Chapter 2. A Dinner Full of Experiences
The dinner prepared by the maids showed the best dishes Kazuma had ever seen. Fresh fruit barely imported from orchards, venison spiced with exotic herbs imported from Volachia, wine that would put the Aqua collection to shame. All this is served on silver trays. The first thing the brown-haired boy did was not, like Megumin, take the biggest piece or, like a high priest, pour a drink of alcohol. For a long time the displayed splendor just stared at.
-You don't eat, Kazuma?
-N-no ... I just haven't seen such good food in my life.
-Thank our maids. They prepared everything.
-So did Frederica, Petra and Ram do it?
-I wouldn't even make you a sandwich.
-You just admitted your laziness. You should be serving us now instead of Frederic and Petra!
-No problem Subaru. There is a lot more Petra has to learn, and this is the perfect time to explain a few things to her.
-But still...
Subaru did not complete his complaint. Megumin interrupted, greedily emptying trays of food.
-You muuuuuust really hungry.
-After we met her parents, I'd say she does it in reserve.
-DHo YHou anything have to mHy pHarents!-the sorceress spoke while having her mouth full of food
-So you visited Megumin's parents?-Emilia asked.
-Ye... They're interesting people.
-I repeat the question: Do you have anything to my parents?
-I? Nothing! Rather, they have an interest in me.
-Hm! I haven't seen you have a bigger problem with that.
-I'm sorry, but ... What are you talking about?
-About nothing ...
-Kazuma tried to sleep with me.
At these words Subaru choked on his tea, Frederica lowered the tray with the jug, and Ram made the most contemptuous face she had up her sleeve.
-But it's probably nothing wrong?
-Not! Emilia-tan! Don't ask!
-Did you must destroy my reputation in every possible reality?-Kazuma shouted at Megumin.
-I don't have to destroy what you don't have.
-I'm sorry that you must have witnessed my companion's idiocy-Kazuma recited, bowing low at the same time.
-Now only "companions".
-You don't have to apologize. Each of us would like to take the next step with a beloved woman. Even our hero Suuuubaru tried!
-I hate you Roswaal.
Kazuma smiled. Apparently no matter how rich you are or how many girlfriends you have in your harem, you won't get a chance if you don't have something special. The boy remembers how Megumin herself had a suggestion, and if it weren't for the demons attack, who knows how this night would end.
-Oho! It must be an interesting story! I'd love to hear her.
Emilia suddenly turns red from neck to ears. Roswaal smiles with a mean smile like a child pretentiously taking revenge. Subaru can only wring his hands.
-It's nothing, we ...
-Our Captain has done many wonderful things-Garfiel suddenly blurted out.
- Relax, you don't have to ...
Natsuki's pleas were in vain. Garfiel told everything about the Sanctuary, and Emilia and Beatrice, unable to refrain from praising their savior, joined the story.
-I asked him then to hold my hand. Unfortunately, that dunderhead lied to me and didn't stay with me.
-Emilia-tan! I have already apologized to you for that? And who says "dunderhead" today?
-At least he waited for approval and didn't climb into bed uninvited.
-Excuse me!?
-Don't pay attention to her. Continue.
-Hm!
They then talk about the struggle between Ram and Otto and Garfiel. Referring to his ability to communicate with animals, Kazuma thinks about how this ability would help him control his team. However, he quickly shifts attention to a reddened Emilia. Subaru starts talking about their argument and ... about their first kiss.
-It's so beautiful!
-After you, Darkness, I did not expect such a comment.
-M-me!? Who do you think i am?
-You already know! For a masochistic crusader with a squint!
-Y-y-you are no better!
-None of us is better! I entered Megumin's sleeping bag, you entered the bathhouse while I was in it, and Subaru was trying to initiate an opportunity at the cemetery!
-I knew you were fully aware then!
-And what? There was a sign that was occupied!
-Ekhm ... I'm sorry-Garfiel interrupted the quarrel between the crusader and Kazuma-My guess is what you say by "opportunity", but the Captain did nothing indecent. When they left the tomb, I was waiting for them there.
-Excuse me? But Roswaal himself said ...
-You shouldn't take all of Roswaal's words seriously, how supposed. He is a clown not only in appearance, but also in character.
Kazuma was confused. All that fucking effort, confronting Roswall and Garfil for one kiss?
-Later ... Eh, it's hard to admit it, but the Captain had to hit me hard to make me stop being such an idiot."
-He must have drawn his sword and sliced you in a few seconds.
-Huh!? Who do you think i am? My amazing self had to beat Ram and Otto, and then, if not for invisible providence and Patrasche, I would have won that fight.
-Invisible providence?
-After defeating the archbishop of laziness, I gathered his authority to use invisible hand. However, I can say that I did not have such nasty power yet. Even my witch stench does not cause me such problems.
There must be some balance after all this -Kazuma thinks. Something for something. At least I just have to choose a skill on a character card and I have certain abilities. Exactly! Will this system work in this world as well? From what they are telling, I don't think so. But It doesn't really matter. If I stick to the Subaru, nothing bad should happen to me. In addition, I will finally be able to live the life of a rich man and not sink into debt.
Then they tell about the confrontation between Garfiel, Frederic, Petra, Otto, Subaru with Elsa and Meili. They also mention the fight that took place in the sanctuary. They finally reach the point in their novels where Beatrice has become a Subaru contract spirit. And also to the final battle with the big rabbit, where by their joint efforts they destroyed the beast that had plagued humanity for up to four hundred years.
-With such a spirit you have become extremely powerful. Now, when gluttony appears, he will be able to pray to this witch.
-Not really.
-Why? Opening the passage to another dimension and sending your opponent there seems to be quite a convenient solution.
-Such a spell took all the mana I had built up over four hundred years. With the library burned down, I am not able to accumulate that much energy.
-All right. However, you probably have something up your sleeve? Fireballs, lasers or freezing.
-Unfortunately, my contractor's damaged gate allows me to take only enough mana for me to survive and he would not die of poisoning.
-So you gained nothing again except the little girl still sitting on your lap!? This is even worse than Megumin being able to fire one spell a day!
-Hey!-Beatrice and Megumin said simultaneously.
-You're wrong-Subaru said solemnly. After which he stood up holding Beako in both hands.-I got the most charming creature who, in addition, is the best girl in the whole world!
Kazuma watches this scene with some disappointment, but also with jealousy. He thought Subaru was one of those exaggerated heroes with their own harem that would always save the day. However, from the information provided, it can be concluded that whatever good happened to him was due to fucking luck. And yet Kazuma was supposed to have them as a high stat. It's just not fair! When Subaru has a super-rich wizard, a werewolf-berserker, an elven ice mage who loves Natsuki, beautiful maids on his team, Kazuma has to settle for an explosion-obsessed loli, a blind crusader, and the worst of all: useless goddesses. Speaking of the goddess, the brown-haired boy suddenly went into the alarm of danger. Throughout the conversation, she didn't say a word. Fearful of doing something so stupid that they might be thrown out of the palace, Kazuma quickly looks around the convivial room. He looks at the worst sight he has ever seen. Even the details of Megumin and YunYun's life were not as scary as what he had in front of his eyes right now.
-What the fuck is this?
Everyone turned their eyes in the direction indicated by Kazuma, only to regret this act. In the corner of the room Otto and Aqua were sitting together drunk. They hugging and kissing!
-So the girl's name is Aqua?
-Yes! A wonderful goddess of water!-Aqua replied, pouring herself a glass of expensive wine.
-Goddess?
-Yes! Rejoice, for you have a true goddess before you!
-Your companion said you were crazy, or sometimes ...?
-Don't listen to what he says! I am a real goddess! Unfortunately, I was banished from the pantheon by Kazuma and now I have to defeat the demon king with him to return!
-I understand ... Please calm down. I didn't mean to be rude. It just seems so abstract that the goddess is sitting next to me drinking alcohol.
Aqua calms down and takes another glass of wine.
-Eh ... I'm just sick of how everyone denies my divinity. Did you know that I visited my followers and none of them believed that I was truly the object of their worship?
-But you must admit that it is unusual for a goddess to just walk among mortals-Otto said, sipping a glass of dry drink.
-But still ... People should appreciate me more and Kazuma stop calling useless!
-Cha Cha Cha!
-Why are you laughing!?
- As if I can hear myself!
-You are still insulted too?
-And more than once! Some day, Subaru told Emilia to use me as a human shield in case of trouble! Another time they compared me to a pet found on the road and prepared a litter box!
- PET! Cha Cha Cha!
-What are you laughing at!? You're not treated better yourself!
-But at least I wasn't a pet. I only had to live in a stable ...
After realizing the stupidity of her words, Aqua drank another bottle of wine with Otto.
-Why can't they treat us better! Eeeeee!
-Please don't worry, miss. I know they really treat us like real friends!
-How can you be sure !?
-Because Subaru saved my life, although I didn't really know him. Because he gave me the position of minister of the interior, knowing what this responsible function was! Because I, too, will sometimes answer my friends with harsh words and they will laugh at it. I'm sure Kazuma thinks you are a valuable companion, but as a friend he won't help but tease you!
-How can you know that?
-Because if he really thought you were useless, he would have gotten rid of you a long time ago.
The goddess stares at the merchant's honest face. Maybe it's alcohol, or maybe Otto's words made it to her empty brain, but Aqua had just realized something important.
-Thank you Otto! You are a really good man! - Aqua shouted while hugging his green doublet.
-Thank you, b-b-but can you ...
-Drink Otto!-Ordered Aqua.-You deserve it!
-I'm grateful, but I guess I already have too much ...
-Drink!
The poor merchant could never refuse when someone put in another round. Never mind that the alcohol didn't belong to a goddess. Wine is wine, regardless of whose cellar it is.