Chapter Seven
I'm on my way
Driving at 90 down those country lanes
Singing to Tiny Dancer
And I miss the way you make me feel, it's real
When we watched the sunset over the castle on the hill
Bella POV
I was putting my coat in my locker when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I jerked away and turned, seeing Emmett hold up his hands.
"Hey, it's just me." He said quietly and I exhaled, smiling.
"Oh, hey." He smiled and leaned against the lockers.
"I hope last night was okay." He told me and I gave him a confused look.
"What do you mean?" I asked and he shrugged, looking around the hall before looking back to me, speaking quietly.
"Well, you know…I kind of felt bad that you fell asleep and I just…left." He told me and I laughed.
"As opposed to…staying the night and giving my dad a welcome home heart attack?" I asked and he chuckled.
"No. I don't know…I just felt like…" he trailed off and I smiled.
"Emmett. Its not like you slept with me and took off. I fell asleep watching the movie and you went home. We're good." He looked down, nodding. "You ok?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Yeah…just didn't sleep well." He mumbled and I nodded, putting my hand on his arm. I gave it a squeeze and took my books out of my backpack before stuffing it into my locker and closing it.
"Heyyy Emmy. How was your weekend?" I saw Emmett sigh, looking up as Jessica stopped beside him. I saw her check him out before throwing a glare at me. I looked around, trying to avoid her judgemental gaze and heard Emmett clear his throat.
"Good. Wasn't it, Bella?" he asked and I looked to him, seeing him smirk. I smiled and nodded.
"Yeah, it was amazing." I told him and Jessica scoffed.
"You spent your weekend with Bella. How great." She said sarcastically, throwing me an angry smile. Emmett nodded.
"Yup." He said with a clipped voice. She smirked at me and shrugged.
"Well, I guess it's nice that someone makes sure she gets a meal." She shot, tossing Emmett a smile.
"See you in English, Emmy." She said with a wave before going into biology. I looked to Emmett who glared at her back.
"How does she-"
"She doesn't." He said, shaking his head. "She's just being a bitch. Ignore her, ok?" he told me and I sighed, nodding. I saw Alice skipping over to us with Jasper in tow.
"Morning Bella!" she said grinning, holding Jasper's hand. I smirked to them and nodded.
"Morning."
"So. Alice tells me you didn't get home 'til 10 last night." Jasper said, looking to Emmett. He rubbed his neck and glanced to me.
"Mmhm." He acknowledged and I looked to Alice who grinned.
"Pretty late study date." Jasper commented and I laughed.
"Why does it have to be a date?" I asked and he shrugged.
"I don't know, to bug Emmett." Jasper told me and I laughed.
"Fair enough." Emmett gave me a mock glare and nudged me.
"I'll see you in English." He told me and I nodded, waving goodbye to Jasper. Alice and I went into biology to find Jessica in the desk beside Alice's. Alice smiled to her and pulled my arm to the back. She picked two empty seats and sat down, motioning for me to sit too.
"Ok, now that I finally have you alone, spill it." She gushed and I gave her a confused smile.
"Spill what?" I asked and she rolled her eyes, grinning.
"You and Emmett." She whispered and I felt my eyes go wide.
"Wait, what?" I asked and she nodded.
"Clearly something is…up." She said with a wink and I laughed.
"Uh…no. Definitely not." I told her and her smile fell.
"What? But what about all the touching and closeness. You guys even slept in the same bed Saturday night." She said and I furrowed my brow.
"How did you know about that?" I asked and she smirked.
"You just told me." She said with a wink and I groaned.
"Really…there's nothing going on with your brother. We are just friends." I told her and she pouted.
"Oh come onnnn. You two are completely adorable. I've never seen him act like this before." She told me and I shrugged.
"Yeah, but he doesn't date and right now I'm not up for dating either. And even if we were up for dating… he wouldn't date me." I said with a laugh and she furrowed her brow.
"Why do you say it like that?" she asked and I shrugged.
"It's a sweet sentiment Alice, sorry to burst your bubble." I said and she sighed.
"Couldn't even humour me." She pouted and I laughed.
"Ok, ok. He's completely gorgeous and adorably sweet. In a different life I'd totally date him." I told her and she grinned.
"Yay!" she said, clapping her hands and I laughed, opening my books. Biology and calculus were uneventful and seemed to drag on forever. I said goodbye to Alice and set off for English, when I felt Jessica brush past me and walk quickly ahead. I rolled my eyes, taking my time. I came into class to find Jessica sitting in my seat, anxiously watching the door for Emmett. I was looking around for a new seat when I felt an arm around my shoulders.
"Hello, beautiful. Someone in your seat?" he asked and I looked up to see Emmett smiling down to me. I shrugged.
"It's fine." I said quietly and he shook his head.
"Come with me." He led me to our seats and nodded to Jessica's usual seat.
"I believe you're in the wrong chair." He told her and she pouted up to him.
"No, I wanted to be partners today." She told him, sounding like a child. He shook his head.
"I have a partner. So get out of her seat." He told her calmly and I looked down to my shoes, feeling super uncomfortable. She huffed and glared at me, getting up and snatching her books. She stomped up to her seat and Emmett smiled to me, straightening my chair.
"You didn't have to do that you know." I told him as I put my books down, taking a seat. He shrugged.
"Yeah, but I get to hang out with you and annoy her. Two birds, one stone." He said and I laughed.
"So, just so you know, Alice was bugging me about you in bio." I told him and he looked to me curiously.
"About me?" he asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, she thought something was going on between us." I told him and he shook his head.
"Oh, Alice. What did she say?"
"Just that she thought there had to be something going on between us because of how close we are. Then she tricked me into telling her our…sleeping arrangements…from Saturday." I said, keeping my voice low so people like Jessica couldn't hear, no matter how hard I could see her trying.
"Oh…and what did you tell her?" he asked hesitantly and I smiled.
"Oh don't worry, I set her straight. Told her there was definitely not anything going on between us like…ever." I told him and he looked to his books, his face serious. I put my hand on his arm.
"Hey…no worries. I wouldn't destroy your prospective hook ups by letting dumb rumours get out." I joked and he nodded, not looking to me.
"Oh…great. Thanks." He told me and I looked back to my books, not sure what I did wrong. Maybe he just didn't want people to think there was anything between us? I would have to make sure I kept my hands to myself in public from now on. I know he was too nice to say it but Aaron always did. I was a reputation killer.
Emmett POV
I looked to my books feeling really weird as we listened to the teacher talk, setting up a partner study session. The heaviness in my chest was something I wasn't used to feeling. The thought of Bella telling Alice there was no way we would be together bothered me for some reason…even though it was entirely accurate. I wouldn't ever date Bella. And there was no way in hell she would date someone that looked just like her abusive rapist of an ex boyfriend. I felt pain radiating from my chest and sank a bit lower in my chair. As much as I knew it was never in the cards…it hurt to know she would never want me to touch her that way. And it really bothered me that it bothered me.
I didn't want Bella sexually or romantically, so what did it matter? I glanced to her, remembering last night. I slept terribly without her. I had a very intense inner battle with myself when I was sitting on her couch with her sleeping against me. To go home, or to carry her up to her room and stay the night. I wanted so badly to stay…the feeling of her against me giving me this weird comfort that I'd never experienced before. But I knew it would be a terrible idea. Not only would we both get in shit from Charlie but I was also afraid to give into that feeling. I didn't know what fueled it and part of me was terrified to find out. When Bella joked earlier that I hadn't slept with her and left…it hurt to even consider. Bella isn't like the girls I usually hang out with. I'd never forgive myself if I did that to Bella.
I glanced to her, feeling something in my chest that I just wanted to bury deep down and never think about again.
"Wow, she really hates me, doesn't she." She commented, snapping me from my thoughts. I glanced to Jess and saw her shooting daggers at Bella from her spot a few rows up as we started our partnered discussions. I shook my head.
"Ignore her." I said quietly and she glanced to me, opening her book.
"You two uh…really have a thing going eh?" she asked and I felt my brow furrow.
"God no…what makes you say that?" I asked and she shrugged.
"Well you two have…been together…right?" she asked and I found myself wishing I could tell her no. I sighed, looking down.
"Uh…I mean…yes." I said hesitantly and she nodded.
"More than once I'm assuming." She said and I glanced to Jess disgusted with myself.
"Mmhm." I replied and she nodded.
"Well, sorry to be the one to tell you this, but I think she's into you." She said with a smirk and I shrugged. "You really have never thought about it?" she asked and I shook my head.
"God, no." I told her quickly and she made a face.
"So…why sleep with her?" she asked and I paused, not really knowing what to say.
"Well…I mean I don't want to sleep with someone I'd actually end up with feelings for. I just want hookups…no risk with someone like Jess." I told her and she nodded, looking back to her books.
"So you guys are still hooking up then?" she asked and I glanced to Jess and thought about my answer. Truth be told, I hadn't hooked up with anyone since Bella moved here. Not that I hadn't had the opportunity…but I just wasn't in the mood.
Did I ever want to hook up with Jess again?
"No…uh…no we aren't." I told her. I was surprised by my answer. I wasn't about to stop living my life because I made a new friend…was I? Bella gave me a surprised look and nodded.
"Oh, my mistake. I'm sorry if I'm prying, I was just wondering. You seem to really hate her and I just didn't know why you'd hook up with someone you hate." She explained and I nodded. Part of me didn't know how I was ever going to hook up with someone again. Hanging out with Bella just sounded way more fun.
"Yeah…I don't know. The clinginess kind of ruined it. She just wants to finally be the one to get me to commit. She doesn't even actually know me." I said bitterly. She watched me for a moment before she nodded.
"That's fair." She told me and I looked to my books. I didn't want to talk to Bella about my hookups anymore. I just wanted to enjoy her company.
"So, what are we supposed to be doing?" I asked and she laughed.
"Pretty much just discussing our assignments and what we got out of The Edible Woman." She told me and I nodded.
"So was the Chief happy to not see me this morning?" I asked and she smirked.
"Oh, definitely. He burst into my bedroom when he got home." She told me and I chuckled.
"So you made it up to bed then?" I asked and she nodded. I had covered her up and left her sleeping on the couch. I felt bad but I didn't want to risk waking her. I remembered she said she didn't often sleep well and she was so peaceful.
"Yeah around two." She told me and I nodded.
"Sorry again about leaving you on the couch." I told her and she smiled, looking to my hand, but not reaching out.
"It's really ok. I wasn't upset." She told me and I nodded.
"Maybe one day he wont be so opposed to it." I said without thinking and her eyes snapped to me.
"Oh so you are planning on giving my dad a heart attack then?" she asked and I shrugged, laughing. I didn't want to elaborate, not knowing why I even said that.
We chatted until the teacher got our attention to introduce our new book and go over the homework. We packed up as the bell rang and grabbed our new books before leaving the classroom.
"Lord of the Flies." I read and she smiled to me as we walked down the hall to my locker.
"I really love this one." She told me and I smiled.
"Maybe we can read it together?" I asked and she nodded, giving me a soft smile.
"Of course." We stopped at my locker and she glanced to her books.
"Here, just stuff them in here and grab them later." I told her, holding out my hand and she nodded, handing me her books. I shut my locker and we walked in easy discussion to the cafeteria. We met Alice and Jasper at a table.
"You guys go ahead, I still don't know what I want." Bella told us and I nodded, giving her space to decide what she wanted to eat. Having lunch in the cafeteria was a bit overwhelming for her but she always managed at least something small. Alice, Jasper, and I went to grab our food while Bella sat, saving our table. Once we came back, she stood and pointed to the salad bar.
"I'm just going to grab a salad." She told me and I nodded, watching her walk away.
"Nice job bugging Bella this morning." I told Alice who held up her hands.
"Hey. You're the one sleeping with her." She said and Jasper almost choked on his sub.
"Excuse me?!" He snapped and I glared to Alice.
"We are not sleeping together." I corrected and Jasper narrowed his eyes.
"You'd better not be." He said in a low tone and I shook my head.
"We aren't." I said, a bit more glumly than I had intended.
"Oh Jazz, they would be cute together." Alice told him and he shook his head.
"Uh, no." he said definitively and I sighed, looking to my own sub. "No offence… but come on. Emmett doesn't date, remember? And my cousin is not some hookup." He explained and I nodded.
"Yeah, I got it." I said quietly, knowing I wasn't good enough for someone like Bella. I felt Alice touch my arm and glanced up to her.
"Are you ok?" she asked, her face concerned. I nodded.
"Yeah, of course." I said and she sighed, her face twisting into a sly smile.
"Well, Bella's answer was pretty adorable." She told me and I looked to her, confused.
"What do you mean?" I asked and Jasper looked up, curiously.
"Oh I can't violate the code of girl talk! But…it was interesting." She said and I felt something inside me perk up at that.
"She's into Emmett?" Jasper asked, glancing to Bella and Alice giggled.
"I wouldn't go that far." She said with a smirk but gave me a wink. I looked up to watch Bella at the salad bar to see Edward approaching her.
Bella POV
"Hey, Bella." I looked up to see Edward come up beside me and start making his own salad. I nodded to him, not sure what to expect.
"Hey." I said politely and he took a deep breath, turning to me.
"I uh… I wanted to apologize for the way I acted this weekend." He told me and I felt surprise on my face. "I acted like a bit of an asshole." I gave him a smile.
"Don't worry about it." I told him and he smiled too.
"I was hoping maybe one day we could do lunch?" he asked and I looked to him, ready to say no, when he held up a hand. "Not like that. I just mean I'd love to talk music with you. You're really good."
"Oh… um…I mean, sure. But how could you possibly know that from Guitar Hero?" I asked and he smirked.
"Please. I know it came across braggy but…I did apply to Juilliard for a reason. I know music. And I know a fellow musician when I see them." He told me and I sighed, smiling.
"Sure. Yeah, we can do that, on one condition." I told him and he nodded. "No hitting on me." I said and he smiled, laughing.
"Deal." He said and I smiled back. It might actually be nice…he seemed to be genuine. We both finished making our salads and took our trays back to the table.
"Hey, Edward." Alice greeted and I noticed Emmett give him a glare. I sat between Emmett and Edward, giving Emmett a smile.
"Hey guys." He greeted and fell into conversation with Jasper. I was working on my salad, small bite by small bite, when Edward turned to me.
"Have you started the music assignment?" he asked and I nodded, putting my fork down. I could feel Emmett pat my leg under the table and felt a bit more relaxed at the contact.
"Uh…yeah. I started it last night actually." He nodded.
"What song did you pick?" he asked and I shrugged.
"Lose You To Love Me by Selena Gomez." I told him and he watched me for a moment.
"What did you do with it?" he asked and Jasper nodded.
"Yeah, that doesn't sound like you." He commented and I laughed.
"Well…I don't know. Slowed the chorus right down and lowered the register. Set to acoustic guitar. But as I'm saying it… I hate it. Ugh. I haven't had to do this in so long." I said, looking to Jasper. He chuckled.
"You'll get there." I tapped my fingers on the table.
"You know…I did rearrange Mine by Taylor Swift last year. That…that might actually work." I told him and Edward gave me a curious look.
"Taylor Swift?" he asked and I nodded.
"Turned it into like…a ballad." I told him and he seemed interested.
"Could I hear it?" he asked and I shrugged.
"I'm sure I could play a bit in class." I told him and he nodded.
"I feel skeptical." He told me and Jasper chuckled.
"You'll learn not to be." He said, amused. I laughed, glancing to Emmett who was watching me with this…look on his face. I couldn't quite read it but felt his hand on my leg again and grabbed my fork, eating another few bites. I looked to Jasper to see him smiling at me and realized I was drumming my fingers on the table again.
"Oh God, you do it too." Alice groaned and I blushed.
"Yeah, because she's just as awesome." Jasper told her and I laughed.
"Sorry." I told her and closed my hand under the table, not able to get the arrangement out of my head.
"So any plans tonight, Miss Marie?" Jasper asked and I nodded.
"Yeah, actually I'm seeing Jake and Billy." I told him and he smiled.
"Oh yeah?" I nodded.
"Yeah, they are coming over for dinner." I told him and he nodded. I was so excited to see Jacob again, I missed him like crazy. We were just as inseparable as Jasper and I were as kids and to lose that…it hurt. I was hoping we could fall right back into step.
"You said you two were close?" Alice asked and I nodded, smiling.
"Yeah, Jake and I spent like…every summer together." I said and Jasper nodded.
"Yeah, I remember that. Every summer you'd just bounce between sleeping my place or his."
"You slept there?" Emmett asked me and I nodded.
"Yeah, we had sleepovers all the time. We were best friends." I told him, remembering it fondly. I looked down to my phone and smiled, seeing Jake's name lit up.
"Speak of the devil." I said, picking it up.
"Literally." I heard Emmett mumbled. I snickered at his dramatics, knowing he wasn't fond of Jake. Though he never quite told me why.
'Hey, beautiful! I can't wait for tonight! I have a surprise for you. Miss you!' I read his text and smiled.
'I'm so excited!' I replied and put my phone down, hearing Edward and Jasper in conversation again about their physics class. I glanced to Emmett to see him picking at his sub. I looked to Alice who had noticed his behaviour as well and I gave her a confused look. She smiled softly and turned back to her own salad. I chanced putting my own hand on Emmett's leg and he looked up to me surprised, his face slowly settling into a smile. I gave his leg a gentle squeeze and he scooped my hand into his, holding it firmly. He started eating his chips and I took another few bites of my salad, Emmett's grip on my hand never loosening.
I smiled as I walked up to Alice, heading into the change room with her to get changed for phys-ed.
"Hey, B!" she greeted.
"Hey. Um…I wanted to ask." I started, looking around us. We were a bit late so the change room was pretty empty. "Do you know what's up with Emmett? He seems…off today." I asked and her smile slipped from her pretty face. She nodded.
"Yeah…he seems a bit down. He's ok though." She told me and I furrowed my brow.
"But…something is wrong?" I asked and she shrugged.
"Well…yes and no. He hasn't said anything but I know my brother. I think he's just…very contemplative lately." She told me and I frowned.
"Contemplative?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yeah…uh…I really shouldn't go into too much detail but don't worry. He'll be fine." She told me with a smile. I nodded slowly, shifting my focus back to my gym clothes. I knew he seemed off. I hoped I didn't do anything wrong. After a few minutes, I followed Alice out to the gym and saw Emmett talking to Jasper, basketballs bouncing around. I groaned.
"Ugh…it goes from bad to worse." I told Alice who laughed.
"You've got that right." She told me and linked my arm. "Want to have a sleepover next weekend?" she asked and I looked to her.
"Really?" I asked and she nodded.
"Yeah, why not? We could watch movies and do our nails and gossip. It will be fun!" she told me and I laughed.
"Uh…sure. Yeah, that sounds fun." I told her and she grinned.
"Yay! It's a date! You can come home with us on Friday? Just bring a bag to school." I nodded and we stopped in front of the guys.
"You ready for some basketball?" Jasper asked me and I laughed.
"Uh…no. Definitely not." I told him and he grinned, grabbing a ball.
"Oh, come on. You're not that bad." He said and I raised my eyebrows.
"And you're a great liar." I said sarcastically and he chuckled. He and Alice broke off to do passing drills as usual, and I turned to Emmett. He was being a bit standoffish, so I nudged him.
"You ok?" I asked and he looked to me, his face blank. He watched me for a moment before softening. He smiled and nodded.
"Yeah…of course." I looked at him skeptically and he laughed. "What?" he asked.
"I know it's only been like…two weeks…but I know you better than that. Something is wrong." I told him and he watched me again, his eyes amused.
"Yeah…you do know me…don't you." He stated and I shrugged.
"I mean…I'm trying to." I told him and he smiled. He gave my shoulder a squeeze and went to grab a ball, coming back over and motioning for me to catch. We started doing a passing drill and I gave him a confused look.
"So that's it? We're just…not going to talk about it?" I asked and he smiled, shaking his head.
"I'm alright. Just having an off day, but it means a lot that you asked." He told me and I nodded. I'd drop it for now, wanting to respect his privacy.
We had a fairly uneventful class, only one kid getting hit in the nose. I was walking out of the school with Alice, Jasper, and Emmett when I heard someone call my name. I looked up and grinned, breaking into a full sprint over to him. I threw myself into his waiting arms and gave him a tight hug.
"Jake!" I yelled excitedly and he chuckled. I pulled back and he smiled, taking my hand. "How have you been?!" I asked and he nodded, a smile plastered to his face.
"Good…missed you though." He told me and I nodded.
"I missed you too. What are you doing here?" I asked and he shrugged, the others walking over.
"I figured I'd ditched school early and come pick you up." He told me and I nodded, smiling. He turned to the others.
"Hey guys." He greeted. They all said hello, Emmett only nodding. I saw him look to my hand in Jake's, his eyes narrowing. I gave him a smile to reassure him that I was ok, assuming he was being protective about someone touching me. But Jacob was different. I wasn't afraid of him. Just like I'd never be afraid of Jasper…it was just…different.
"We'll see you tomorrow, Bella." Alice said with a smile and I nodded. I said goodbye to all of them, looking to Emmett. He looked to Jacob and sighed, glancing to me.
"Have a good night." He told me quietly and I nodded, feeling uneasy about his mood. He walked back across the lot though and I turned to Jake.
"You ready, beautiful?" he asked and I nodded, smiling. We got into his car and he pulled out of the lot. Before long, he scooped up my hand and I sighed at the warmth.
"I missed you so much." I whispered, tears welling in my eyes. He glanced to me and pulled my hand up to his lips, giving it a quick kiss.
"I missed you too, Bells." He said with a smile. I settled into the seat and looked out the window happily. It felt so good to be back.
We pulled up to my house, my dad's car nowhere to be found. I looked around confused when Jake spoke.
"Your dad's at my place. They got some fishing in and will meet us in a bit." He told me and I nodded. We got out of the car and he followed me up to the house. We came in and kicked our shoes off, dropping our bags by the door. I took my coat off and extended my hand for his. He handed it to me and his smile fell. I put our coats on the rack and gave him a confused look.
"What?" I asked and he walked over, putting his hands on my waist.
"Bella…" He whispered and I looked down nervously. "What did you do?" he asked, pain on his face. I exhaled.
"I uh…I have a problem." I told him and saw tears welling in his eyes. He pulled me into a tight hug and I wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying the comfort of my best friend. My mind flashed to Emmett, wondering if I was slowly becoming closer to him than I was Jake. He pulled away and ran his hands over my arms.
"I feel like you're going to disappear." He said softly and I shook my head.
"I'm not going anywhere, I promise." I said quietly and he nodded, lifting me into another hug. After a few moments he put me down and I admired how buff he had gotten. Jake wasn't a baby anymore…he'd filled out. I touched his now short hair and smiled.
"You cut your hair." I commented and he nodded.
"Yeah…not many girls want to hook up with a guy that has longer hair than they do." He quipped and I rolled my eyes.
"You cut your hair to get laid?!" I asked, laughing and he shrugged.
"Don't tell my dad." He chuckled and I shook my head.
"So…that's who you are now?" I asked and he softened, tossing an arm around me and led me up to my room. He pulled me to sit on the bed and sighed.
"Is that a problem?" he asked nervously and I watched him for a moment.
"No…no it's not. I just…I expected to see my innocent best friend. And here's this buff, good-looking guy that's changing himself to get laid." I said with a laugh and he smiled.
"I'm still the same guy, Bella. Especially with you." He said softly and I smiled. He took my hand and started playing with my fingers.
"So…why uh…why did you stop coming?" he asked and I sighed, knowing it would come up. I watched his large, tan fingers tracing the lines on my palm.
"He didn't want me to see you anymore." I said quietly and he paused. I looked to his face and he was watching me with concern.
"Aaron?" he asked and I nodded. "Why?"
"He saw a picture of us in my room…decided he didn't like how close we were and told me I couldn't come back." I explained and he shook his head.
"Wait…because of a picture? Did he know about…" he trailed off and I shook my head.
"No…no I never told him." I replied and he nodded. No one knew but…Jake and I used to kind of be more than friends. The summer I was here when we were fifteen, Jacob had been my first kiss. We spent the summer making out and holding hands…going on little secret dates and watching sunsets. We knew it would never last though with me leaving…so we never labeled it. That way we never had to break up. When I went back to Phoenix, I met Max and we dated, but he just wasn't Jake. I didn't want to tell Emmett that though…our parents didn't even know. That part of my life is just for Jake and I. At least for now.
After Max, Jake and I kept talking and flirting long distance but then I met Aaron and I was completely smitten. Jake took it hard but we were still close until Aaron made me cut ties.
"I'm so sorry." I told him and he shook his head, grabbing my face with his hands.
"Hey, no. You don't need to be sorry." He told me and I nodded. He looked into my eyes for a moment and glanced to my lips. I felt him starting to move in and I jumped off the bed, backing towards the window.
"Don't." I warned and he looked to me confused.
"Why?" he asked and I shook my head.
"Because you're about to ruin everything." I told him and he stood.
"How? Bella its not like we haven't crossed this line before…we will never be just friends." He told me and I sighed, feeling my hands shake.
"Because I can't be that way with you. I can't be that way with anyone…I can't-"
"What aren't you telling me?" he asked and I watched him for a moment. "Bella you're my best friend. I know you well enough to know when you're not telling me something." He reasoned and I sighed.
"I…he wasn't…good to me." I confessed and his eyes narrowed.
"What do you mean not good to you." He asked in a low voice. I sighed, wrapping my arms around myself.
"He…" but I trailed off.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked angrily. I felt tears slipping down my cheeks and he took a step forward. I took another step back and his face shifted to confusion.
"Why are you…" but he trailed off, his face going blank. "Did he…hurt you?" he asked, and I held myself a bit tighter, my head falling.
"Oh my God." He whispered. I looked up to see tears on his own cheeks. I saw him desperately wanting to come closer but I shook my head.
"I can't…I can't let you touch me if…if you want more. I can't handle it right now." I said quietly and he nodded.
"Bella…you know I love you. I've waited for you for so long. I can wait as long as you need…I just need to be near you." He whispered and I melted. My arms fell to my sides and he raced to me, taking me in a tight hug. I cried into his broad chest and he lifted me up, carrying me to the bed. He set me down and climbed up beside me, pulling me to lay on his chest with his back against the headboard. I took a few deep breaths to relax myself and settled into him. His warm, muscular body was comforting, his familiar scent making me feel like I was home. I closed my eyes as he rubbed small circles on my arms with his finger tips and kissed the top of my head.
This felt so right.
But for some reason, I couldn't help compare this feeling to being with Emmett.
That's when I realized, they both felt like home.
I laughed as he caught the cheeseball in his mouth, shaking my head.
"Don't lie to me. You've definitely practiced." I told him and he chuckled.
"I don't know what you're talking about." He joked and he grabbed another, tossing it in his mouth. He sat beside me on the couch, tossing his arm around my shoulders. We had just finished dinner and our dad's were yelling at the hockey game before my dad had to go into work for 10pm. He had a partial shift tonight to help cover for another guy. I glanced to Jake and he smiled to me, kissing my forehead. I caught my dad's eye and he smiled, turning back to the TV. He'd always liked Jake and at one point asked what I thought about him. I was so happy with Jake…I always had been. But now I felt a wall there. A wall that protected our friendship from romantic and sexual feelings. It was the same wall I'd built with Emmett…except I knew Jake actually felt that way about me.
Jacob was not shy about his feelings. He was usually pretty upfront about his love for me. It made it so easy to be myself with him…and yet made it so difficult now. I didn't want to question if his touches were just loving or if they were advances. I didn't want to question if he was trying to be with me right now. Doing so would destroy us and he was the one glimmer of hope I had at maybe one day having someone in my life to love me and want me. For some reason, Jake's feelings never waivered…and as much as I didn't understand it, I didn't want to question it. It was nice feeling like I was loved by someone, even if I didn't want to act on it.
Emmett gave me similar feelings of comfort. I felt safe and warm with him, feeling protected and wanted. But I knew he would never want me like this. It didn't make sense for him to ever feel that way for me…to feel the way Jake feels for me. I told myself that was a good thing, but truth be told it did sting a bit.
Emmett was everything that pulled me to Aaron and he was everything I had wanted Aaron to be. I was so drawn to Aaron immediately for a reason. He was funny and kind. Insanely handsome and sexy, charismatic, smart, strong. I see everything Aaron used to be and more in Emmett. Like I'd said to Alice…in another life, yeah. I'd want to date Emmett. But in that life I'd actually have a shot with him. I wouldn't be broken and beaten down. I'd be confident and attractive and someone he would actually want.
I glanced to my phone on the coffee table as it lit up with Emmett's name. I felt Jake shift beside me and sigh.
"Ah, yes. Emmett Cullen." He mumbled and I glanced to him. He caught my eye and motioned for me to follow him. We got up and went back up to my room and he closed the door.
"What's up?" I asked, tossing my phone on the bed. He sighed, motioning to it.
"You're really friends with that guy?" he asked and I gave him a confused look. He sat on the edge of my bed and shook his head.
"He doesn't like me very much." He told me and I rubbed my forehead.
"Uh…yeah why is that?" I asked and he chuckled.
"Oh, so he's already laid it on you then?" he asked and I shook my head.
"No not really, he just saw your pictures and mentioned you two don't really get along." I told him, motioning to the pictures above my desk. He glanced to them and looked back to me.
"He's been in here?" he asked and I nodded.
"Yeah…we were up here studying yesterday." I told him and he sighed.
"Just…be careful with him. He's a total player." He told me and I smirked.
"Aren't you a player too?" I asked and he looked up to my eyes.
"Never with you, Bells. You know that." He told me and I nodded.
"And neither would Emmett. We are friends…he makes me feel safe." I told him and he watched me for a second.
"You aren't…into him, are you?" he asked and I furrowed my brow, shaking my head.
"No? He's just been really great with all of this and I know I can trust him." I explained and he sighed, reaching for my hands. I walked towards him and he pulled me to stand between his legs.
"I just don't want to see you get hurt." He told me and I smiled.
"Emmett won't hurt me. And like I said, we are just friends." He nodded, resting his hands on my hips. "So…why don't you two get along?" I asked and he shrugged.
"Honestly? Because he doesn't want to admit he's just like me. A player willing to use anyone until they can get the girl they really want." He told me and I saw the pointed look he gave me. I rested my hands on his shoulders.
"He's pretty open about his hookups… and very adamant that he isn't the dating type." I told him and he shrugged.
"Yeah, and I say the same thing. But what I don't say is that I'm waiting on this…incredible girl." He told me softly. I got lost in his eyes for a moment before suddenly wishing they were blue. "And," He continued. "I'd bet any money its Jess he's waiting on." He said and I laughed
"Definitely not. He can't stand Jessica." I told him and he chuckled.
"Or he's pushing her away because he's afraid of how much he likes her." He reasoned and I watched him for a second. I pushed the thought from my head and shrugged.
"Regardless, I don't see why you two hate each other so much. " He sighed.
"All I know is he likes to hold the 'player' thing over my head, and I'm just bitter that he's being hypocritical." He told me and I nodded.
"I guess that's fair." He nodded and looked back up to my eyes.
"I missed this." He told me, giving my hips a slight squeeze. I started to feel like it was a little too close and went to pull away. He held me in place.
"Shh…its ok. It's just me." He told me and I felt tense but didn't move. In that moment…I wanted Emmett.
"Jake it's too much." I whispered, my eyes welling with tears and he immediately pulled away. I backed away quickly and took few deep breaths. He looked at me with sad eyes.
"It makes me sick that someone touched you that way. I just…I want you, Bella. I want all of you. And I'm ok to wait for you but…that fact that I can't have you because someone used your body like that…" He trailed off, putting his elbows on his knees. I wanted to go to him and hug him and be held by him…I just couldn't. I wanted it so badly. And I couldn't make my feet move.
We heard Billy calling up the stairs and Jake sighed. He stood and looked to me sadly.
"Can I at least hug you goodbye?" he asked and I took a deep breath, nodding. He walked over slowly and took me in a tight hug and my skin felt hot. I knew Jake would never hurt me, but he wasn't giving me the space I needed right now. I let him pull away and watched as he walked out the door.
"Bells! I'm headed to work! You good?" my dad called and I cleared my throat, nodding.
"Yes! Love you, dad!" I yelled back and heard the front door close. I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. I opened them and walked straight over to my phone. I picked it up and opened my texts immediately.
'Hey…hope your night is going well.'
I read the message from half hour ago and quickly typed out a reply.
'Please come over' I waited about two minutes for a reply before my phone buzzed.
'On my way.'
I tossed my phone down on the bed and ripped my clothes off, walking quickly to the bathroom. I needed a shower. I stepped into the scalding hot spray and scrubbed my skin raw, not stopping until the water was turning cold. I took a few deep breaths and shut the water off. I stepped out, grabbing my towel and gently dabbing my skin dry before brushing my hair and towel drying it, wrapping the towel tightly around me. I opened the door and walked into my room, finding Emmett standing nervously beside my bed.
It was so fun to elaborate on Bella and Jacob's friendship! And add some new twists…
Review!