She is messy but she's kind
She is lonely most of the time
She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie
She is gone but she used to be mine

Sara Bareilles, "She Used To Be Mine"

12. HERE LIES CAROLINE FORBES...

This is how it should be. She and Matt get back together. Bonnie and Jeremy are going strong, and Elena… well, that's a story that will get a resolution at some point, she hopes so. Tyler is moping because his ancient girlfriend is gone (he doesn't know it's Elena who stabbed her in the back), and Stefan… he is still his non-humanity, jerk self, but he's far away now. Apparently, he got his freedom from Klaus, who is nowhere to be seen or heard of (which is strange, because shouldn't he be trying to get revenge after the attempt to kill him?).

Anyway, none of that is Caroline's problem.

She waits until Matt finishes his shift, and then they drive to the falls, to have a romantic escapade like any ordinary couple would do.

Of course, the date gets tainted with Elena's call to warn them about the most recent news. And there goes the normalcy.

"He what?!" She glances at Matt. "Okay. Okay, I get it. So what are you doing to do? Is there anything I can help with?"... Yeah, I'll make sure he's on it."

"What happened?" Matt asks. "Another supernatural alarm?"

"Tyler tried to kill Jeremy. Klaus' orders, because he needs Elena to do something for him."

"He wouldn't…"

"Yes, he would. He does everything Klaus tells him to." Caroline's hatred towards the man is increasing by the day. "You have to be careful, too. You're always on vervain, right?"

"Don't miss it for a day."

"Right." She sighs. "I'm mad at Tyler, you know, but I also hope we can help him to be free. Being sired to Klaus, it's not different from being his slave."

Matt grabs her hand and holds it tightly.

Being with him is… nice. And Caroline knows it's not okay, that's the most honest thing she can say about it. It should be more. She knows it should be more. But both of them want this (the comfort of knowing that there is someone out there for them, to have another's arms and kisses to seek comfort when they need it), and she is doing her best to make it work. At least, it's something she has control over, it's all in her hands.

Let it never be said that she hasn't tried her best.

In all their years of friendship, this is the first time Caroline has seen Bonnie being so pissed off at Elena. And rightfully so.

"I just don't understand, why would she do something like that?"

Caroline sighs. Is this where she picks sides?

"She's going through a lot since Stefan… you know. Maybe she just momentarily lost it when Klaus tried to hurt her brother, but she'll come around."

Bonnie lifts her head to look at her, raising an eyebrow.

They both know she has a lot more to say about it.

"Damon isn't the best influence on her."

Why would she think it was a good idea to compel her brother, who is also her best friend's boyfriend? That's the only way she can explain it.

This thing between Bonnie and Elena surely dampens the mood, because she has to play as the in-between (which she isn't used to), and then something that Caroline never expected to happen, actually happens.

Her group of friends is more excited than her about her birthday.

It's just… what's the point of turning eighteen when she knows she's stuck at seventeen?

She tells them so.

Their response is to celebrate her funeral.

It's kind of an emotional moment, really, but then it gets ruined when Bonnie and Elena start to fight about Jeremy again.

"You know, you guys are ruining a perfect funeral." Matt points out, but it's useless.

In the end, it's just him and Caroline, going back home hand in hand.

He asks her if they should count this as year one of her new life, or if they start next year. There's still a present waiting for her in the back of his car.

They don't make it there, though, because Tyler surprises them at the cemetery and bites her.

It's not like Tyler wanted to do it. It was Klaus who forced him and it's Klaus who saves her. Apparently, he cares about retaining their hybrid loyalties after all, maybe even more taking into account the stunt Stefan just pulled on him. Matt says it was all because of Stefan, who's been hunting the hybrids and even tried to kill Elena.

She can't believe it.

She can't.

"You have to adjust your perception of time when you become a vampire, Caroline. Celebrate the fact that you're no longer bound by trivial human conventions. You're free.

"No, I'm dying."

Just like it would have happened all those months ago. She doesn't need to say it, because he is old and knows about dark thoughts perhaps better than anyone.

"And I could let you die if that's what you want." He whispers to her "If you really believe your existence has no meaning. I thought about it myself, once or twice over the centuries, truth be told. But I'll let you in on a little secret. There is a whole world out there, waiting for you. Great cities and art and music, genuine beauty. And you can have all of it. You can have a thousand more birthdays. All you have to do is ask.

"I don't wanna die."

So she bites him. She hates him.

[Today I celebrated my first birthday.]

Tom doesn't really take long to answer her text.

[The first? Are you drunk?]

[Happy birthday, Caroline.]

All the conflict between the Salvatores, Elena, and Klaus could have a different resolution if only she tells them about Tom, and that the Petrova line might not be the only line of doppelgängers.

Then he would be the one in danger.

So she doesn't.

Bonnie tells her that Elena and Damon kissed. Caroline isn't sure what to make of it, but she finally brings it up when they are talking about the ball the Mikaelsons are throwing now that they are playing the happy, united family. As always, she avoids the topic.

"Careful Caroline. It's all well and good until she stabs you in the back."

Rebekah's words linger on her mind.

But isn't she a traitor? Dreaming with Stefan so often that she can literally fill pages and pages of her journal with him.

It's upsetting to see her later being escorted to the party with the two brothers.

Ok then. She has her fun dancing with Matt until Klaus comes to interrupt them and asks for the next piece. Caroline would like to say no or to hear Matt say no, but it's obvious from the look on his face that the psycho vampire intimidates him.

Well, there are valid reasons for that.

"I fancy you. Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes!"

"Why? You're beautiful, you're strong, you're full of light. I enjoy you."

"Well, I'm spoken for."

"That insignificant human? Didn't he already leave you once? Why settle for so little?"

Because the one person she wants is someone she'll never have, she can never have.

"My relationship or my reasons to choose a partner have nothing to do with you."

He is a strange person. He wants to have his family dead one day, but the second they apparently want to be with him, he'll be happy to be with them. So desperate for company, he reminds her a bit of herself. The difference, of course, is that Caroline never needed or wanted to murder and threaten to get a little bit of love. He's so much older than her, shouldn't he know that it doesn't work out that way?

She looks around, but can't see Matt anywhere.

"What have you done to him?"

"Nothing at all. Perhaps he is making small talk with my favorite hybrid."

"You can't force people to like you, Klaus. You either earn it, or you let it go. There's no one in the world who is liked by everyone, but do you even try to understand people? How can you connect with anyone if you only expect them to fear and obey?"

She walks away from him and goes to find Matt. During her search, she comes across Elena and Damon arguing and hears the very loud love confession from the latter. If that isn't uncomfortable, when she walks out of the room, she catches Stefan, who is eavesdropping on them.

From the look in his eyes, she can tell he's back. To the person that she cares about. The man who loves Elena Gilbert.

"Stefan," it's been so long since she has actually talked to him, that she isn't sure if there's something she can do to help "are you okay?"

"You told me" He whispers "I could lose her forever."

She bites her tongue. This really isn't something she should be doing.

"It isn't too late. If you are back to being the Stefan Salvatore I knew, then I believe it isn't too late for the both of you."

The heartbreak continues in her dreams because it reminds her it's never going to be her.

"We're friends, right? We tell each other things, we trust each other."

"Caroline, it's not because I didn't trust you."

"No. It's just that you trust Elena more, and I get it. Of course you would. Still sucks to be left out of the loop, you know?

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, there are things that I tell you that I don't tell her."

"Like what?"

"Like you have dirt on your cheek."

It doesn't change the fact that after everything they've been through recently, and after she's proven to be on his side every single time, he still picks Elena over her.

At least, that's what it feels like.

She can no longer be the Caroline who lives in the shadow of her friend, only picking what the other has thrown away, only being chosen when the other is no longer an option.

That Caroline Forbes is dead, she swears.