Evermore Chapter Nine, a twilight fanfic

WARNING: This chapter contains adult themes

Chapter Nine

You're 'bout as out of my control as anything has ever been
I'm uncomfortable but lately, I've been kinda fuckin' into it
The way you wrap yourself 'round my body, I think I could live in it
I could live in it

You're not like anything I know or I've known

Bella POV

I took a deep breath as we walked into the kitchen and was greeted by a smile from Dr. Cullen.

"Bella, nice to see you." He told me and I nodded, returning the smile.

"You too, Dr. Cullen." He chuckled.

"Carlisle is fine. How have you been?" He asked and I knew that from him, it was a loaded question. I nodded.

"I've been good actually." I told him and he smiled.

"That's great to hear." He glanced to Emmett as he came up behind me and turned serious. "And is my son behaving himself?" he asked and I laughed, looking at Emmett who rolled his eyes.

"No, he's the worst." I told him and saw Emmett turn to me, his mouth hanging open and I heard Esme laugh from the island.

"Emmett." Carlisle scolded and Emmett held up his hands, eyes wide.

"I didn't do anything!" he said defensively and I laughed.

"I'm joking, he's been great." I told Carlisle who looked to Emmett sternly. "Really. He's been a huge help." I reaffirmed and saw Carlisle soften a bit.

"He'd better be." I laughed and put my hand on Emmett's arm causing him to look to me nervously. I smirked.

"Hear that? You better watch it." I told him and he huffed.

"Har har. With you, Alice, and my mom here I'm really feeling ganged up on." He sulked and I saw Carlisle glance to where I touched Emmett, surprised. I had told him during our appointment that I couldn't handle men touching me, obviously with the exception of my dad and Jasper. I knew it was huge that I was so comfortable with Emmett.

'If he only knew.' I thought, thinking back to the last week. I'd been kissed more by Emmett in the last five days than I had almost my entire relationship with Aaron.

"Aww, poor Emmett." Alice laughed, walking to the table and I patted him on the shoulder.

"We are just trying to keep you humble." I told him and followed Alice, trying hard not to be nervous. I know they all knew and I know they weren't putting any pressure on me to eat but...I still felt like I needed to show them I was improving. And at the same time was continually reminding myself that putting on weight was a good thing. It was hard to see the scale increasing; it felt like a failure even though I knew it was a good thing. We all sat at the table, Emmett sitting beside me, Esme on my other side.

"It smells great, Esme." I told her and she smiled, touching my hand on the table.

"Thank you, dear." She told me and I looked around as she started serving everyone their pieces of lasagna, seeing Alice taking caesar salad and passing it to Emmett. Carlisle grabbed some garlic bread and passed it to Alice. Everything was very quickly coming around and all I could think was:

1. Caesar Salad – loaded with calories and high in fat

2. Garlic bread – fatty carbs

3. Lasagna – more carbs, more salt, more fat.

Bloating. Gaining. That pain in your stomach from overeating and knowing you did a shitty thing. Regret. Hatred. Anger.

I took a deep breath as Emmett set the salad bowl down in front of me, not handing it to me. I was thankful for that, still trying to clear my head. He did the same with the garlic bread and I took a deep breath as Esme went to offer me a big piece of lasagna.

"Um..." I stammered, looking at the heaping piece and Carlisle cleared his throat.

"Let's give Bella a minute." He told Esme who nodded, her face overcome with regret.

"I'm sorry, I didn't meant to-" I shook my head, feeling deeply embarrassed. I didn't want to make a scene.

"No. No it's...it's ok." I told her, trying to save her feelings. After a moment, Emmett touched my arm.

"Want me to make you a plate?" he asked.

"Emmett." Carlisle scolded and I nodded.

"Yes, please." I told him quietly and he nodded. He cut the piece of lasagna into thirds, giving me one small piece. He took half of one of his pieces of garlic bread, putting it on my plate and gave me a small bunch of salad, light on the bacon and croutons. He put it in front of me and I smiled to him thankfully. For some reason, it felt better being handed my food rather than loading my plate up myself. There's always that feeling of...did I take too much? What do they think about how much food I took? Emmett preparing it for me took the shame out of it.

"Thank you." I said, feeling a bit better already. He gave my shoulder a squeeze before taking a bite of his garlic bread.

"It's really good." He told me and I smiled, picking up my piece as well. I took a moment to clear my head before taking a small bite.

"Oh wow..." I whispered. I looked up to Esme who had tears in her eyes as she smiled, watching us. "This really is good." I told her and she nodded.

"Thank you." She said weakly, looking to Carlisle. Emmett nudged me.

"You think that's good, try the lasagna." He told me and I looked to it, feeling a bit nervous. I exhaled, slowly grabbing my fork.

'Put down the fork, fatty.' I heard Aaron say in my head and faltered a moment. I cleared my throat, twirling it in my hand. I glanced to him and he put his hand on my knee under the table and I relaxed a bit at the contact, it bringing me back down to earth. I cut a small bite off and brought it to my lips slowly.

"So how are we going to learn euchre in such a short time?" Alice asked Esme, distracting them. I inwardly thanked her and glanced to Emmett who smiled. Carlisle began talking about the game to Alice and I took a breath, putting the lasagna into my mouth and shook my head.

"Good, right?" Emmett whispered and I held up my hand to him.

"Can't talk, in heaven." I told him and he chuckled softly. I took another bite and the flavour exploded in my mouth. It was the best lasagna I'd ever had. I looked up to see Carlisle watching us closely, a smile on his face. I started to feel the anxiety melt away. They wanted me to eat...they weren't analyzing every bite I took and using it against me. It really did feel like a safe place.

About twenty-five minutes later as everyone was finishing, I looked down to my own plate to find it empty. I looked at it in shock for a moment. I haven't cleared my plate once since arriving in Forks...let alone when it had so much heavy foods all at once. I looked up to Emmett, causing him to turn to me. I looked pointedly down to my plate and he looked as well, his eyes widening and a grin plastered on his face.

"Look at you!" he beamed and I grinned too.

"Did you enjoy it, Bella?" Esme asked warmly and I nodded.

"I really did...it was amazing. Easily the best lasagna I've ever had." I told her sincerely. She gave me a huge smile.

"You're so sweet." She said happily, taking my plate. I sat back in the chair, feeling full but happy. It's amazing what a good meal and support system can do. Esme put the plates in the sink and turned to us.

"Would you like to have dessert now or when Jasper is here?" she asked and I saw Emmett glance to me.

"Let's wait." He told her, knowing I wouldn't be ready for a while. She nodded and started rinsing plates.

"Can I help?" I asked, standing and she shook her head.

"Absolutely not! You sit, dear." She told me and I laughed, sitting back down. I glanced to the white wine they'd put on the table, seeing Emmett take a sip of his.

"Want to try?" he asked and I nodded. He handed me his stemless glass and I took a sip, giving him a surprised look.

"Damn that's good." I said and he nodded.

"Want a glass?" he asked and I thought about it a moment.

"Yeah, sure. But just a small one." I told him. I had wanted to wait to see how much I ate before taking any alcohol but I had surprised myself. Emmett poured me a small glass and I picked it up, taking a sip. I closed my eyes and sighed.

"I haven't had wine in so long." I told him and he faced me in his chair, Alice having gotten up to help Esme.

"No?" he asked and I shook my head. "It would be kind of hard to drink when you don't eat much." He told me and I nodded.

"Yeah, it's not very easy to enjoy at this stage." I told him and saw his eyes soften. He gave my shoulder a squeeze, looking up as the doorbell chimed.

"That's Jasper." Alice told us and he nodded, getting up.

"I'll get it." I turned to see Carlisle watching me from across the table. He gave me a small smile and motioned to the door.

"Can we talk a moment?" he asked and I nodded.

"Sure." I put my glass down and followed him out the sliding door to the covered patio. I wrapped my arms around myself and he led me to the seating area, switching on the fire table. It started blasting heat right away and I sighed happily.

"I just wanted to check in on you privately." He explained and I nodded in understanding.

"No problem." I told him and he watched me for a moment before sighing.

"I can't help but notice that a lot seems to have changed in a very short time." He told me hesitantly and I took a deep breath and nodded.

"Yeah...uh..."

"You can be honest with me, Bella. Emmett is being...sensitive to your condition. Yes?" he asked and I nodded.

"He really is. Emmett has been the most incredible friend to me." I told him and he smiled warmly.

"I'm sure you know this hits close to home for him." He told me and I nodded, remembering their friend.

"Yes, that's what he said. It's been really helpful that he seems to just...know what to do. He makes me feel a lot more relaxed and confident when I eat. I don't feel like I'm doing something shameful when I'm with him. He shares food with me a lot which really helps. I hate eating alone so he's always doing whatever he can to make me feel more comfortable." I explained and he nodded.

"The way he discusses your plate with you helps?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah...surprisingly. I didn't think it would but it just kind of...takes the edge off. It breaks the thought cycle of...this is fattening. This is loaded with carbs. This is empty calories. When he talks about it...it's just food." He nodded.

"That's great to hear. It's not like that for everyone...so I'm glad to hear it works for you. I can't help but notice that you and Emmett are very close." He told me and I felt a little embarrassed.

"Yeah he...we got close very quickly." I told him sheepishly and he nodded, watching me for a moment.

"He isn't...crossing any lines is he?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No, not at all. He's actually one of the few people I can trust not to cross any lines. At first I was very nervous around him...he looks a lot like my ex. But having trusted Emmett with so much of what's going on inside my head...it actually makes me feel calmer and more relaxed when he's close. I feel safer with him."

"Emmett looks like your ex-boyfriend?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah...they have very similar builds, similar features. It really bothered Emmett to see what Aaron looked like but I think the sting has worn off." He nodded slowly.

"It doesn't intimidate you to be touched by someone that looks like your abuser?" he asked and I shrugged.

"At first it did. Emmett was really bummed because he didn't understand why I was always shying away from him but...I don't know. Seeing how upset he was at the thought of me being afraid of him...and watching him struggle with seeing Aaron's picture...it's almost like it dissolved that fear instantly. He showed me why I could trust him. And now it just feels nice being around someone so...familar but who I know would never hurt me." I explained and he smiled.

"If it's working, that's all that matters." He told me and I nodded. "I do have to mention...I know Emmett spent the night at your house Monday." He said and I felt my eyes go wide, my cheeks flushing.

"Oh boy." I mumbled and he sighed.

"Obviously, you're eighteen, you can make your own choices. I just don't want to see you push yourself into something that you aren't emotionally ready for. Especially so quickly." He said, his eyes soft and I nodded.

"Emmett...wasn't there for...an unsavoury reason. I...I had an old family friend over and he kind of upset me. I messaged Emmett because I was home alone and I was having a hard time bringing myself back down." I explained and his brow furrowed.

"What happened?" he asked and I sighed.

"Honestly, nothing really. Jake and I were in my room, which is very normal for us. He touched my hips and I could see it wasn't totally innocent. I tried to pull away and he tried to hold me in place, wanting to calm me down but...I just wanted my space. I told him it was too much and he let me go and apologized, but that split second made me feel just...trapped." I told him, feeling anxious just thinking about it. He nodded.

"Is this friend someone who knows your situation?" I nodded.

"Yeah I had just told him that day." He watched me silently for a moment.

"I would caution you about being alone with him. He may be a good friend to you and maybe he wouldn't cross average boundaries, but you don't have average boundaries right now. If he is someone that cannot recognize when too much is too much, he could hurt your progress. Is this someone you have been intimate with?" he asked and I shook my head.

"No. We had a small fling when we were fifteen but...nothing serious. He's just always held out hope that one day we'd be together and I'm trying to remind him that this isn't the time. I don't exactly know if its even an 'ever'. I don't want to think about anything serious or concrete...I just want simple. With Emmett it's simple." I told him and saw him give me a surprised look.

"You and Emmett?" he asked and I realized what I'd said, my eyes wide.

"Oh...umm..." I trailed off, glancing inside. I could see Emmett and Jasper talking to Alice and Esme, Emmett glancing out to me curiously. I sighed. "I mean when he touches me...as opposed to when Jake was touching me. With Jake it just felt overly complicated. The conversation is heavier because he is so open about how it's not just a friendship to him. He kind of just expects that because I've known him my whole life that we can pick up where we left off. With Emmett...I know when he holds my hand it isn't bogged down with complications or feelings. He only wants to be my friend and there's no ulterior motive, and he doesn't expect anything from me. He knows that I could be ok with one touch and not ok two minutes later. I can tell him I don't like something he said or did and he backs off and fixes it. It just makes the entire interaction so much simpler and really made us close in a short period of time." I told him, successfully omitting our newfound pastime. I was in no way ready or willing to tell anyone that Emmett and I had kissed...let alone Emmett's dad. Even if he was my doctor. He nodded, his face softening.

"That's great to hear, Bella. I'm glad my son is being a gentleman. You seem to mean a lot to him." He commented and I smiled. "You likely remind him of Alice, which is a good thing. We all learned a lot from that experience and I'm sure Emmett is very attached to the idea of using that knowledge to help someone else. I'm sure that helps to fuel your fast paced friendship." I nodded for a moment before my brow furrowed.

"Wait, sorry. I'm confused." I told him and he smiled.

"Using what he learned with Alice and applying it to you. I'm sure that's why he has such a soft spot for you." I watched him for a moment.

"Because...I remind him of...Alice." I reiterated slowly and he nodded. I looked inside and realized the missing piece of the puzzle.

Alice was the friend.

I slowly turned back to Carlisle and cleared my throat, nodding.

"Yeah...um...that must be why. I never made that connection before but... it does make sense." I told him and he smiled.

"Well, if you are ever feeling overwhelmed or need to talk, you can reach me at home or my office. I'm glad to see you are improving, Bella." He told me with a smile and I nodded. He stood and I motioned to the fire table.

"I'm just going to sit here another moment." I told him and he nodded in understanding, disappearing back inside. I couldn't help but feel frustrated. Every time they'd spoken about this 'friend', they couldn't have told me it was Alice? Not that I needed to know...it was likely difficult for them all to talk about. But it made me feel like an outsider. They all knew about me...but I was the only one that couldn't know about Alice? I thought back to every time I was jealous of Alice. She looked incredible...she was petite but still had delicate curves. She looked effortless all the time, and to find out this was her after having beat her eating disorder I just felt like a failure. If she could look that amazing having bounced back not long ago...what was wrong with me?

I looked over, hearing the door open.

"Hey, what are you doing out here in the cold?" Emmett asked, coming to sit beside me. I shrugged, looking to the fire table.

"Just thinking." I mumbled. I could sense his hesitation.

"What uh...what did you and my dad talk about?" he asked.

"Just checked in on me." I said simply and he nodded, watching me for a moment.

"You ok?" he asked and I nodded curtly.

"Mmhm." He sat quietly for a moment before speaking again.

"Did he say something that upset you?" he asked and I shrugged.

"I don't know. Is there something you don't want me to know?" I asked, looking to him. I saw confusion on his face, and he realized I was annoyed.

"What do you mean?" he asked and I shook my head.

"You all told each other about my eating disorder but none of you could tell me that Alice is 'your friend'?" I asked pointedly and I saw his face twist into realization.

"Shit...um –"

"Don't bother." I mumbled, looking back to the fire table. He sighed, grabbing my hand. I went to pull away but he held on tightly.

"Bella, no. Look I can't speak for anyone else but...I just...the only reason I didn't tell you about Alice is because I'm fucking terrified." He confessed and I watched him with narrowed eyes.

"Terrified?" I asked skeptically and he nodded, his eyes turning glassy.

"Yes. I'm terrified that one day she isn't going to be ok again. I'm terrified of her reverting back and having to start over again. It took Alice two and a half years to beat it...she just started showing huge improvements this past summer and...sometimes I'm afraid that if I say it out loud, it's just going to go to shit again." He said weakly and I softened at his pain. "Bella I know it isn't fair that we all found out without your blessing but...I'm not going to apologize for knowing. I'm so glad Jasper told me...otherwise we wouldn't be here right now. I just can't apologize for having the ability to know you. It's only been three weeks and I already don't know what I'd do without you." I sighed.

"I just feel like you guys had so many chances to tell me. I've given so much of myself to you all and...you guys kept this big thing from me. I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm more of an outsider than I realized." I told him, looking to my lap. He squeezed my hand.

"Bella...you're not an outsider. We just...it's just painful to talk about. And I know you're constantly sharing your pain with me...I just...I'm not as strong as you are." He confessed quietly. I turned to him to see his eyes desperate. He shook his head. "Bella I am so sorry. We should have told you. I can't change it...but please let me make it up to you?" he asked and I took a deep breath.

"Don't worry about it. Just...don't tell them I know. Ok? I don't want to talk about it." I told him quietly. He pulled on my hand so I would look at him.

"I am going to make this up to you." He told me softly and I shrugged.

"We're good."

"I can tell we aren't, Bella. I know you better than that and I know you deserve honesty. I don't want to lose you over a stupid mistake." He told me and I faltered.

"Emmett...you aren't going to lose me. I'm just frustrated...that doesn't mean I'm going anywhere." I told him and he quietly looked to our hands.

"But-"

"Can we please just...talk about this later? I just want to go inside." I said, cutting him off. He gave me a sad look but nodded.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered and I took a deep breath.

"I know." I acknowledged and he looked to our hands.

"Can I still...touch you?" he asked quietly and I nodded.

"Yes, just...let it go for now. Pretend it never happened."

Emmett POV

I felt like I'd been punched in the chest. Watching Bella dismiss me like that hurt more than I could describe. I fucked up...I knew it would come out eventually and she would wonder why we never told her but...I didn't plan for it. I should have said something...anything at all...but I didn't. I watched her stand up and start walking to the door so I shut off the fire table and followed, trying not to let my mood show. But I couldn't just pretend it never happened. I was well aware that she was annoyed with me and it made me feel like shit. We walked inside and I saw Jasper look to Bella and smile.

"Miss Marie." He greeted and she smiled back, walking up and hugging him.

"Hey Jasper. I talked them into euchre later." She said with a grin and he nodded excited.

"Wicked. We going to team up and kick their asses?" she laughed and shook her head.

"That's just cruel." She joked and he laughed, nodding.

"Alright, alright. I'll take my beautiful girlfriend here and show her the ropes." He told her, glancing to Alice. She rolled her eyes but smiled excitedly. She really was crazy for him...it was nice to see her so happy. I glanced to Bella and felt that pang of guilt. Even though she was smiling, I could see her falter. I saw her eyes linger on Alice. I could see the way she gave Alice a once over and then looked down to her hands. Almost like she was intimidated by her. I furrowed my brow at the interaction, not understanding what was going through Bella's head.

"But Twister first, right Bella?" Alice asked her, walking over and linking her arm. I watched Bella force a smile and nod.

"Yeah...definitely." she said politely but I could see it was uncomfortable. She was being weird with Alice and I wasn't sure why.

Alice pulled Bella to the living room and opened the twister box, pulling out the mat and spinner. Bella helped her lay it out and glanced to it nervously. She stretched out a bit and walked back to the table to grab her wine. My mom and dad excused themselves to watch a movie downstairs, leaving just the four of us to our game.

"Ok, we will just keep the board at this corner and whoever is closest will just spin." Alice instructed and we nodded. She clapped excitedly and spun the wheel.

"Right foot blue." We all moved. I looked to Bella who was beside me and saw she still wouldn't look to me. All I wanted was to hug her until it all went away. It bothered me how much I cared.

"Left hand red." We all bent down to put our hand on the circle.

"Right foot yellow."

"Right hand green."

"Uh oh, its getting interesting already." Jasper commented, causing us to laugh. I contorted myself awkwardly to make it happen and glanced to Bella, seeing her simply crouch down with a hand on either side of her.

"Why am I making this so complicated? Is this really why I'm so bad?" I asked and Alice laughed, nodding.

"Yeah, pretty much." I groaned and heard Bella laugh. I looked down to see her looking up at me and smiled to her.

"Looking a bit uncomfortable there." She told me and I chuckled, nodding.

"I am, hurry up and spin the wheel, Alice."

"Left foot green."

We played like this for a bit until Jasper knocked Alice over by mistake and she sulked over to the couch to spin for us. After another five minutes or so, we were all still in it.

"Ok, left hand yellow." Alice told us and I watched as Bella bent over in front of me to put her hand down. I tried to ignore the position and crouched to put my hand where it needed to go. "Right foot red." We maneuvered and Bella and Jasper were basically crab walking side by side and I had to lean over Bella to make my colour. Jasper eyed me and raised an eyebrow.

"Well this is fun." He commented dryly and Bella rolled her eyes.

"You good?" I asked her and she looked up to me, her eyes softening. She nodded.

"Yeah, it's ok." She told me and I nodded. Not that I minded being above Bella, but I did need to ask.

"Oh my God, one of you just fall already!" Alice teased and we laughed. "Left hand yellow." She called and Bella moved herself slowly underneath me, trying to get there, just barely making it. I moved my arm slowly, trying to stay up but I slipped right onto Bella, causing us both to fall into a heap on the floor. She landed on her back, my head on her stomach. I was about to rush off of her but felt her shaking with laughter.

"What the hell!" she yelled at me, laughing and Alice clapped for Jasper who had his fists raised in victory.

"I am the Twister Champion!" he cheered and I pushed myself off of Bella, standing and giving her a hand. She accepted it and stood as well, smiling to me.

"Thanks." She said softly and I nodded. I know she said I could still touch her but it felt weird knowing she was ticked with me. She grabbed a sip of her wine and Jasper packed away the board.

"Ok, what's next?" he asked and Alice smiled, grabbing the Jenga.

"Let's play this and listen to some music." She told us and I nodded. I glanced to Bella.

"Hey, want a top up?" I asked and she looked to her glass for a moment before shrugging.

"Sure." I nodded and she followed me to the fridge. I poured her and myself more, glancing to her.

"Are...we ok?" I asked quietly and she smiled, putting her hand on my bicep. I felt butterflies at the skin on skin contact.

"Of course we are. Just relax." She said softly and I nodded. I followed her back to the kitchen table where Alice and Jasper were sitting. Jasper gave me a look and I tried to avoid eye contact. I sat down beside Bella as she took another sip of her wine.

"Drinking tonight, Miss Marie?" Jasper asked her and she nodded.

"Just a bit." She said and he smiled. He pointed to the fridge.

"You guys have beer?" he asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, go for it." He nodded and got up to grab a drink.

"Alice?" he asked and she nodded.

"Wine please, babe." He came back a few moments later with a glass for her and his beer. We started the game and were about halfway built when I noticed Bella drumming her fingers absentmindedly on the table to the song playing on the playlist. I looked up to see Jasper smirk, also watching Bella.

"Hey, Bella." He said, causing her to look up curiously. He gave her a mischievous grin. "Finish it." He told her simply and I saw her eyes go wide and panicked. She sputtered for a second before she suddenly started singing with the song, eyes still wide.

"...Yeah, you used to call me baby, now you calling me by name / Takes one to know one, yeah / You beat me at my own damn game."

I looked between Jasper and Bella confused as to what the hell was happening, but couldn't help but feel surprised at how smooth Bella's voice was.

"You push and you push and I'm pulling away / Pulling away from you / I give and I give and I give and you take, give and you take"

Alice clapped excitedly, watching Bella, who glared at Jasper. He laughed, drumming on the table animatedly.

"Youngblood / Say you want me / Say you want me / Out of your life / And I'm just a dead man walking tonight / But you need it, yeah, you need it / All of the time / Yeah, ooh ooh ooh / Youngblood / Say you want me / Say you want me / Back in your life / So I'm just a dead man crawling tonight / 'Cause I need it, yeah, I need it / All of the time / Yeah, ooh ooh ooh"

How had Bella been hiding that voice from us? She started drumming on the table to the beat with Jasper, giving him a reluctant smile.

"Lately our conversations end like it's the last goodbye / Yeah, one of us gets too drunk and calls about a hundred times / So who you been calling, baby, nobody could take my place / When you're looking at those strangers, hope to God you see my face"

Alice started clapping to the beat, singing along causing Bella to smile genuinely. I could only watch her.

You push and you push and I'm pulling away / Pulling away from you / I give and I give and I give and you take, give and you take / You're running around and I'm running away / Running away from you, from you"

Bella ran her hand across her chest, as if focusing really hard on the notes.

You push and you push and I'm pulling away / Pulling away from you / I give and I give and I give and you take, give and you take / Youngblood / Say you want me / Say you want me / Out of your life / And I'm just a dead man walking tonight"

Jasper and Alice clapped for Bella and she shot Jasper the finger.

"First off, how dare you." She shot at him and he laughed heartily.

"Not that I didn't thoroughly enjoy that...but what's going on?" I asked and Bella shook her head at Jasper.

"He's a cheat, that's what's going on!" she complained and he only laughed harder.

"That's not cheating! I didn't do anything outside of the rules." He defended and she grumbled, taking a sip of her wine.

"Yeah, that doesn't answer my question." I said with a chuckle and Jasper sobered.

"Bella and I have been playing this game since we were...how old?" He asked and she sighed.

"Eleven." She supplied and he nodded.

"Right. Since we were eleven. Any time, any place, we can say to the other, 'finish it'. So they have to sing the rest of whatever song is playing. If you miss a single note – you lose." He explained and Alice looked between them.

"Wait so in the last...seven years, neither of you has missed a note?" she asked and they both shook their heads.

"Not yet. That's why it's getting heated." Jasper said with a grin and Bella scoffed.

"Yes. But we haven't played in two years!" she complained and he shrugged.

"So? Game's not over yet, Miss Marie." He told her and she sighed, rubbing her throat.

"Such a nasty song to sing without warming up first." He chuckled.

"Yeah, but I couldn't resist." He told her and she rolled her eyes.

"You better watch your back, Whitlock." She told him and he winked to her.

"So you're not just really good at Guitar Hero then." I said, looking to her and she took a deep breath before nodding.

"I mean... you're not wrong." She said hesitantly and Jasper chuckled.

"Why the secrecy, Bella?" he asked and she shrugged. "Is something going on?" he asked and she ran her finger around the rim of her wine glass. "Something is going on...what's wrong?" she sighed and looked up to him.

"It's hard to talk about, ok?"

"Why? It's never been hard before."

"Yeah, well...things change." She mumbled. He gave her a confused look.

"Ok now it's not so funny. What's wrong? You're kind of freaking me out." He said and she looked up to him nervously. I put my hand on her shoulder and she glanced to me, and sighed.

"Aaron...was very involved in wanting to pick a career path for me." She started nervously, looking down to her glass. "He...he always told me I could really make it with my talent and started pushing me to work harder and harder on music. One day...without my permission...he sent a demo out to a bunch of labels." She told us and I felt shock on my face. Was Bella really that good? Jasper's brow furrowed.

"He what? So was he like...pissed off about it or something?" he asked and she shook her head.

"Oh, no he was thrilled. Universal offered me a one year writing contract." She told him and we all looked to her shocked.

"What?!" Alice gasped and Jasper did a double take.

"Holy shit...Bella that's amazing! Congratulations!" He said grinning. She shook her head.

"I turned it down." She told him and I saw confusion all over his face.

"What? Why? Bella...why would you-"

"Jasper, that's not what I want. You know this...I've never wanted to be that in the spotlight." She explained and he softened.

"Ok...fair enough. So...what. Now you just...don't want to do music anymore? Just like that?" he asked and she shook her head.

"No...I mean...I still love music. But he was pissed. He likes that kind of attention and after an injury ruined his chances at a football scholarship and scouting...he just...he wanted a golden ticket. He assumed he could put that on me. When I turned down Universal...he was so angry. He figured my college applications could be a last ditch effort but...I don't know. Him trying to control that part of my life was just a lot to handle." She told us and I rubbed my thumb over her shoulder. I didn't even know what to think about this information. It was like I was learning about this whole other side to Bella.

"What do you mean? Where all did you apply?" he asked and I saw her pause.

"Oh...um..." she got nervous, realizing what she had said. I remembered back to our conversation that this was a touchy subject for her. She took a deep breath.

"I applied to University of Seattle for music and English." He nodded, as if he wasn't surprised. He watched her expectantly before she shrugged. "And...Juilliard." she mumbled and I looked to her shocked. Jasper's mouth hung open.

"Wait...you applied to Juilliard?!" he asked surprised. She sighed.

"It was the compromise. He was pissed I didn't take the deal so...he started telling me I'd never get into Seattle and needed to call them back and accept. I made the mistake of mentioning a few weeks later that my music teacher wanted me to apply to Juilliard and he didn't hate the idea so...it was the safe choice to keep him off my back." She explained and I felt my chest ache for her. That's not how planning out your future should go.

"So...you don't actually want to go?" Alice asked and she sighed.

"See that's the shitty part. You apply to Juilliard...what if you actually get in? I literally haven't told anyone I applied there because there's this pressure. You get into Juilliard...you go to Juilliard. But...I never wanted to go there."

"So don't." Jasper reasoned and she shrugged.

"But how do you just...turn that down. That's not just some school...it's not some safety school you don't care about. It's Juilliard. Some small part of me knows that if I get accepted there...it's going to be very difficult to decline that offer." She told him seriously and I felt a bit nervous. That's on the other side of the country.

"Well, if you-"

"No. This is why I haven't said anything...he took it away from me, Jasper. He took the one thing I've always loved and made it his. I'm just trying to make music my own again and that includes figuring out what to do about Juilliard. When the time comes...I need to make that decision without anyone else's advice or input." He smiled sadly to her and nodded.

"I get it. Just...let me know when you decide. Ok? And for what it's worth...I'm really proud of you. You could succeed anywhere...and I'll support you no matter what." He told her and she smiled. I squeezed her shoulder in comfort and she took a deep breath.

"You do have a pretty serious set of pipes." I told her and she laughed.

"Gee thanks."

"So how badly did you want to rub that in Edward's face?" Alice asked her and Bella rolled her eyes.

"Oh God."

"Yeah when he wanted to 'give you pointers' I almost came unglued." Jasper told her and she giggled.

"He's being nice lately. He wants to have lunch next week to 'talk music'." She told us and I furrowed my brow.

"Wait...and you agreed?" I asked and she nodded.

"Yeah, of course. It's harmless...he just wants to take lunch in the music room and hang out." She told us and I felt uneasy. She looked to me and smiled. "And he apologized for last weekend, and agreed not to hit on me anymore. Honestly it was a one time thing I'm sure when he saw Alice was off limits." She defended, looking to Alice and I looked down, taking another drink of my wine. I didn't want to talk about it here, afraid my jealousy would come off a bit too much in front of Alice and Jasper. But I was genuinely worried about Bella. I didn't trust Edward and I knew it wasn't just a one time thing. She sells herself short all the time. I saw Alice give me a knowing look and I turned away, finishing my wine and getting up, walking to the fridge. I grabbed a beer and came back to sit. We continued the game, chatting and listening to music.

"So did you figure out the music assignment?" Jasper asked Bella, who nodded.

"Yeah, I changed my mind again though." He chuckled.

"Always the perfectionist." He teased and she smiled. "What song are you doing now?"

"Hey. It's been so long since I've actually focused on music properly without being...distracted. I'm rusty as shit and feeling indecisive, ok?!" he chuckled again, taking a drink. "But I'm going to rearrange Robyn's 'Dancing On My Own'." She told him and he paused, eyes amused.

"Ooh...ok. ok. That's the Bella I know." She grinned and shrugged.

"Took me a bit...but I got there." I saw Alice on her phone, and heard the song change. Bella smiled, drumming on the table again. We listened for a few seconds before Alice laughed.

"This sounds like something my parent's would listen to." She joked and Bella shrugged.

"Yeah. Because your parents are cool." I chuckled as she took a sip of her wine. I heard footsteps and looked up to see my mom and dad come into the kitchen, smiling.

"Finally some good music." My dad commented and we all laughed.

"See Bella? You're old too." Alice told her and she shrugged.

"I'm in good company." My mom came up and patted her on the shoulder, smiling down to her.

"You guys want to play euchre?" Bella asked and Jasper nodded.

"Yeah, let's do it!" My mom laughed quietly.

"We will be hearing for a week that we crashed the party." She told Bella who laughed.

"Aww, come on guys. Leave your parents alone." She said, with a pointed look at me and I raised my hands in defense.

"I didn't even do anything!" I defended. She smirked and my parents chuckled.

"I can see you have someone finally keeping you in line." My mom told me and I sighed, taking a sip of my beer.

"Yup. You two aren't allowed to hang out anymore." I commented. My mom gave Bella a big grin and I fought off a smile. Inwardly, I liked it. It felt right having them team up and joke around together.

"I see you started on my beer." My dad commented and Jasper got up quickly, grabbing two more from the fridge. He opened them both and put one in front of my dad. He took a drink and smiled.

"I suppose that makes it a bit better. So what are the teams?" he asked, taking a seat at the head of the table. My mom sat opposite him, between Bella and Alice. Jasper looked to Bella.

"I'll take Alice, you take Emmett?" he asked and she nodded.

"Alice and Emmett, you two switch seats." She told us and we looked to her confused.

"Why?" Alice asked, looking to Jasper. He chuckled.

"Partners sit across from each other, babe." She nodded and we both stood up, swapping seats. I looked across the table to Bella. They took a few minutes to explain the game. Alice looked confused so Bella nodded.

"Ok, so you can only play two teams at a time so you guys sit the first round and we will all play a test hand. Jasper can explain what's happening and maybe it will make more sense?" Bella offered and Alice nodded. I watched as my dad dealt and we played a hand. It was confusing at first but as we went Bella gave me pointers and explained what I needed to do and it clicked. I saw my mom smiling to me and I glanced to Bella, feeling everything really intensely. My worlds were all colliding and it was making me feel a lot of things.

We played a few hands, winner playing the waiting team.

"We should change up the music." My dad said as one of Alice's dance pop songs ended. She sighed and nodded.

"Bella, want to pick a playlist?" she asked and Bella nodded. She connected her phone to the Bluetooth speaker and put a song on. I saw my mom smile to her.

"I love this song." Bella grinned and nodded.

"Julia Michaels is a genius." Bella told her and my mom nodded back, tapping her fingers on her cards. As we played Bella started humming along. The song switched to The Glorious Sons - Everything Is Alright and my dad nodded.

"Good song." He said, smiling to Bella. I looked to him.

"You like The Glorious Sons?" I asked and he chuckled.

"Your mother and I went to see them last time they were in Seattle." He said and Bella laughed.

"Oh my God. Your parents are awesome. You can sit with us anytime." She told them and they laughed. Alice and I shared a confused look as our parents started singing along to the song with Bella.

"Who are these people?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"I don't know. But I think they're stealing our friends." Bella laughed at that. We played for a while, going back and forth and Alice and I picked up the game quite fast. After another hour my mom looked at the clock and yawned.

"Well, kids. I think I'm heading to bed." She told us and my dad nodded. We all said goodnight and Bella smiled to me as they disappeared.

"What?" I asked her and she shrugged.

"Your parents are awesome." She told me and I chuckled.

"You keep saying that." She nodded.

"Because it's factual." She said, finishing her third glass of wine.

"You're handling the wine like a champ tonight, Bella." Jasper commented and she grinned.

"Oh I'm definitely feeling it." She confessed and we all laughed.

"It's ten...Bella did you want to have girl time? Or...maybe...a movie?" Alice asked, glancing to Jasper and Bella laughed.

"We can do a movie if you'd like." She told her and Alice grinned.

"Ok!" I chuckled, watching Alice stand and walk around the table to Jasper. Those two couldn't keep their hands off each other. "I'm going to run up and put my pajamas on. Jasper you...want to change too?" Alice asked and I held up my hands.

"Guys! Rule number one! Shut up!" I scolded and Bella laughed.

"Sorry, man." Jasper said quietly, standing and following Alice down the hall. I sighed, looking to Bella who smiled

"I'm going to actually run up and change too." She told me and I nodded, standing up. I reached for her hand and she took it as if it was the most natural thing in the world. I smiled to her, not wanting to question how I got so lucky. I led her down the hall and picked her bag up off the entryway bench, carrying it up the stairs. I took it to my room and put it on the bed. She closed the door behind us.

"You can change in here or in the bathroom if you'd like." I told her and she nodded, opening her bag and taking a few things out.

"I'll just stay here." She said and I nodded.

"Ok, I'll step out." I told her and she shrugged.

"Whatever you want." She said and I gave her a confused look. "I'm literally just swapping out my shirt and pants for a t-shirt and shorts. It's the same as wearing a bikini." She told me and I hesitated.

"Yeah...but...isn't that...weird for you?" I asked and she shook her head.

"You had your hand up my shirt less than a week ago. At least this time I'm actually wearing a bra." She told me and I scratched the back of my neck.

"Uh...true." I said nervously and she laughed.

"What?" she asked and I shrugged, trying not to look at her. Now that I realized I had feelings for her I felt like it was written all over my face every time I looked at her. Remembering my hand sliding up her bare back did not help.

"Nothing...just don't want to make you uncomfortable." I told her and she hesitated.

"If...this makes you uncomfortable then I can go to the bathroom..." I shook my head and sighed, sitting on the bed.

"I'm making this complicated, aren't I?" I asked and she nodded, walking over to me. She stood between my legs and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Relax." She whispered and it felt like I had a lump in my throat. I swallowed hard as she leaned down and kissed me and I ran my hands up her legs, resting on her hips. She kissed me a bit harder and I moaned into her mouth. She gripped my hair and I hissed.

"Fuck."

She giggled and bit my lip and I pushed her hips away from me gently.

"Bella...I cant..." I told her and she looked to me confused.

"What?"

"I...you're driving me crazy here and it's been ten seconds. I can't go another ten without taking your clothes off for you." I said quietly. I saw her eyes flash with excitement but she nodded.

"Sorry..." she said sheepishly and I shook my head.

"Do not say sorry. I just...I can't lose control with you." I told her and she exhaled and nodded.

"I should...change." she told me and I nodded.

"I should...not watch." I told her and she laughed. She moved to the other side of the bed and I kept my back to her, hearing her shuffle around. I took a deep breath, calming myself down. The smallest thing like her hands in my hair or her biting my lip made me want to say fuck the rules and show her what she's been missing out on. I knew that couldn't happen...which was why I needed to keep it as innocent as I could.

"I didn't mean to...cross the line." She told me, coming back around the bed. I shook my head glancing to her clothes tossed onto her bag.

"No, you- is that your bra?" I asked, looking to the nude coloured lace bra on her bag. She nodded to me hesitantly.

"Um...yes? Unless you have the same one?" she joked and I groaned.

"Why..." she looked to me confused.

"I...didn't think I needed it? I...my shirt covers everything..." she glanced down to her oversized grey t-shirt and I shook my head.

"No, I know. Just...now I know you don't have a bra on." I explained and she scoffed.

"Oh you're fine."

"Yeah that's what you think." I told her and she laughed.

"Emmett. Are you really that hard up that me not having a bra on is the end of the world?" she asked and I looked up at her and nodded.

"Yes. That's exactly it." She laughed and shrugged.

"So go get laid." She told me and I felt a pang in my chest at her words. I shook it off.

"More like back you into the wall over there and see how fast I can make your legs buckle." I said and paused, realizing how forward that was. She watched me wide eyed for a second before laughing.

"Wow. An eye for an eye…you play dirty." She commented and I chuckled, relieved she wasn't upset.

"You know, I'm consistently amazed by the things you'll let me say to you." I told her and she shrugged.

"Yeah, well I'm hard up too." She said and I nodded.

"I can help you with that." I told her and she rolled her eyes and smiled.

"Yeah, yeah. Websites. Let's go." She mocked and opened my door. I got up and tossed on a pair of track pants, leaving my t-shirt on. Little did she know, I wasn't joking.

I met Bella at the bottom of the stairs and led her to the basement entrance, leading her downstairs. I saw her pause as we entered the rec room and grin.

Against the far wall was a projector screen TV and a massive sectional, a pool table on the left and a big fireplace on the right.

"Jesus Christ." She breathed and I chuckled.

"My mom has champagne taste." I told her and she nodded.

"I'm moving in." she told me seriously and I tried to ignore how excited that thought made me. We sat together on the sectional and I grabbed the remote.

"Well considering they are still occupied, we get to pick the movie." I told her and she nodded.

"It's only fair." She agreed. I flipped through the streaming apps purposefully.

"Now to find something Alice would hate." Bella slapped my arm.

"That's mean." She scolded and I shrugged.

"So? She's basically ditched your girls night. Doesn't that piss you off just a bit?" I asked and she shook her head.

"Honestly, no. They are really cute and are in that first stage of 'I can't keep my hands off you'. I get it…it's not like they spent the whole night in her room." She told me.

"I guess that makes sense." I kind of knew the feeling…it was hard to share Bella lately and we aren't even dating.

"Besides, I'm not good at that girlie stuff anyway. And she's just going to ask me about you so she's really doing me a favour." She told me with a shrug and I smirked.

"About me, huh?" I asked and she sighed.

"Here we go."

"What about me? How you're just dying to get me alone and be a bad influence on me?" I teased and she laughed, shaking her head.

"Oh yeah because I'm the one that's so hard up I can't even take a little hair pulling." She shot back and I watched her, amused.

"Ok but…that feels really good." I told her seriously and she laughed.

"Ok, so don't do it anymore, got it." She told me with a nod. I grabbed her hand and pulled her closer.

"Well, maybe don't stop altogether." I conceded and she grinned.

"Nope. You're right, I'm a bad influence." She teased and I pulled her into my lap, resting my hands on her hips.

"So I owe you a bit of bad influence to even us out then." I told her, my voice low. She pushed on my chest.

"Emmett! What if they come down?" she hissed and I chuckled, rubbing my hands up and down her sides.

"Please. I'd hear them and I'm sure they are preoccupied." I told her and she softened a bit.

"Yeah…but…" she started lamely and I chuckled, my hands slipping under her shirt and up her sides.

"Something you need to say?" I asked, feigning confusion and she closed her eyes as I ran my hands up her bare sides, circling around her back. "Seems like there's something you're just itching to tell me." I said softly, feeling her shiver as I brought my hands back around to her sides, my thumbs sliding up her stomach. She put her hands on my shoulders and shook her head.

"We…um…"

"Go ahead, Bella. You can tell me anything." I whispered and she wrapped her fingers into the hair at the base of my neck. I brushed the side of her boob with my thumb and she whimpered softly her hips moving slightly. I inhaled at the feeling of her sitting on my lap, my track pants thin enough that the friction was driving me crazy.

"Emmett." She whispered and I pulled her in and kissed her, her lips moving against mine desperately. I groaned as she grinded her hips against me again and she only kissed me harder.

I lightly dug my fingers into her hips and she moved against me again, causing us both to moan. My growing need for her was evident and she could feel it through her shorts.

"Maybe this was a bad idea." I panted, breaking the kiss. I thought I was strong enough to tease her back but it was becoming evident that I wasn't. She just drove me crazy.

"Shhh." She told me, pulling me back in for another kiss. She was straddling me on the couch, her hands still in my hair. One of my hands found it's way up her shirt again and she moved her hips against me as I felt my way up her side. I stopped, my hand resting on her ribs softly pressing against her skin.

"Bella…I can't…" I told her weakly and she shook her head.

"Please." She begged and I twitched against her. She moaned at the feeling and moved herself slowly over me again.

"Fuck…" I breathed, gripping her hip and her side.

"Please touch me." She whispered and kissed me again hard. I groaned, my hand sliding up and covering her breast. She moaned, pulling my hair and grinding against me. I thumbed her nipple, earning another moan and pushed my hips up into her.

"Oh fuck…" she whispered, breaking the kiss.

"Bella are you sure?" I asked breathlessly and she nodded, her eyes closed as she moved over me again. I was about to come undone at the immense pressure building below. I pinched her nipple and she groaned, her hands sliding down and pulling my shirt up quickly.

"Take this off." She demanded and I complied, releasing her and raising my arms. She tossed it onto the couch and admired my chest. "Jesus Christ." She breathed, running her hands over my abs. I pulled her hips down onto me hard, earning a pleasure filled cry from her. She dug her nails into my bare shoulders and moved her hips with mine. I looked up to her face, knowing this was a bad idea.

"Bella, maybe we should stop." I said quickly, stopping her from grinding down onto me again. She looked to me, her eyes confused.

"Do you not want this?" she panted and I shook my head.

"I think it's pretty obvious that I do. I just don't want you to do anything you are going to regret." I explained, giving her a few moments to calm herself down.

"There's no way to know if I will or not. All I know is this feels incredible." She told me, looking down at my chest. I felt her fingers slipping up my abs and pecs, palming my shoulders.

"Bella I don't want to take that chance." I told her, my chest aching at the thought of her regretting me. Bella wasn't just a hookup. Ruining a friendship was one thing but I don't know if my heart would recover if she ended up hating me. She watched me for a moment before sighing. She climbed off me and sat cross legged on the couch. I grabbed my shirt and tossed it back on.

"How many times are we going to push this boundary and just stop out of fear?" she asked and I watched her for a moment, not having an answer. "We say we will only kiss but we prove time and time again that doesn't work. How many times do we have to play this game before we either push it all the way or just stop altogether?" she asked and I felt my heart sink at that realization. She was right…there was only one solution.

"You're right." I nodded and took a deep breath. "Maybe…we um…we should stop." I told her, instantly wanting to take it back. Her eyes turned confused and her face fell.

"You…want to stop?" I shook my head.

"I don't…to be honest I want to do this with you more than I have anyone else before. But…I'm not sure this is healthy for you." I told her and she furrowed her brow.

"Healthy?" she asked and I nodded.

"Bella, it's been three weeks. You need more time. I can't take advantage of the fact that you get caught up in the moment because you could end up hating me."

"How can you possibly know that?" she asked and I shrugged.

"I'm not willing to gamble on it. You're too important to me, Bella. I can't do that to you. I know this one is on me…I made a mistake. But I think it's best if we stop." I told her, hating every second of ending this. I just wanted everything to be ok and to not worry about where a kiss led.

"A mistake." She affirmed and I nodded.

"I never should have tried to mess with you. I got caught up." She nodded hesitantly, looking to her hands.

"Ok." I sighed, taking her hand in mine.

"Bella…I'm not saying never-"

"No, it's cool. This was just a random experiment anyway, right?" She told me and I felt a small pang in my chest at that. I nodded hesitantly.

"Right…yeah." She nodded and sat back on the couch, facing the TV. We were quiet for a moment before I reached for her hand.

"We're...good right?" I asked looking to her and she smiled.

"Of course we are." She said, brushing it off and I felt like there was something she wasn't saying. I glanced to her hand in mine and realized she wasn't holding it back. It just laid limp in my own. I furrowed my brow, glancing back up to her.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked and she sighed, looking to me.

"No, I'm not mad at you. Like you said...it was a mistake. Who am I kidding...I've known you for three weeks. After everything I've gone through I really shouldn't be wasting your time like this." She told me and I gave her a look.

"Wasting my time?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I can't give you what you're used to getting...be it for my reasons or yours. And you could be out right now actually getting laid. Instead you're wasting your night in your basement with-"

"Whoa. Don't even finish that sentence." I told her, shaking my head. "I am not wasting my night. Bella...I love hanging out with you. Why would you even say that?" She raised a brow at me and laughed without humour, taking her hand back.

"Emmett. All we've spoken about all week is how hard up we both are. Why aren't you out with Jess or Lauren fixing your issue? At least one of us can relieve some tension." She told me and I felt my chest tightening again painfully. Now that I knew what I was feeling for Bella, the thought of going out to sleep with any of those girls felt unbelievably wrong. I wanted to be in my basement holding Bella's hand, watching a movie. No matter how badly I wanted to keep going with her, it didn't matter if we did anything or not. I still wouldn't want to be anywhere else.

"I-"

"Hey guys! Sorry we uh...lost track of time." Alice said, interrupting me. I looked over to see her and Jasper make their way over to the sectional. They sat closely, Alice grabbing a blanket for them. I looked to Bella to see she had already dismissed our conversation and I wanted to scream at them to leave. I didn't want to let that be the last thought Bella had about our conversation.

"No problem." Bella told them with a forced smile. Jasper gave her a curious look.

"You alright?" he asked and she nodded.

"Just tired." She told him and he nodded, looking back to the TV. Alice looked to me expectantly.

"Well? Going to pick something?" she asked me and I looked down and nodded, grabbing the remote from beside me. I tossed on Black Panther and Alice groaned.

"We can't watch a romantic one?!" she complained and I shrugged.

"Should have come down sooner." I said a bit more harshly than planned. I saw Bella settle into the couch about a foot from me, which was farther away than usual, and went to grab her hand. She looked at it and smiled dully, patting my hand and leaned forward, grabbing her phone off the coffee table and pulled away. I watched her fiddle around with her notifications and smile a bit more genuinely, typing out a message. I looked to my now empty hands and stifled a sigh.

I couldn't help but feel like I'd just made a huge mistake.

Thanks for reading guys! I just wanted to make sure i got this out there:

I am NOT an expert on eating disorders. I am not speaking from a place of understanding what anyone goes through when they are struggling with anorexia. I am merely creating a story line and building relationships.

If you read: REVIEW!

Songs: More of You by JP Saxe; Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer