AN:

Hellooooo!

So, I had a little fun with this chapter. It has TONS of book references/ quotes but wildly taken out of context. Enjoy. I hope.

Anyways... Happy reading, my pretties! And take care!

xoxo MLE

(=^_^=)

Chapter Twenty-Three

"Very good," said the midwife as she set aside her small doppler apparatus and picked up her clipboard to take a couple of notes.

Elphaba sat up on the examination table and quickly pulled her shirt down to conceal her bulging belly. She turned her head and locked eyes with Galinda who nodded encouragingly. In response, her lips quirked upwards, if only slightly. A strange nervousness had settled in the pit of her stomach lately, and she didn't know how to shake it. Hearing that her child was doing well was comforting, but their looming arrival scared her nonetheless.

She didn't feel adequately prepared and had no idea how to remedy that. Books and videos could only help so much. Vittolea had offered her a course she could go to, but she couldn't fathom that any such class would prove worth the hassle, especially in her specific case. The internet had taught her all the necessary skills, without the added pressure of being among a group of strangers. Somehow, it still wasn't enough.

"At twenty-nine weeks, my dear," said the older woman, "we should start discussing your birth plan."

Elphaba's spine stiffened, and she swallowed hard. She preferred not to think about these things in detail just yet. She wasn't that close.

"Get the little worm out and be done with it is my plan," she replied curtly.

Vittolea chuckled at what she perceived to be a joke. Galinda's eyes momentarily welled up with the beginnings of tears as she cast her an empathetic smile. It felt good to be understood by at least one person.

"I don't know if I'd recommend a home birth," Vittolea began, oblivious. "But if a hospital setting isn't to your liking, I could recommend the nearby birthing centre instead. You're young, baby is doing fine, and so far there are no complications to speak of. You'd be a fantastic candidate for that."

She passed a brochure to Elphaba who'd already researched her options and simply folded the thing in her hands.

"Yes, that sounds sensible," she agreed. "Beyond that I don't know what to plan. I'm not going to create a playlist or anything like that. No candles or incense or any other of this esoteric crap."

Especially no incense, she thought to herself. The association she made with those was questionable at best, ever since the Philosophy Club. Or would that make for a delightful irony perhaps? She allowed herself to toy with the idea for a moment before dismissing it definitively. No incense.

The midwife tutted.

"Now, now dearie. It's alright if those things aren't your cup of tea, but other women find them helpful. No need to knock other people's joy."

"I figured this was a confidential meeting," Elphaba bit back. "There's no need for you to tell those other women about my distaste for their methods. I should be allowed to speak my mind in private."

"Let's move on to more technical aspects of the process then," Vittolea said, raising her voice to drown out the remainder of her patient's argument.

"Would a water birth appeal at all? It can have various bene—"

"No."

Vittolea acknowledged Elphaba's firm rebuke and noted it down.

"What are your feelings on pain relief? If you're not labouring in water, you can use any of the options available, but if you'd like to consider an epidural, the hospital would be your best bet."

"Nothing too drastic, I think," replied Elphaba, then bit her lip and thought some more. "Of course, not having birthed a child before, I can't exactly say how I'll feel when the time comes."

"Consider it some more, alright?"

The midwife drew a quick symbol on her form, maybe a question mark.

"Now, for your birthing partner. Do you have any family members who could support you through this? Maybe your mother? Even if she's not in town, I imagine she might come to Shiz for such a momentous occasion."

"I have no mother," Elphaba said cooly. "She passed away when I was a child."

Clearing her voice, Vittolea muttered something akin to an apology, but Elphaba hardly cared about that.

"There's only one person I'd like to be present, and she's sitting in this very room. I thought that much was clear already by now."

She looked back at Galinda who was blushing furiously, adorably. They hadn't actually talked about this yet, but Elphaba was sure that Galinda had hoped to be included. She felt more than confident to make this decision without prior discussion. Recognising the sheer happiness in her girlfriend's eyes, she found herself smiling genuinely at last.

"Oh, well, yes. Of course," Vittolea more or less muttered to herself before harrumphing and writing something down. "And that's all? No one else? Well, except me, of course. Or my stand-in."

"Stand-in?"

This time it was Galinda who piped up.

"Yes, sweetheart." The midwife turned to look at her the way an old schoolmistress would chastise her pupil. "Unfortunately, I cannot tell women when to have their babies, as handy as that would be. If another client of mine is already in labour, I won't be able to attend Elphaba, and then what?"

She redirected her attention back towards the green girl.

"But don't fret, dearie. You'll meet her, just in case. In fact"—Vittolea checked her wristwatch—"she'll be here in just a few minutes to say hi, and at your next appointment, she will be here to examine you, so you can get to know each other.

"Now, I'll write you a note for some shots. You should get those done as soon as possible to protect yourself and baby from certain infections, yes?"

"Influenza and pertussis?" asked Elphaba.

"Exactly."

A soft knock on the door.

"Come in."

A younger woman with short, curly brown hair entered the room. She carefully closed the door and leaned against it. Within a few seconds, she honed in on the girl with the baby bump, still sitting on the bed.

"You must be Elphaba," she said, her voice a little soft and hard to hear from across the room.

Elphaba nodded.

"My name is Sehfeeya. Nice to meet you."

At that point, she walked up to her and offered her hand.

"Good. Since we're all gathered now," said Vittolea commandingly, "we can quickly discuss the date for the next appointment."

"Of course."

Vittolea and Sehfeeya both opened their planners.

"Two weeks from now." The older midwife thoughtfully tapped her pen against the open page.

"I can do Monday the eighth," offered Sehfeeya.

"Monday is good," confirmed Elphaba. "We both finish school around noon."

The brunette clicked her pen and noted that down.

"Three o'clock then. Do you need Vittolea to attend as well, or are you comfortable with just me?"

Galinda was the first to look up, and when Elphaba met her gaze, she knew that they were both thinking the same thing.

"No need. We'll be fine."

They said their goodbyes. Next to her, Elphaba could feel Galinda nearly explode with bottled-up energy. She waited until after they'd left the building before enquiring what exactly was going on in her head.

"I don't know how, but I know that I love her already!" the blonde burst out like a ballon that had just popped.

At first, Elphaba simply stared at her, face blank, but a clock-tick later, she erupted into peels of cackling laughter.

"Good Lurline, I could totally see that. I'm almost jealous, you know?"

Galinda stopped at that and levelled her with a searching look, as if she maybe believed it.

"I get it," said Elphaba. "You dislike Vittolea with a passion—"

"Did you see how she glared at me earlier?" Galinda cried, cutting her off. "Did you? Oz! Just when I thought she couldn't get any ruder!"

"I did see that," agreed Elphaba sombrely, wrapping her arm around her girlfriend before giving her a fleeting kiss on her cheek. "And I'm sorry, my sweet."

The blonde's fury dissipated at that, and she snuggled firmly against her.

"Did… did you really mean it?" she asked softly.

"Mean what?"

"That you want me there?"

Elphaba grinned, teasingly.

"There?" she echoed as if entirely clueless.

"Oh stop it, you know what I mean!" giggled Galinda, swatting her playfully.

But Elphaba had way too much fun to give it up just yet.

"Well, yes, I meant it. But if you'd rather not—I mean, it's okay. I'd understand."

"You're impossible, and I won't participate in this any longer," huffed Galinda.

"Fine. I'll ask Boq then."

Elphaba nearly laughed at Galinda's wide-eyed expression of horror, but something told her that that would be going too far, so she cleared her voice and smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry. I'll make it up to you."

"How?" demanded Galinda, looking genuinely hurt.

"I…" Elphaba licked her lips, averted her gaze, but pulled the shorter girl a little closer, held her tighter. When she looked back at her, she could feel herself blush slightly. "I'll take you shopping."

Galinda's frown turned into a cautious smile.

"For baby stuff."

That was it. Galinda lit up immediately, freed her arms and wrapped them around Elphaba, squeezing a bit harder than she probably ought to.

Elphaba had told Galinda hardly anything about her exhausting discussion with Nessarose after her sister had found out about her pregnancy. In a way, she'd been glad to have had the house to herself that night. It had all been hard enough without having someone else there to barge in and impart their opinion, someone else who might request explanations or might be in need of correction when they misunderstood.

But now that the groundwork was already laid, now that poor Nessie had gotten over the initial shock, Elphaba did everything in her power to avoid meeting her on her own. Having always been a lone fighter, an exceedingly private person, she couldn't explain at all why she suddenly was so determined to have Galinda by her side when diving further into this issue with her sister, her family.

She put off several invitations from Nessa, citing school commitments as the main reason. When her sister threatened to come over instead, she blabbered something silly about feeling that it wasn't right for her to receive guests at her flatmate's house, and made sure never to reveal the exact address.

Eventually, she found herself forced to make a counter offer and suggested a weekend picnic by the Suicide Canal. It was a popular spot during summer time, and amidst the numerous other groups of students and families, they'd have to keep their arguments quiet and civil. Nessa wasn't entirely aware of that, and Elphaba used that to her advantage.

Galinda was even easier to convince. She barely seemed to consider whether she really wanted to witness the two sisters' clash of wills—it was more or less a given that she'd be there, no matter what. All she apparently worried about was what food to prepare, what drinks to bring, and what utensils or accessories to pack. Elphaba could already see it in her mind's eye: the most perfect picnic in all of Shiz' history, turning into a battlefield.

On the big day of their in person, face to face confrontation, it was sunny and warm. With it being the last day of July, they'd counted on it to be dry at least, but what they got was the whole package of superb summer bliss. Galinda had had the foresight to arrive early in order to reserve them one of the limited spots with their own tree for shade and had managed to secure the oldest and most sprawling pearlfruit tree within the parameter. Elphaba knew that Nessa would be quite content with that, but entirely oblivious and unappreciative in regards to any of the effort that was involved. She tended to take things for granted, unless she had any vital part in such preparations, which was exceedingly rarely the case.

"You did great," she made sure to tell Galinda as she surveyed the picnic rug, a basket of food already sitting in the middle, and a stack of plates, and another of glasses next to it.

A light gust blew and shook the leaves. She expected the rug to fold over and maybe topple the glasses. But it stayed put.

"Magic?" she joked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Weighted corners," replied Galinda smugly.

"Fancy."

"Here we are, poppet," said a raspy voice not too far behind them.

When they turned around, they saw Nessa arrive, aided by Nanny. The wrinkly, old woman guided her charge across the uneven grass and helped her sit before greeting them properly, then went on to complain that the rug should have been closer to the walkway.

"It's good to see you, too, Nanny," grunted Elphaba, then smiled.

The woman's eyes immediately found the elder Thropp's midsection, inspecting it critically.

"My, the little one is growing after all, isn't he?"

From her lower position, Nessa also stared up at her sister's abdomen, accusingly so, though she didn't comment just yet.

"Glad you could make it," chirped Galinda, as chipper as can be. "Are you hungry? Everything is ready and waiting for you!"

She moved on to open the basket and produce big, round Pertha grapes, white sugar strawberries, a pasta salad, a tray of pre-cut cheeses and nuts, a stick of artisan bread, dusted with herbs. Also, a bottle of sparkling grape juice, in lieu of wine. Nessa thanked her stiffly, but not entirely unfriendly.

"What would you like to try first, Nessie?"

Elphaba's question went ignored.

"Could you please cut a piece of bread for me, Galinda," said Nessarose, "and with that, a piece of the soft cheese."

The blonde dutifully served her guest and passed the plate to Nanny.

"And for you, Elphie?"

"Salad," the green girl grumbled under her breath.

She didn't end up eating much of it and spent most of the time murdering the individual pieces with her fork.

"I'm so sorry Elphaba dragged you into this, Galinda," Nessa said at last. "It's so embarrassing, I don't know why she'd involve anyone besides family, who naturally can't escape this terrible debacle."

"Oh, don't worry about me. I'm here out of my own volition. Actually, Elphie was quite resistant at first when I dared to poke my nose into her business. Still, I insisted. And today I have come along to support her, as clearly no one else here is going to be on her side."

She looked at Elphaba at that, with her eyes so soft and yet so bright, full of confidence. The taller girl thought she might melt under her gaze, coupled with such bold words. She wasn't used to anyone defending her in front of someone else, not even Galinda. Especially not Galinda. Galinda usually kept her support private, just between the two of them.

Nessa, on the other hand, seemed appalled and henceforth acted as if Galinda didn't exist at all.

"Elphaba," she began, "I think, I really don't need to tell you how irresponsible it is to perform intercourse outside of marriage, or at least a reliable partnership."

The secret couple exchanged subtle glances, but Elphaba was worried what Nessa might make of their silent communication. Her eyes settled on Nanny instead.

"Mother wasn't the most chaste of wives," she pointed out, knowing that the woman who had taken care of several generations of Thropp females could not deny that, even if Nessa tried to protest. It took the younger sibling a few moments to form an answer to that.

"Well, at least she was married, and not left vulnerable to scandal and destitution."

"As you will find, single mothers are no longer the height of social disgrace," said Elphaba. "That's not to say that I'm oblivious to the talk that goes around campus—"

"Which makes me look guilty by mere association!"

Obviously upset—though it was hard to tell how genuinely—Nessarose sniffled and struggled for air, leaning a little closer to Nanny to let her know that she required her assistance. Dutifully, Nanny wiped the rims of her eyes, dapped at her nose, and fanned her so she could breathe more easily. The frail girl took a deep breath to compose herself.

"In all of this, you never stoped to think of me, did you?"

Elphaba rolled her eyes.

"Besides, regardless of what the misguided, godless public might think these days, you know that Father disapproves mightily. Father always says that children are a gift of the Unnamed God and deserve to be treasured by their father and their mother, protected within the haven of family."

"That's a sensible opinion if not taken too literally," said Galinda serenely. "But family can mean many different things, you know?"

"Only love resulting from the holy bond between a married man and a married woman can provide defenceless and impressionable children with the stability they need and deserve," replied Nessa without deigning to meet her eyes. Her shoulders were pulling back, and her chin lifted as if that look of authority gave her argument any more credit.

"This is Unionist talking," shrugged Galinda, surprisingly unflappable. "I'm not a Unionist."

"Neither am I," added Elphaba, allowing herself to turn to Galinda properly this time. Their shared stance on religion gave her enough reason to, even in absence of any other, deeper connections.

But as she looked at her love, so refreshingly proud and open about her acceptance of diversity, and perhaps insinuating her own differences—though those remained somewhat ambiguous—she was overcome with something she couldn't describe, something that went far beyond appreciation and approval.

"I may know little about what love really is," she said, a bit as if in a trance, "but I firmly believe that divine sanction has nothing to do with its quality, nor do gender or sex. All a child needs is love, in whatever shape it comes."

"You say that to shock and scandalise," said Nessa primly, but remarkably calm. "You always do this, usually to make Father irate."

Nessa clearly did not take her seriously and suspected nothing.

"Father isn't around," replied Elphaba, meaning to say two things at once. Firstly, that there was no need for her to say such things only for the sake of riling him up. Secondly, that Nessa was in no way forced to agree with his deeply conservative views.

"What does it matter? We share the same articles of faith," Nessa said with chilly clarity.

Elphaba was struck by the implication.

She ground her teeth and seethed quietly, trying not to let her anguish show. She didn't even dare glance at Galinda who would probably read her like an open book and could easily make the wrong kind of remark in an attempt to defend or console her.

But there was still hope, wasn't there? Her sister's ignorance could simply based on her naiveté, her lack of exposure. Being the person closest to Nessa, Elphaba wondered whether she could change her mind, if only to a small degree.

"You think I'm all talk. What if I could prove otherwise?"

Her sister's eyes first widened, then narrowed.

"How?"

How indeed. Elphaba's heart skipped a beat. Just for a second, she was stunned into silence as she realised that substantiating her claim in a convincing manner took more than just her own commitment. Perhaps she had to give up on the idea and give Nessa the satisfaction of being right.

It was then, that she felt a hand on her own, and it definitely wasn't Nanny's. She pulled her own hand away from underneath Galinda's, just so she could place it on top again and give a gentle squeeze. The blonde inched closer and closer, until their shoulders touched. Heat rose to Elphaba's face, while the rest of her body was covered in goosebumps.

She tried to gauge Nessa's reaction, but her sister still seemed to wait for the proof she'd been promised. Her head tilted, her lips pursed, she exuded the boredom of someone who knew they'd already won. Her expression was the final straw that Elphaba needed to make up her mind.

Biting the inside of her lower lip, she checked in with Galinda, just to make sure that she'd be alright. She appeared steadfast to her and utterly resolute. At that point, it was somehow unbelievably easy to simply bridge that minute distance between them, to lower her head and kiss Galinda softly, fleetingly, but with enough feeling and emotion to convince even the stoutest of skeptics.

It nearly felt as if this was their first kiss. Her insides churned and turned with the intensity of her anxiety and euphoria. It left her breathless, even though it didn't last long enough to justify such an effect. Feeling an unusual sensation of exuberance bubble up from deep down, she was tempted to take a second taste of Galinda's lips, but any such thought vanished the moment that Nessa finally got a grip on herself.

"A shocking display!" she exclaimed.

When Elphaba turned to face her, her mouth still hung wide open. If she possessed arms, she most likely would have made good use of them and covered her most inelegant expression. Nanny patted her back consolingly but didn't whisper any instructions as how to bridle her response. Nor, Elphaba noticed with apprehension, did the old woman spare her and Galinda any attention.

"Regardless," Nessa managed to mutter at length, "the child needs its father."

"We're not in contact," Elphaba replied, plain and simple.

Her hand was still resting atop Galinda's.

"Well, then you must change that. You must find and marry him. For your child's and Munchkinland's sake. You're the future Eminent Thropp; he'll be persuaded easily enough, I'm sure."

What an absurd suggestion! Elphaba couldn't help but break into a loud cackle. The resulting look on Nessa's face was priceless.

"Seriously, I doubt he would!" She really did, and not even so much because of her unusual skin. "Besides, even if I weren't in a relationship already, you should realise that I'd be the last person to ever marry for appearances' sake alone. If I truly must dapple in politics one day, I might as well leave my mark as the first openly queer Eminency of Munchkinland. Otherwise, what's the use!"

Truth be told, Elphaba surprised herself with how enticing it all suddenly sounded, at least in the rush of the moment. She hand't been entirely earnest, but maybe the idea warranted a second thought? After all, she'd always hoped to affect change in some way. Only, she'd expected to be a lot less public about it. And then there was Galinda, too. It was obviously a much too complicated matter to consider right then and there.

She caught herself looking at her girlfriend whose expression was impossible to discern. Did she regret her involvement now? Elphaba made a mental note to talk to her later, to discuss their feelings about this thoroughly and deeply. It had been a while since they had done that.

For now, however, she decided to concentrate on her sister. Drawing a sharp breath, she summoned her resolve and patience. She tore her eyes away from Galinda, briefly studied Nanny, suspicious of her quiet demeanour this entire time, then looked at the pale, shellshocked girl beside the old woman. Her mouth opened with the intention to spell some soothing words, but Nessarose turned her face away and lost herself in a series of whispered prayers. Elphaba's chin dropped to her chest as she hung her head. It was merely a stalemate, but she felt quite defeated.

"You were so brave today," Galinda said once they were back in the car, then proceeded to lean in and gently press her lips against the corner of her mouth.

Elphaba made a humming sound at the back of her throat, uncertain and uninspired.

Galinda shifted, still looking at her, then reached for her hand on her knee.

"I'm sorry. This is all pretty tough on you, huh?"

"I apologise for dragging you into this," came Elphaba's swift reply.

"What?" Galinda blinked. "No. Not at all. I came to—"

"To support me. This was supposed to be about the baby. But then the confessions kinda got out of control. This was not what you'd signed up for."

"Well, I don't care about that. And I'm so proud of you!" She gripped her hand all the tighter. "You don't regret telling her, do you?"

Grinding her teeth, Elphaba turned to unseeingly stare out of the passenger window.

"I regret her reaction, and I regret putting you into this position," she pressed out before retracting her hand and shoving both of them underneath her thighs. Galinda didn't remove her hand from her lap though; it stayed right where it had dropped.

"Look, I feel dreadful for generally being so reluctant to acknowledge our relationship. Nessa is a different story though. She's your family, and is more or less detached from my own social sphere. I know I'm a coward, but for what it's worth, I'm more than ready to stand beside you when it comes to your side of the world. Heck, I'd come with you right now if you suddenly decided to take a trip down to Quadling Country and confront your dad. That much I can do."

"What if I introduced you to my great-grandfather?" countered Elphaba, facing Galinda and attempting a grin, which she feared might look more like a grimace.

She wasn't disappointed when the blonde's resolve faltered at that. It was only to be expected, seeing as the old-established aristocracy of Oz was precisely where their social circles began to overlap. Moreover, it was a huge ask and a purely speculative one at that.

After a few clock-ticks of concentrated contemplation, Galinda lifted a hand to stroke Elphaba's loose hair. She looked her straight in the eyes with the same determination she'd displayed earlier. Elphaba's awkward grin was long gone, and she swallowed hard when she realised exactly how carefully Galinda considered her flippant question.

"Well, I suppose that depends on the reason for such a meeting," she said eventually, curling the strand she'd been playing with around her forefinger and releasing it.

Elphaba's throat felt dry.

"What do you mean?"

"If you did consider following into his footsteps, and you still found it necessary for him to meet me… Well, that's an affair so huge"—she shook her head slightly—"I can barely fathom that right now. Neither can you. Seriously. Be honest. You can't."

Elphaba exhaled shakily. She hadn't really been prepared to go down this road right there and then, not even hypothetically. Dammit, she should have bitten back that stupid remark when it had popped into her mind.

"But I'd take the plunge," Galinda continued, and Elphaba gave a start, the colour draining from her face.

"You—you would?"

"With you being that strong… how could I possibly not rise to the occasion? How could I possibly abandon you?"

"You'd have every reason and right to. It would be asking so much, wouldn't it?"

Biting her lip, Galinda lowered her head, though she still peered up at her through her lashes.

"I realise where your doubts are coming from. You don't expect much from me because of my track-record so far, and that's fair enough. You really do deserve more than the meagre promises I've given you so far. I still have to make good on them."

"No. You are working on that, you've proven as much already. This is not about you specifically. I'm just doubting whether I should ever ask something like this of anyone."

"You mean, you're really convinced?"

She was. Hell yes, she was, despite knowing that they weren't completely out of the woods yet. Dipping her head, she smiled softly. It was a small gesture, but she knew Galinda would understand it. Indeed, she returned the smile, with a lot more radiance than the green girl herself could muster.

"And you're seriously considering it? Becoming the next Eminent Thropp?" she went on to probe.

Weighing her words thoughtfully, Elphaba slowly said, "I seriously consider the possibility that I might not have a choice in the matter. But… I don't think I'd volunteer."

Galinda nodded.

"I know what you just promised," said Elphaba, "but please understand that it's a promise I could never hold you to. I appreciate the sentiment, and I accept it as genuine. But if push really comes to shove—"

"It was never a question of if I'd give everything up to be with you," Galinda hurried to clarify. "It was only a question of when."

They both looked at each other, Galinda trying to figure out how to express herself, and Elphaba trying to wrap her head around whatever her girlfriend was about to say.

"I was trying to play the long game, not the all or nothing game," Galinda explained. "That's why I was pushed to do better each time we encountered a serious bump in the road of our relationship. I hoped to lose as little as possible on the side, but the one thing I could never stand to lose was you. I love you too much, you silly thing. Like deeply, truly love you, Elphaba. Like crazy. I can't imagine a future without you."

She laughed nervously.

"I know. A funny thing to come out of the mouth of a proud aro ace, but I told you before: You're the ridiculously rare spark that lights a fire in my heart. If I were to lose you, I might never love again.

"Which would be fine, by the way. That's not what this is about. But with you, I can be myself, with you I am whole. I used to come back home in the end of the day, take off my makeup, wipe off my strained smile and let the real me emerge in the safety of my own four walls. It was okay. In my deluded opinion, I thought that I balanced my social life and my private life pretty well.

"But then suddenly, there was you. Suddenly, there was another person occupying those same secluded rooms. Not an invader, but simply a new inhabitant. Someone I could show this side of me without a hint of worry. It was then when I realised how good it felt to let someone in. It was then when my strange obsession with you became love. I don't know if I'll ever find someone like you ever again."

"Oh man."

Elphaba covered her face with her hands, rubbing her eyes, putting pressure on the sides of her nose to help stifle the tears that threatened to prick. She screwed her eyes shut tightly, then blinked and opened them again, running her hands upwards and through her hair. Sighing, she let her heavy head fall against her headrest.

"Fuck."

Galinda's shuddering intake of air prompted her to roll her head to the right, and to look at her through tired eyes, her temples throbbing with a dull pain, and her chest impossibly tight. The girl who'd just poured out her heart now seemed incredibly insecure about her response, and she felt deeply sorry for that. She just hadn't been adequately prepared, and also…

"I feel so honoured," said Elphaba. "It's a huge responsibility to be entrusted with so much, well, trust. I don't intend to ever break it. But…"

Struggling to find the words, she paused. Naturally, the unfinished thoughts were enough to send Galinda over the edge, and she began to sniffle and cry. It was hard to bear, but Elphaba knew of nothing that would easily fix this dilemma.

"Don't cry, my sweet," she murmured softly, plucking a tissue from the box at her feet. Gently, she dapped at the blonde's wet cheeks. "Don't cry. I don't mean to say… Well, I guess I don't exactly know what I mean to say. But I think we should… talk about something. Something important."

Galinda hiccuped and nodded eagerly.

"But maybe not here. I don't think this is the place. Are you okay? Can—can you drive?"

Wordless, drawing a long breath and wiping more tears away with the back of her hand, Galinda turned to face forward. She put both hands on the steering wheel and briefly closed her eyes.

Soon, they pulled out into the street. Elphaba felt cruel, but really couldn't see herself having this conversation stuck in a car with people passing by, distracting and unnerving her. As Galinda took them home, driving slowly and carefully, she thought about what to say, how to make Galinda feel more secure and comfortable. The thought of how hard Galinda was prepared to fight for her warmed her heart. She, too, didn't want to lose Galinda, though she wondered whether their feelings were matched as evenly as she thought they ought to be. She didn't know how this hadn't come up earlier, how she'd been so oblivious all this time. They probably should have talked about this a lot earlier.

Upon their arrival Elphaba sat Galinda down on the couch and went about preparing them a nice cup of tea. It wasn't cold by any means, but she wrapped a thin blanket around her girlfriend's shoulders anyway before gingerly sitting down on the spot next to her.

Both girls sat with one leg drawn up and tucked underneath them so they could face each other. For a moment, they simply slurped their teas in silence, but then Galinda set her cup aside, and with a terribly sickening feeling in her gut, Elphaba did the same.

"No one has ever cared about me the way you do," she said, a lump forming in her throat. She tried to clear it away, but it didn't budge, and so she decided to push through it regardless. "You make me feel more than just accepted. You make me feel appreciated and loved. And even though we sometimes squabble over how much commitment I expect from you… I am often reminded of how much you have already given me, even without any expectations of reward. And then I feel bad that I made any demands at all."

"Don't be," whispered Galinda. "You have always been right about this. Just because I exceed your expectations in one area, that doesn't mean that I can get around meeting the bare minimum in others."

Elphaba crossed her arms and pressed them tightly to her body or at least as tightly as her bump would allow.

"The thing is," she said shakily, "I don't know if I ever really held up to my end of the bargain."

"What?" Galinda reached out to touch her arm. "No. No, you—"

"Please, let me talk!"

The forceful plea made Galinda retract her hand and rest it against her own chest instead. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders.

"It is true that I feel about you in a way that I've never felt about anyone, not even Nessa, though that's the closest I can compare it to. I adore you, I want to be the one to make you happy. And yet… I don't know if I can. I don't know If I can love you the way you deserve to be loved."

"Whyever not?"

Galinda's beautiful blue eyes were already shimmering with the onset of tears. They looked at her—no, bored into her—with with such intensity that it was nearly impossible to bear. But she knew what she had to do.

"I love you, I do," she declared. But I don't know if I know enough about love. Enough to—to tell whether I love you in a romantic way."

There. She'd said it. And now she felt like vomiting. Now she felt like jumping up and running away, but also like throwing herself into Galinda's sweet embrace, kissing her as she cried her heart out, no matter how much her hot tears would burn her cursed skin.

It felt liberating to have said it, because the only greater sin other than not loving Galinda the way she should was to lead her on. Now at least honesty was resorted. Now it was no longer up to her alone to navigate this murky situation.

And Galinda did cry of course. Elphaba had anticipated that. She'd anticipated torrents of tears flooding down her face, dripping down on their joint hands as they held on to each other, accompanied by loud howls of distress.

To her surprise, Galinda's tears were silent and slid down her cheeks almost gently, elegantly. Her sniffles were hardly noticeable, and her breathing was nearly even as she kept her gaze trained on their hands. Elphaba let her thumbs rub over her flawless skin in an attempt to soothe.

After a long moment of quiet, Galinda licked her lips and prepared to speak.

"Would you prefer we lived apart?" she asked monotonously, without looking up.

Elphaba's insides churned.

"If that would make it easier for you?"

"That's not what I asked," retorted Galinda briskly, her face tensing, her brow furrowing. She looked like she was concentrating on one single spot just off from where their hands lay, trying to incinerate it with her determined stare. "I'm asking what it is you want. Deep down. What do you long for, what is your heart's desire?"

"I—I don't know," replied Elphaba, not used to listening to herself and putting her own needs first.

"Concentrate. Think," Galinda told her firmly. "Do you want me to get out of your life?"

"No!"

"Do you want us to live apart?"

Elphaba set her jaw. Contemplating the question as honestly as she could. She closed her eyes, visualised the possibility in her head. When she opened her eyes, she softly said, "No."

She could see Galinda quiver at that and didn't know whether that was a good or a bad sign. When she spoke again, however, there was no trace of change in the shorter girl's voice.

"Do you want us to break up?"

The question took Elphaba's breath away. She knew the answer at once, but couldn't immediately utter it without adequate air to form the sound.

"No," she gasped at last when Galinda's resolve was already frighteningly close to crumbling.

Hearing her reply, Galinda released a long breath, throwing her head and shoulders back, gazing at the blank ceiling. Elphaba watched her, at a total loss as what to do.

"A-are you alright?"

She wanted to touch her, wanted to embrace and kiss her, but she dared not to. Galinda seemed so fragile, as if she might break down at the lightest contact.

"Do you want us to change?" Galinda finally continued her line of enquiry. With her neck bent the way it was, the words came out strained. Elphaba also suspected she had begun to cry again.

This was the second hardest of all the questions so far. The first hurdle had been to overcome her reluctance to dig deep enough to find the truth; this time, Elphaba was digging very deep, prepared to be as true and honest as she could be, but her feelings on this were so conflicted that she didn't know whether she could come up with a definitive answer.

"I—I don't know," she murmured dejectedly. "I enjoy our closeness, our daily life together. I don't mind the kisses, and I love what they symbolise. Though I don't know whether you and I feel the same when we give them to each other. How does anyone ever know? But me in particular. I feel like I'm doing what feels right, but is it right? What do I know!"

"In summary"—Galinda licked her lips—"you enjoy living together."

"Yes."

"Being physically close feels good to you."

"Yes."

"And you couldn't imagine being like this with anyone else."

Elphaba hesitated, but then answered with another resounding "Yes."

Very slowly, Galinda moved her head, until her eyes locked with Elphaba's. The expression on her face was one of sheer exhaustion. Elphaba could relate to that. She felt similarly drained.

"You're sure you're okay with kissing?"

Frowning faintly, Elphaba nodded, and as soon as she had, Galinda leaned in, kissing her firmly, thoroughly and desperately. She cried as she did so, but Elphaba didn't care. Reciprocating with everything she could pull from deep within her non-existent soul, she stopped worrying what exactly it was that she felt. If it didn't matter to Galinda, it certainly didn't matter to her, so she gave it her all.

Maybe it wasn't her best kiss as far as technique was concerned. Their noses bumped into each other a few times too many, their teeth clashed clumsily, and she accidentally bit Galinda's lip way too hard. Nevertheless, it was an emotional milestone, loaded with so many feelings that she had previously failed to work out, even just for herself.

She hoped Galinda could sense that, hoped that at least a fraction of all that could be transmitted via the bizarre action of tongues and lips meeting, parting and meeting again. It wasn't her native language by any means, and she still only knew to speak it haltingly, but if that was the one thing she could do for Galinda, she would strive to be an even more studious pupil than she'd been in the past.

Eventually, they could sustain it no longer. Panting, and weary—though in the best way possible—they silently agreed to break contact. But not entirely. Their foreheads were still leaning against each other. Elphaba's right hand was still cradling Galinda's jaw, with her long fingers slightly curled behind her ear. Galinda's arms were both still resting on Elphaba's shoulders, her hands lazily playing with her hair. Their eyes were closed, their lids feeling heavy. Elphaba wondered whether they might fall asleep like this.

"Do ya wanna go to bed?" Galinda murmured, as if she'd read her mind.

Elphaba sighed.

"It's like no later than four PM."

"We've had a long day already. We'll be forgiven."

They both chuckled quietly, despite themselves.

"I don't know. Getting up right now doesn't seem appealing either though."

Galinda hummed at that.

"No, it doesn't."

She moved her head then, pressed her lips to Elphaba's forehead and shifted so she could snuggle against her. From there, it didn't take long until they both drifted off to sleep.

Elphaba woke first, as per usual. It took her a few moments to reorient herself, to tell apart dream from reality. Only slowly, she realised, that her sleep had been a dreamless one, and that everything she thought to remember, as weird and intense as it all seemed in hindsight, had actually occurred.

As the reality of their conversation and its outcome hit her full force, so did the rush of adrenaline, and suddenly, she was wide awake. Galinda was right here in her arms, and if Elphaba's strange confession couldn't make her leave, then what would? Could it be that she really was that lucky?

She leaned down to kiss the top of her head, inhaled the scent of her and burnt it into her memory, just in case. If anything went wrong, she wanted to remember this moment, always.

Then, she pushed herself up, first into a proper, upright position, a couple of seconds later, to her feet. She felt… odd. She needed a bath, or the closest thing to a bath that she could manage. Her lips were burning, too, and her cheeks, though that was all negligible. She didn't really care, but at any rate, a little oil or salve would be nice.

Turning her head, she cast one last glance in Galinda's direction as she padded towards the stairs. She always loved the way she looked when she was asleep. So peaceful, so relaxed. A blissful antithesis to the high-strung personality she saw underneath her carefully crafted façade while she was awake. Her face remained flushed from earlier. Somehow, sleep had not yet erased the aftermath of their gut-wrenching discussion, their heated makeout session.

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, Elphaba only briefly examined the traces of irritation that Galinda's tears had caused. She spotted a few streaks so close to her lower lids that she wondered whether she might have shed a salty drop or two herself, without really noticing it. Deciding that the marks were dark enough to warrant the use of more than her simple cleansing oils, she bent down to retrieve a salve from the medicine cabinet. If she used that a few times today, she reckoned, her face would look as good as new by tomorrow morning.

When her burns were taken care of, she grabbed her oil bottles and a rag. She lined them all up next to each other on the broad end of the bathtub, considering her choices. It was a relatively recent dilemma that she needn't have worried about in the past. Ever since she'd moved in with Galinda and the blonde had caught on to her unorthodox cleaning method, however, she'd begun to bring home new and interesting products for her to try.

Currently, she owned seven different scents which were all serviceable enough for her to not be able to select a clear favourite. Galinda, on the other hand, did have a favourite, and so she chose that: sandalwood and rose.

Once she'd properly gotten started, she lost herself in the familiar routine, massaging the oil into her limbs, wiping them down with a cloth, and repeating the process. After that, she stripped down completely, to finish the less accessible regions just as thoroughly. Not much thought was required in any of this, and for Elphaba who constantly thought, this was a rare time of empty-headed silence. If she did think at all, she thought about how it was very much like a form of accidental meditation—something Galinda had endeavoured to make her try once or twice, but to no avail.

Her mindful state was interrupted by the click of the handle and the opening of the door. Perched on the edge of the bathtub, Elphaba looked up sharply, spotting Galinda standing square in the entrance. Judging by her awkward stance, she must have barged in, only to stop short, probably due to finding her in such a compromising position. Her cheeks were practically glowing, her lower lip caught between her teeth.

"It's fine," Elphaba assured her with a shy upward twitch of her mouth. Then, she moved her right arm as if to scratch an itch at the top of her left shoulder, conveniently covering her humble chest.

"Sorry, I… You know, for a moment, I thought you might have disappeared on me," confessed Galinda, and an instant sense of guilt washed over Elphaba.

"I'd hoped you might sleep long enough for me to finish here and return. I didn't mean to upset you."

"No. No, it's okay. I'm just stupidly paranoid."

Now that that was sorted, Galinda seemed ready to retreat. Subdued, she bobbed her head and flashed her girlfriend a tense smile. When their eyes met properly, however, she immediately noticed the red and purplish blotches on Elphaba's otherwise smooth, green skin.

"Oh no, Elphie! Your face!" she cried and made to rush forward.

Unable to help herself, Elphaba shrunk back, and Galinda stopped in her tracks. Even though she did not fully close the gap between them, standing closer than before, she was able to assess the damage more thoroughly, and her hand flew up to her mouth.

"Oz, I'm so sorry! That was my fault, wasn't it?"

Elphaba's first instinct was to avert her gaze. Focusing on the oil bottles, still lined up where she'd left them, she felt all the more conscious of the heat creeping up to her face, the last glance she'd caught of Galinda's distraught expression. Cautiously, she turned her head back around.

Her heart thumped hard in her chest when she removed her hand from its perch on her shoulder so that she could reach out and grab the sandalwood and rose scented oil she'd been using. Extending her arm towards Galinda and dangling the bottle in front of her, exposing all of herself, she took one last, deep breath.

"Oil my breasts, will you."

Galinda stood like frozen, unable to receive the bottle on offer.

"I'm not that easily distracted, Elphie," she only barely managed to say.

The fact that she'd succeeded in stumping her so completely amused Elphaba and helped her past some of her reticence.

"Yes you are, "she laughed, but lovingly. "Come on."

It was daylight, the trees outside the window shook in the wind that was slowly starting to pick up. Their movement made the changing light draw ever new patterns on her supple skin, glistening delicately with oil. She dropped her shyness like a nightgown and turned around fully, holding out her hands.

Galinda stared at her, then the bottle. When she finally made up her mind to accept the unusual invitation, she brushed the thin straps of her summer dress off her shoulders, let it fall to the floor and gingerly stepped out of it.

She took the bottle from Elphaba with steady hands and a purposeful look in her eyes. She took some of the oil and rubbed it between her palms before moving closer and resting her slick hands on Elphaba's shoulders. Their lips locked in soft, reassuring kisses. Galinda's hands began to move, making their way to sharp-edged shoulder blades, down the sides of her back. Carefully, they eventually inched towards where Elphaba had said she wanted them.

Overwhelmed, Elphaba broke the kiss, alarming Galinda. But she put her hands on both sides of Galinda's face and smiled.

"It's okay. Just not too much of that, yeah? It's just a touch too much."

Nodding, Galinda agreed and continued her other ministrations with even more care.

Elphaba couldn't bear to look, but when she focused on nothing but the feeling of tender strokes and Galinda's eyes, she felt strangely comfortable. When Galinda succumbed to the temptation of watching her own hands at work, she gently lifted her chin with her finger and kissed her just once.

Perhaps this would be the most physically intimate they'd ever be, yet who knew; as recently as a few hours ago, she would have laughed excessively at the mere notion of Galinda's hands on her bare breasts. There was no telling at this point whether she'd allow such a thing to happen ever again, but right in this moment, it didn't feel scary, nor uncomfortable. It just felt… real.