A/N: Originally requested by mashmaiden . Once again, this ignores some canon events. Or assumes that they are resolved.
"I thought your mom was coming tonight," Callen said, wandering over with a plate full of food to join Kensi, Deeks, Anna, and Nell in the living room. In honor of Anna and Callen's engagement, Kensi and Deeks had planned a celebratory cookout.
Naturally, Sam had automatically taken on the role of master barbecue chef while the rest of them contributed less exciting elements of the meal. Eric had supplied a pretty impressive cake/cookie hybrid which they had devoured well before dinner.
"She has a‒" Deeks made a revolted face‒"date."
"I didn't know she was dating anyone," Sam commented while Kensi made quick, frantic jerking motions across her neck. "Since she dumped the last guy for being too conservative."
"Neither did I until about a three weeks ago," Deeks said, taking a long drink. "When Arkady let it slip."
"Wait, why was my father talking about your mother's relationship?" Anna asked, clearly confused. "I didn't realize they even knew each other that well."
"Oh, they know each other." Deeks shuddered and glanced at Kensi who looked resigned.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"What he means is, we may not be the next couple down the aisle," Callen explained with a massive grin, clearly enjoying Deeks' distress. His comment drew a round of confused expressions from everyone else but Nell who let out a delighted gasp.
"Oh my god! Roberta is dating Arkady Kolcheck?" she stage whispered, pressing a hand over mouth.
"Deeks, please tell me you're joking," Anna begged, glancing between him, Callen, and Kensi. "Arkady would tell me about this, rights?"
"I wish I was joking." Deeks said with a deep sigh.
"Well, that certainly sounds like a recipe for disaster," Sam commented as he took a sip of his beer. Kensi glared at him, but he just shrugged. "What, it's not exactly a match made in heaven.
"How long has this been going on for? How did it happen?"
"Apparently they met at the bar, started talking and things went on from there," Kensi told Anna in a calming tone, putting her hand on Deeks' shoulder before he went on a tirade. She'd heard more than her fair share in the last few weeks. Of course, she'd figured that Anna wouldn't be delighted to hear the news, but hadn't expected such a strong reaction.
"They started out with zoom dates and now they drink vodka together," Callen revealed with a significant nod.
"I mean that sounds innocent enough," Nell said encouragingly.
"No, it's not. My mom has stayed over at Arkady's house. And apparently they have yoga dates." Deeks shuddered again.
"I don't even want to think about what that might be a euphemism for." Anna waved her hand at Sam's comment and made a disgusted face.
"Sam, please. I'd rather not think about my father's sex life any more than I have to."
"Unfortunately, both our parents were very…open on that subject," Deeks told her with a commiserating look. Beside her, Callen was shaking with not so silent laughter.
"I don't know why you think this is so funny," Anna said, glaring at him. "You let my father stay at your apartment last month."
"So?"
"So what if he had some company…?" Anna trailed off with a satisfied expression as Callen tilted his head, beginning to look a little concerned.
"Ooh, and you only have the one bed and a couch," Kensi pointed out.
"No…Roberta wouldn't do that."
"Hey, as much as I love her, my mom has like zero boundaries."
"The same goes for Arkady."
"That's messed up," Sam said, chuckling as he shook his head and grinned at Callen.
"I'd buy some Clorox wipes," Nell suggested, patting his arm. Callen gave her a horrified look.
"Or a new couch."
"Good point, Sam." Deeks nodded, apparently past his distress and disgust. Callen didn't look so well though.
"You guys are terrible friends," he muttered, glaring at Anna and Deeks the most.
"I'm sure you'll feel much better once you disinfect the entire apartment," Anna told him, kissing his cheek.
"Don't forget the sheets," Deeks added, earning a heartfelt groan from Callen.