"You are loved, you are safe, and I am here with you." That has been her mantra for the last two days. Sam spiraled from Sam to Cap to now just calling himself Scum. She was scared and lost, and drained. She was thoroughly and genuinely drained, but she couldn't take a break. So when they didn't come to dinner, Mary and Joey checked on them and saw Sam on the ground. Mary tried, Joey tried, they sent Dwight and Stevie to try, but he let no one near him but Mercedes. Every time they tried, he freaked out completely. So it was on her to help him. He wouldn't eat or bathe; he just cried.
So she bathed him, and feed him, and consoled him to sleep, and she would try to move, but he was right back to being awake and crying, so this was her life, but she wasn't sure how much more she could take. She had just gotten him out of the bath and dressed, and now she was drying his hair, making sure that he was clean; he had spilled tomato soup on himself, and she had to clean him. She ran her hands over his hair. "You are loved, you are safe, and I am here with you."
Scum was a mess. He had no idea where he was or what he was doing. He knew how to serve and nothing more. He flinched every time that anyone tried to touch him that wasn't Mercedes.
Mercedes took a few deep breaths and looked at him. "Feel like talking right now?"
Scum shook his head. He hadn't much since he came out.
"Okay, that's fine." She said soothingly as she cuddled close to him. "You know I never realized how messy soup was? I just never gave it much thought."
He didn't smile. He didn't do anything. He just sat there and let her pet him.
She sighed; he wasn't going to answer her, so why not just get everything out that she couldn't say before. "So I feel like a complete and utter failure. I couldn't save Sam, couldn't help Cap, and now you just aren't happy. I got taken in by the Elite or better yet by that bastard, and he forced himself on me over and over until I got so sick I threw upon him. Then he shoved me in a cage. Couldn't really tell my parents that." She let the tears fall, still caressing his head. "I have nightmares, and a part of me wishes I could end it all."
Scum blinked a few times, listening to her. Then, finally, he spoke: "Please don't die."
Mercedes froze, looking down at him; since he stopped saying he was Scum, he hadn't spoken. "W-what?"
"You are... so kind." His words were forced out, almost pained.
Mercedes sniffed. "It's okay, you don't..." She hugged him closer. "I just feel like the world would be better without me."
"My world... is better... with you in it."
Mercedes closed her eyes. "My world is better with you too. All of you."
He finally managed a smile.
She kissed his forehead. "I feel better just talking to you." She said softly.
Scum nodded. "You can... always talk."
Mercedes sniffed. "I just feel alone. I feel like I am not normal. And the one person I need to talk to about this, he's gone."
"I'm... sorry..."
"It's not your fault...you didn't do anything wrong."
"Everything is my fault."
"No, it's not; you are too wonderful for that." She moved, so they were facing each other. "You wanna know a secret?"
Scum looked up at her for the first time.
"You are like the best listener." She said softly.
Scum continued to listen to her. He didn't speak.
"I moved away from home when I was ten, and I was so lonely, I created an imaginary friend who talked to me and made me smile. He looked like Sam, but...but he listened without saying much like you," she confessed.
Scum listened, processing her words in his mind without verbally responding.
She stared at him, moving his hair from his eyes. "We would lay in my bed like this, and I would talk about missing my mom and missing Sam. About why my dad got rid of me. And he just listened."
He leaned into her touch, his eyes closing for a moment.
"I didn't feel so alone. but when the letters from Sam stopped, he went away." She said sadly. "I tried rereading the letters to get him back but, it never happened."
"I can be that for you," he whispered. Then he'd be helpful.
She smiled through her tears. "I would really like that."
He stared at her for a few moments. "Then it's done."
"Then what's done?"
"I'll... listen."
"And it's okay for me to hold you? I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."
He nodded.
She pulled him in. "I don't think you are scum." She whispered.
Scum nodded and rested his head against her, taking a few deep breaths.
"Can I call you something other than scum?"
He shifted a bit. 'If it pleases you."
"What pleases me is to know what makes you happy."
"I don't deserve happiness.*
Mercedes lifted his face to hers. "Yes, you do, and I want to do something to make you happy."
Scum shook his head.
"Please, look at what you are doing for me. Please."
He was starting to shake and then started hitting himself again.
Mercedes grabbed his hands. "Why am I such a failure? I can't even help you." She said, trying to stop him from hitting himself. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
He continued fighting her. Scum was a lost cause.
She held him down, she had no idea how she was supposed to do it, but she had to try. "I need you, please. Please, I need you." She said, moving to straddle him and hold his hands down to his sides so he wouldn't hurt himself.
Eventually, Scum calmed down and passed out.
Mercedes held him till he calmed and slept. She didn't know how much more she could take. She wasn't strong enough for this. She looked down to Sam, Cap, Scum, and whoever else lived in the man she loved. "I need you, I need you so much, please. God, please.
Hours later, Sam woke up. He felt sore and exhausted.
Mercedes hadn't really been sleeping and being so overwhelmed she was curled up in a ball on the floor trying to get over her issues; she couldn't afford to stay broken.
Sam sat up and saw Mercedes on the floor. "mercy?"
Hearing her name, she took a few deep breaths and brought herself back to what he needed her to be. "I'm here. You are safe; you are loved and not alone." She said, unsure of who she was talking to.
Sam got down on his knees in front of her. "Mercy... are you okay?"
"It's okay, your gonna be okay, you hungry I can feed you or bathe you again; I will make sure you are safe." She was moreso saying the same thing she had said for the last two days.
Sam wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry I freaked out on you... I'm so sorry."
"You're safe. I got you." She said not registering Sam was actually talking to her. Then, feeling his arms around her, she grew concerned and figured Cap was back. "It's okay, Cap, you don't have to. I know you don't want me. No one does."
"Cap?" he asked, very confused. "Mercedes, my name's Sam..."
"Sam?" She turned to him with glassy eyes. "Sam? Are you back? Did you come back to me?" She whispered.
"Sam... I'm Sam... what... what happened?"
"Sam?" She grabbed his face, taking him in. "No, Sam's gone... and it's my fault."
"No, Mercedes, I'm right here."
"No, no, Sam's gone. Cap came, and he's gone, scums gone. I failed everyone, and I just wanted to take care of them." She was exhausted and broken. Her mind wanted to register Sam, but it couldn't.
He held her tight. He had no idea what was happening, but at that moment, Mercedes needed him.
She shook her head and stood. "Come on, let's get you a shower, and then I will feed you." She said, standing. "It's okay, I promise."
"You don't need to feed me; I can feed myself."
"No, you can't. You can't walk alone or eat alone or bathe alone, you hurt yourself and don't want me, but I can't leave you alone. I can't because Sam is still in there, and I love him."
"I love you, Mercedes," he whispered.
Mercedes froze when she heard it. "What?"
"I love you."
She shook her head. "Please don't trick me...please."
"Why would I do that?"
She shook her head. "Are you really here? I'm not dreaming. I'm not...not imagining you?"
"No... I'm here."
Mercedes felt herself collapse. Weeks of stress from what happened to her and then taking care of Cap and Scum took its toll, and now that she knew Sam was back, she couldn't hold herself together anymore. His family could help him because, unlike the others, Sam knew them.
Sam wrapped his arms tightly around her. "I have you... You can cry..."
But she didn't cry; she wanted to more than anything. She wanted to fall apart to scream, but she didn't. She just silently sat there. "I'm fine." She said softly. It was a lie, but he didn't know that.
Sam continued to hold her. He rubbed her back. What the hell happened?
Mercedes let herself feel for a moment, then decided to shut it off. Shut off her pain; there was no room for pain here. He turned to Sam. "I missed you."
"Where... I didn't go anywhere...*
She stood from the floor, pushing her hand through her hair. "You disassociated...twice."
"Dissociated?"
She nodded. "Yes, you. Ummm." She shook off her own anxiety and looks at him. "You left, and Cap turned up in your place. He was a more broken version of you. He figured I claimed him and would make him do whatever I wanted. Then he left, and Scum came. Scum couldn't' take care of himself, so I fed him and bathed him, clothed him, and tried to show him he wasn't alone. He wouldn't let anyone else be around him."
Sam was horribly confused. "I don't understand.*
She closed her eyes. "We broke up or took a break or whatever. I wanted to give you space to heal because after what happened to me...I can't." She shook it off. "You were so upset that you just went away." She said through her tears.
He still didn't fully understand he had been gone for nearly a week, tucked away in his own mind.
She lifted his face to hers. "Sam, it's really common with people who have been through what you've been. I am sure that your family will be very happy to know that you are better."
Sam stared at her. "I left you..."
She looked away from him.
"I'm sorry.*
She shook her head. "It's not on you Sam, it's on me."
"Why's that?"
"Because I left to give you space, and you left as a result."
"Oh." He felt like a failure but tried to push it away. "I'm back now, though.*
She nodded. She wanted to speak up, say more, but what could she say? Taking a breath, she pushed her feelings away again. "I guess I should move back home now," she said softly.
"You moved in?"
She nodded. "We moved you in here with Brax and me in your room with Joey. Cap couldn't understand how Joey was free, so he assumed Brax had claimed him. I wasn't-I wasn't going to leave you, any of you."
"You...you can stay.." He would prefer that.
She frowned. "I don't want you to feel like you have to say that."
"I don't feel like I want to, Mercy. I really want you to stay."
She turned towards him and nodded. "Okay," she said, barely above a whisper.
He moved to hold her again. "I missed you."
She froze in his arms for a moment, afraid he was going to leave again. "Please don't leave me again, please."
"I won't." But he couldn't keep that promise.
She wanted to believe him, truly wanted to think he wouldn't leave her, but he would. She felt it in her soul.
He kissed her gently.
She still wasn't entirely sure it was Sam, not until he kissed her. "God, I missed you, Sam." She said, kissing him back and wrapping her arms around his neck.
He kissed her deeply. "I'm here now."
"But are you Sam? Because I need you so much, I can't live without you."
"I am Sam... Sam I am.."
She laughed through her tears at his joke. "And you don't like green eggs and ham."
He laughed at her laugh. "I would not like them here nor there; I would not like them anywhere."
"Yes, but would you like kisses? Would you like them here?" She kissed his lips. "Or there?" She kissed his neck.
"I would like them anywhere..." he smiled.
She laughed, feeling slightly happy for the first time in forever. "I love you." She said, kissing him again.
"I love you too..."
Mercedes rested her forehead against his head. "I should stop kissing you."
"Why?" he asked with a small smile.
She stared at him. "Cause I want to full-on make out with you right now."
He chuckled. "I would... I wouldn't mind..."
"You don't want to go see your family? She said, making sure.
"I do... but I want you too."
Mercedes smiled. "I want you to, Sam." And she did; she needed him, needed to know if he could want her after everything. So she pulled him closer to her and kissed him deeply, running her hands through his hair as she pressed herself to him.
Sam returned the kiss, letting his hands roam along her back.
She pulled him towards the bed, moving to sit on it and pull him on top of her. She nipped at his lip as her hands roamed his body.
He smiled and balanced himself over her. His mind was telling him to stop, but his body wanted him to go.
Mercedes leaned up, capturing his mouth in hers, kissing him hungrily; for the first time in weeks, her mind was free, and she loved this feeling. Then, wrapping a thigh around Sam to pull him in closer, she moved to his neck, kissing right below his ear.
Sam kissed her deeply, loving her so much at that moment. As she kissed along his neck, he gasped.
Running her hands up his chest, she tugged at him to remove his shirt.
Sam pulled his shirt off, the physique having left a bit since he hadn't properly eaten in so long.
Mercedes ran her hands up his body, staring into his beautiful eyes before kissing him again, running her tongue along his bottom lip, the nipping at it.
Sam wanted this so terribly, but that pang of fear hit him.
Mercedes flipped them over and removed her own shirt before kissing him again.
Sam groaned a bit as she took control of him. He was falling into a submissive headspace again.
"Touch me, Sam, please." She moaned, moving to kiss a trail from his ear to his neck.
Sam was hesitant, but he started to touch her, his fingers gentle.
Mercedes closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his hands. "Yes...I want you to do bad."
"I... I w-want you too."
Mercedes pulled him up to her as she straddled him. "Sam..." She moaned as she started to grind against him slowly, feeling how much he did want her.
He did want her. He wanted her so bad, but he was still apprehensive. He let out a groan.
Mercedes ran her hands through his hair, moving back to his neck as she moved her hips, working herself up into a frenzy needing more of him.
And that was when Sam snapped. "Merce..."
She moved up his neck and back to his lips. "God, I love you,"
"Love... love you too..."
She kissed him softly as her hand went to his pants.
His breath caught in his chest.
She stood up and slipped out of the rest of her clothes, and reached to help Sam.
Sam couldn't hide his erection. He also couldn't hide his trembling hands.
She stared up at him. He felt like he wanted her, but she knew he had hesitation in the past, and she wanted to be sure. She took his hands in hers, pulling him up to her. "Are you okay with this still, Sam?" She asked softly, staring up at him.
Sam was trembling. "I want it... I w-want it so bad."
"Sam, you're shaking?" She asked softly.
Sam nodded. "I need you..."
"You have me, Sam, all of me..." She moved his hair from his eyes. "I need you too..." She pulled him to the bed, kissing him again and letting her hands roam down his body.
Sam's breathing hitched again.
Licking her lips, she laid back, pulling him on top of her, wrapping her thighs around him, and brushing her clit against his cock, moaning as she did.
And Sam didn't want to stop her. He didn't. But the voices were back. They were telling him he wasn't good for anything except for sex.
She stared at him, reaching between them and grabbing him softly. her mind was clear for the first time in weeks, and she needed him s terrible, wanted him, all of him. "Make love to me, Sam." She said, lining him up with her. "Make love to me, Sam."
He wasn't good for anything except sex. All he was good for was sex. He wasn't worth anything. He was a slut, a whore... Slowly, he pushed into her.
She wanted him so bad, but something felt off. "Look at me, Sam," She said, not moving, not sure if she should. "Are you okay?"
Sam managed a nod. 'Yeah."
She wrapped her arms around him moving so that he pushed deeper and inside of her and moaned out. "Stay here with me, Sam," She said, kissing him again.
Only he wasn't okay. Deep down, he wasn't. "Okay..." he whispered.
Mercedes nodded, but she could see in his eyes how he felt. "Sam, we can stop. I'm sorry.
"No," he whispered. "I need this too."
She nodded. "We can go as slow as you want, okay?" Just be here with me, Sam." She needed to know that she wasn't broken, and she suspected Sam did too. She gripped his back as she moved her hips against his and shuttering at the feel of him.
Sam loved the feel of her. He gasped but used his hands to balance himself.
"You are perfect for me, Sam...so perfect." She whispered, kissing him hungrily. And he was, he was perfect for her, the perfect fit, the perfect feel he was made for her. "I love you."
"Love... love you too...". He was fighting with the demons in his head.
She turned his head towards hers and locked eyes with him. "Stay with me, Sam, look at me." She nipped at his lips. "I am gonna flip us over, okay?"
Sam nodded and offered her a slightly forced a smile. "Ok-kay."
She nodded and flipped them over, and pulled him up to her. "I want you to keep your eyes on me, stay in this moment and out of your head." She straddled him and sank down on his cock, screaming out slightly at the fullness. "Stay with me." She whispered as she started to move.
Sam stared up at her. "I'm here..." he groaned as she sank down on him.
She moved slowly, lifting herself up and then sinking back down over and over, gradually picking up the pace as she did, her eyes never leaving Sam's.
Sam groaned and moved his hips against her.
She held herself still, letting him take over, allowing Sam to move against her. She held onto his shoulders, whimpering and moaning out his name.
Sam needed this. But he was still thinking how useless he was, how all he was good for was sex.
She let her head fall back as she grew closer to the edge, not wanting this moment to end, not wanting to go back to how she felt when she wasn't in his arms. "Sam..." She moaned up, screaming at the pace. "So close."
Sam rested his hands on her hips and let out a moan.
Mercedes couldn't control the emotions that were bubbling up inside of her. "Don't stop, please don't stop Sam! I love you so much." She moved and placed her forehead against his. "I'm your Sam; I belong to you.
Sam continued moving against her. "I'm yours..."
It was those words that send Mercedes over the edge, screaming out Sam's name and moving faster, wanting the feeling and pleasure to last. But, instead, her body stiffened as her orgasm washed over her in a way she hadn't felt before.
Sam rode out her orgasm for her but still couldn't bring himself to cum without permission. It was so ingrained in him.
Mercedes glanced at him, her body still on high alert, still sensitive. "Sam, are you okay? You didn't..." she bit her lip, staring at him. "Is it me?"
"Please," he begged. "Please, I need to cum."
Mercedes hadn't realized that he just couldn't cum without permission. She nodded, moving against him again, helping him. "Cum for me Sam, I'm yours, and I need you to cum for me."
Sam nodded and thrust a few more times before finally reaching a climax. He let out a moan as his hips slowed, and he came.
Mercedes hugged him, holding him close, kissing his neck. "I love you, I love you so much. Sam, I'm all yours, and I love you." She did for him what she needed to be done for her, assurance that she was enough, he was enough.
Sam relaxed into the bed. "Love you too," he whispered, his eyes closed.
She laid next to him, snuggling closer to him. "Sam...Sam, you know they aren't just words, right?"
Sam nodded. "I... I feel them."
"Feel what? My words?"
He nodded.
She exhaled. "Good. Because you are everything to me. And there are gonna be days where I have to take care of you, but there are going to be days where you take care of me...because I am so broken but in your arms...in your arms, I feel whole."
Sam didn't know how to respond to that, so he wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her temple. "I'll... be here."
She nodded for the first time, feeling as exhausted as she was. "I'm soo, I'm so tired." She said with a yawn..." But I'm afraid. "
Sam kissed her cheek again. "Why are you afraid?"
"That you won't be here if I go to sleep."
"I'll try to stay," he whispered. "Get some rest..."
She nodded, already half-asleep. "I love you." She said sleepily.
"I love you too," he whispered, truly meaning those words.