Steroline is the cure. No need to add anything else.

Friends, I watched us as we changed

The feelings in my headspace rearranged

I want you more than I've wanted anyone

Isn't that dangerous?

Lauren Aquilina, "Fools"

27. 'OLD ME, NEW ME'

From the moment he wakes up having no idea about who he is, everything feels wrong.

"March 12, 1922. I blacked out for days. I woke up in a stranger's blood in places I don't recognize with women I don't remember."

Following Damon's advice, he reads his journal only to learn things he's better off without remembering. Not only a vampire, but the worst kind of vampire, one who has zero control.

"Ahh, yes. The insatiable and blood-lusting vampire, Ripper of Monterrey."

"And we're only in the 1920s, baby."

How can be the good guy his brother says he is, and the guy who kills people as sport, the way his brother also says he is. None of that makes sense.

Then there is Elena.

His girlfriend. What else is he supposed to think, given their walk through memory lane? At least he feels she's important, that's for sure, when he's talking to her his thirst is somehow manageable, under control.

Looking back, he should have guessed something was wrong since Damon forgot to mention her.

"I'm with Damon", she tells him when they're about to kiss, and it's as if a spell is broken at the moment.

If that is a recent development or something long left behind, he doesn't know. All he knows is that the hunger comes back strongly and that he does not want to look at her any longer.

Wandering around the cemetery full of people, he thinks it's the perfect scenery to start his descent. Maybe it's what needs to happen, he should go back to be the murderer he's always been. His whole body is asking him for it, and he's contemplating who his first victim is going to be when he hears her voice.

"Stefan?"

The blonde girl, Caroline, is his best friend.

There's a bit of relief knowing at least something about himself that doesn't completely come from his brother's mouth. He did not have time to go through all of his journals, not since Damon recommended starting from the beginning. However, he'd caught sight of some pictures saved among the notebooks, and one of those pictures had Caroline in it.

Damon says they are friends, for reasons no one can explain. Maybe he hangs out with her because she's pretty.

"You're much hotter in person"

He doesn't mean to say that aloud, but blame it on the alcohol.

She's with a guy who is, very conveniently, bleeding. The cut is so small, and maybe he should ignore it and follow her, but that's not what he wants.

"I know I should let you out. I'm good, right? I'm compassionate. I live with this burning hunger inside of me that allows me to stay in control, but what do I have to show for it, huh?"

"I don't know you, man."

The fear in the strange guy's eyes is the same he saw in the mirror that morning. He should just kill him.

"I have no memories because my brain was fried. My brother, who's been my brother for a hundred and sixty-some-odd years, stole my girlfriend, and my girlfriend let him, so you tell me...what's the point of being good?"

And he would have killed that guy, but Caroline comes to stop him.

"You might not remember, but I do. You are better than this. You are not this person."

Of course, it's Caroline who saves him from committing yet another mistake. Saving him is what she does.

When he leaves with Klaus, the action that eventually leads him to lose Elena, Caroline is the first to ask him to stay.

When he and Elena break up, and he sees her jumping into the arms of his brother, it's Caroline who helps him not to give in to his worst instincts.

And when he's trapped underwater, it's Caroline who saves him and brings him back to life.

She's been there every single day of the last few months, so it's not strange her presence is familiar, soothing, and desirable.

He would have known that if he started going through the most recent records of his life, instead of the memories of a man he was one hundred years ago. That man doesn't matter anymore.

"Stefan. There you are. We've been looking everywhere for you…"

"What you doing there, brother?"

They stop on their tracks when they see him burning the old journals.

"Well, you know, just tying up a few odds and ends."

"You sure you want to do that?"

There's only one he wants to keep. The one that tells him about the person he was becoming right before this happened.

"Well, I know what I don't want. I don't want to be the person in these journals anymore. I don't want to live in this house. I don't want my brother's advice. I don't want to hear how I supported you, Elena, and I definitely do not want to continue this conversation."

He grabs his bag and walks to the door.

"Don't worry. I'm not gonna go on a Ripper binge. Besides, Caroline said she'd call me every hour to make sure I was okay and… I actually do trust her."

"You know, the whole college experience doesn't seem so dull now that I don't remember going through it the first or second time."

For the most part, it's just entertaining because of Caroline. Since she acts like being a blood-sucking creature is not an impediment to mingle amongst humans, it starts to feel that way. She seems to be super invested in this (well, probably because it is her first time), helping with another party that's around the corner, the Historical Ball.

"Does that mean you're coming?" She asks with a huge grin on her face. "I got you a costume."

"Uhm… I'm not sure about that."

"Come on! I'm making it easy for you, you can go as James Dean."

He sighs and nods. "Okay. And what are you going to be?"

"A Bonnie who hasn't met her Clyde yet."

Being a vampire without memories could be much worse. Maybe he's even better off without them, or so he thinks while he takes her hand and pulls her to the dance floor.

"Do you want something to drink?"

"Oh, why not? I think I've seen Elena somewhere here, I'm going to talk to her for a bit."

At the bar, there's a woman dressed as Cleopatra who starts a conversation. He's just not interested.

"You have no idea who I am, do you?"

"No offense, but actually, I have no idea who a lot of people are."

"Tessa, formerly known as Qetsiyah."

"The girl who wiped my memories."

Frankly, he doesn't need more madness in his life. It's difficult trying to rebuild things as it is. So when she starts flirting, he's thankful that Damon appears out of the blue to help him walk away.

He's not surprised the one person who comes to ruin his fun is his brother, which probably says a lot about their relationship. To say he is pissed would be an understatement.

"Where have you been?" Stefan finds Caroline sitting on the staircase, and she isn't happy either. "One moment you go to get drinks, then puff. Gone. Lucky me I saw you with Cleopatra, or I would still be waiting for those drinks. You could have at least told me that you were not coming back."

He sits next to her and steals the bottle from her hands.

"Well, that woman was Qetsiyah. And the one who was with her, Silas. I was dying a couple of times as my brother decided to help my enemy and break my neck, just the usual."

She opens her mouth, and for a second no words come out, until she stands up. "I'm going to kill Damon."

He grabs her wrist and makes her sit down again.

"Don't bother. It's not worth it."

"I hate him." She leans on his shoulder. "But then again, I'm also guilty of falling for Silas words. If not for that, you would not be like this."

It's only when Caroline mentions his past self that Stefan feels that's something worth missing.

"Why did you?" He asks "What did Silas want from you?" What did you want from him? That part goes unsaid.

"I think… I'm not really sure if whatever he does will hurt us or not. I think nothing he does can be worse than you losing one hundred and sixty-something years of memories. He wanted to check on my memories to find the easiest way to achieve his greater purpose of dying."

"Your memories?"

She lifts her head and her eyes look straight into his.

"It's crazy. He says I've gone through all this before. Becoming a vampire, and dying as one. That this might be my second life. Or third. Or fourth." She shrugs as if it's nothing. "Who really knows?"

"That sounds like bullshit."

"But I believe him." She whispers. "No, I believe it's true. We know crazy things happen in this world. It's not so far-fetched. And sometimes I'm just so tired, it's like I've been doing this forever. "

"Caroline," it upsets him to hear her speak like that "old me, new me, it doesn't matter. You have me, remember?"

It's become his mantra in the past few days.

She smiles.

"That's why I'm tired, but I'm happy too."