Here's another one!

I'm watching myself

Drifting away

A vision so darkened

I cannot stay

I'm reaching out wide

Trying to catch myself before I fall

Too little too late

Can you save me?

RAIGN, "Don't let me go"

20. 'ALWAYS THERE'

He has no idea how long he's been like this.

"Just turn it off."

"Stay with me."

"It's easier if you let it go."

"Don't let go, Stefan"

Damon and Elena visit him from time to time, ghosts that only add to his struggle but don't help him at all.

He endures because once he turns it off, who knows when he'll stop, or how much it'll cost. Eventually, someone will come looking for him.

It feels like it's taking forever. Drowning and reawakening, then drowning again.

"Stefan."

"Stefan, wake up!"

"STEFAN!"

What he does not expect to hear is Caroline's voice, but she's the one who pulls him out of the safe, getting him to breathe air again. Breathing hurts, and for the briefest moment, all he can see is her blonde hair that shines in the darkness.

"I can't believe it's true. You've been here for more than a week!"

How is she the one who found him?

"I need…" He's still gasping "I need to drink."

She looks at him, eyes wide open as she helps him to stand.

"I didn't think this through. I just came and- let's go. We'll find somewhere you can feed… but you don't have your daylight ring and it's gonna be morning soon."

He's too weak, to the point he would not make it to the car without her, but still nods and does not interrupt her. At this point, the sound of her voice is the only real thing he's heard in days (according to her it's been days, but it feels longer than that).

"I can't take you back to Mystic Falls now. What if Silas is still around?"

Silas called him 'shadow self'. He's a doppelgänger too. Silas' doppelgänger.

"The fewer people know about this, the better," He says, and Caroline looks at him with questioning eyes "He probably wants me under the water for a long time, and he thinks that's the way things are now, so if I'm free… we have the surprise element."

"Yes, of course, you're right." She helps him into the copilot seat and then fidgets with her seatbelt (the one she doesn't need, because she's a vampire, but uses nonetheless because she's Caroline).

He's starving.

They'd better vamp-speed to find blood.

Then, she says something that leaves him speechless.

"Vampire blood helps too, right?"

He frowns. "What?"

"If we don't go back to Mystic Falls, the next town and hospital are too far away. You need blood, like, now, or you'll kill someone as soon as you smell human blood. So… vampire blood helps too."

She looks at him, and he understands what she's getting at.

"I can't. No."

Caroline raises an eyebrow. "Seriously, Stefan, this is not the time to act all right and mighty. And it'll be safer like this."

He knows it's true, but it still feels wrong. Blood sharing isn't something you do with just anyone, and she knows that. Why is she still offering?

"I can hold in for a few hours."

"Are you sure?"

No. Just like she said, he might lose it once he sees an easy prey.

This is something that will haunt him later, he knows. And he remembers the taste of her blood afterward, more than he'll ever be willing to admit.

They make it to a small hotel in the nearest city right before dawn. Caroline's interrogation starts almost at the same time as she opens her laptop, and when he looks at her suitcases he realizes that she had everything ready for a long trip.

"It does not look like a road trip. Where are you going to spend the summer?"

"Well, I had big plans, but they must be canceled. So that's his real face? You're a doppelgänger? All of you are doppelgängers?"

"When you say 'all of us', it sounds like a crowd. And Silas isn't the doppelgänger, he's… well, he'd probably say he's the original version."

"He hates you." She says, looking pensive, and a frown appears between her eyebrows. "Do you think it's because of that? He wants to kill anyone who looks like him?"

This is exactly what she sounds like when she is struggling to tell a secret. Wouldn't he know, when he's been at the receiving end more than once?

"Caroline… what is it?"

Her phone starts ringing, and she flinches when she sees the id caller, which makes him wonder just who is bothering her, or why she can't answer.

She looks him in the eye.

"I have to tell you something." She sighs "Last year, I went to Atlanta. I met someone, and… just let me pick up this call, and you will understand. Maybe."

Her words are way more cryptic than anything she's said before, so he figures she's not just talking about some summer fling. And then she takes the call, and Stefan hears the voice from the other side (not that he's spying, mind you, he just can't help him if she's right there).

"Hi Tom. I'm sorry I did not reply to your text yesterday. It's just that I had something back home."

"It's okay. I was just worried something might have happened because I didn't hear back from you. Then, I take it you're not coming after all?"

That person talking to her… sounds just like him.

And it's not Silas, because she's known him for a long time, hasn't she?

"I… no, I'm definitely going. I keep my word, okay? It might take another day, though, and I may or may not bring a friend with me."

"Hmm, I know I offered my place, but if it's two of you it's going to be crowded."

"Oh, don't worry, we'll figure it out. But I think he'll want to meet you."

She can bet he wants to meet this guy. His doppelgänger, he guesses.

"He? Are you bringing along a boyfriend? Because it's okay, but after the last few months I'm just avoiding jealous acts."

She looks at him, silently asking him forgiveness.

"I know your very handsome face causes you trouble. But I don't think he has much to envy you in that department."

"Fine then. Let me know when you arrive. If I don't have an emergency or I'm on my shift, I'll pick you up at the airport."

"Thanks, Tom."

Stefan crosses his arms and stares at her very guilty face.

"Then, let me see if I'm getting this straight. You have known this guy Tom, for over a year, and he happens to sound like me, which makes me assume he looks like me. And you never thought about telling me, or anyone else?"

He feels betrayed. Caroline, the person he trusts the most, has kept it a secret from him., but it sounds like this doppelgänger, who's come out of nowhere, has actually been very present in her life if they are making summer plans to visit each other.

"He's human! And he helped me through a very difficult time in my life, just like you did. I know I should have told you sooner that there was someone who looked exactly like you, but I wanted to keep him safe, and that meant not having other vampires know about him."

They stare at each other in silence, she's waiting for him to speak, and he doesn't know what to say.

It still feels wrong, even if her motives sound very reasonable. This is trouble, and he wants to tell her that, but he can't, not after she just saved him from some indescribable torment and proves, once more, that she's his best friend.

"I see I've been replaced by another blonde?"

It feels like ages ago, when he thought Caroline reminded him of Lexi, and now that the comparisons should come more easily, because Caroline is far more important, they are much closer now than they were back then. But the two of them cannot be more different in his mind, and it's hard to explain why. He just knows that, right now, it makes it harder to get angry with her.

"Well, we can discuss this later. I… I will get some blood for myself, and for you. And just… let's talk later."

And with that, she's gone.