Second Chances

Chapter 1

"A friend whom I loved. And a friend that I would die for. And that's how I can justify putting you first. Cause I wasn't in love with you. It wasn't about having you…but now…you know feelings are coming back."

Jason choked down the tears that were threatening to overflow his eyes. When had this happened? When had his feelings for Carly – his romantic feelings for Carly – come full circle? He knew he was falling. Had known without a shadow of a doubt that night at the pool when they had danced. Things had shifted for him then. But he thought – this time – he was falling alone. Had he ever stopped being in love with her? As far as he could recall, she had been a constant in his life. And he loved her, protected her and cherished her, like no other. He had told Britt not that long ago that it wasn't that he hadn't loved the other women he had been with. It wasn't a more or less with Carly, it was just there, a part of him. And now he was starting to realize that maybe putting her first, was to justify the love he felt and couldn't voice. Even to himself. Because if he were truly honest with himself, he had never stopped being in love with Carly. He had let her go because it was the right thing to do. But that ache in his heart? It never truly healed. The pain never went away. It lessened. He had been destroyed when he found out that Carly had slept with Sonny. He did, however, wonder what would have happened if he would have stayed and fought for what he wanted? Fought for them. How he was sure Carly wanted back then. But when that thought came to him, he immediately pushed it down. It didn't matter. She was with Sonny and there was no room in Carly's life but to be her best friend so he accepted that role and put all his energy into protecting her from everyone. No harm would befall Carly if he had any say in it.

Every person that had a chance to talk to him told him that they were surprised they were getting married but after a brief pause, they were not surprised at all. That it made sense. And why wouldn't it make sense? He would do absolutely anything for her. He would – literally – as he had told her, lay his life down on the line for her. No qualms. No questions. No regrets. And Liz had known it. Sam had as well. And Britt had been collateral damage to his love for the woman standing right in front of him. When push came to shove – when it really mattered – he would always put her first. At his own expense. And it wasn't entirely her fault. He wouldn't have it any other way if he kept on with the honesty train. He had walked away from her two decades ago because she had made him road kill but now Sonny was gone. The one person that truly had been the impediment and the reason they both had pressed down their feelings and pretended they weren't there. They had the rest of their lives to be together and he would not give her up. Not this time. He would not walk away from her again. They had been through too much – separately and together – to let this go. He wanted her. He had to have her this time and he would fight for her. Come what may, he would fight for her.

"…or we can get married. For real. Spend the rest of our lives together."

The look Carly was giving him made him go back in time – to when they had been young and each other's God given solace. Jason had never lied about how important Carly was to him. She had loved him, accepted him, fought for him and he was tired – so tired of fighting it, concealing it, denying it. He just wanted her. Wanted to be with her. Wanted to spend the rest of his life making up for twenty years of missing her, of aching for her. It was so much more than physical with Carly but he would be lying to himself if he didn't admit that he missed the intimacy they had shared back then. Carly made him feel alive in ways that others had not measured up. He had intimacy with all the women in his life but with Carly, it had always been heightened. The softness of her skin, her smell, how she fit against him, under him, on top of him, felt like home. He never knew tranquility until he was laying next to Carly spent after hours of making love to her. No matter the location, if he was with Carly, he was home. He just hadn't recognized that back then and had paid the heftiest price.

As he leaned in to meet her for a kiss, it was like time had never stopped. He was at Jake's, consumed by Carly. He was at his old penthouse, knowing that she was everything to him. They were both transported to a time where the road was open to them being a couple and time had not elapsed. Feelings went from passion and lust to trust, respect and true love. Carly was it for him. He didn't want anyone else. If he had her, he would be happy for the rest of his life. They were meant to be. Carly made him whole. Carly made him smile. Carly made him happy. A kind of happy that he had never had or never thought he could achieve - unless it was with her.

"I wouldn't mind doing that again."

Jason's heart soared and he was sure that all the pent-up feelings inside of him were pouring out by the way he was looking at Carly. He knew he wasn't a man that showed much emotion but where Carly was concerned, more times than not, he wore his heart on his sleeve. He felt himself smile as he leaned into her once more. He leaned in further a smile still on his face and kissed her again.

As they broke apart, he found himself telling her that if they married, their marriage was going to be real, that she would not be falling alone and also agreeing with Carly when she said, it would be scary but that they both were looking forward to it. Reading Carly like a book had never been hard for Jason. Not even in the beginning of their relationship and then friendship. So, he knew that while she seemed ecstatic, she needed something more. Reassurance of what was transpiring between them. Jason had never done a good job of reassuring her of his feelings and maybe that had been the biggest problem. She always felt that she wasn't enough for him. That he would never see her like he had seen Robin. Or Liz. Or Sam. Had those women been the safer choice and why he had decided to go forward instead of with Carly? It didn't matter. Where he was right now with Carly was exactly where he wanted to be.

Jason narrowed his eyes and asked her if she needed to hear it. If he had told her back then, maybe things would have turned out differently. And while he didn't regret the choices that he made, because it gave Carly her kids and him his own, he didn't intend to make the same mistake again. Not if voicing what Carly wanted to hear, would reassure her that he was in for the long haul. "Carly…will you marry me?"

As he briefly looked down, he realized he was nervous and quite a bit emotional as he asked her the question. His lips quivered for the briefest of seconds and his eyes watered slightly, as his jaw twitched in anticipation. He had not realized how important her answer was to him. Jason saw Carly smile as her eyes lit up and he heard her say: "With all my heart."

That was all Jason needed. He immediately leaned into her and embraced her tightly. They were going to do this. Come hell or high water, they were going to get married and spend whatever time they had left as husband and wife. Jason had no use for looking back or second-guessing decisions he had made. But he did know that while he claimed for years that the only reason, they were best friends was because he wasn't in love with her anymore and telling Carly time and time again that they would be nowhere if they had stayed together. Jason wondered if that were true. It was a fact that Carly had become a tad bit less impulsive and a bit more guarded when it came to some issues but – at her core – he knew she hadn't changed much but he still wanted to take this chance. The chance, quite frankly, he had not taken when he had the chance.

Carly had always had the ability to break his heart and she was the only one that made him as vulnerable as he felt now. But it was time to stop running from his feelings for her. It was time to admit that he had been wrong in telling her that she couldn't break his heart because he wasn't in love with her. It was time to embrace the truth. He had always been hers. And she still had the ability to break his heart into a million pieces. So why not just go for it? He found himself swaying with her – dancing outside of Jake's – reminded of how good it felt to hold her so tight. As he felt her pull apart, he pulled back and listened as she said: "I think you like dancing…" Then she giggled. God. He loved her giggle… "I do not like to dance…but uhm…I can't say no to you."

Carly had him…hook, line and sinker and he lightly shrugged his shoulders as he leaned in to kiss her again. As soon as he was about to touch his lips to hers, his phone rang. They both pulled apart a bit startled and he found himself genuinely disappointed as he apologized. The mood had definitely been broken especially after he told Carly about Commissioner Ashford. But he knew that this was just the beginning of their relationship. He could wait. He had waited twenty years it seemed, what was a few more hours, in the grand scheme of things?

Once at the hospital, they quickly got an update on Ashford and Carly had quickly scrambled away when Joss sent her a text message telling her she was officially late. "See you at the altar." That had been Carly's parting words to him. He watched her leave and he felt something akin to hope. Hope that after all this time, all would be well. They just needed to get married in order to appease the five families but also, they needed to get married for themselves. Now that they had been honest with one another, it was time to enjoy the benefits of honesty in their newfound relationship.

Jason would follow Carly's lead but he knew that it was time to step up as well. As he had done today. He told her – finally – how he felt. Come what may.