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We all are living in a dream

But life ain't what it seems

Oh, everything's a mess

And all these sorrows I have seen

They lead me to believe

That everything's a mess

But I wanna dream

Leave me to dream

Imagine Dragons, "Dream"

19. MEMORIES THAT ARE DREAMS.

She's sitting on a bench and Stefan is sitting next to her.

Bonnie is dead.

"How do I do that when all I have is this sadness and this anger and–"

"Me. You have me. Look. You were there for me last night. Sounds like you're always there for me." His hand, big and warm and safe, is on hers. "So let me be there for you, okay?"

It's hard to trace the beginning of her love for him. It's built up of tiny little moments over the years, like this. But at the moment of her life when he doesn't even remember her but offers his support like it's a given, they will always have each other, maybe that's the moment when she starts to irrevocably fall for him.

He hands her a blood bag, and only when she smells the liquid, Caroline realizes she's been starving. She has to be more careful and drink regularly even when there are major threats around.

"I knew he could impersonate people, but I guess I just did not think he'd do it so well. I mean, your expression, the way you talk, he nailed it at first… before he gave up and just started to threaten me, that's it."

She's glad Stefan came to see her. It was hard to feign calm with her mom around, and she did not want to let her see just how preoccupied she was (even since that dream… she is concerned about her mom's health or causing her any worries). Now she can let it all out.

"The important thing is that you and your mom are both okay." Stefan frowns "He's probably moved on to torture someone else. We have Elena back, and she is a bit obsessed with killing Katherine, but that's manageable. Our priority has to be finding Bonnie."

"It'll be more effective trying to track her phone calls." She sighs. "When is this going to be over?"

He reminds her that this is Mystic Falls, and this is what they do to protect their town and the people they care about.

"We've always managed before, we are going to do the same now." He puts a hand on her shoulder. "You're just having a moment, but I'm sure that after some well-deserved rest, you'll be back to put everything together for the graduation. I know you have a hand on that as well."

"Right, seeing that no one else is interested in that."

And so, she tries to stay positive and plan their graduation, pushing Elena back to normalcy, accepting that Rebekah is now sticking to Matt like glue (whatever happened with Tyler? That's some gossip Caroline wants to hear about).

Up to the moment they have news about Bonnie, who seems to be working with Katherine and wants to bring back all the dead supernatural beings.

Because Silas comes back for her then, when the lights are off at the Grill.

This time she recognizes him right away, even if he's wearing Stefan's face.

"I don't know where Bonnie is."

"Oh, I know that. But you are looking for her, and isn't it better if I have a whole bunch of people helping me find her?"

She gives some steps back, keeping the distance between them.

"That is why you are going to stay here." He looks into her eyes, and it's impossible not to listen to his command.

"I'm going to stay here."

"That's right." He smiles at her. "I would have fun deciphering your mind. It does not seem very complex at first, you know the blonde girl stereotype and all. You think they are dreams, but there are some interesting memories buried underneath, I wonder what kind of spell does that? I would also need more blood to recover my strength. Unfortunately, there's no time for side projects."

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay, that's the end of the small talk. While I'm gone, cut yourself. The deeper, the better."

It's not supposed to be like this.

"Hi, this is Stefan. Leave your number."

Again.

"Hi, this is Stefan. Leave your number."

Why is he not picking up her calls?

He left, just as he said he would, but Caroline expected him to at least say goodbye. Now he's ignoring her in the same way he is ignoring everyone else, and she won't accept it.

She can't.

Now that the threat of Silas is gone, everyone else seems to be having the time of their lives. Bonnie is visiting her mom, Jeremy is back to life, Matt is enjoying Europe with Rebekah, and Elena and Damon, ugh, she refuses to even think about it.

"Just let it go, blondie. He clearly does not want to talk to us, so he doesn't want to talk to you either. What's the big deal?"

"You just feel guilty that you're the reason he left." She glares at Damon. "For all we know he could be in trouble, but you don't even care!"

"Caroline," it's Elena's turn now "when Stefan wants to be found, he'll pick up the phone. Or he'll call. I'm sure of it."

Back when Elena was in love with Stefan, she would have never treated this so lightly.

It's been a week and she is supposed to be going to Atlanta, pay a short visit to Tom and then visit L.A., New York, maybe even New Orleans if there's time. But she cannot just go on her pre-college vacations without knowing he is alright, and now she's already one day behind on her intended schedule.

No matter what everyone tells her, she is worried. She feels it in her heart, something is wrong with Stefan's latest disappearing act.

But she can't put her life on hold because of him.

They are looking at the huge metallic safe in front of them.

"I spent three months drowning in this thing. What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking it's time for you to deal with the source of your PTSD."

Caroline wakes up and knows that this is what happened.

Stefan went to throw Silas off the quarry, but he is the one who ended up down there in the water. It's difficult to tell why she is so certain, but she is.

That's how she picks her already made suitcases and takes her to the back of her car, calls her mom, and leaves her a voicemail, before driving with only one thing in mind: confirm if her dream, this time too, is more than a dream. Dreams that are memories, that's what the mind-controlling bastard said.

Only it's impossible because memories would imply she's lived all of this, that she's dreaming of her past, that she has lived this life once before. It does not make sense. Then again, she lives in a world of vampires, werewolves, witches, and doppelgängers.

Here's the truth: she is not the Caroline of the dreams, the Caroline who is apparently all about Tyler, or maybe about Klaus, who knows. At the same time, it is her in the dreams. The woman who has no other option but to be in Stefan Salvatore's life.

Even if he is not the Stefan of the dreams, the one who'll tell her he doesn't want to disappoint her, the one who assures her she won't kill an innocent, the one who will put his hand on hers and tell her he is there for her. He isn't that man, and at the same time, he is.

'Please, please, please, be well'