Huckleberry Friend

Dear Diary…

Dear Lord, this sounds awfully sissy. How is a person actually supposed to approach the task of writing a diary? Why would anybody ever write down their everyday thoughts? Well, there was a time a while ago when I used to write some of my ideas down but that is different from this, right?

But… I still have to do it. If it can really help me remember sooner, it shouldn't be that hard, right?

Even though - honestly, the whole situation is a bit bizarre. I feel completely normal, like always. If I didn't know that I was missing the memory of the past two years, I wouldn't even have a clue that something was wrong. Or different. And yet… I now know that I am missing a lot. It's completely perplexing. On one side, I want to remember. On the other side, I have absolutely no urge to remember.

Why?

No idea.

The more I find out, the less I recognise myself. I mean, I have a girlfriend! Like, honest-to-God, loving girlfriend! Me! And I swore to myself a long time ago that I would never ever commit to anybody. How am I supposed to react to that fact? The fact that I have a girlfriend whom I apparently love and she loves me back and we live together. God knows what else I'll find out.

And that's also the thing - how am I supposed to act right now? They say I shouldn't be finding out anything about my relationship with Rory because it all happened during the time-frame I don't remember. But she seems like a really important part of my life, it feels like I should know some things, right? She seems interesting. And she is definitely beautiful. And she loves me - at least she and my friends and Honor claim so. How am I supposed to act around her?

There is also another problem - how must she feel about all of this? I know, I am obviously caring for somebody else… it's a shock to me as well. But the question remains - she must feel terrible now. If we really are so close, this can't be easy on her. Although, is there anything I could actually do about it? If I want to remember, I need to follow the rules.

And still… I'm not sure I want to remember. Because everything I have found out until now just terrifies me.

So - what should I do?

The first thing which comes to mind is to start talking to people, find out as much as possible. Then I can maybe reassess the situation.

Okay, time to find out what all has happened.

Oh, and, by the way, my cell says it's Wednesday, April 26, 2006 today. Maybe starting with some time placement would be a good idea.

"Baby bro!" I heard a loud shriek followed by a tsunami of blonde hair when my sister (not so gracefully) barged into my room, "You're awake!" She squealed and decided to hug me, making me wince in pain. So, she remained as over-the-top as she had been two years ago apparently.

"Honor! Easy up a bit!" I groaned.

"Sorry!" She apologised rashly and straightened up next to me, "What is that?" She pointed at the journal which was still on the attached desk next to my bed.

I would have hidden it, had I known she would come this early in the morning.

"Uh…" I started explaining, "It's a journal."

"I can see that," she rolled her eyes, "But why do you have it? Since when do you keep diaries?" She grinned mockingly.

I glared at her, "The doctor said I should be writing down everything I find out and what I observe while I'm recuperating."

"Oh," her mouth formed a little O, "So you still haven't remembered anything?"

"No."

"I really hope you'll remember soon."

"Hon… why is everybody so eager for me to remember sooner?" I asked her something that was bothering me, "What is so different?"

She looked at me thoughtfully, like she was trying to assess whether she should tell me something or not, making me lose my patience that much sooner. "Just spit it out, Honor. I need to know because not much makes sense right now."

"It's just… I'm afraid if I tell you that you won't believe me…" she shook her head.

"Why wouldn't I believe you?"

"Because I didn't believe it while it was happening," she sighed, "I mean, so much has changed. And I know you. Well I know how you used to think two years ago and that's apparently how you think now and that's the reason I'm afraid you won't believe me."

"What would be so hard to believe?" I inquired, "I mean, everybody is telling me that I have a girlfriend and that I am in a committed loving relationship. It doesn't get much more unbelievable than that."

"That's the thing," she sat on the chair next to my bed, "That's why I'm hoping that you'll remember that much sooner so that you don't make any wrong impressions based on what you find out until then. It's different when you experience something and when you hear about it."

I was getting seriously pissed-off now, "Just tell me!" I exclaimed.

She winced at my order and said silently, "You were happy. Like, inexplicably happy. These past year and a half, you were so happy. I have never seen you like that before. No one has. That's why we're all so eager for you to remember sooner."

Huh. Happy.

What does that feel like?

"I can't imagine that…" I wondered, "Why was I happy?"

"Well, besides the obvious…" she smiled then as well, sincerely smiled, "I guess… I guess you started fighting."

I frowned, "Fighting?"

It can't be.

"Yeah, fighting," she nodded thoughtfully before adding wistfully, "You started fighting for yourself but also fighting yourself. It's something I have always hoped for you."

She can't be serious.

I remember dreaming a long time ago of doing that but I never came even close to actually doing it.

"How?" I croaked out, my mind in shambles about the mere idea of fighting.

"Oh…" she teared up, "In so many ways. You'll find out eventually."

"So it has something to do with Rory?"

"Everything does," she smiled wistfully, "You found her and then you found yourself. I know it sounds cheesy but it is like that."

How is that even possible?

She shook her head then, as if trying to get out of her thoughts, "So, where did you get the journal?" She asked, deciding to change the subject.

"I was texting Rory last night and told her that I should be writing down my thoughts and today, when I woke up, there it was on my nightstand, waiting."

Honor smiled earnestly again, "It doesn't surprise me a bit," but then her face fell and she whispered, "I can't imagine what she must be feeling like right now. I have no idea what I would have done if Josh just woke up one day and didn't remember me."

"But what can I do?" I frowned, "Basically, I am not even supposed to be talking to her. I mean… I don't understand any of this, honestly. I don't recognise myself."

"I know…" she sighed, "It just breaks my heart."

I eyed her for a moment, trying to understand literally anything. "Is she coming today?"

Shaking her head in negative, she answered, "I don't think so. She has to pack and study. She has been here beside you since they flew you in from Costa Rica. And… I think…"

"Yeah?"

"I think she just need a breather. This is too much for her as well as it is for you."

"I see…" I muttered, slightly disappointed that she won't be coming today.

"You should see it from her side as well, Logan. This isn't easy on any of us. We will all have to learn how to behave now," she explained, "And, until you get better, you have the guys and me right here with you."

Something occurred to me right then, "Hon… have our parents been here at all?"

"Mom has retreated to a spa in Vancouver, the stress of hearing about your accident has been too much for her," she rolled her eyes and giggled, "Mitchum… well, he's been here."

I can't believe it. "Really?!"

"Yeah…" she started laughing, "You should've seen it. On the fourth day that you weren't waking up, and none of our parents have been here to visit you, Rory blew a gasket and called Mitchum and ripped him a new one. It was brilliant!"

She must be joking.

"You're not serious, right?" I raised my eyebrows, "Nobody who has any regard for their life rips into the Dark Lord."

"Oh, I'm serious," she laughed wholeheartedly, "He came here. He did stay for like five minutes and said that it's no wonder that you ended up in a hospital but he did actually come."

"I can't believe it."

"Neither could I… especially since…"

"Since what?"

"Well… I suppose you should know this," she took a deep breath, "You kind of got out of the Dynastic Plan."

WHAT?!

It's still the 26th. Late in the evening.

So, it seems that dreams do come true. Apparently, my biggest dream had gotten true. I'm still slow on understanding how it had happened but Honor assured me that I am not under Mitchum's thumb anymore.

I spent two hours trying to get more information out of Honor but haven't gotten anything concrete. It obviously has something to do with Rory. Everything does. How am I supposed to find anything out if I can't talk to her?

Oh, and I texted her. I thanked her for the journal and asked why she signed her name with Ace. She answered that I used to call her that but didn't say why. Another huge question mark, of course…

Finn and Colin went back to Yale for a couple of days, they are getting ready for their graduation. I should be graduating now as well but Honor assured me that they have given me the extension to the next semester to graduate, because of the circumstances. She also told me that it's actually great because I was planning on staying in New Haven next year as well but she wouldn't tell me why.

Again - something to do with Rory.

I started getting bored after she left and I couldn't stop wrecking my brain about everything so I decided that I had to found more about Rory. My cell seemed like the perfect place to start. I reread all of our texts in the past three months, there were none before that - I had probably gotten a new phone then because I definitely don't remember this one. The cellphones also developed, obviously.

About the texts - well, they were informative. And really, really interesting. We banter a lot. About everything and anything. From basic everyday stuff to newspaper articles and the latest Finn & Colin shenanigans. And then I stumbled upon the pure gold… apparently we are sexting as well. At least I know now that my sex life is not suffering. I honestly can't imagine what it is like to be sleeping with the same person for more than a year since I have never slept with any girl more than once before. But the sexts - dear Lord… it's weird… like she gets me? Like she is at the same time shy but also full of passion?

When I (finally) went through all the texts I decided to check the photo gallery and what I saw shook me to the core. There isn't a single photo with me on it where I am not smiling. Like really smiling. Honest-to-God happy smile. I can't explain it… I see myself happy on the photos but I can't feel it. Like I haven't known, like I don't know happiness. Maybe I really didn't know it before her. There were also so many photos of her… most of them were of her. Her sleeping, her drinking coffee, her reading a book, her biting her lip, her dancing with my (I guess our now) friends, her, her, her… Then, there were a lot of photos with either one or both of us with a dog. A puppy, rather. Hm.

I texted her then about the dog and she told me that he's ours.

I - we - have a dog!

I mean, lets be real, isn't this a bit too much?! God forbid, we are not engaged or anything like that, right?!

When I gathered my wits after the latest shock, I asked her about the dog. He's a golden-doodle. His name is Moose. I froze at the name because it was the name of my favourite toy when I was a kid. I forgot about the toy a long time ago… I asked whether I had named the dog and she confirmed it. Huh. I asked her what a golden-doodle exactly was and she explained that I wanted a golden retriever (again, another childhood dream!) and she wanted a dog that doesn't shed and is intelligent so we found out about this mixed breed. On my question where the dog was at the moment, she told me that he's been staying with her mum. Another thing I need to find out about - her family. We haven't been texting since her last text.

This day has been exhausting. On the good side, the doctor says that I am recovering just like I am supposed to. The therapist was happy with my journal keeping abilities (I mean, it's not nuclear science, right?) and then we discussed my thoughts about the changes that have happened. He seems like an okay therapist but he is seriously pissing me off with this whole deal about not finding out too much.

I can't wait to go home.

Wait, where do I even live?!

"Logan."

I heard a fairly familiar gruff voice say my name, interrupting my midday nap. Trying to place the voice and see who was so rudely disturbing me while I was hooked up on all kinds of drugs, I slowly opened my eye to look around the room.

What I saw made my eyes open in shock, nearly bulging out of their sockets.

What the Hell is he doing here?!

"It's me, Logan, no need to have a heart attack on top of everything," he chuckled while slowly strutting to the armchair in the right corner of the room.

"Grandfather?" I asked in shock.

"That would be me," he nodded mockingly with a grin (is this some alternative universe?!) when he sat in the armchair.

"What are you doing here?"

They couldn't have given be that much drugs, have they? Am I hallucinating?

"I came to visit my grandson who was badly injured in an accident," the old man shrugged, "What's so surprising about that?"

Um, everything?!

I cleared my throat, "Honestly… you're the last person I was expecting to see here. Did Rory make you come here as well?"

And then he laughed out loud. My grandfather laughed. This must be some other universe. Or a dream. A really sick dream.

"Let me guess," he ventured when he got his laughter under control, "She wreaked a havoc on Mitchum?"

This is just too creepy. "So I have been told," I stated simply and then frowned in question, "Wait, you didn't know he had been here?"

"Had no idea," he shook his head, "It doesn't surprise me, really, Lorelai is a force of nature. I've just flown in from Vienna," he added as simply, "I hear your mind is playing games with you."

"I'm sorry," I shook my head in disbelief, "What are you doing here? I mean…" I spoke slowly, "We don't normally talk. At least we didn't use to."

What the Hell is happening?

"Oh, but we do," he chuckled, "Or did…"

I was losing my shit now, definitely. "Grandfather, just explain, please. I've had about as much as I can with all of the people around me not telling me anything."

"Yes, I heard that some inept therapist advised that you shouldn't be informed in detail about your new life," he rolled his eyes, "That's why I'm here. You need to know some things."

Parallel galaxy? Is this where I am now?

"Like what?"

"Let's just say that some events that had transpired in the past two years have made me change my outlook a bit," he answered simply. Too simple. "I helped you get away from Mitchum's grasp."

WHAT?

"Excuse me," I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What?!"

"It's a long story and I won't get into the details now, at least not too much," he sighed deeply, "It all started when you brought Lorelai to the Huntzberger Mansion for dinner…"

"Wait!" I exclaimed, "I brought her home?"

If I can call that home…

But still, what was I thinking?

He chuckled, "Yes, you brought her home. And the dinner was awful. Your mother had smoked a pack of cigarettes before the main course was even served. Actually, you didn't even stay until the main course," he chuckled (again!), "And I also behaved badly. I'm not proud of it."

"What happened?"

"We just… we told her some things that we never should've. And I have seen reason soon after it and came to apologise to both of you," he shook his head and his gaze got dazed, "Do you remember your grandmother?"

What does she have to do with anything? Of course I remember her, she was the only one remotely normal in our family.

"Yeah… not as well as I would like to, but I do."

He smiled at me, "Yeah, she passed away when you were twelve, it doesn't surprise me that you don't remember her that well," he nodded, "You see… when we heard that you were bringing a girl home and then you introduced her as your girlfriend, we had automatically assumed that she was some gold-digger and said some things that really shouldn't have been said."

"I assumed she was a gold-digger as well when they told me I had a girlfriend, if that's any consolation to you," I added.

"Lorelai is the farthest thing from a gold-digger," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Everyone keeps saying that."

"Because it's true," he said resolutely, "But then, during the dinner, when your mother and me attacked you and, especially, her, you did something that made me rethink my words."

I furrowed my brows, "What did I do?"

"You got up, took her hand and led he away from that Hell-hole."

What?!

"Did you just call the Huntzberger pride a Hell-hole?" I asked in disbelief.

"Of course. The last time that place was even remotely comfortable to live in was when your grandmother was still alive," he shook his head, "But that's beside the point. What you did back then… it made me think of her and it made me think of my actions and behaviour towards you after she died. You see… I was lost when she died. I was still partly working for Huntzberger but I was away a lot, I was travelling to places she loved to visit, only to keep some memory of her alive. You may not understand it now, but she was the love of my life. A total opposite, a partner. Not somebody who would follow me wherever I went. She had her own brain and did the things the way she wanted to. That's one of the reasons why I could never stand your mother."

"What do you mean?" I frowned, "Grandma also didn't use to work."

"You're right," he nodded thoughtfully, "But she did go to college and she did work for a bit before she decided to have a family. Those were different times, Logan. She was planning to go back to work after we had a couple of kids but that didn't go as planned. She couldn't have a child for a really long time and then, when we finally got your father, she didn't want to work anymore. We were aware that we were going to have only him so she decided to stay at home with him. She still helped me with everything connected to the Group, even though she was at home. But then… your father, he just had to rebel. And I had to be strict with him, if I was going to leave him the Group. He's also one of the reasons I never gave too much attention to you and Honor when you were growing up. I had just always thought that he would be raising you as he deemed appropriate."

"I don't understand."

"Turns out, I was wrong… Both of you are the farthest thing from your parents. And that is what I had seen in you at that dinner. You were so nervous when you brought her there and then when we attacked her, it was like you suddenly had an epiphany and just did as you were supposed to. You took care of the girl you cared for. Or were in love with…" he chuckled, "But I think that part came a bit later anyways."

I observed him for a moment, trying to wrap my mind around everything, "I'm missing so much."

"I know," he reassured me, "But I am confident that you will remember soon. Until then, this is what you need to know - I came to you after that dinner and we repaired our relationship. Then, after your father managed to screw things up even more, you just lost it and tried to get away from him and his so-called perfect plan. You didn't succeed at first but then I helped you because I couldn't stand it anymore. He was trying to fit you in some form and it could've never worked because you're nothing like him."

"Was he at that dinner?"

"No…" he shook his head, "He arrived just as you were leaving. His plan started evolving only later. But that doesn't matter now, you'll find it out eventually."

"What am I supposed to do now?" I gazed at him, perplexed, "I mean… what was I planning on doing?"

"Well, you're free," he simplified, "I gave you the access to your trust fund and we cleared other family things out as well… As for what you were going to do, you were going to start your own business."

"Excuse me?"

Is this real?

"Yes," he smiled, "You and Lorelai had a marvellous idea. Something with Internet platforms for news. It sounded great when you had presented it to me but I have no idea how to explain it now. Internet is a bit beyond my understanding of the world."

It can't be.

"You mean I wanted to start a business with Rory?"

He nodded in affirmative, "She's a brilliant young lady and you two think similarly. It was just a matter of time for the two of you to come up with such an idea. However," he looked around, "It's not important now. The only important thing now is for you to get better, to heal properly. The rest can wait."

"How… how am I supposed to continue now if I have no idea what my life looks like?" I squeezed my eyes shut in confusion, "None of this seems real. I don't have a clue how to live this life."

"You will get better," he said confidently, getting up and approaching my bed, "Until then, we are here to help you."

"Honestly, I still think I'm dreaming," I shook my head.

"I can imagine that," he squeezed my hand, "Try and not put any unnecessary burden on yourself. There's no need for that."

I looked him straight in the eyes and saw the truth. I saw my grandfather after so many years. I mean, I remember him from recently (or as recently as it can be) but this man here is the one I had known when I was a kid. It felt surreal.

"So," I decided to change the topic, "What were you doing in Vienna?"

"I moved there after Christmas this year," he smiled broadly.

"What?" I couldn't believe it, "How so?"

"It's a beautiful city and, Elizabeth…" he cleared his throat, "your grandmother, it was her favourite place in the world. You were supposed to come visit me after the graduation."

"I would like that," I smiled.

"Oh!" He turned around abruptly to go and pick up some kind of a bag, "I almost forgot!" He exclaimed and brought the bag to me, "Lorelai asked me to give you this."

"Huh?"

"She said that you might be bored so she sent you some things to keep you entertained."

"When did you see her?"

"She came to pick me up at the airport," he stated as it was the most normal thing ever.

Parallel galaxy, definitely.

"Why didn't she come with you?" I frowned, again a bit disappointed.

"She'll come, soon," he gave me a reassuring smile, "She just needs to find her bearings in all this as well. And she's big on following rules so she's respecting what the doctor had said."

"Am I seriously dating someone who is big on following the rules?" I asked in disbelief.

He laughed earnestly then again, "Honestly, I think it's one of your games. I can't explain it, you'll see it yourself. Just… be careful with her."

"I don't think I have any other chance since everybody keeps saying that."

"And with good reason," he nodded confidently.

A whole new world. A whole new life.

It's the 28th now, early in the morning. My drugs are wearing off and the doctor announced that I will be getting even less from today. Great… pain.

In other news, it seems that I really am free of my doomed destiny. Kinda hard to believe, if I'm honest. I talked about it for a long while with my grandfather yesterday and I'm still not sure that it wasn't a dream.

Finn and Colin called that they will visit me tonight. Honor will come as well. I haven't heard from Rory, nor seen her. I would like to see her - to ask her so many things I want - need - to know.

The therapist asked me why I was afraid of remembering. I told him that it seems too good to be true - at least the part about my family and the HPG. About this girlfriend thing - I'm still not sure. The thing is, I don't think I have ever actively imagined or dreamed of settling down. And now when, apparently, I have, I have no idea what to do with the fact.

The only solution to all my questions now would be if she would just show up. I texted her to see if she was planning on coming anytime soon and she still hasn't answered.

Would calling her be labeled as pathetic?

I was reading a book the next morning when I noticed someone lingering just outside the door. I couldn't see properly through the door but after a couple of minutes and glances of long wavy brunette hair, I just knew who it was.

Her.

"You can come in, you know," I chuckled, lowering the book on my nightstand.

She stepped inside the room tentatively, gazing at the floor as it was the most interesting attraction in the world.

Just as I was about to break the silence, she looked up at me - straight in the eyes and smiled broadly, like she was suddenly released of all burdens she ever carried.

"Hi."

TBC!

(Author's Note: Thank you for all your reviews on the last chapter - they keep me going! Regarding the diary logs - they will keep on being so sporadic. I don't see reason to keep them extremely detailed, I just need them to tell one part of the story and they will remain so for the most of this fic. There will be a slight time-jump in the next chapter, as Logan will go home. There are still many things to explain and I am looking forward to doing just that!

Keep the reviews coming and until next time! xo)