I don't want them to know the secrets

I don't want them to know the way I loved you

I don't think they'd understand it, no

I don't think they would accept me, no

Fleurie, "Hurts like hell"

26. 'MY BEST FRIEND'

He doesn't remember anything at all.

He doesn't remember about her, nor about Damon, nor about Elena. Nothing.

Damon says it's her fault, right before telling her to leave because she's of no use there.

Stefan lost her memories and it's her fault. He agreed with Qetsiyah because she went to Silas.

Caroline doesn't sleep that night, filled with guilt and regrets (she's never regretted anything so much in her life). And what was all that for? Now she's sure, somehow she's trapped in a loop, all of this happened before, but in a different way. It's of no use because she still doesn't know why, and she probably will never know.

She turns on her laptop and starts searching for information about amnesia, anything that can help Stefan at this point, and the next day she tries to see him again, but Damon is taking him to God-knows-where. How could Elena let that man in charge?

Another day goes by, and they are still on a trip.

"So far, so good"

Damon's text to Elena isn't helpful at all. What does that even mean?

Feeling useless, all she can do is try to help Elena's case, uncovering the truth behind their roommate's murder. Apparently, there's a biology professor who looks sus, Dr. Maxfield. Elena actually enrolled both of them in his class, but Caroline is not in the right mind to join a class she has barely prepared herself for.

Please, god, don't let Damon take Stefan on a drinking party/open invitation to Ripper Stefan.

Jesse, Dr. Maxfield's assistant, offers to help her study. They have talked a couple of times before, and he seems like a nice guy, but Caroline doesn't want him to waste his time on her. She's not going to learn anything today.

"Actually, we're going to Mystic Falls' bell-ringing ceremony today."

"Oh, sounds cool. Any chance I can tag along."

Why did Damon have to be a dick who doesn't let her see Stefan? It's precisely because this is her fault that she should be helping more!

"What? Uhm, it's at a graveyard, are you sure you want to come?"

"Why not?" He smiles at her. "I'll just go to pick some books. See you in five?"

"Oh, okay. Good."

Caroline has barely been paying attention, so she flinches when Elena elbows her.

"Don't you see?" Her friend whispers, "He's totally into you."

"What? No, he's just being friendly." She bites her tongue. "We should bring Stefan. I mean, it's ironically called 'Remembrance Day'"

Damon does bring Stefan to the graveyard, although Elena takes him away before Caroline has the chance to talk to him or see how he's doing. It feels like they are punishing for being the reason Stefan got hurt, even if it was the last thing she wanted.

Maybe this is the right time to let everyone know that no, Bonnie can't help them anymore.

Her mood turns completely sour after that, but she refuses to give in to unhappiness and guilt. Jesse's company becomes, then, a blessing in disguise.

Ok. Back to Biology 101.

"Togavirus. Go."

"Togavirus causes congenital rubella, whatever that is."

Actually, she's not that bad at this. If she has a bit more time to study, she can beat everyone else in the class, for sure.

"I think that guy is doing a keg-stand on his grandad's grave."

"What?"

Being the curious girl that she is, Caroline looks behind, and when she turns around, Jesse's lips are on hers. They are soft and feel nice. It's been a long, long time since she's been kissed, and she likes it, so she kisses him back at first, until Stefan comes back to her mind. She pulls him back softly, thinking this is exactly the reason why she is single.

"Uh, sorry. I've just kind of wanted to do that since move-in day."

"It's okay. It's just…"

"You have a boyfriend?"

"No, that's not it." She smiles at him "I just think I have skeletons in the closet, you might not want to do that again if you knew me better."

"Hmm, somehow I doubt it."

It's nice to be around him, and evening settles in with them half-studying, half talking about anything else.

It's already late when she sees Stefan, walking around the people and with a bottle on his lips.

"Stefan?"

He turns to her. "Caroline Forbes. My best friend."

A little hope ignites inside her. "You… recognize me?"

"Well, I've studied pictures. You're much hotter in person." He goes back to drinking. "Sorry, I'm a little drunk."

She gives some hesitant steps in his direction. "Yeah. I can see that. Are you okay?"

"Keg-stand guy passed out, so I stole these." Jesse comes back with drinks in his hands. The timing can't be worse.

"Hey. Do you mind just giving us a couple of minutes?"

"Yeah. It's probably a good idea because I can sense from here that you have a paper cut on the palm of your left hand, and I want to rip your entire arm off."

God, this is bad. What the hell have Damon and Elena been doing with him all day? Why is he alone in this state?

"Stefan!" She turns to Jesse and compels him, "go away, hide."

Right now, what matters is Stefan. As long as he recognizes he's about to fall, it means he's still in there, even if he doesn't remember a thing.

"Look. I know that you're hungry, but you don't do people, okay? It just doesn't end well."

He tricks her into thinking that he's okay with blood bags, and the minute she turns around, he vanishes. Jesse must be the unluckiest guy on campus, first he flirts with a vampire, then he encounters another that wants to drink the last drop of blood in his body. Or maybe he isn't that unlucky because Caroline manages to find them before Stefan kills him.

"Hey! Stefan, stop! This isn't you, okay? You might not remember, but I do. You are better than this. You are not this person."

He looks taken aback when she says this, his eyes wandering from Jesse's unconscious body to her.

"I have to go."

She curses their luck, as she stays behind to feed Jesse her blood so he can heal and compel him to remember what just happened. It takes her a good few minutes to get to Stefan, who's sitting alone in his family crypt.

"I'm sorry."

He turns to look at her. "Why would you be? I'm the one who almost killed your friend."

"I guess it's also my responsibility you are like this", she tells him, her hand grabbing his. "Qetsiyah should have never done this to you, but you let her in just to keep Silas from hurting me. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

"Damon did not mention that part."

"They probably didn't want you to hate me. But it's okay. I deserve it."

He sighs, and a tiny smile appears on his face. "It's okay. It's good to know I'm that kind of person. Someone who tries to protect his friends."

Her phone rings. Elena is calling her.

"They are probably wondering where you are."

"No need to tell them," he stands up. "I'll go back to the house by myself."

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

He looks her in the eyes. "Can I… can I call you, from time to time? Just if I'm feeling like I want to kill someone."

"That's what I'm for. I'm your sober sponsor, too. I'll call you every hour if you need me, too."

He chuckles.

"Okay. That doesn't sound bad."

Elena doesn't go back to the dorm that night. She's learned about Bonnie, which means Bonnie finally agreed to let Jeremy tell the truth. They should hold a funeral, or something (everything will be insufficient, her death has gone unnoticed for so long).

Caroline closes her eyes and drifts to sleep, exhausted.

All she can do now is to help Stefan get better. She goes to check on him early in the morning, he's waiting for her back in the crypt. She wonders if he spent the night there.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling better, which in my world means I haven't committed a homicide since I last saw you. I've been doing a lot of thinking today, a lot of wandering around, and this seemed like the most appropriate place to come. I wanted to-" He stops talking when he looks at her. Maybe it's her dispirited mood, maybe it's because she's dressed all in black. "What's wrong?"

"It's Bonnie. My friend, our friend. She's dead."

"Uh...What—what happened?"

"She… she did what she always does. She sacrificed herself to save another friend. Actually, you and I have known about it for months, but somehow it feels different now that everyone knows. We're holding a funeral for her."

She sits on the bench, and the sense of deja-voo comes back. It's the same, but different.

He sits by her side. "I'm sorry. I… I wish that I could remember her."

"You will. Eventually. I'm sure of it."

"Maybe I will never remember."

She puts her hand on his. "That's fine too. You are still you."

"If you need someone to go there with you… you have me."

"I know. We are best friends. I have you, and you have me."