Shadows of the Past
Chapter 15
Mike and Tom went to make funeral arrangements once he sobered up. It just didn't feel right to Christine to go, so she stayed at the house and did some cleaning. She sort of felt like she was intruding on Mike, but he seemed to be leaning on her. There would be people visiting and Mike had already had someone call to have a get-together after the funeral to be catered. Thankfully, there was a guestroom that Christine would be sleeping in, so there would be no awkward moments with Mike.
He came home in the late afternoon in an obvious mood. Christine had fixed potato soup and ham and cheese sliders, and he ate, but was pretty quiet. She had put all the hard liquor up, feeling he needed to feel every emotion and right now; he was angry. That evening, after supper; he was trying to focus on the TV when Christine handed him her phone.
"What's this?" Mike asked.
"I thought you might want to try and call Katie, but no pressure." Christine said. He thought for a moment, but then handed the phone back.
"Its not that I don't want to. I do. Its just that I know that I have a lot of apologizing to do and finding a way to fix this. I'm not sure I have the energy at the moment. I am really hoping after the funeral, I can. I will." Mike insisted.
"Anything in particular you want me to tell her?" Christine asked. Normally, it would upset her, but Mike was not in the right mindset.
"Just tell her I do plan on talking to her…all of them, but to please give me a few more days. I know its asking a lot but I am afraid I'll say something wrong." Mike told her.
"What's a few more days? You know; once the funeral is over, if you'd like you can come back with me. It would do them all a lot of good to see you. Especially your parents." Christine suggested.
"Yeah. I was thinking about that, but I just can't make one more decision at the moment." Mike said.
"Understood." Christine answered.
"Thank you, though. You might also tell her that I didn't stop loving them or thinking about them. I know it seems like I did, but I didn't." Mike said. Christine patted his shoulder and smiled at him.
"They'll be glad to hear that. No pressure on going back home with me." Christine said.
"Thanks. I am exhausted. I think I am going to go to bed." Mike said as he shut the tv off.
"Alright. I put my stuff in the guest room. I hope that's okay?" Christine asked.
"Of course." Mike answered.
"If you need anything…can't sleep. Just wake me up." Christine offered.
"Thank you. The bathroom should have enough towels and wash rags. And I believe Maddy kept extra blankets and pillows in the closet in there. If you need anything?" Mike said.
"Yep." Christine answered. As Mike walked past, he squeezed her shoulder and nodded at her. He climbed the stairs and was out of sight. Christine put the dishes away and headed to bed herself. On his way through; Mike had shut the door to the baby's room, thankfully. His own bedroom door was open and Christine could hear him snoring slightly, which made her feel better. He needed to sleep so he could think clearly.
It was a bit awkward for Christine; being so close to Mike but unable to sleep next to him. Of all the things, she had most missed him next to her at night. It was hard to be apart for her, considering their very passionate relationship. Besides, it wasn't appropriate. He had fallen in love with another woman and he needed to grieve for her. Her biggest hope was that he would find a way back to their kids. A relationship between them was probably out of the question.
A couple times through the night; Christine heard Mike wondering around. He even stepped into the bedroom where she was sleeping, apparently to check on her, and he was already up when she got up. He looked a bit more rested, but the bruising was much more apparent, which worried Christine.
"Does that hurt?" Christine asked, indicating his arm and face.
"A little, but I've dealt with worse." Mike admitted.
"I know. When you came back from the Med, that stab wound always worried me but you never said what happened." Christine commented.
"I do suppose I owe you an explanation. We were looking and found these seeds that were supposedly immune to the Red Rust. Of course, we weren't the only ones looking and I got stabbed trying to protect them. I still had the seeds and dodged into a house to get away from the ones that were after it. I had gotten separated from my team. A local woman was there. She packed the wound and gave me this tea. It was called Nostos. It was a hallucinogen. I…saw Lucas and my sister. I suppose that was part of why I took off once I got home." Mike explained.
"Oh, Mike." Christine said.
"When they found me; and I woke up, apparently, I told them I wanted to go back. I kind of feel like that now." Mike admitted.
"Back with Maddie and the baby?" Christine asked.
"Yeah. I know its stupid. Maybe that's what I was trying to do with the alcohol." Mike said.
"It isn't. You loved Lucas and your sister. You also loved Maddie and that baby. I would say it was natural to want to go back." Christine said.
"Doesn't excuse walking out on my kids. My wife and parents." Mike commented.
"If you hadn't you wouldn't have had Maddie and the baby…I'm sorry, does he have a name? I should have asked sooner." Christine asked.
"Matthew. And I also wouldn't have been hurting like this now." Mike remarked.
"Mike; I don't have an answer for you. I wish I did. All I know is that you need to get through the next few days. It'll be hard. But then, if you want; you can come back to the farm. See the kids and your parents. It won't make this an easier, but it will heal another wound. The kids were what kept me going after Lucas died. Maybe that can do that for you now." Christine said.
"Maybe. I still haven't figured out why you are doing this." Mike commented.
"Because one time, you put me back together. You took me from my parents and all the abuse and crap that was going on and gave me a good life. We had a lot of good years together and we've had beautiful children. Despite of everything between us; I owe you one for that. You gave me a life that I would have never gotten otherwise." Christine told him.
"Can I ask you a question?" Mike asked.
"Of course." Christine answered.
"I know you said you still loved me because of being the father to your kids, but otherwise? After everything?" Mike asked.
"Yes, after everything." Christine answered, shocking even herself.
"I was just wondering." Mike remarked. Christine handed him the plate of food she had just cooked and nodded.
"Mike; I know you are going through hell right now. You need to grieve. That takes time. When the time comes, I'll be there. I have somethings of my own to work out, but right now; I want you to focus on getting yourself through this and then being a dad again." Christine said.
"They were going to be my second chance. I had screwed up so badly with you and the kids. I was going to be a better…father, and eventually husband. But the problem was, I couldn't bring myself to divorce you. I kept on waiting for you to do it. I know all this makes me a horrible person, but I was so looking forward to that second chance." Mike admitted. His voice was edged with emotion and Christine sit down next to him at the island.
"It doesn't. You made some bad decisions, but you deserved happiness. If she gave it to you; I'm glad. You are deserving of a second chance. Its just not how you thought it would be. You had hoped for a healthy and happy baby boy and a good relationship with Maddie. Instead, you have the kids, your parents and I. You have pain. It won't be easy and there will be a lot of different emotions, but you are still loved." Christine told him as she grasped and squeezed his hand.
"I don't deserve it." Mike remarked.
"No, probably not, but the kids do. They deserve to have you back. So do your parents. They have both worried they would never see you again. Focus on the fact that even if you don't feel you are deserving, they are. That'll help, I figure." Christine said with a smile. She decided to take a chance and gave Mike a hug. Thankfully; he was accepting and he didn't let her go.