Shadows of the Past

Chapter 16

Christine didn't feel right going to Maddie and Matthew's joint funerals. Instead, she arranged the meal that Mike had paid to have catered in for all of his friends. It was a nice spread and she had always enjoyed being a hostess, but it was not her home and so she kept to herself once people started arriving. She thought about going upstairs, but the part of her that still loved Mike, wanted to keep an eye on him. He was struggling.

In a day of so; she would have to go back to Illinois. Back to her kids, her in-laws and her jobs. She wanted Mike to come along, but he wasn't very strong. Could he handle repairing and rebuilding relationships while still grieving for his fiancé and son? He still had not spoken with the kids, other than that little bit with Katie.

Late that night, after everyone went home and the food was packed away; Christine found Mike sitting in the nursery, staring at an ultrasound picture. The room was hard to look at for Christine because it was a reminder that Mike was having to grieve for another son. Losing Lucas was hard, but losing Matthew was totally unfair.

"Mike; I have some soup ready if you're hungry. You need to eat. Keep your strength up." Christine said.

"Why?" Mike asked.

"Why…what?" Christine asked.

"Why should I keep my strength up? I have nothing to live for now. He died too, so I don't need to be strong for him." Mike questioned.

"You do have other kids that love you." Christine reminded him.

"Right. The kids that have proven they get by perfectly fine without me. You've raised them to be strong and capable. I had very little to do with it. Donated sperm and that was about it." Mike objected. He was being fairly obtuse.

"You know, you did with Molly and Jacob. But with Katie and Hannah…you loved them. You held them when they cried. Rocked them to sleep. When they were sick; you stayed up with them too. You went to dance recitals and gymnastic meets. Daddy daughter dates with both of them. As far as Molly and Jacob are concerned; yes, you made a deposit and barely know them but they love the idea of you. Rebecca too. Losing Lucas and Matthew; its heartbreaking and you don't deserve this pain, regardless of what you did or didn't do, but the only fault you will have is if you don't reach out to the kids you do still have." Christine said.

"They don't need me." Mike said again.

"No, maybe not. But they do want you in their life. In a few years; they will find some guy and they will want their dad to walk them down the aisle. Let me ask; if you were to stay here and not reach other; and in a few years one of the girls came and asked you to give her away, what would your response be?" Christine asked.

"I…would say my dad could do it." Mike said.

"Your dad is seventy-nine. What happens if he isn't there to do it?" Christine continued.

"I don't know." Mike admitted.

"Mike; please. If you never do another thing for me for the rest of our lives, come home with me. Spend some time with your kids and parents. They can't replace Maddie or Matthew, but they can make the deaths a bit easier. They can hold you up in the bad moments that are bound to come. What else would you be doing?" Christine asked.

"No idea." Mike admitted.

"I am not going to force you and you are welcome anytime. You don't even have to come home with me, but I am going to have to leave in a day or so. My bosses are not happy with me at all." Christine said.

"Two jobs, right?" Mike asked.

"Yes. Diner and factory." Christine answered, not completely sure why he would ask.

"And the girls can't go to college? Katie wanted to be a nurse and Hannah wanted to be…who knows?" Mike asked.

"No, Mike. And at this rate; Rebecca, Molly and Jacob won't be able to either." Christine answered.

"Can I just have the night to think about it? You're not leaving in the morning, right?" Mike begged.

"Not tomorrow morning." Christine told him.

"Okay." Mike answered as he stood up slowly. Christine wondered if he realized just how old and worn down he looked. She also stood up and followed him downstairs, hoping what was discussed would impact him. Before it would have, but Mike was a different man now. He was physically the same man that Christine had fallen in love with, but emotionally was a different story altogether.