I feel like these chapters are important mainly for me, to explore Caroline's character (I'm new here, remember?) But I also can't wait to jump to the moments after she really accepts that her dreams are not only 'kind of like visions' and follow all the thousand ideas in my head.

So help me a bit to keep on track, and leave a review to tell me what you think of these chapters.

Falling down so heavy

This heart lay down on the ground

Faint glimmer once steady

Where are you now?

Someone tell me how to feel

Someone tell what is real

Someone tell me how to feel

Maggie Eckford, "Tell me what to feel"

6. THE LONELY

"What was that about?" Bonnie asks, seeing how Matt avoided her at the Grill.

"I don't know." Caroline shrugs it off.

She's just glad that she and Bonnie are fixing things, but she cannot really bring herself to tell her about the reasons she broke up with Matt. The dreams.

Even if she is constantly doubting this decision.

"Are you still worried about hurting him?" Bonnie asks.

Caroline shakes her head. She believes she will not try to bite him, not when she has disciplined herself when it comes to her bloodlust. "It does not change the fact that I am no longer human, or that every day there's a new bad guy coming to cause trouble in Mystic Falls."

Later, she finds out Matt is also mad because she told him she was with Bonnie last night, when she decided to stay home after what happened with the werewolves, which just proves this point.

Anyway, Caroline is busy enough helping Bonnie in the process of kidnapping a person. Her friend wants to try some weird hypnosis spell on the witch boy that works for Elijah, so they can find out what the original vampire's true intentions are.

Jeremy is there, too, and it's so obvious the way he is practically wagging his tail everytime Bonnie does as little as to order him around. To be honest, Caroline has only ever seen Jeremy as Elena's little brother, and recently as Elena's problematic little brother, but if one has to look at it objectively, the boy is kind of hot.

"He is so crushing on you." She whispers to Bonnie, sitting on the floor across from her.

"So?"

"So...What, you'd rather be with traitor warlock over here?"

"I'm not into Luka. It's just, you know, he understood me, and he was new and different."

Caroline can relate to that. Sometimes, she wonders if the constant presence of Stefan in her mind lately has to do with the fact that he was the one to rescue her when she was at her lowest. When she became something that was different from what she'd been in the past, different from her childhood friends, he was the one to show her the ways of being a good vampire.

It must be hard for Bonnie to be the only witch around, her powers only appeared recently, and her family didn't even tell her about them for most of her life. Finding herself as a witch must be hard.

"And you've known Jeremy since forever, and you only see him one way, as Elena's brother, but you're a witch, and I'm a vampire. You know, it's not like we're in any position…"

"To be picky."

Caroline laughs.

"No. To judge."

In their world, what kind of silly thing was to worry about dating your friend's brother?

Her situation, on the other hand, was far more reproachable. Even if Caroline knew that those dreams would eventually help her to save Stefan from a violent end, she still couldn't share it with Bonnie or Elena without being questioned about the reasons behind Elena's boyfriend starring in her dreams.

She's pacing nervously around the room, not knowing what to do because everything is a disaster, but Stefan is awfully quiet and calm for a situation like this.

She finally sits on the sofa, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't.

"Is this you in crisis mode? Cause it's a lot more subtle than mine."

"You know I thought I'd be happier watching Klaus get led away to his slaughter, but for some reason, I can't help but feel kind of guilty."

"Yeah, you and me both. All day I've been trying to remind myself of all the horrible things he's done."

"See that's the thing, we've all done horrible things. And I'm sitting here, trying to figure out what makes us any better than him. And I think it's just that, we have family we can trust."

This is just upsetting. She's promised to stay silent about this matter, but how can she if time passes and they still won't tell Stefan? So she brings up Damon.

"Did he happen to mention where Elena was?"

He stares at her, suspicion already burning in his eyes.

"Wait, why are you – why are you asking me this?"

Caroline presses her lips tightly together. She promised not to say anything, so she doesn't, but her expression is already revealing the truth.

"They're together, aren't they?"

Stefan sits down, eyes glistening in the darkness, and Caroline can see his heart breaking into million pieces. Hers breaks a little, too. It brings tears to her eyes.

"How together are they?"

He keeps asking, and she stays silent, but he already knows the answer, doesn't he?

"I'm sorry, Stefan."

That's clearly something that will never happen. It cannot happen. How can Elena leave Stefan, and for Damon of all people?

Caroline considers this dream rubbish, but she diligently writes down everything as she remembers, her pen stopping at the mention of Klaus.

Klaus, as the Klaus who is trying to kill her friend?

Now that she thinks about it, it's not the first time he's been mentioned in her dreams either. Why? Is he going to stick around in the future? Will he still be trying to kill Elena?

She has the feeling Klaus is an important piece in all this, and she should know more. This lack of information about anything not Stefan-related is frustrating.

She finishes writing and hides her journal in its secret spot.

This is ridiculous.

Just how much of that dream is really some kind of prophetic stuff? How much of it might be nonsense of her subconscious that wants to justify her recent fixation on Stefan?

It can't go on like this. It's wrong. He's just a friend. Just a friend.

She's given this a lot of thought. "Can we talk? Please?"

"Later, Caroline. I have work to do."

She needs a bit of normalcy in her life, something only Matt can give to her. It's a bit selfish to think like this, but it's the truth.

"I just don't want things to be awkward between us anymore. You are important to me, and I-"

"I'm tired of this Caroline. I told you what I feel for you, and you decided you wanted a break. Then you lied to me, you said that you were with Bonnie, but you were actually with Tyler, weren't you?"

"What? That's definitely not what…" This was a bad idea. She will never be able to explain things to him. "There was nothing more than friendship with Tyler, and even that did not last long. We just… I can only say we bonded over traumatic, nearly-death experiences. That's really something I didn't want to add to your life."

"But you do now?"

"The only thing I can tell you is… that I am not what I used to be. Something happened to me, after that accident. I can't really explain it. You just have to know, I'm not what I used to be, but I still care for you."

His expression softens.

He grabs her hand, squeezes it tightly for a moment.

"Let's talk later, okay? For real, this time. Whatever you need to tell me, I'll be ready to listen to you."

Caroline smiles at him and, for a moment, feels hope.

That even if she and Matt don't get back together, they can be friends again.

(Then Jonas comes to attack them and get revenge for Luka's death. Matt tries to defend her, not knowing what really is happening, and gets hurt. The only way Caroline has to help him is to feed him her blood).

Stefan is, of course, right once more. She has to find Matt and compel him (once she does that, there won't be going back because, just like with her mother, she won't forget the fear in his eyes).

Matt wants to forget, too. But why, then, does it feel so wrong?

"Maybe… are you sure? Matt, if you don't know, there might still be times when you are in danger. Vampires, werewolves, witches… all of the supernatural is part of this town."

She would have liked to know before the point of no return.

"Just make me forget, Caroline!"

She flinches but does as he asks her to.

"You never drank blood from me. You don't know about vampires." She sighs, her voice falters. "We broke up and you have no bad feelings."

It's only long after Matt is gone that Caroline texts her friends to tell them that the problem has been solved.

Elena has her own worries (her biological parents were seriously messed up), and so does Bonnie (who just got her powers back), so Caroline isn't really surprised when she asks if they should meet or if she can help somehow, and only receives short texts expressing it's a relief she could fix this.

Others have closer people to comfort them in their time of need, she would never be the first person who comes to mind.

As for herself?

"Are you okay?" He calls her after a while.

Sometimes, it feels like he's the only one who genuinely asks her this question.

"I did not want to make him forget, Stefan."

"Maybe one day he'll be ready to know the truth. Same as your mom."

"Maybe." She doesn't want to talk about it. "Is Elena really okay? She said her vampire mother died."

"She's going to be fine. No matter what, it was still her, the woman who gave birth to her."

"Take care of her."

"Of course. You take care too, Caroline."