"
"I'm sorry, but—I don't understand that at all. It makes no sense to me."
Again Mizuki hesitates.
"I understand," she mutters. "I d-don't know if I agree, but… t-telling yourself that y-you're an exception… to a m-moral rule… seems much too c-convenient…"
She's getting quieter again. I can barely hear her.
"I get how that might be a slippery slope," I admit. "But—that doesn't mean exceptions don't exist! You have to use your own judgment, sometimes."
Mizuki hesitates.
"Koi," she mutters, "you… shouldn't have l-lied this morning…"
"What?" I say, taken aback. "When?"
"Shingo said th-that we hadn't opened your p-present… and you c-contradicted him…"
"Hey, what the heck?" I snap, standing up straight. "Why is this about me now?"
"P-people are too quick to l-lie," Mizuki whispers, barely audible. "You should t-try to be more honest…"
"Oh, c'mon!" I snap, fists clenched. "I just blurted that out in the heat of the moment! I wasn't going to hide my present forever, okay! And—and you don't know the position I was in! Don't start judging me if you're not standing in my shoes!"
Mizuki's eyes widen.
Suddenly, she drops her book on the desk, stands up—and makes a beeline for the door.
"Mizuki!" I shout. "Wait! Don't go!"
She stops in the doorframe—but she looks ready to sprint out. My anger is gone. "C'mon," I implore. "I didn't mean… just forget about it, okay? I'm sorry I yelled at you."
Mizuki hesitates.
Nervously, she closes the door, and walks back to her chair.
Then she picks up the book, and starts reading again.
She's… shivering?
Did she think I was actually going to hurt her? Like… physically?
This poor girl… just how much bullying has she endured?
I understand now, though. For a moment there, I really felt like I was under attack. Like I was being judged. I wanted to lash out, and stop that judgment at the source.
No wonder Mizuki gets bullied so much. She holds a mirror up to people… and they don't like what they see.
I don't know if Mizuki and I got any closer today. But I learned a little more about her. That's a start, right?
Well, after a… somewhat traumatizing morning, the rest of my day ended up going fine. Everyone really does seem to be getting along.
At 9 p.m., Mizuki does my nighttime room check. It's over quickly, though. She just walks around in my room, looks around a bit, and… "Okay," she says, briefly making eye contact with me, but then looking back down. "E-everything seems fine in here, so…"
"That's it?" I ask.
"W-well, um…" The poor girl is straining herself to speak up—but I can still just barely hear her. "These room checks are… t-to make sure you're okay, and… t-to help us… get to know each other…"
It's true—I still don't know Mizuki all that well. I want to rectify that, but… I don't know what to talk about. And it's clear that she doesn't, either.
"Um…" Mizuki mutters. "N-Naomi says that you like her manga…"
"Oh, yeah!" I say, eager to grasp onto the subject. "I have some Moonboys Daily in here, actually! You can borrow the first volume, if you want."
"I… don't usually read manga, b-but… if it helps me understand Naomi…"
"I think you'll like it a lot, actually. You'll totally relate to the main character!"
Once again, I'm the manga dealer, and Mizuki leaves with the volume I gave her.
That went pretty well. In fact… everything is going pretty well. After just a few days, I'm already starting to think of these people as my close friends. I'm also spending every day with my crush… and I think I might actually have a chance with him.
We're supposed to be trapped in a "killing game"—but that's a total bust so far. They started us off with a really lame motive that's easy to ignore. Monokuma gave us weird gifts, and put a bunch of knives in the cafeteria—but we have competent leaders who foiled all his plans. They've kept our pirate ship running smooth and tight.
Yeah. Everything is working out. Together, we can win this. We're on the path to victory.
There's really nothing to worry about.
So…
So why…?
Why do I have this feeling…?
Why…?
Why do I feel like something terrible is about to happen?
Author's Note: i-it's not like I want to tase you, or anything… baka!
Coming up next: nothing important, probably.
STUDENT E-HANDBOOK: REPORT CARDS
~·~·~
Female students:
~·~
Koi Amaki
• Ultimate Fangirl
• 5'4"
• Eyes: hazel
• Hair: auburn; has an ahoge
• Outfit: navy-blue sailor fuku with a red necktie; pixelated Kyoko and Chiaki earrings; a pixelated Kaede pin in her headband
• Freckles
The protagonist. An otaku who loves the Danganronpa franchise—among other things.
Her gift: …
~·~
Rin Ono
• Ultimate Golfer
• 5'10"
• Eyes: gray
• Hair: blonde (bleached)
• Outfit: a white button-up shirt that isn't buttoned all the way up, and a short skirt
• Tanned skin, and glossy makeup
A gyaru who was raised in deep poverty. Her golfing skills have brought her fame and fortune.
Her gift: a makeup kit.
~·~
Naomi Shimizu
• Ultimate Mangaka
• 5'6"
• Eyes: reddish-brown
• Hair: red; tied up in a professional-looking bun
• Outfit: a businesslike suit
• An intense gaze
She's written award-winning manga since she was a child. Her works span nearly every genre.
Her gift: a nice pen.
~·~
Emi Togami
• Ultimate Origamist
• 5'7"
• Eyes: blue
• Hair: black; clipped up in a traditional Japanese style
• Outfit: an elegant red kimono
• A pink origami flower in her hair
She's often smiling—but what's behind that smile?
Her gift: an empty safe.
~·~
Akiko Narumi
• Ultimate Sailor
• 5'4"
• Eyes: pink
• Hair: white; pixie cut
• Outfit: a sailor fuku with a white top, blue necktie, and short blue skirt; a white sailor hat
• Very white skin
Despite her albinism, she's sailed around the world several times.
Her gift: a compass.
~·~
Mizuki Tenshi
• Ultimate Moral Compass
• 4'11"
• Eyes: green
• Hair: light-brown; pigtails that begin below her shoulders and reach down to her legs
• Outfit: a plain, black dress, with a white collar, and a skirt that goes down to her ankles
• Small
She's very shy, and very quiet. But she cares a lot about enforcing the rules.
Her gift: a taser.
~·~
Yuna Koyama
• Ultimate Dietician
• 4'8"
• Eyes: violet
• Hair: violet; tied up in a ponytail
• Outfit: a white lab coat that goes down to her knees
• Tiny
She can be pretty annoying—especially if she finds you eating junk food.
Her gift: olive oil.
~·~
Momoka Ito
• Ultimate Perfumer
• 5'2"
• Eyes: dark-brown
• Hair: blue; frayed, tangled, and disastrously unkempt
• Outfit: a yellow sweatshirt that's too large, and a navy-blue skirt with little tears in it
• Looks like a mess, but smells amazing
She seems to barely have a grip on reality. As if she's drifting through life on good smells alone.
Her gift: ambergris.
~·~
Male students:
~·~
Hiroto Oshiro
• Ultimate Attorney
• 6'1"
• Eyes: blue
• Hair: dark-brown; combed back a bit
• Outfit: a black suit, and a navy-blue tie
• Tall and broad-shouldered
He hates seeing people locked in a cage, even if they've done something wrong.
His gift: a complicated 3D maze.
~·~
Ryu Minamoto
• Ultimate Yakuza
• 5'9"
• Eyes: green
• Hair: dirty blonde; greased back
• Outfit: an expensive-looking striped suit, and a black tie
• Looks tough—but he has a charming smile
Heir to the Minamoto Clan. He's pretty friendly, despite his family's notoriety.
His gift: seltzer water.
~·~
Kenji Sasaki
• Ultimate Linguist
• 5'8"
• Eyes: brown
• Hair: black; slightly unkempt
• Outfit: a normal, dark gakuran uniform
• An all-around regular-looking guy
He speaks over 300 languages—but he's not much for conversation.
His gift: a book on ancient languages.
~·~
Jeffrey Silverstein
• Ultimate Kabuki Actor
• 5'9"
• Eyes: blue
• Hair: brown; short
• Outfit: white t-shirt, and blue gym shorts
• Strong-looking, though not too bulky
A good-natured, optimistic American who's loved kabuki theater since he was a child.
His gift: a kabuki-style mask.
~·~
Tsubasa Haneda
• Ultimate Speedrunner
• 5'4"
• Eyes: green
• Hair: yellowish-green; spiky; sticks out in all directions
• Outfit: baggy jeans, and a loose, black t-shirt with a game controller design on it
• Several earrings. A sort of punk vibe.
A gamer who's easy to get along with. He's very straightforward, and tends to speak his mind.
His gift: strategy guides for classic games.
~·~
Jun Mujun
• Ultimate Hacker
• 6'2"
• Eyes: brown
• Hair: black with blue highlights; hanging around his head in big, messy locks
• Outfit: jeans, and a leather jacket
• Tall and lanky. Bags under his eyes.
An enigmatic genius. It's hard to faze him.
His gift: potato chips.
~·~
Takeru Tao
• Ultimate Child Caregiver
• (not a ninja)
• 5'7"
• Eyes: violet
• Hair: violet; sticking straight up
• Outfit: a full black bodysuit, and a green camo vest
• Headband has a metal plate over the forehead; the Hope's Peak crest is carved into it
He seems to think he's a ninja. Kids love it. His parents don't.
His gift: a ninja star.
~·~
Shingo Chiba
• Ultimate Accountant
• 5'11"
• Eyes: gray
• Hair: black; well-groomed
• Outfit: a black suit with a bowtie
• Thin-rimmed glasses
An orphaned prodigy. He's literally accounted for everything.
His gift: a digital camera.