the escape

her

At some point, once she's in Aleksander's car, curled up on her seat while silently crying, he asks her what she wants to do. Alina barely listens to him, still trying to process Mal's words and actions. She's still in shock. She can't comprehend that Mal actually tried undressing her against her will, so she doesn't listen to Aleksander. Only when he squeezes his hand, the one he has not let go of since he escorted her out of the stage, does she turn to look at him.

"I asked what do you want to do. I can drop you off at your house…"

She violently shakes her head, the last thing she wants is to be in a place she can be found, where her mother and the press can get to her. "Sasha, I want to leave. I don't want to be here anymore." It makes her wince, how broken, how sad she sounds. How utterly destroyed she is.

He stops looking at the road, turning to look at her for a second. "Are you sure?"

Alina nods, squeezing his hand as she does. "Please, Sasha, I…" she starts to say before her voice breaks.

"It's okay, Alinochka. We will disappear. I promise," he says, voice calming and soothing before he changes course and drives to his house.

Once he parks in front of his house, he instructs her to stay in the car. Alina nods, trying and failing not to miss his hand, his contact.

As she's left alone, her thoughts immediately go back to the stage they just left; where Mal insulted her and humiliated her as if his life depended on it. She never thought he would do that, he was many things, but cruel was not a word she would use to describe him. However, she remembers how he hurt her the first time he met Aleksander and that's when she realizes she's not surprised about his behavior, not really. She's surprised he was cruel in public, in front of everyone. For a really long time he hurt her in small, almost unnoticeable ways, he apparently had grown tired of that and decided it hadn't been enough.

Mal had to hurt her publicly. He had to humiliate her in front of everyone to get his revenge. She knows this is because she broke up with him, and she knows she was very stupid thinking he hadn't really cared when she did it. What he was doing was buying his time until he had the perfect opportunity to hurt her, and he had done it.

She's surprised about how she publicly struggled and no one did anything to stop it, to help her. As usual, the exception to the rule was Aleksander, not even her own mother did anything. As usual, when she struggled, she struggled alone.

As alone as one can feel with a million eyes on her.

Aleksander comes back with a backpack, a travel bag, and Iris, who immediately jumps into her lap. Alina hugs her and buries her head in her fur as she feels the car move.

"We will make a stop at your house. Let me know now where your things are so that I can be quick, please." His voice remains soft and almost coddling, but Alina doesn't have it in her to care. She knows it's only a matter of time before the paparazzi and her mother appear, so he's right to move quickly.

She explains where to find one of her travel bags and where her walk-in closet is. Tells him to go nuts, to pick whatever he wants or deems important. She also tells him to get some cash from her safe, giving him the password without thinking twice. Aleksander might as well be the only person in the world she trusts right now.

He must find her keys in the purse he recovered from her changing room before leaving the awards because he goes through all the trials and tribulations of getting to her house without saying a word to her. That's good because she can feel her brain slowly turning on her. Alina wishes she could just shut down and not think, but she can't. Instead, all she does is remember what just happened.

Things were going well, albeit, to a point. The choreography was obscene and what she was wearing was ridiculous but at the same time, those things didn't bother her like they normally would, because of Aleksander. Not only was he there looking at her with a small smile on his lips, but he had also kissed her. He had finally reciprocated and let go. Alina didn't care if she won an award during the ceremony because she felt like a winner already. His lips and his actions were enough for her.

That's why she smiled and laughed as her team worked on her hair and makeup because she actually felt happy and elated. When Zoya pointed out that Alina practically beaming, Genya diverted and showed her the new illuminator she was using but sent Alina a playful wink. It made her feel safe, how she was covering for her. The last thing she wanted was everyone commenting on her and Aleksander's relationship while they themselves hadn't had a chance to talk.

Nonetheless, it made her feel giddy, to have a secret, to have actually kissed him. The idea of them maybe starting something brightened up her mood, to a point where Sergei's ridiculous outfit for her didn't even dampen her mood. She was on cloud nine and no one was going to bring her down from that.

She should've knocked on wood or something because everything went downhill pretty fast. One second the performance was going well and the next she was on the floor, struggling to keep herself covered.

The choreography had been modified after she and Mal broke up, meaning there was going to be less contact between them. That mattered very little when everything she was doing was overly sexual, but the changes were approved, and she had been thankful for that. All Mal had to do was rap his lines, and then they would meet in the middle of the stage and the ceremony would begin. She even managed to remain semi-clothed, and that felt like an incredible victory.

Alina had thought that humiliation and misery were her constant companions, but she really had no clue of how low things could go for her.

Mal finished his verse, but instead of sticking to their script and starting the ceremony, he grabbed her by the waist, gripping her with such strength she could barely even move. And then, just when she thought the feeling of his fingers digging into her skin were too painful, too aggressive; he started talking. Alina didn't really register his words, at least at first. Her brain was too busy trying to escape from his side, to keep the stupid coat on so that at least she was not in her underwear in front of the whole world.

And then she heard Mal calling her a bitch in front of everyone, lying about their break-up in front of everyone. Alina had been in shock and didn't even know what to say. She just wanted to escape, every part of her brain screaming at her that she should run. When she finally managed, it cost her the coat, leaving her almost naked in front of everyone. By all means that was nothing new, but it was the first time she was actually trying to keep herself covered. She was trying to fight, to do something instead of simply feeling sorry for herself.

While trying to get her coat back on so that she could cover herself and feel at least less embarrassed than she already was, Mal pushed her to the floor. She had always been aware of the fact that he was bigger and stronger than her. It was only when her body crashed against the floor, and she looked up at him, that she realized that Mal has always loved putting her down, making her feel like less. Alina thought she was a moth, and he was the flame, but really, he saw her as an insect, and he loved being the boot. He took pleasure in humiliating her. She had left him and at first, she thought he didn't care, but she realized that it was because he was planning this.

He was never going to let her have the last word. She could try to leave him, she would remind her who he really was.

She didn't register the second Aleksander covered her and helped her up. However, she did bear witness to the moment he broke Mal's nose in front of everyone. It might've been a small gesture, but it had been enough for her. It gave her the strength to leave the place with her head held high. She might've not been feeling on cloud nine anymore, but she refused to hide and make herself small. Instead, Alina grabbed Aleksander's hand and walked towards the exit, leaving her mother and the mess behind.

She sobs, hugging Iris and letting her tears fall into her fur. She sobs until she feels Aleksander's hand on the back of her neck, his thumb drawing soothing circles on her skin. Given that he's driving —driving them where she doesn't know, it barely matters right now— it's the only thing he can do to try to comfort her, so she welcomes the gesture. It's nice to know she's not alone, that he's there, and he's taking care of her.

Alina had always felt powerless when it came to her own life, but she had no clue, she didn't even have a grasp of how powerless she had actually been. Not only was she unable to stop Mal, to really stand up for herself and face him, but on top of that everyone let it happen. Yes, Aleksander had helped her, but he shouldn't have to. There was security in the building, her mother could've said something, the ones in charge of sound and recording could've stopped taping or at least cut off his mic. Even the fucking host could've stepped in to divert the attention.

No one did anything, because she didn't matter. It was as simple as that. She wasn't a person, but a money-making machine. People didn't care because she was a commodity to them. Her emotions weren't valid or important. No one cared that she was harassed and abused in front of everyone because that meant her name was going to be plastered around the whole globe. And that meant she was going to make money out of it and people were going to profit off her humiliation. She's worth more to them if she's making headlines, even if it's at her own risk, at the expense of her well-being. Of course, no one moved a finger, everyone was looking at how their pockets were going to fill with money.

She was, once again, at the edge of the balcony. No, at least there she wasn't mocked, she wasn't ridiculed. At the stage, she was made a laughingstock. Maybe she should've jumped, then none of this would be happening. She would be dead, sure, but at least there was some peace in being dead.

Alina thought that she had left the balcony incident behind her, she was absolutely sure that she was in a better place. She really thought there was no need to put an end to her life and her misery, but Mal's actions reminded her that even if she wanted to pretend otherwise, she was still a puppet, a marionette. Unfortunately, she was not in charge of her own existence. Alina the singer was an idea, a product to be sold and used by everyone. She didn't belong to herself, she belonged to the masses. But most importantly, she belonged to the label executives because they had her soul. Her mother had forced Alina to sell it to them.

Had she not given them enough? Had she not let them feast on her body, metaphorically but also physically? Little by little, everyone started to take things that belonged to her. Now, as she sinks deeper and deeper in the co-pilot seat, she wonders what parts of her actually belong to her.

It all had started with her mother, taking away her dreams and her innocence, forcing her to come to terms with the fact that the world was cruel. But in doing so, didn't her mother effectively trapped her in a world that fit her own teaching? Maybe if Keyen had chosen another path, maybe if her mother didn't have such a harsh vision of the world… In many ways, it sentenced her. Her world was cruel because Keyen had a hand in it.

Everything else in her life could be traced to that moment when she won second place at eight years old. Not only because of her mother, because Alina is not going to dump it all on her, she has also been responsible. She could've done something, but she has always been a nightingale. Her voice was not a weapon, it was mere entertainment.

That's probably why no one did anything to help her, why everyone stood there and let Mal crush her. Everyone probably forgot she was a person, that she felt things, that her heart ached. She can't blame people for forgetting that fact, as important as it was, when had she even given them the impression that she was a person? The only moment was at the night of the Billboard Awards when she sat at the edge of her balcony. But she had lied about that, buried the truth, concealed that it had been a cry for help. So no, she couldn't blame them. Alina had been the architect of her own downfall, Mal had only lit up the match, so that everyone could watch her burn.

She must've fallen asleep at some point because when she wakes up the sun is slowly coming up from the horizon. And although it's a beautiful thing to see, a gentle reminder that there might be beautiful things happening despite her personal tragedy, she doesn't focus on that. Instead, she focuses on Aleksander, because he's still driving. She's willing to bet that he hasn't slept since they left Los Angeles.

"Sasha…" she starts to say, capturing his attention.

"Welcome to Mexico. We are still an hour away from our destination, so try to enjoy the view, Alinochka. Get some rest."

Mexico.

He drove them to Mexico just because she wanted to leave because she didn't want to be in LA anymore. Her lips shape into something that might be a smile as she rolls her window down to let the wind mess with her hair. Lets Iris rest her head on the door so that both can smell the ocean, not far from them.

Alina must fall asleep again because she wakes up when Aleksander opens the passenger door and unbuckles her seatbelt before taking her in his arms. She assumes they have reached wherever it is they are staying because as she clings to him, she realizes Iris' bed is there, with her water bowl and some food Aleksander probably packed for her.

She wants to ask about where they are, question about how he managed to find this beautiful beach house, especially on such short notice. However, she's tired, and she's still sad and all she wants to do is sleep. So, she lets him carry her to bed, where he deposits her with infinite care before kissing her forehead.

"Thank you," she whispers to him before he turns around to look in their bags so that he can put her in the shirt she stole from him weeks ago. She didn't know he knew about that. "Thank you, Sasha," Alina repeats. She doesn't need to clarify why she's thanking him, because she's thankful for everything he's been doing for her since they met.

"I am going to go to town to buy food and other things we need…" He starts to explain, but she shakes her head profusely, grabbing him by the wrist so that he's unable to actually go.

"Stay with me please," she begs, and she doesn't give a shit if she sounds clingy. She doesn't want to be left alone, she needs him. "Sasha, please don't go yet. It can wait…"

His dark eyes scan her face, and something he sees must convince him to stay. Whether it's how wrecked she looks or how sad she is… Alina doesn't care, it makes him stay, and that's what she wants. She just wants to be reminded that there is tenderness in the world, that she can be worthy of love and care.

While she makes herself comfortable in bed, she remembers a quote she read somewhere. It's about how one learns to lick love from knives when it's not fed from a silver spoon, and she realizes that is it, that is what explains it all. Alina thinks her mother must've loved her once, or at least, she hopes so. The truth is she really has no clue because the second Alina the idea was born Alina the person was cast aside. Has anyone ever truly loved her? She wonders as Aleksander gets in bed with her, and she immediately hugs him, wrapping her arms around him and letting her head rest in his chest. He hugs her tightly before covering them both with the covers.

Alina thinks about her question and realizes that the saddest part is that she has no answer for it. Maybe if the answer had been a rotund 'no' she would feel better, but the truth is she has no idea. She doesn't know what love is, how it looks, how it feels. She thinks she loves herself, she thinks Aleksander might love her, or at least feel something for her. But she's unsure, and that leaves a bittersweet taste on her mouth as the beating of his heart lulls her to sleep.

She doesn't know for how long she sleeps, but Alina is aware of Aleksander's body leaving her eventually. She's so exhausted and sleepy she doesn't have it in herself to protest or even try to attach herself to his body in an attempt to keep him in bed with her. Iris quickly replaces him anyway, and she hugs the dog like her life depends on it. Maybe it does, she's not sure anymore.

Time doesn't seem to matter anymore. She's unaware of how long she stays in bed with Iris until Aleksander comes back with food, she supposes, if her nose and her stomach don't lie to her. Alina tries to fight him, because if she wakes up, if she opens her eyes, then it means she cannot find solace in her dreams, she cannot escape reality any longer. The thought absolutely terrifies her.

"Alinochka, you have to eat. It's been almost two days, please," Aleksander's voice, as soft as ever, tempts her, but she doesn't want to do anything other than lie in bed, so she buries her face on the pillow. "Alina, please. I am just trying to take care of you," he tries again, and Alina sighs.

All he's ever done since they met each other is take care of her. No one asked him to, she certainly didn't. Nonetheless, he has devoted his time and energy to making sure she's okay. He was the one who helped her on that stage and asked her what she wanted to do. Aleksander took her out of the country just because she asked him, drove all night to get her away from everything.

So she opens her eyes to find him sitting at the side of the bed. Indeed, he has a tray of food, but she doesn't focus on that, she focuses on his face. How he seems worried and also has a disheveled appearance, but how he smiles at her when she sits up on the bed and opens her eyes. It's like somehow she has, with just that simple gesture, calmed him down.

"I made you some soup. If you do not want it I can make something else, but I want you to eat," he explains, and she feels like crying all over again. This time not because she's miserable, but because he just reminded her there's still good in the world and that she deserves it as well.

It makes her realize the only way is forward, otherwise, she might be consumed by the things she left behind. And she doesn't want that anymore, so she opens her mouth to eat.

The only way is forward now.

him

"Eryk, are you sure you're okay?" Ivan asks as Aleksander grabs toothpaste and dumps it in the overflowing cart.

"Yes, Ivan, there is no need for you to worry," Aleksander says as he turns around the corner and gets shampoo for him and Alina. "Thank you for everything."

By everything, he literally means everything.

He and Fedyor helped him rent the Airbnb as he drove, with Alina and Iris sleeping next to him. They had been in that same house a couple of times before. Therefore, they were quite friendly with the owner, so there wasn't much problem with the owner renting the place to Aleksander. Ivan also told him he would deal with everything regarding their job. Aleksander had many vacation days accumulated, so he could take time off and if he could not then he would just quit or whatever, it's not like he was really worried about that.

"And how is she?" Fedyor asks this time. His question might sound simple, by all means, but it might as well be the opposite of that. Truth is, he does not know how Alina is doing. She seems calmer now than she was immediately after the whole fiasco at the awards, but that does not mean she is better, that does not mean she has processed what happened.

He had actually been hesitant to leave her alone once again. Not only did she not want to be left alone, but he himself did not want to part with her. However, they needed food and toiletries. His first run towards the supermarket had been very fast, he was mainly focused on getting the ingredients to make her soup. He did not bother with other things, but he knew that another trip to the supermarket was warranted as they really did not have a plan. She just asked to disappear and he obliged.

"I do not know. She has spent most of her time sleeping. I got her to eat this morning before I came to do some shopping. We still have not had a chance to talk," Aleksander explains, while checking everything they need is in the shopping cart before making his way to the register.

"You know if you need anything…" Fedyor starts to say.

"I know, I know. I cannot thank you enough, but I think that I am going to turn off my phone after this call. I just want to be there for her."

His friends understand and make him promise that he will call them just in case he needs anything. Aleksander knows they mean it, but he feels like they have already done too much for him, so much, he is not completely sure he will be able to repay them.

As he pays and loads his car with everything he just bought, Aleksander thinks of Alina.

He met her when she was about to jump and take her own life. Back then, he thought it would be impossible to become a witness of another scene when she was at her lowest point, and yet he was proven wrong. The Alina that took his hand and that he escorted out of the venue on Saturday night was absolutely and completely broken and humiliated in front of an audience.

Of all the things Aleksander has seen in his fucking life, of all the things he has had to endure, he wishes he had the power to erase that. Alina did not deserve to have to endure Mal's behavior; in fact, she did not deserve the shitty life she had. Getting to know her meant that he was able to bask in her presence, to bear witness to her sass and her quirks. He thought she was adorable, clever, and kind, so kind it was painful because it was that same kindness that had sealed her fate. It was that same kindness that made her life at the service and whims of others.

It was what made people like Mal and her own mother not realize that she was absolutely miserable, suffocating in her golden prison.

People did not see that Alina was a beautiful, magnificent person. Everyone was so mesmerized by her voice, they ignored the golden shackles that kept her in place. Her voice was completely out of this world, he could not deny that, but Alina as a person was even more extraordinary. Yet, no one seemed to care, no one seemed to know what they were missing.

He drives back to the house as fast as he can. After he fed her, and she went back to sleep, he decided to leave again, this time hiding everything that she could use to harm herself. The truth is that he was not sure if she was planning on hurting herself, but he was not going to take any risks. Aleksander was still firm on his stance that she deserved to live, and while he was not necessarily someone versed on how to help her, he was going to do this best.

Making her happy was no longer an option, it was his number one priority.

Granting Alina her request and making them disappear to a beautiful beach house was something he could do. And was he not the one to say that she deserves someone willing to give her the world? Was he not the one who waxed poetic beauty about the need of a partner to hold one's hand on a difficult day? Aleksander still had his reservations about being that man for her; not because he did not want to —because he wanted to, so fucking much— but he was still unsure if he was going to actually be good for her.

Anyway, it did not matter. He was there, and he would be there for her and give her everything she needed. That was the main reason why he stayed with her when she asked, and why he let her cling to his body and fall asleep on top of him. That was why he held her close, why he hugged her and let himself caress her. He slept, of course, because he was exhausted after driving all night, but he was also hyper-aware of how their bodies were pressed together, how soft and small she was.

Aleksander had not cared for anyone in a really long time. Sure, he cared about Ivan, Fedyor, about his dog, but Alina was not in the same category as them. Because the truth is, Aleksander knew he was falling for her, for her sweet smile, for her gentleness, for how smart and funny she was, for how she did not seem to care about how much darkness surrounded him.

It had been a long time since he let himself connect with another human being, and while so far it had been worth it, a part of him was scared about what the future held in store for them.

What silly thoughts he has as he unloads all the groceries from the car and starts to organize the kitchen. He has never been in the habit of wishing upon a star or wanting things he cannot have and yet, there he is at thirty-two losing his mind and acting like a teenager with a crush, just because Alina Kir-Taban decided to impersonate the sun and illuminated his life with just her presence.

As he finishes washing the fruits and vegetables he bought, he looks out the kitchen window. They really have a beautiful part of the beach just for themselves, but as he looks closely he realizes they might not be as alone as he thinks. There is a black-haired woman in a blue dress standing in the ocean, with the water coming up to the hem of the dress.

His alarms immediately go off, because this woman could be a paparazzo, a reporter, or an intruder, so he runs from the kitchen and goes down the stairs and into the beach. But as his toes touch the sand, Aleksander realizes Iris is there and his dog seems comfortable with this woman, and this woman…

"Alina?" he asks, and she immediately turns to look at him with the corners of her lips hinting at a smile. They act like magnets, walking towards the other and meeting in the middle.

That's when he gets to see her up close.

Alina got rid of the white wig she has been wearing ever since they met. This is the first time he has ever seen her hair, all black, long and beautiful. He never thought the wig was ugly per se, in a way it suited her, but now that she sees her like this, like she really is, like she probably wants to be… Aleksander thinks she is beautiful. It should not be surprising that a woman with a black halo and a beautiful smile captured his heart.

Fuck, he is in too deep, is he not?

"Do you like it? I figured… I don't need to wear a wig here," Alina explains, looking all too shy and avoiding his gaze. He realizes that she might have been constantly over-exposed but this is her first time in a while looking like herself. She got rid of the ridiculous makeup they always put her in, always trying to make her look less like herself. He might understand the decision to make her look more western, but that does not mean he supports it. Why would they want to change her features when who she is enough, more than enough? She should be allowed to be proud of her roots, of her identity. Instead, they made her doubt her own beauty, of who she is.

He cups her jaw, as gently as he can, letting his thumb caress her skin. It makes her look at him, which is great because he wants to look her in the eyes as he speaks:

"You look lovely, Alina," he says, so honestly that it is actually quite painful. Can she see? Is she aware of how much he cares for her? It would not be the worst thing in the world if she knew, he realizes, it definitely would not. Especially if it makes her look at him like she is doing right now, her eyes filled with happiness and the brightest smile she has ever sent his way. He feared he might not be able to witness them after what she went through, but there it is; Alina's beautiful smile.

"Thank you, Sasha. Not only for…" she puts her hand on top of his before gently lacing their fingers together. "Thank you for getting me off the stage. Thank you for asking me what I wanted to do and then doing it. Thank you for being my friend, for saying I look lovely. Thank you for that… for that night." Alina starts to cry and Aleksander hugs her. He presses her against his chest as one of his hands rests gently at the back of her head and the other one travels around her back, comforting her as much as he can.

He does not know for how long she stays there, crying and trembling against his body. Eventually, her sobs become hiccups, and she separates herself from his body to look at him, pressing the palm of her hand against his face.

"I was screaming for help. I had been screaming for so long, I didn't know what to do anymore. Sasha, I was dying inside in plain view, everyone was welcomed to see, to bear witness and yet no one saw it, no one did anything. You did, thank you," Alina says. Her eyes are red and full of tears, but her voice is soft and filled with honest gratitude. He knows she means it, he just still thinks her gratitude is… misplaced. He really did not do anything out of the ordinary, he did what was right.

"I know you don't think that you saved me, but I do, Aleksander. And even if you are right and what you did was just help me, then that's fine, because you did something people haven't done for me in a long time; you care, Sasha. You care for me, no one has cared for me in a long time, at least not the real me."

He did what was right, that is how he sees their situation, but how many before Aleksander had done that? No one. No one had done right by her. Aleksander thinks he did not do anything out of the ordinary, but he did. Her world was full of people who could have done what he did, and yet no one lent her a hand. Everyone wanted something out of her but no one wanted her, and he wanted her. Even back then, that fateful night when she was sitting at the edge of the balcony he had wanted her, not in the same way he does now, back then he just wanted her to get help, to feel better.

But now he knows he wants her, all of her.

"I would do it all again, Alina. If we had to, I would go back, and I would not change my actions." He would probably want to change everyone else's, but his own? No, not if they led him to Alina. She deserved more than him, so much more, but he was willing to be there for her as long as she wanted him to.

She stands on her toes and kisses the cheek she is not caressing. Her lips are soft and warm against his skin and by all means, it should not be a big thing, because they have kissed, he knows how she tastes, how her tongue feels against his own, but this simple gesture feels so much more intimate.

"Thank you, Sasha," she whispers against his skin as he presses her against his body, not wanting to let go of her yet, wanting to bask in her warmth. Aleksander thought she was already amazing, something incredible and otherworldly but now that they are at the beach, with the ocean and the sand, he thinks getting her away from LA is the best decision he made.

He easily lifts her from the sand, eliciting an excited shriek from her lips as she surrounds his body with her legs and holds on tightly to him. Aleksander cannot see her, but she can feel how her lips form into a smile, he can hear her laugh after Iris joins them, swimming next to him until he comes to a halt. The hem of his shorts is wet, but Alina is safe and sound in his arms as they look around to this slice of paradise, a place that is theirs and only theirs. Only three people in the world know they are here, and Aleksander plans to make it count, plans to make her happy, to make her realize she does not need to hide anymore.

She can be herself. With him, she can always be herself.

His eyes then set on her, only to find that she is already looking at him. She is practically beaming, and with the sun almost against her, all he can think is that who he has in his arms is someone that does not seem human. As he looks at her with her black hair, her freckles, her beautiful dress, and her smile, he knows who he has in his arms is precious and irreplaceable.

"Thank you, Alina," he whispers in her ear.

For letting me be a part of your life, for seeking me out, for not giving up on me, all remains unsaid. He does not need words right now.