10
The trip home was in silence, the guards with him moving quietly around him as they tired not to disturb him. Jax was quiet too, feeling his sorrow and trying to make him better by singing softly, his little hands patting his arms as he cuddled him.
"Thank you darling" Ianto said softly, kissing the head of the child whose tooth had now come through.
Gilly woke him as they neared their station, startling him "Sorry Highness, we are nearing our final destination."
"Thank you Gilly" Ianto cleared his throat and rolled the little boy asleep in his arms so he might sit up and then rise, feeling a wash of affection as he knew someone loved him. He then old himself not to wallow, stop being such a whinger. Gods.
He entered his house and took a deep breath glad to be home at least. Then he headed for his chambers and the screen that would soon hold the image of the only one tht could give him guidance now.
.
.
"Well, I am sorry Poppet, I don't know what to tell you" the king sighed as he watched his son twisting his hands.
"I need purpose. If this is to me my life, if he now sees me as undesirable… I think I need to let him have his space. If the Bub is causing this it needs time to adjust too" Ianto sighed.
"Well… you replaced the mistress of the house did you not? Embrace that. Run the house, make it yours" he suggested to his son with a shrug "Rule what you can control."
Ianto closed the call and considered, then rose as he saw that his father was making sense. He was here to do a job… so … do it.
.
.
"Highness?"
"You heard me. I want to clean out the room" Ianto repeated slowly "I am needing the quarters for myself and my youngest child. It is a horrible dusty mess so… today we shall be cleaning and airing out the Mistress Quarters. Then I am moving in!"
"But… the Master said…"
"He is not here and I run this house now, remember? The Master does not run this house… I do. My house. My rules. I intend to reside in that wing and I want it habitable come bedtime. Do I make myself clear?"
"What do we do with the Mistresses things?" one of the servants asked nervously.
"Place them in one of the side spare staffing rooms so the girls might have them when old enough to appreciate their mother's things. I do not require a nanny to sleep in a room next to me, that room can be used to store Lucy's things. Do not throw anything away, be reverent and polite. This woman birthed three lovely children and died at the hands of someone who knew better. But I DO need that space for me now. It was built to be the quarters of the Master's Mate."
"Of course Highness." They agreed, mooing to do his bidding, even if it felt so weird to go back in there after so long.
He felt her in the air still, then decided to embrace that closing his eyes to commune with the echo of her soul. This was his space now. He was taking her place as the motherling for their children, he would endure and he would do her proud. He tried to convey this to the room at large, holding one of the large posts of the four poster bed while sending loving thoughts and comfort to whatever tenuous bond might still exist between here and the hereafter.
.
.
Jack felt it.
A punch to the gut that had him stopping midstride to grab for the wall as he gasped. Pain. Sorrow. Love. So much love and acceptance.
Lucy?
Jack tried to understand as he closed his eyes and a hand slid over his as an old man comforted the younger one. The old Mage felt it too and tried to condense and refine it so Jack could hear what Ianto was thinking.
Our children will be loved and safe. They will never forget you and now as I step into your space, I take you with me.
Jack felt tears rolling down his cheeks as there was something there responding like… a flutter of a feather's touch to the cheek.
.
.
Ianto reached up to touch his cheek where the touch was so strong, like a hand cupping his face for a moment and he knew she had accepted him into her realm, her room and the hearts of her children. Even as deep inside him the child shifted and also accepted the mother that touched him with wonder, seeing the next sibling to join her chidden. The love so raw that Ianto let the tears roll unabated.
This was his place here, his role.
Ianto unraced her love and held it close, sectioning it away so a part of her might follow him with the girls and their lives, the little boy so silent on the bed as he listened with winder.
"Mama?"
"Yes Jax… it's Mama" Ianto whispered, watching the child reach hands up to the air as if someone was leaning over him for a kiss. The child kissed the air and then laughed softly.
Ianto felt at peace as he let everything else go.
Including the pain Jack had caused.
.
.
Jack was on his knees, the punch to his groin harder. He looked at the old man who crouched to comfort him.
"So… you rejected him while the bond was still so raw. Silly boy" the old man sighed softly "You have cause damage now. Pray to the Gods that he might forgive you and see past your weak thoughts. You feel this pain? Imagine his when you found him undesirable."
Jack shook his head "I don't… he is with child…I …"
"Does not make him a monk" the old man snorted with amusement "He still needs your touch. For the bond, for the spark… he still needs your love. Deny him… deny your unborn. Push him away and to protect the unborn from the pain of your confusion, he WILL seal himself from the bond… and from you."
Jack felt the pain ease and rose with horror as he knew the old man was right.
He HAD pushed Ianto away without explanation of his actions. Did Ianto know that in his culture a pregnant one is revered and above touch? Shit.
Jack still had so much to learn about Bladesingers didn't he!