Stand by your man
On a hot muddy weekend day, some two weeks after arriving, Aoko woke up to find Kaito sighing once again with his chin resting on his hands as he gazed out of the window from his usual spot in the armchair. She slid herself to sit on the edge of the bed and peered at him curiously.
He'd been sitting in that chair for around fourteen days now. He barely ate, he barely spoke, he barely breathed. Aoko couldn't take it anymore.
"Nothing to prepare right now?"
"Nothing to prepare right now," he echoed, before returning to his sulking.
Aoko raised a questioning eyebrow. "Then why are we here?"
She watched his face move as he searched for the answer that was most assuredly caught somewhere in the fog of his mind.
After a long time of this – emotions slapping themselves across his face just to slip off just as quickly – he finally stood and went into the bathroom. When he emerged, he had a coat on his shoulders and a hat in his hand, both of which she had never seen before (considering the lost luggage, Kaito must have had these articles on him when they fled the airport… which begged the question: exactly how much did Kaito carry on him at any given time?). "I'm going out."
"I'm coming with you," Aoko said, running out the door after him before he could disappear completely. She followed him out of the motel parking lot and down the street to an auto rental store, where they rented a beat-up old jalopy that looked remarkably like the one they used to own when they were married.
Kaito's face was blank as he drove them out of the auto rental store's parking lot, and then onto the highway, and then beyond the city's borders.
They drove endlessly into the veldt. Aoko watched out the side window as green brush zoomed by, sunburnt hills rolling by over and over under their tires. The sun came up over them slowly, beating down with such a relentless passion that even with the air conditioning running at full blast they were still sweating bullets.
Finally at the end of three hours, just after passing a road sign marking the location as Elandslaagte, Kaito pulled over and parked the car on the side of the road. Without a word, he got out and walked into the grass, wading through the landscape until he stopped at the cusp of a hill. Aoko trailed, pausing a few steps behind him.
Kaito's eyes were glassy, a small smile tracing itself on his lips as he spoke quietly, almost as if he forgot Aoko was within earshot, "It's not only been the best time I ever had, but I'm not half sure -"
"What is this place?" Aoko's question came as a bullet whizzing through the air, interrupting his musings as she caught up with him.
His head seemed to be knocked back by some invisible force as he turned to look at her in surprise, the rest of the thought taken out of his mouth by the wind, gone forever. In his eyes, all the sadness of the world… He shook his head and pointed out at the field. "This is an old battleground from the Boer War. Hakuba told me about it." It was odd for him to say Hakuba's name so reverently. "I did listen, you know, when he spoke. Not all the time, but sometimes. He had a lot of interesting things to say." Kaito started walking, slowly. Aoko followed. "We're walking on the graves of the British soldiers. They lost almost every battle but won the war in the end. An absolute slaughter…"
His voice sounded far away, face turned back to the field. "I've never felt so… but I suppose it makes sense in the end. After all, if Kudou is Holmes, then I am not Lupin at all, for I am…" He picked up a large stick and shoved it into the ground with intent purpose, then placed his hat atop to hang from it. "…Raffles, the actual Holmes contemporary."
"Who is Raffles?" Aoko had to ask.
Again, that sad look in his eyes. "A dastardly, despicable thief who stole only for his own gain."
"Why would you want to be him?"
"It's not a matter of want." Kaito's eyes were on the veldt again. "We don't choose to be who we are."
"I think we do. And even if we don't – Raffles couldn't be all bad, could he?"
"No, I suppose not," Kaito turned his face to focus on Aoko, and she suddenly felt terribly small under his scrutinizing gaze. "He had one saving grace."
"What was it?"
"His partner in crime – a journalist named Bunny. Bunny represented all the innocence Raffles once had and lost." He shook his head. "Raffles was awful to him. He never told him any of his plans but always expected Bunny to just blindly follow his lead."
"Sounds familiar," Aoko found herself saying without thinking. She regretted it almost instantly, as Kaito looked like she'd struck him across the face.
"I'm sorry I sent Shinju away. I'm sorry I said we were never going back to Tokyo. I'm sorry I said you were going to die. I was wrong about everything."
Aoko glanced back at him. "You were right. I'm dying, Kaito. And you're a wanted fugitive. We can't fix this."
"We can." Kaito let out a tired breath. "After what happened with Hakuba, I lost myself. I didn't want to do this anymore. Any of this. I figured we'd send Shinju away so we could both just… die. You from cancer, me from Galambos, or Snake, or anyone else who wants to murder me. It's a pretty long list." He let out another breath. "But being here – in this graveyard – I'm realizing that I don't want to just roll over and die. And I don't want you to either. Do you?"
"I'm tired, Kaito." Aoko whispered.
"I am, too," he agreed. "But do you?"
"I -"