How are you doing? We're closer and closer to one of the things I really wanted to do with this story, and I'm so excited about it!

Hey, Stephen, I've been holding back this feeling

So, I got some things to say to you, ha

I've seen it all

So I thought...

But I never seen nobody shine the way you do.

Taylor Swift, "Hey, Stephen"

31. HOLDING BACK (IT'S HARDER EACH DAY)

Bonnie helps them in their quest to know more about the travelers, or, as Silas called them, 'gypsies'. He used to be one of them. Apparently, they are not even considered witches, and mostly recur to possessing other people's bodies. Gross.

The downside is that the witches on the Other Side aren't very keen on sharing information, as if this group didn't exist.

Meanwhile, they have some more 'normal' drama in the form of Elena and Damon's break-up. It happened while Stefan and Caroline were away, a consequence of some more dirt of Damon's past catching up to him (he was a test subject for Whitmore's secret society that experimented on vampires, he abandoned a friend, Enzo, like the Enzo from her memories, and also killed a lot of people related to his captors).

To her surprise, it was him who broke up with Elena and not the other way around. Something about not wanting her to deal with his dark side or stuff. It doesn't sound like the Damon she knows, and she wonders if it's truly possible that, as Stefan says, he's changed for the better.

She and Bonnie are trying to cheer up their friend when Stefan calls.

"She doesn't feel like talking."

Now they are also the in-between messengers for the couple. Who would have thought?

"Well, she's going to want to talk about this." He says, "Katherine suffered a heart attack. I think she doesn't have much time left."

"Oh." They already knew it was happening, but somehow it's still hard to believe. "That's… uhm, I'll tell them and we'll be in the house in a couple of hours."

"Yeah."

She wants to ask if he's okay, but it would be difficult to tell without seeing him in person.

Damon is playing 'name the worst thing Katherine Pierce has ever done' when they walk into the parlor. Elena joins the guys.

Caroline, on the other hand, looks for Stefan but he's not there.

She could have a good shot at winning the game too. That cunning snake killed her so she could be a vampire to sacrifice for Klaus's ritual. The list of bad things she's done is probably never-ending.

In some ways, what Katherine did to Stefan wasn't much different from what Damon did to her, and the consequence was the same (turning into vampires) but different (she embraces what she is, who she is. Stefan… he's had trouble accepting himself). And yet, there are invisible ties stronger than the hatred, and his compassion prevails over his resentment, or what else would he have stopped Katherine from committing suicide?

When she pays attention, she can hear them talking upstairs.

"They're talking about me, aren't they?"

"They're reminiscing."

She reprimands herself for this. There's no need to torture herself…

"All right. Knock it off or take it somewhere else." Stefan finally joins them, and he doesn't look happy at all. "You guys are being insensitive."

"Please. One night of hot sex with her and you're brainwashed?"

"What? Bonnie, Elena, and her ask in unison.

"That's definitely not what happened."

"Was that already going on when you forced me to endure her company for two long days?" She asks, because this feels a lot like betrayal.

"I did not sleep with her," he insists. "We… uhm, we got wasted and then the next day she decided she liked my bathtub better, and Damon jumped to conclusions."

There's not much time to continue that conversation, and frankly, she doesn't want to. The arrival of Nadie, Katherine's daughter who wants to make her mom a passenger in her body and has buried Matt to ensure their help, is a very valid reason to leave that behind.

The tiny bit of doubt stays in a corner of her mind.

She follows Bonnie and Matt for a while without finding anything, until it hits her.

"Wait, did we just let Stefan and Elena go with Nadia?"

"What's the problem?"

"We didn't think things through. Nadia needs the travelers to learn their magic, and we know that the travelers-

"-want the doppelgängers dead. Maybe not just the human ones." Bonnie completes her thoughts.

She's worried sick, while another person has decided to turn into his evil mode.

"Your brother and my friend, the girl you love, are probably in mortal danger, and you spent all this time torturing someone on her deathbed? Seriously, Damon?"

Before she has time to explain, though, Stefan is walking into the room. It's like her soul returns to her body in that instant.

"You're okay. I thought…"

"Nadia handed us to the travelers. But they took our blood and then let us go."

That's strange. She makes a point to call Tom or Klaus later, just to know that everything is okay on their end. But for the moment, she's mostly just relieved to see Stefan back, safe and sound.

They are reunited by the death of one of their longtime 'sometimes enemy-sometimes ally', so is she really a terrible person for being happy that the whole gang is under the same roof for the first time in months? Even Tyler comes back, and maybe this time they have the chance to mend their friendship (she feels she owes it to the Caroline of the dreams, the one who once was in love with him).

And when it's time to go home, Stefan walks her to the car for an explanation she isn't really expecting and doesn't want to hear.

"Damon is not seeing things straight, not since the break-up with Elena. And he doesn't like Katherine, but she gets to him easily. She saw the chance to provoke him, because us being together has been the source of most of the conflict between me and him."

"I was just shocked earlier, but I'm in no place to judge whatever you had with Katherine." She looks at him, confused. "Why are you telling me this?"

His eyes stay on her as he gives another step closer. "I guess I just don't want you to think any less of me."

"Stefan, today you stayed by the side of someone who needed comfort, in spite of everything she's done to you and everyone you care about. I just saw what I admire the most in you. The way you see the best in people."

She had a crappy day and now she's all alone, wondering how she's going to survive the next few months.

Yes, Alaric tries to be supportive, but it's not him who she wants. That's when Stefan calls her, and she braces herself for what's probably coming right now.

"You're either really drunk, or calling to tell me you have a new girlfriend."

"Listen, I'm really sorry about earlier. I didn't know what to say, and I didn't want to say the wrong thing, so I just… bailed."

"Well, I guess there's no right thing to say when you find out your girlfriend is magically pregnant with another man's babies. Look, I know that this is happening to both of us. And you stood by me through everything I went through with my mom, so I totally get it if you want to run for the hills."

She understands, that's true. It doesn't mean she is ready to continue her life without him. So when she hears his response, it's like the weight of the world is lifted from upon her shoulders.

"I'm not going anywhere because I love you."

"I guess there is a right thing to say after all."

"Listen, no matter how weird this all gets… I'm here for you. We're gonna get through this together."

Even in her dreams, Stefan is someone who doesn't abandon his loved ones in situations where most people would. At least in her dreams, he loves her that way.

Is it really possible for something like that to happen?

She cannot be human, and what's more, If she were human she would not be cheating on her boyfriend and have someone else's babies (someone who is dead). Sometimes her dreams are useful, sometimes they don't make sense at all.

Until she learns to sort out what might be real and what's just the usual, normal dreams, Caroline still writes it down and then goes back to study, or that's her intention until Stefan calls to ask for help.

"Look. I would love to help; IF I thought he was actually good for her, but I don't…"

"Caroline.. how would you like to be judged solely based on what you're attracted to?"

"I have better taste in men." Not that he knows about it. She sighs "I just mean... are you sure this is really what you want? You know.. Elena and Damon.."

What she wants to ask is 'are you really over her?'

"Listen.. I actually think that Elena is good for Damon. She makes him happy and we all know that when Damon is happy..."

He really loves his brother over everything and everyone else in the world.

"Okay, but I warn you. I can only offer advice that's not been tested first-hand. I'm like, the Queen of Singledom."

And the devil isn't even grateful that she's willing to be on his side. It's one thing that she admits to Stefan that she hasn't been in a relationship for far too long, but it's another to hear Damon making fun of her.

"So this is what it's come to? You bring me love advice from Prudy Trudy?" And he rejects her very gracious olive branch.

"You see?" She gives Stefan her best 'told-you-so' look.

"He needs Elena."

"Then perhaps he needs to solve that by himself." She goes to him and sits on the pool table. "I feel the need to add something to my previous assertions about how good it is that you're always reaching out your hand to help others: sometimes, the best way to help is not moving a finger."

He nods. "And you're definitely not saying that because you hate him?"

"Please, I don't hate him."

He stares at her.

"Maybe a little bit. But I'm still with you. Tyler is giving a party tonight, and Elena's not picking up our calls now, but she probably will show up."

"Thank you."

"Oh, no, no. You're paying for this."

Stefan smiles. "I'll treat you to dinner, is that good enough?"

"A nice restaurant. Next weekend, if we don't meet the villain of the week."

She loves him and every day that goes by it's harder not to say it aloud.