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"Happiness is not exuberant or noisy, like pleasure or joy; it's silent, tranquil, and gentle; it's a feeling of satisfaction inside that begins with self-love."

― Isabel Allende, "The Japanese Lover"

13. 'YOU GREW INTO YOURSELF.'

She breaks up with Matt because his first reaction after the accident is very telling. He's mad at Stefan and Damon, and he's mad that Elena is now becoming a vampire. He hates vampires, even when he is dating her.

And yet, he tells her he's willing to be Elena's own personal blood bag (she won't even dwell on the reasons why he was with Elena that night).

Caroline has never even drunk his blood.

And she's so done with this.

Stefan and Elena's relationship is going to sink after this, too. She has known it would happen for a long time, despite her attempts to be the supportive friend, pushing Elena to make a choice between the two brothers, reminding her that it's Stefan who's supposed to be her epic love.

Because of Alaric, the council knows she is a vampire, and her mom wants her to run. It's the best she can do, really. She could visit Tom, spend some time in Atlanta, until the dust settles down and she can come back home.

That's what she plans to do until the Council arrests her.

It's Tyler who saves her. Only it's not Tyler. It's Klaus inside his body.

"Tell me he's not dead. He's not dead, is he?"

"Relax. Just like he and I agreed, once our witch fixes my body, I'll let him be. My dear sister would be insufferable if I didn't."

"You left her as a prisoner. I am pretty sure she'll hate you anyway."

"She'll survive."

"Thank you. For saving my life."

He repeats his offer to leave Mystic Falls and see the world. By his side. It's not like it isn't tempting.

Sometimes, she believes that it's not that she cares for Stefan as much as her dreams force her to think about him. If only she did not have to see or think about Stefan for the rest of her immortal life, would she stop dreaming about him? Would she be free?

But using someone to stop her loneliness did not work out with Matt. It's not going to work with Klaus, who seeks company and acceptance as much as she does.

"I can't do that. Mystic Falls is my home, and you and I, we wouldn't really work."

"You say it with such certainty that it hurts."

She can't help but smile.

"I'm sorry. I…"

"I assume it is not because of that simple human boy."

She shakes her head.

He sighs.

"But, if one day you stop doing this ridiculous thing of using my friends as means to create your army, or threatening to kill them whenever things don't go your way, I think we could be friends."

"I think I'll pass."

After the Tyler-Klaus swap is over, and she learns that Pastor Young is dead, Caroline's first stop is to see her mom and let her know that she's okay. They try to fix up the mess of the situation, and so, at first, she doesn't have time to dwell on another person's problems.

Then, one of Pastor Young's followers comes to her house and tries to kill her. It's only thanks to her mom's quick actions that Caroline didn't end up with bullet holes in her body.

She only got one, and luckily it wasn't in a most sensitive spot or she would be dead, because the bullet isn't a normal one. That's what Stefan says after he takes it out of her flesh.

"I'll search into this and find out what's going on. Meanwhile, be careful, because we might have another vampire hunter in town." He hands her a blood bag. "Here, B+, your favorite."

"You didn't have anything against me ditching the rabbits and going for human blood." She points out. "Why is it so hard to accept that Elena will be the same."

He smiles at her.

"You are a rare case. You learned too quickly. But for most of us…" He sighs "I cannot risk it."

"Stefan, you can't decide that for her."

He doesn't see it that way. It's because he respected Elena's choice that she turned into a vampire in the first place.

"I should have saved her."

Sometimes, Caroline thinks it's only because of the dreams. It's been almost like a hope, especially when he turned off his emotions, and there was no sign of goodness in him. Now, however, she sees him and it hurts with a kind of pain that cannot be measured, it cannot be explained. Like she's been aching to see him again her whole life.

"The risks we face every day, you knew, and Elena must have known too, that this could happen one day." She tells him. "But she has you. You helped me before, when I turned. You'll help her get through this, too."

"Yeah. Right. I know."

But Elena can't.

Caroline did not enjoy Stefan's animal diet either, and as she learned how to control herself it stopped being necessary. Elena is new, and it's too easy to slip, have a moment of weakness, kill someone. It would be better if she started by learning the same self-control, and it's worrisome that she doesn't seem to be trying her best.

So it doesn't take long for Elena to lean on Damon's methods, and for Stefan to fall into the usual brooding mood.

It happens exactly as in her dream.

"Do you remember what you were like before you turned? You grew into yourself when you became a vampire. You changed. And Elena, she's changing too."

Stefan wants to be with Elena, but for once he cannot out her needs above his own, because if he does that, if he lets himself enjoy the taste of human blood like Elena needs to do, then he might lose control and go back to being the kind of monster he hates.

"I just thought, you're so good at it, at being a vampire."

Caroline laughs at the absurdity of this. How can it be happening just the way she dreamed it? It's scary.

"Because of you, Stefan. You helped me when I needed it the most, and you helped me to accept what I am, who I am. I just wish you could do the same for yourself." Accept himself the way he is, forgive himself for the past, and just try to do better in the future, but for himself, not for anyone else. "For whatever it's worth, you can count on me. Come to me, whenever you want, and I won't let you lose control."

He smiles at her.

"Why are you such a good friend to me?"

She remembers asking him the exact same question once, and she knows that he is remembering that day, too.

Afraid that her face will reflect all what she's feeling at the moment, Caroline decides to avoid the real answers with a simpler truth.

"Maybe it's just because I like your face. You're lucky you are handsome."

He comes to see her after he and Elena break up, taking upon her offer to help him control his urges.

Caroline does what she does best, she talks and makes him talk.

That's how he tells her about the cure.

"So, what you are saying is… there's a cure?"

"And we are going to find it. Then Elena doesn't have to suffer this."

But Caroline pays little attention to whatever reason Stefan has, which obviously has nothing to do with her and everything to do with his girlfriend.

A cure?

For the first time, she wonders… if there's a possibility to be human again, would she take it?

After turning, she lamented that this was a fate she did not choose herself, and all drawbacks to vampirism. However, she also enjoys all the perks that come with it, and has adapted quite well to her new reality (although she could do with fewer hunters and enemies, something that one day will be over if she moves out of Mystic Falls, she's pretty sure of it).

There's only one thing that makes her think twice when Stefan presents the possibility of being human again.

The girls. Her daughters.

She could be the mother of the girls. It could be real if she becomes human again.

Is that what's going to happen?

"Klaus told you to keep this a secret, and yet you told Damon. And now you're telling me. Why?"

"Well, you do so much for us, you should have the chance to choose about this, too." Suddenly, a teasing smile appears on his face. "And you agreed to sacrifice yourself and go on a date with him to help us free Elena.

"It's not really that much of a sacrifice to go on a date with Klaus."

"I know."

"Shut up!"

He goes back to his dead-serious expression very quickly.

"It doesn't matter that he is obsessed with you. You have to keep what I told you a secret. For your own good."

"I know. Believe it or not, I'm good at secrets."

He raises an eyebrow in disbelief. But Stefan has no idea how much practice she's had at keeping things to herself.