She nodded. "Sam, look into my eyes. Be here with me..." She bit her lip. "Come back to me, Sam...please."
"Not Sam..." he whispered.
"What?" She asked softly.
"I am not Sam."
"You are Sam." She lifted his face to hers. "We are at your parent's new home Sam...do you remember?"
He shook his head. "I'm not Sam..."
"Then who are you?" She asked softly.
"Scum... trash... slut... slave... they call me lots of things."
She focused on Sam at this moment. "You know what I call you? Smart, amazing, Kind. Sweet, wonderful."
He shook his head. "I'm not..."
"You are. And I am going to make sure you know it." She stood. "Are you ready for your shower?"
He nodded mutely.
She stood and removed his clothes; he wasn't going to be able to shower himself, so she removed her sweatshirt, leaving her tee-shirt, and kicked her shoes off. Then helped him into the shower. "Are you okay?"
He didn't fight her. "Yes," he replied. He seemed detached.
This was so hard, not just to do but to watch. She hated seeing him like this. Taking his soap. She lathered it up and began to wash him. She let him lean on her.
He did lean on her. He looked down at himself before looking over at Mercedes.
"Would you like me to wash your hair?" She asked softly.
"If it pleases you."
"Sam, please...do you want me to wash your hair?"
"I'm not Sam," he insisted.
"I need something to call you," she said, keeping her voice level.
"What would you like to call me?"
"I would like to call you Sam." She said quickly.
"But that's not my name... that's his name."
"Sam can be your name too, but if you want, I can give you a new name, something you might like." She said as she started to wash his hair.
"I don't wanna be confused with him."
"Can I call you Cap?" She asked, looking at him.
He hesitated. "I'd like that."
She nodded. "Okay, Cap, do you want me to continue massaging your scalp like this?"
He nodded happily. "It feels nice."
She continued to massage his scalp as he leaned against her. Thank goodness the shower has a bench.
Thank goodness for that. He stared at the wall as she helped him.
Mercedes chewed her bottom lip as she continued. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now. Thank you, Miss Mercedes."
She hated him calling her that, but at least he seemed calmer. "What do you need from me, Cap? Can you tell me that?"
"I d-d-don't need anything. I'm a good boy."
"Can you wash your lower body, or do you need me to Cap?"
"I can if you'd like."
"It's whatever makes you comfortable, Cap." She wasn't sure exactly what she was supposed to do here, and she hoped she was doing it right.
Cap sighed slowly. Since when did his comfort matter?
"Cap? Tell me what you need." She said softly.
"I'm confused."
She realized she would have to start over like she was dealing with him for the first time. "What makes me happy is when you are happy, that's why I asked."
"Oh," he replied slowly. "Where am I?"
"You are at home, Cap." She said softly.
"Home... The Elite?"
"My home." She said quickly.
"Oh," he replied. "And it's... safe?"
She nodded. "Very Safe Cap. I would never do anything to hurt you. Ever."
"Okay," he exhaled.
"Would you like to stay here a little longer, or are you ready to get out?"
"I think I like this?"
"Okay." She said softly. She let the hot water hit them as she held him in the shower. It was both intimate and heartbreaking.
He closed his eyes and hummed happily.
Mercedes was afraid to move; she didn't want to upset him.
Cap felt safe and warm as the water cascaded down around him.
She started to run her hand up and down his arm absentmindedly.
He felt so good he closed his eyes and started to drift.
She could feel him relax, and that is all that she wanted for him.
He felt so good at that moment that he didn't want it to end.
She grabbed the loofah and started to gently run it over his body.
"This feels very nice."
"I am glad you like it. I just want you to feel good." She said softly.
"Really? What... what did I do to deserve this?"
She took a breath. "You are just you; that's what you did."
He smiled. "I like you."
She smiled. "You do?"
He nodded. "You're nice and sweet and... everything."
Mercedes wanted to cry, but she held it in. "I am glad you like me, Cap,"
"I like you a lot. Will you keep me?"
She closed her eyes behind him as the tears fell. "Yes, yes, Cap, I will keep you,"
His eyes lit up as he looked at her. "really!?"
She nodded with a smile. "Yes."
He saw that she was crying. "Oh no..."
She sniffed, looking at him. "What's wrong?"
"You're crying."
She sniffed and smiled at him, "Because I am happy. These are happy tears." She said softly.
He offered her a smile. "Okay... I was scared I upset you."
She shook her head. "Never, you could never upset me, Cap. "
He leaned against her. "Okay."
She wrapped her arms around him as the water continued to his them. She was uncomfortable with being clothed, but it was worth it. Sam was worth it. And she was a fool, thinking she could walk away from him.
Cap exhaled slowly and relaxed into her arms.
She closed her eyes. "What are you thinking about?"
"How nice you are," he admitted. "And what it'll be like to not have to go back there."
She sighed, "Well, you never have to go back there again. Ever."
"Ever?"
"Not ever." She said, kissing his forehead.
He smiled and then hesitated. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that he's not here anymore."
She looked at him. "What do you mean?"
"I know... that I'm not this Sam person."
Mercedes closed her eyes. "He's the love of my life." She said softly. Was Sam never coming back?
"I... I can try to be him... if that'll make you happy."
She didn't say anything; she couldn't. She was trying her best not to burst out and cry.
Cap hesitated. "I... I should go back to my room..."
She nodded. "If that's what you want. Let me help you."
"I want to make you happy."
"You are making me happy." She said softly.
"Okay. I believe you."
She smiled. "I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Cap. So whatever you need from me, just tell me." She said softly.
That wasn't what he was used to. He was so confused.
She smiled, knowing he was confused. "You are living here now, which means we have to work together. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to do."
"Who are those other people?"
She smiled. "Those are Sam's family... they let us stay here for a while." So she said though she wasn't sure how she would explain all this to his family.
Cap nodded. "They're all really nice."
She nodded. "They really are."
He sighed quietly. "But they kept calling me Sam too."
"They didn't realize that Sam wasn't here anymore. See, Sam was here, and now he's not. So we just have to explain it to them." she said softly,
"Oh," he replied sadly. "Can we trade? To bring Sam back for me?"
She lifted his face to hers. "I don't think it works like that."
He stared at her. "Oh."
She moved his wet hair from his face. "Are you feeling better?"
He nodded. "I feel clean."
"You are very clean. And you look better." She said, giving him a small smile.
He smiled. "Yeah?"
She nodded. "Very handsome."
He leaned into her touch. "Thank you for the kind words."
She smiled. "Anytime, Cap." her words came out a little above a whisper.
He hummed again, content, safe and happy.
She watched him, and her heart ached for him. Had this been Sam, she would have leaned in and kissed him. But all of this was so weird.
Sam had been doing well until something snapped inside of him. Now there was Cap, and Cap was not Sam.
Mercedes closed her eyes, biting her bottom lip and saying a little prayer that Sam would come back.
Only he didn't. Cap watched her before slowly moving to stand. He was still highly shaky on his feet.
Seeing him stand, Mercedes stood with him. She helped him and turned the water off, reaching for a towel and wrapping it around Sam. "You are still a bit wobbly. Can you sit for a moment? I need to get out of these wet clothes, then I will help you change, okay?"
Cap nodded. "Yes, Miss Mercedes."
"You can just call me Mercedes." She said, helping him to sit on the toilet. Then, grabbing her own towel, she quickly removed her clothes, wringing them out and hanging them up as she wrapped a towel around herself. "Here, let me help you." She said, helping him up.
"Yes, Mi... Mercedes," he murmured. He let her help him, frowning slightly. "You're all wet... I'm sorry."
She shook her head. "It's okay, I promise." She said, taking him to his room and helping him to the bed. "I am gonna grab you some clothes."
He nodded as he sat on the bed. He was still, slightly hunched, and silent.
She grabbed a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt and boxers for him, towel still wrapped around her. "Here, let's get you dressed."
"Okay, Mercedes."
Mercedes dried him off and then helped him put his boxers on. "Would you like lotion, or are you okay?"
"I'm... I'm okay..."
She nodded, grabbing the shirt, putting it on him, and then helping him into the basketball shorts. "There you are, good as new." She said quietly.
He managed a smile. "I feel clean and sparkly."
Mercedes laughed, holding up her towel. "You are very clean and sparkly."
He chuckled and watched her. "You're funny."
She smiled. "You think so?" She went and grabbed one of his shirts from the drawers.
He nodded and wrapped his arms around himself. He was perplexed, but Miss Mercedes made him feel safe.
She threw on one of Sam's shirts, and it came to her thighs. "I guess I can be funny." She said, drying her hair with a towel.
He nodded. "I like that you're funny."
She glanced back at him. "You do? What else do you like?"
"I'm not sure... no one ever told me what I should like."
She nodded, moving to sit next to him. She could do this. She had to. "Okay, well, it's about what makes you feel good, what makes you happy. Funny makes you happy, so you like that. What else makes you happy?"
"Being a good boy."
She nodded. "But what else would you like. Do you like to sing or dance? Do you like to read?"
He shook his head. "I'm not allowed to do any of that."
She reached over and grabbed his hand. "You aren't at the Elite anymore. You can do whatever you want."
His hands started to tremble again as he struggled to find words.
She pulled her hand away. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, to touch you,"
He struggled, wanting to reach for her hand again. "It's ok-kay."
"Are you sure because you don't have to get touched if you don't want to be, not anymore?" She said quietly.
He furrowed his brow. "But that's my whole purpose."
"What do you mean?"
"My whole reason for existence is for the happiness of others."
"Well, maybe my whole reason for existence is for your happiness." She said.
That confused him. A lot. "But I don't need happiness."
"Yes, you do." She took his hand in hers. "You do."
His hands began to tremble again. "Oh."
She gently pulled him close. "I am keeping you, so you get to be happy."
"You're keeping me... will I get a collar?"
She shook her head. "No, you are free to come and go as you want."
"But...but..." His hand moved up to his neck. "How will they know?"
She smiled. "You don't have to worry about that anymore. You have no ties to them anymore."
He shook his head. "No... no please..."
"Talk to me, Cap, please. What's wrong."
"I need a collar... I need one... I'm naked without one."
She bit her lip. "Can we compromise?"
"I d-d-don't know what you mean."
She reached for the chain around her neck; it was a simple long silver chain but had her mom's wedding band in it. "What if you wore this? Then they will know."
He blinked a few times. "That's important to you."
She nodded. "Very important to me, and so are you."
He reached out and touched it. "For me?"
She nodded. "For you."
He felt himself starting to tear up again. he looked away. He didn't deserve this.
"Cap, will you accept this, please." She turned his face towards hers.
He nodded. "Yes, Miss Mercedes."
She put it around his neck. "Perfect. " She whispered.
He reached up to touch his neck, a faint smile forming again. "Thank you."
"Do you feel better now?"
He nodded and grabbed a pillow, curling up with it. "A little."
She ran her hand through his hair. "Can you tell me what is going on through your mind?"
He hesitated. "I d-d-don't think... I don't know why you'd want me."
She bit her bottom lip. "You make me smile. You are so smart and kind. You make me happy, and that's why."
He paused again. "I'm used."
"You are perfect for me."
"Even so used and broken and... not Sam?"
She nodded, looking at him. "Yes." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "You are perfect just the way you are."
He smiled into the kiss, eyes closing and relaxing his body into it.
She pulled back, looking at him. "You are enough."
He nodded and curled up again.
She frowned. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing. I feel safe and comfy."
She smiled. "I am glad. I like it when you are happy."
His eyes drifted shut. "Can I sleep now?"
"Of course I can; I can go ." She stood up from the bed.
"You... okay..." he managed.
She chewed the inside of her cheek to try her best to calm her nerves. Then, finally, she grabbed the blanket and placed it on top of him.
He curled up a bit more and closed his eyes. "I haven't felt this safe for as long as I could remember."
"Well, I am glad I can do that for you, S-Cap. " She said, bending down to him and kissing his forehead.
And soon, he drifted off into a peaceful sleep.