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With you, I fall

It's like I'm leaving all my past and silhouettes up on the wall

With you, I'm a beautiful mess

It's like we're standing hand and hand with all our fears up on the edge

We The Kings, Sad Song

17. CHEER UP!

Bonnie is nowhere to be seen, and Elena is nuts. At this point, Caroline kind of misses Rebekah's presence, which she never thought would be possible. They certainly could have a use for her with the cheerleading competition coming up.

She's trying to be positive about this whole thing, but it's difficult when one of your best friends, scratch that, former best friend deliberately walks away to let her fall. It's humiliating (she was going to win this thing).

The only reason Caroline is letting this slide is that she actually has emotions and remembers the tragedies that pushed Elena to this point. So she takes the rest of the day to exercise and sublimate her murderous intent until well into the evening when she gets Stefan's text.

A party in the Boarding House.

"This is insane." What she really would like to say, though, is that Stefan is clearly failing at keeping Elena under control.

Although, on the other hand, most of the guests are from the town and are on vervain, so maybe the problem is not as big as it seems.

And then Caroline sees Elena dancing and laughing, and it's like seeing the Elena from before her parents' deaths.

"I almost forgot what that looked like."

"What? Elena smiling?"

"No. Fun. I mean, look at her. Yes, this is all very bad, but doesn't she make you just want to let go?"

"Well, unfortunately, I have this little problem...When I, uh, party too hard, I end up killing people."

Leave it to Stefan to turn things back to a darker, pessimistic view.

She steals his bottle of alcohol and drinks, and for that brief moment thinks about her next words and how to convince him to have fun.

In spite of her dreams, which make painfully clear how much she likes him, Caroline is not delusional to believe there's a chance he feels the same way (it's already good that she's a friend he trusts). So the best thing she can do for him is to remind him that he is single and allowed to look around, start anew.

"You are at a kegger full of hot girls, and you're single, and you're, well, you're you."

Someone ridiculously handsome.

"So, what am I supposed to do, just grab some girl, throw her over my shoulder, take her out onto the dance floor?"

He nods, and suddenly he lifts her up and over his shoulder, walking amongst the crowd that's dancing.

"I didn't mean me!"

"Well, it's your idea, as my sober coach, you have to take responsibility."

Stefan moves like a prince straight out of a fairytale movie whenever they dance at a formal event, but he does look a bit awkward at first and Caroline finally gets why he always says he doesn't dance.

"I've finally figured out Stefan Salvatore's secret"

"It's not a secret if I say it all the time."

She laughs.

"It's not that difficult, just do what I do." And she proceeds to shake her shoulders and hands in a way that she just knows he won't follow.

They are having fun until Elena comes to them. It's evident she's jealous that Stefan is doing okay without her. What Caroline does not expect is that she dares to attack her mother because of it.

Her mom, who is human and fragile and already dealing with too much in a town full of supernatural events.

Who the hell does Elena think she is? This is where Caroline draws the line. She won't forgive it only because this is supposedly her friend. She's going to break her neck and… while Stefan is trying to stop her, the bitch escapes.

"All right, listen. You search the woods, I'll check the road. If you see her, don't hesitate. Just snap her neck, got it?"

Elena tries to kill her. She would have if Stefan didn't arrive on time.

He convinces her to keep trying to get Elena back. And Caroline isn't sure if she agrees because of Elena (probably not, because she feels a bit vindictive right now) or because Stefan still loves her friend. She must be the most pathetic person ever.

As if all that drama wasn't enough, her mom calls Stefan to tell her about the mysterious disappearance of blood from hospitals.

"So just to go over our current situation again. Silas, this older than dirt immortal is out there and we don't even know what he looks like. Besides, one of my friends kind of wants to kill me, and that is also your fault."

He looks offended. "How is it my fault?"

She rolls her eyes. "Stefan, please."

"You don't have to get involved with the Silas situation. It's dangerous."

"And Damon isn't exactly helping you, is he?" She spied on their phone call. "I'm not letting you do this alone."

He sighs.

"I'll ask for help."

She raises an eyebrow.

"Really? Something about your reluctant face right now tells me I'm not going to like it."

"But I thought you were hitting it off with Klaus."

He's teasing her, but her smile disappears.

Klaus, who might as well tell someone (Stefan) about her feelings.

She foresees long, stressful days ahead.

Caroline goes to visit Bonnie early in the morning the next day because she hasn't been picking up her calls, but nothing. This is worrisome.

She vents her frustration cleaning the boarding house, which is barely recognizable after last night's party, until Klaus arrives.

The three of them spend half the day trying to find where the triangle might be completed, and then trying to find Bonnie, who according to Stefan, has been manipulated by Silas pretending to be Shane the whole time. Silas can change his appearance at will.

Caroline goes with Stefan.

What makes things worse is that she's known for a long time that it might end up this way. It's not just a decision made in the spur of the moment because she cannot fathom losing her friend and her feelings don't let her see things from a more logical or moral stand. No, she's had time to accept that it would come to this, and that she would either be a murderer or save Bonnie, and despite all the days it's been on her mind and how she knows what this will make of her, a conscientious murderer and not just a vampire who's lost control, Caroline still kills the witches.

Twelve corpses to bury, and she's the one who took their lives.

People who do terrible things are just terrible people.

"Hey. You look like you're in need of comfort." She looks at him, nodding, but Klaus' smirk just makes her sin feel more unforgivable. "Why don't you go to Stefan? He's killed enough to be understanding. Perhaps then you remember he's not as good as you want to believe he is."

She's seen what Ripper Stefan does. She doesn't need the reminder.

"I know who he is. And I know who I am, and what I have just done." She sees Klaus, and the path he offers is one she does not want for herself (like Elena, having someone who enjoys doing bad things and will only be different for one person, forget the rest of the world. "We're done here. Stefan was taking care of Bonnie, but I need to check on her too."

Taking her shoes off, she curls up on the couch and stares at the glass of water in her hands.

"Are you sure you don't want anything else?" Stefan asks.

She shakes her head. After what she's done, it's too cowardly to drink her guilt away.

He does not tell her she did the right thing, and he does not tell her she did something horrible. In Stefan's mind, this was necessary and he probably would have done it too if he were in her shoes.

"Bonnie is in shock. How is she going to get over this?" She sighs, looking up at the ceiling. "Should I be grateful she cannot turn her humanity off, too?"

"Caroline"

She doesn't want to look at him, and she doesn't want his understanding.

"After graduation, and once this thing with Silas is over, because I know it will, I'm going to spend some time away from Mystic Falls."

"I thought you wanted to stick around, for your mom."

"I'm going to come back. Eventually. I'm tired, and I just need a break. It saved me once, after my dad held me prisoner and tortured me so I would stop being a vampire. I went on a road trip and ended up in Georgia."

It isn't exactly how it happened, but it's the closest to the truth.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that." There's nothing else he can say, he wasn't around when it happened. "But if that's what you need, go for it."

He pours himself another shot, and smiles. "I'm having a bit of trouble imagining you hitting the road."

"Hey! I can be adventurous too." She protests, her eyes meet his face and she can't help but smile.

"Mystic Falls would suffer without you to organize every single event in town."

"What would you know. You do a fantastic job not attending any of them."

He smiles at her.

"I know where you are getting at. I won't miss prom."

"I'm holding you to your word. It's going to be the best friend-prom ever."

She is going to cheer Bonnie up, they are going to get Elena back, and hopefully, just hopefully, Stefan can get his answers and some closure when that happens.