Songs I listened to while writing this chapter:

Suffer Well & Precious by Depeche Mode

Days Later

Barney looked up when he heard a noise at his office door. He was expecting Tool, but he got a surprise.

It was Christmastime.

"Lee?" he said, shocked.

"Hey," Lee said. "Can I come in?"

"You fly all the way down here and think I won't let you sit down? What kind of friend do you think I am?" Barney asked. He gestured to the chair, and Lee came in and sat on it. "What the hell is going on?"

"I messed it up," Lee answered.

"Messed what up?"

"Everything," Lee replied, gripping his face with his right hand.

"With Emily," Barney said, getting it.

"Yea. She's not doing our wedding anymore. Jane is."

"What happened?"

"Mel died on his wedding day, and it seemed to bring up things for both of us, and I told her that when I'm around her, I feel at home. Then I told her I didn't deserve her or to be happy, and she said she can't plan my wedding anymore."

"No shit."

"You could at least act a little surprised," Lee commented.

"Sorry, but what did you expect?"

"I know."

"You're confused, Lee," Barney went on, making Lee look at him. "Why can't you just get your head out of your own ass and see that you're meant to be with Emily?"

"She deserves someone better than me, and regardless of what you think, I still do care about Lacy."

"You're an idiot."

"So I've been told," Lee sighed, falling back into his chair now and exhaling roughly.

"Look," Barney said, resting his elbows on his desk and looking at Lee seriously. "You have to ask yourself what you really want, so here I am asking you: What do you really want, Lee?"

"I don't know," Lee answered hoarsely. He sat there looking at Barney with such conflict in his eyes that Barney wanted to actually hug him. That was a rare action for him to do with someone. He looked at the photo of the team with Billy and noticed Lee look at it too. They were both thinking about him. They just never talked about it.

"Life is too damn short, Christmas," Barney said quietly, looking back at his friend. "Don't waste it doing the wrong thing, making the wrong choice."

Lee just swallowed and said nothing, so Barney reached and tapped the desk with his fingers.

"Come on," he said. "The guys will be glad to see you."

"Alright."

Lee followed Barney out, and Barney wondered just how he was going to get Lee to see the truth once and for all.

...

"Do you feel better?" Lacy asked when Lee returned later that night. They were staying in a hotel together. Lacy had visited with an old friend that afternoon while Lee visited with his team. They were only there two days, but she knew he needed to see his friends. It was good for her to get away too. Miranda hadn't needed her this weekend, so she took the opportunity to leave town.

"A little," he answered, sinking down on the edge of the bed. She went around behind him and worked her fingers over his shoulders gently.

"It's not too late to go away for Christmas," she said in his ear.

"As long as I'm with you, I don't care where we are," he replied. She smiled at this. Things were feeling back to normal between them. She'd been faithful ever since the whole Melvin dying incident. He was a little less moody, but she knew Mel's death had shaken him.

"But your brother is coming," she said, remembering.

"Yea."

"That's okay. We can do a family thing."

"Sure."

He said nothing as she kissed him further. The entire exchange felt like he was elsewhere, but he did the motions. She found herself laying on her side and looking at him afterwards, wondering if he'd just faked it all with her in that moment. Could guys even do that? She frowned a little.

"Do you still love me?" she asked him, unable to help herself. He turned his head to look back at her. For a second, she thought she saw something in his eyes, something she couldn't describe. Then it was gone.

"Of course," he answered.

"Good, cos I love you."

She pressed a hand into his chest, and he slid his fingers around hers after a moment. It almost felt like normal.

Almost.

...

Emily was having a drink. No, scratch that. She was having a lot of drinks. She didn't care anymore. She looked around at everyone in the bar and hated how happy they were. She wanted to be happy. She hadn't been happy in a very long time.

"Hello, good lookin'," a voice said, and she turned her head to see a brown haired man a little taller than her standing there grinning at her.

"Hello," she said back. A one night stand. That'd be good right about now. She'd be a lot more careful this time. She wasn't going to have another Scott situation on her hands.

"Wanna dance?"

She looked towards the dance floor where other couples and some single people were having a grand ol' time. What would be the harm?

"Sure," she answered.

"I'm Tito," he said.

"Emily," she answered.

"Nice to meet you." He grinned wider. She let him take her hand, and she let him hold her close. She let him start making out with her after ten minutes. She was going to let him take her wherever he was staying when a hand yanked her away from him.

"Emily!" Andy exclaimed. "What a surprise to see you here!"

"Go away, Andrea," Emily slurred. The man was giving them an amused look.

"Sorry, but we girls gotta look out for each other," Andy said, hauling Emily away from Tito.

"He's okay," Emily tried, but Andy was having none of it. She pulled Emily outside and promptly smacked her in the face. "OW!"

"Are you insane?!" Andy hissed. "How many strangers assaulting you do you need?!"

"He's not a sssstranger," Emily insisted, still slurring her words. "He'sh Tito. And you're not a shtranger and you jist asshaulted me."

"Good Lord, you're drunk. Come on," Andy said, pulling her along. She hailed a cab and forced Emily into it before getting in after her. Andy was muttering to herself a lot, but Emily passed out before too long. She was grateful for the darkness and lack of thoughts.

Two Days Later

It was three days before Christmas. Lee was waiting for Lacy to come home from work when someone knocked on the apartment door. He opened it to find his younger brother standing there grinning at him.

"What up?!" he cried, grabbing Lee into a tight embrace.

"Tyler," Lee said, feeling a mix of emotions. He loved his brother, but he could also be the biggest pain in his ass.

"How's it going?" Tyler asked, coming inside after releasing him.

"Where's your luggage?" Lee countered, noticing he was empty handed.

"Oh, I'm staying at a hotel," Tyler answered dismissively. "I'm not a fan of sleeping on pull out couches."

"I see."

"So, how the hell are ya?" Tyler asked, clapping Lee on the back hard. "Still murdering people?"

"You know that's not what I did," Lee growled.

"Sure. Where's the lucky lady?" Tyler asked, looking around. "I can't believe I haven't met her yet."

"There's a reason for it," Lee replied dryly. Tyler raised a brow at him.

"You really don't think I'd try to steal her from you, do you?"

"Why not? You tried to steal four of my girlfriends growing up."

"Only three," Tyler corrected. "I can't help it Trixie chased after me without my encouragement."

"Sod off," Lee said. Tyler just laughed and playfully shoved Lee around.

"Come on," he urged. "Let's go get a drink."

Lee saw Lacy's text asking him to take Tyler for suit measurements when he got there, and he sighed.

"What?" Tyler asked.

"We gotta make a stop," Lee answered. "Your tux."

"Right! Well, that's fine. Maybe I'll meet my future wife there," Tyler said with a wink. Lee cringed inside. He hoped Emily wasn't there. He wouldn't be able to bear it if she got with his brother.

"I doubt it," he said, heading for the door and grabbing his coat on the way.

"Hey, you never know!" Tyler said cheerfully, going out with him. Already, Lee was feeling exhausted. It was gonna be a long week.

...

Barney watched as Tool flung tinsel all over his Christmas tree. It landed in clumps, and then he took his fingers and shook them around to make them scatter and go every which way. It looked like someone had barfed tinsel on the damn tree. The ornaments were on there haphazard and not in any order. The star was crooked. The tree just looked like it was enduring everything for the sake of Christmas.

Barney's fingers were itching to fix it.

"There," Tool said, standing back to examine his work. "Whaddya think?"

"I think someone needs to send you to Tree Decorating School," Barney replied.

"What? You don't like it?"

"It looks like it's been hit by a hurricane."

"I think it looks like a mercenary tree," Tool reasoned, crossing his arms as he looked at it again.

"Are you implying that we look like shit?"

"Sometimes," Tool replied, sniggering.

"Or are you saying we look like we're begging to be put out of our misery?"

"Depends on the day, Barns," Tool said with a shrug. Barney rolled his eyes and shook his head. He wasn't one for celebrating holidays. It was Tool and the others that dragged him through it year after year. He'd rather be in a bar somewhere drowning himself in alcohol.

Caesar walked in carrying another turkey. It was Thanksgiving all over again, and much to Gunner's chagrin, he was stuck with dessert again.

"Hey, guys," Caesar said before stopping in his tracks and staring at the tree.

"Beauty, ain't it?" Barney asked him.

"Um," Caesar said, looking at him and Tool. "What happened to it?"

"You know, I can just set fire to the damn thing and not have a tree at all," Tool huffed, pulling out his lighter and walking over to it.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Caesar yelped, tossing Barney the turkey, which he barely managed to catch and just about had the wind knocked out of him from the impact of it. "Don't set it on fire!" Caesar grabbed the lighter from Tool's hand.

"Then stop picking on it," Tool warned.

"Better put up a sign," Barney suggested. The others would definitely comment on it if there wasn't a warning that the consequence will be a bonfire of the tree afterwards. He handed Caesar back his turkey and wiped the water off his hands on his pants.

"Don't mock a man with nothing to lose," Tool threatened to Caesar's back.

"Calm down," Barney told him. "It's just a tree."

Tool shot him a look before going off to do his own thing. Barney started to chuckle as he looked back at the homely tree. It definitely looked like a mercenary tree.

...

Lacy was feeling excited. She had an entire week off. It was the first long stretch of time off she'd had in a long time, so she was looking forward to it. She was also excited to meet Lee's brother. She hadn't even known he had a brother until recently, and she wondered what he was like. She looked up when Hutch came to stand in front of her desk.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Just wanted to say Merry Christmas," he said.

"Thanks. You too."

"Got plans for New Year's?"

"I do," she answered. "With Lee."

"Right. The fiancé."

"He's a good guy," Lacy said defensively, noticing Hutch's tone. He barked out a laugh.

"Then why do you run around on him?" he challenged, and she closed her mouth, feeling terrible all over again. He had a point.

"I have issues," she said. "I'm working on them. It's me, not him."

"Well, if you need to work on your issues at all in the near future, let me know," Hutch said, smirking at her.

"I'm good."

"Well, I'm leaving after the holidays anyway. Today is my last day."

"What? Why?"

"I got a good offer somewhere else. I'm taking it," he said with a shrug. "So, if this is it, then I guess this is goodbye."

"Well...I guess it is," she agreed. She didn't offer to meet up with him. She realized she didn't want to. He gave a rueful smile now and tapped her desk with his fingers and left her alone. Lacy sat back in her chair, thinking about what a terrible person she was. Perhaps it was time to come clean to Lee about it all, now that Hutch was leaving and the temptation was gone. She knew he was probably going to leave her, but it was a risk she had to take. She'd wait until after the holidays. No sense in crushing his soul right before Christmas.

She wasn't ready to lose him just yet.

...

Emily was packing up when she heard voices in the hallway near Jane's office. She froze. Why was Lee here? She hadn't expected to see him, and she hadn't seen him at all since the funeral. She stood there wondering what to do when she heard the second voice.

"Gorgeous," the person was saying. "Your husband is a very lucky man."

"And he knows it," Jane agreed. "So, let's just get your measurements, shall we?"

Emily suddenly knew it was Lee's brother. She stepped out into the hallway and saw Lee standing there with his arms crossed as his brother stretched his out.

"Not here," Jane said. "In my office."

"Right," the brother said, lowering his arms. Emily felt like she couldn't breathe. The brother caught sight of her standing there, and his face broke out into a huge grin.

"Hey!" he exclaimed. Lee looked to see her, and she noticed something in his eyes as he did so.

"Hi," she said back, knowing Lee's face was going to change very quickly in about ten seconds.

"Remember me?" the brother said, still focused on her. It all came rushing back despite her efforts to keep it down. Oh, what a fool she'd been.

"Um," she tried, not knowing what else to say.

"It's me," he said, still grinning. "Tito."

...

What. The. Hell.

Lee stared at his brother. Why was he talking to Emily like he knew her? Why was Emily looking at him like she knew him? What the bloody hell was going on around here?!

"I remember," Emily said quietly, breaking the silence. Tyler stepped forward and reached to touch her, and she stumbled backwards. Why was Tyler trying to touch her? Why did it look like he'd done it before? Lee's mind was racing.

"Oh!" Andy exclaimed, seeing them all there as she rounded the corner and taking them all by surprise.

"You!" Tyler said, wagging his finger at her. "You took her away from me. That was very naughty of you."

"It was for her own good," Andy said defensively. Lee had had enough.

"Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?!" he demanded, looking between them all.

"Emily and I almost shagged the other night," Tyler said, putting an arm around Emily. She tried to move out of it, but he held on.

"WHAT?!" Lee exploded.

"She was really drunk," Andy threw in, trying to help. "Luckily, I was there and intervened. I got her home safely."

"Not before we had a good snog going, eh?" Tyler said, looking at Emily and kissing her cheek. Lee almost threw up. Tyler had kissed Emily. Tyler had almost slept with Emily. Tyler was looking like he was still going to try and sleep with Emily...

"I don't really remember," Emily said faintly, tugging out of Tyler's grasp now. "Please excuse me. I have to get going."

"Wait!" Tyler cried, rushing after her. Lee was on his heels until Andy stood in his way.

"Move," he ordered.

"They're both grown adults," Andy told him firmly. "Think about what chasing after them and saying they can't go out together looks like."

"I don't give a toss about that..."

"Lee," Jane said firmly as she moved next to them. "Just let her go."

He gaped at both of them. Were they out of their minds? Did they not have a clue as to what his brother was all about?

"You think she's hurt now? Just wait until my brother's finished with her," he said. "I can't let that happen. I won't let that happen." He tried to push past, but they both grabbed his arms and held him back.

"Let her go," Jane said again.

"She's a big girl," Andy reiterated. "She doesn't need you to protect her."

Lee felt rage inside, but he didn't let it take over his actions. He breathed heavily for a moment before starting to calm down. This shouldn't be bothering him. He was marrying Lacy. So what if Emily slept with his brother.

His brother.

"Lee!" Tyler called, poking his head around the corner. "Can I do this later? I'm going out with Emily!"

Lee's fists clenched and unclenched. His brother was taking Emily on a date. His brother would sleep with Emily. He couldn't take it.

"It's fine," Jane called back. "Come back before you go home."

"Will do," Tyler said cheerfully. "See you later, Lee."

"Tyler..."

"Oh, you and Lacy should meet us for dinner! I'll text you the bar we'll be at. Man, this is gonna be awesome!" Tyler exclaimed.

"Wait," Lee started, but his brother was gone. Lee was dumbfounded. How the hell had Tyler gotten Emily to agree to go on a date with him? And why the hell would she say yes?!

...

Lacy looked up when Lee got home. She'd finished up early, and she was now on her Christmas holidays. It was a relief to have some uninterrupted time off.

"Hey, baby," she said. "How are y-?"

"Tyler's here," Lee cut her off.

"What?" Lacy looked around but didn't see him. "Where?"

"He's out with Emily."

"Huh?"

"He apparently came here two days ago and met Emily at a bar. He's smitten, and he's taking her on a date," Lee said. Lacy watched him carefully. It seemed to be bothering him that his brother was dating Emily. Why would that bother him? Unless...

"Is that upsetting you?" she asked. She needed to know.

"My brother is a user, and he plays a game," Lee said. "Emily doesn't need to get hurt because of his carelessness."

"I see."

"We are to meet him for dinner at the bar," Lee went on. "Then he wants us to bugger off so he can shag Emily."

Lacy was noticing his tone as he said all of these words. If she didn't know better, it would appear Lee was greatly bothered by the idea of his brother sleeping with Emily. She tried to accept it was because he was just looking out for her, but it felt like it was more than that. After all, he'd kissed her.

"I doubt he'd do that at the bar..."

"You haven't met my brother."

"And so what if they do? What's it to you?" she asked. Lee's face changed as he realized where she was going with this. He cleared his throat and gave a rueful smile.

"It's nothing to me," he answered. "I just hate when my brother hurts people is all."

"Maybe they'll end up together."

"Don't make me laugh," he retorted, pushing past her now. Lacy stared at his receding back, feeling suspicious. Perhaps he still wasn't over his crush on Emily. Well, she was just gonna have to push Tyler towards Emily more than ever.

Not that it sounded like he needed it.

...

Why the hell had she said yes?

Emily was sitting across from Tyler at the same bar they'd met at two nights ago. Why hadn't Lee mentioned his brother's nickname was Tito? Why hadn't he told her his brother was coming for Christmas? Oh, right. They weren't talking. After Mel's funeral, she'd basically told him to leave her alone.

"I never thought I'd see you again," Tyler was saying. He was very flirty and forward. Emily had no desire to be physical with him. She didn't even know why she'd said yes to dinner. The only reason would be to get back at Lee for deciding to stay with a woman he didn't love, for Emily was now convinced of that after his conversation about not deserving to love Emily, and that small part of her wanted him to pay for it.

"Small world," she said back, trying to stay focused.

"And you weren't dating my brother first. Honestly, all women gravitate towards him the most. It drives me crazy," Tyler went on, chugging his beer. Emily sipped at hers. She wanted to stay sober.

"Definitely not dating him," Emily agreed. She looked up then and saw Lee himself enter the bar with Lacy. What the hell was he doing?

"I think we're meant to be together," Tyler said, leaning forward and putting his hands over hers suddenly. His face was close to hers. Emily mentally kicked herself for saying yes. What was wrong with her?!

"I think you've jumped ahead like ten dates," she replied with a slight laugh. The worst part of this was seeing that Lee and Lacy were coming to join them. Tyler didn't seem to mind when he saw them. He joked with her that he'd tell Lee he just had to bugger off after a while so he could make his move. Emily could clearly see it was driving Lee crazy imagining her with his brother as they walked towards the table. There was some satisfaction in that.

"There she is!" Tyler cried, getting up to greet Lee and his soon to be sister-in-law. "Lovely to meet you, Lacy."

"You as well," Lacy said, accepting his hug. Emily noticed Lee glowering at Tyler behind her back, and Tyler simply smiled back at him. Lacy looked at Emily next once the hug stopped.

"Emily," she said. "Nice to see you."

"Likewise," Emily replied. Tyler moved to sit beside Emily, pressing against her. Lee and Lacy sat across from them. Emily kept her gaze down, but she felt Lee's eyes burning into her skin.

"I finally got one on my own, eh?" Tyler said, putting an arm around Emily and squeezing her tightly.

"Uh huh," Lee replied gruffly.

"Just water," Lacy was saying to the waitress. Emily noticed how thin Lacy had gotten. Working at Runway was definitely not good for your health.

"Lee's pissed cos I used to mooch off him and steal his girlfriends," Tyler laughed. Emily wanted to jam her fist into his crotch. He was so damn cocky. How had she let him make out with her the other night? Oh, yea. She'd been drunk.

"How long are you here for again?" Lee asked, changing the subject.

"A week," Tyler answered, chugging his beer again. Emily wanted to disappear. She shouldn't be here. She didn't want to be here.

"I think," she started, but Tyler interrupted when the next song came on.

"Hey! We danced to this the other night," he said, moving to get up and pulling her with him. "Come on, let's recreate that moment!"

"Oh, no..." Emily tried, but he didn't listen. It wasn't long after he had her on the dance floor when he kissed her. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good either. If she was honest, Lee's kiss was a 100 times better.

"You're so beautiful," Tyler was saying in her ear after. She caught sight of Lee watching them, and his face said it all. He was jealous. Something inside of her snapped. Why was he jealous? He was marrying someone else. He told her he couldn't love her. He had no right to be jealous.

"You're not so bad yourself," she commented, deciding to get into it a little. He, too, had hazel eyes. His brown hair was cut short. His smile was a little lopsided, but it suited him and looked cute in the right setting.

"So what are your thoughts on Lacy?" he asked her. "You're planning the wedding, right?"

"I was. Jane is now."

"Why?"

"It just wasn't working out."

"Interesting," Tyler mused, swinging her around before holding her close again. "How come?"

"I think Lacy was afraid I might steal Lee away from her," Emily said honestly. It was the truth.

"He's got himself a jealous girl," Tyler noted. "That's not good."

"It's his life."

"That's right. Now," Tyler said, pressing his fingers through her hair against her temple on either side. "Where were we?" He kissed her again, and she let him. A part of her no longer cared.

After a few more songs, they went back to their table. Lee looked murderous, and Lacy was smirking.

"You two are just the cutest couple," she commented. "Good for you! And to think, Lee, that they would never have met without you." Lee flinched at this.

"It's nice to have a guy who knows what he wants and goes after it," Emily said, looking at Lee.

"Well, I was worried you weren't going to find someone," Lacy went on, "so I'm so glad you found Tyler." Emily didn't say anything. Tyler was oblivious as he drank more of his beer. Lee didn't do or say anything. He just sat there with his hands folded and knuckles white. Emily suddenly had to use the washroom.

"Excuse me," she said, moving to get up. "I'll be back in a few."

"Take your time, luv," Tyler said, reaching to pinch her butt as she left. "Say, Lacy, how about a dance with your future brother-in-law?" Emily walked on, hiding the fact that him pinching her had irritated her. She strongly disliked when a man did that to her in public.

She got to the washroom and stood by the sinks. She splashed water on her face and looked at her reflection in the mirror. What was she doing? She wasn't this person, the one who made out with people she didn't like to piss off someone else. She was letting anger take over. She had to stop.

She opened the bathroom door to find Lee standing right there. She jumped, startled.

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded.

"Nothing," she answered. He gave a sarcastic laugh.

"Really? Cos it sure as hell looks like you're sticking it to me," he said. "With my own brother no less."

"And why would I do that?" she challenged. People were walking around them, but she didn't care or notice. Lee was very much in her face right now, and she briefly wondered if he was going to start kissing her.

"Because of what I said. Because of what I'm doing."

"You really think I do things in my own life in reaction to what you're doing?" she asked.

"Seems that way," he said. He was tense and angry.

"It's none of your business," she told him, trying to move past him. He grabbed her by the waist and shoved her against the wall firmly, not roughly, making her gasp.

"You're smarter than this," he said, his breath on her skin. "You know he's only going to use you and hurt you, yet you're going along with this anyway. Why?"

"Why does it matter to you?" she countered, curling her fingers around his on her waist. "You're with Lacy, remember? You know it's wrong and that you're gonna end up hurt, and yet I can't tell you to not do it, so why try and tell me what to do?" His mouth was right there. His eyes were losing themselves in hers. She was definitely picking up on what he wanted to do, but he restrained himself.

"Because no matter how you define us, I will always care about what happens to you," he said quietly.

"And why does you caring about me mean more than me caring about you?" she challenged.

"Because I'm already a lost cause, and there's no hope for me, but there's still hope for you, and I'm telling you that if you go through with this, Tyler will shatter you into a thousand pieces." His thumb brushed against her skin that had become exposed above her jeans. She gripped his hands tighter.

"There's nothing left to shatter," she whispered. His sharp intake of breath told her she'd hit a nerve with her words.

"Is that how you really feel?" he asked.

"I've felt that way ever since David died," she replied. And then you came along and shattered me all over again...

"Don't date my brother," he said. "Please." There was begging in his tone, and she knew she couldn't hurt him any longer.

"I never planned to," she said. The relief on his face was immense.

"Thank you," he murmured.

"You have to let me go," she told him. "You've made your choice."

"I know."

She pulled at his fingers, and he finally released her. She looked him in the eyes for a moment, seeing that he was struggling with a huge conflict inside. She walked away from him and back to the table. Tyler and Lacy were laughing about something, but Emily saw Lacy shoot her a look as she came to sit down. She moved in next to Tyler and rested a hand on his on the table, signaling she was only interested in Tyler. It seemed to relieve Lacy.

Lee joined them after five minutes. He avoided looking at and talking directly to Emily, which she was fine with.

Because after tonight, she wasn't planning on seeing him ever again.

...

Jane's fingers were trembling. She'd been waiting for this moment for a while now. She'd wanted to be sure. She hadn't wanted to cause any unexpected hopes and dreams only to shatter them like she had so many times before. It was unbelievable. It was a miracle.

"Hey, you," Kevin said, coming in the door and shrugging off his coat. "Wet one out there." Jane's heart was pounding. He came over to hug her and noticed her face. "You okay?"

"Kevin," she said, her voice sounding funnier than she wanted. He frowned immediately, concerned.

"What's wrong?"

She handed him the small, square picture. He took it in his hands and studied it. After a moment of confusion, his head jerked up to face her.

"Is this...?" he asked, breathless.

"Yes," she answered, starting to cry. "I'm pregnant, Kevin. Three months..."

"Three months?!"

"I wanted to make sure before I told you," she said quickly. "I didn't want...I didn't want to get your hopes up again in case...it was just so hard the last few times...I didn't want to make you sad or hurt again, and I know it was wrong to keep it from you and I feel so bad..." She trailed off, and his face lost its shock and awe expression as he started to smile. "What?"

"I knew," he said.

"You...you knew?"

"Yup."

"How?!"

"Honey, you stopped drinking three months ago. You also have been humming more, smiling at nothing, and glowing. I'm not an idiot."

"Oh..."

"While I'm disappointed you didn't say anything, I understand you did it to keep me from getting hurt. I just...I wish you'd realized that hurt or not, I am in this with you no matter what, and you shouldn't have had to worry about this alone. I'm supposed to share that hurt with you."

"I did tell you," she said. "You were just asleep. I told you all about it."

"So technically, you did tell me, is that what I'm hearing?" Kevin asked, starting to laugh a little. He couldn't be angry at her, not when he knew why she'd done it and because he'd known all along anyway.

"Well...yea. It's not my fault you were snoring," she reasoned. She looked at him, wringing her hands. "Are you mad at me? I'm mad at me."

"I'm too excited to be mad right now," he admitted. "I mean, if I were you, maybe I'd have done the same thing. I'll never know."

"I just...it happened four times," Jane said, tears starting. "I'd get to almost three months and then lose the baby, and seeing how much that broke you each time...I just...I wanted to spare you from that again."

"Look," Kevin said, cupping her face and wiping her tears with his thumb. "It's done. I'll get over it. Yes, you frustrate me sometimes by trying to be so damn strong on your own, but you know what?"

"What?"

"You already had the worst possible punishment."

"I did?"

"Yea. Keeping this a secret. I mean, you are terrible at keeping secrets, Jane, so the torture of not telling me, in my mind, is punishment enough. And the best part is that I knew anyway, so you kept a secret for nothing." He was smirking, and she slugged him in the shoulder lightly.

"I'm so lucky you're so understanding," she said.

"You're also lucky I'm a part time detective, not that you did that great of a job hiding it."

"Hey," she said, faking hurt.

"Just being honest," he said, holding up his hands and smiling at her.

"I'm sorry," she said again, and he squeezed her arms as her eyes filled with fresh tears.

"I think I deserve a good reward," he said, winking. "A really good one."

"Oh, you'll get one, but I'm wondering if you actually deserve it since you knew anyway."

Kevin put his hands on her stomach and smiled, a tear sliding out of his own eye now. They were having a baby. The joy started to build up again quickly. They were having a baby!

"We're pregnant!" he shouted, ecstatic.

"WE'RE PREGNANT!" Jane practically screamed. He spun her around, and they laughed and cried and kissed.

"Oh God," he said, gasping for air. "I'm just so...I don't even know what to say!"

"Merry Christmas," she told him.

"Best gift ever," he said with a huge grin.

"I'm sorry," she said once more.

"Stop, it's fine," he said, kissing her again. "Can we tell people?"

"Yes," she said immediately. "The doctor said I'm through the high risk part. There's still a little bit of risk, but not as high. I think we can tell people."

"Alright! Come on," Kevin said, clapping his hands and pulling out his phone. "Let's do this!"

Jane laughed and pressed her hands together, her fingers touching her lips. She tried not to worry.

She just hoped nothing would go wrong now that she'd released it into the universe.